Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Well, he's home by 4-4:30 every day, so he must be gay. 19 years down the toilet.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Well I hope you’re right, I really do. My life experience has shown me that when a woman complains that her man isn't interested in her sexually those are the two main culprits. When you’re trying to fix anything address the most obvious potential causes first, only after they have been discounted would you start to explore the obscure. But yeah he might just be overwhacking to midget porn or have developed a crippling fear of nipples, everything is possible. Also, Nom, What's the longest realtionship you've been in?
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Still don't know who that is...though he is nice eye candy. We closed on the house Friday, today the boys are packing their stuff, and in...14 days...The Husband will take the gear across country. In 20 days I'll do the same. Whoa.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Wait, are you fucking with me? A long-married woman with children says on the internet that SOMETIMES her husband is too tired for sex, and the "most obvious" solution to you is that he's gay or cheating? Somewhere, Sir William of Ockham just slit his wrists with his own razor. The most obvious solution is that her husband has a job and kids and he's tired. Maybe there's less urgency when you live with somebody. Maybe his sex drive is slowing down or just a little bit lower than hers. If your experience suggests that there's no other explanation for "sometimes too tired for sex" than gay or cheating, I really feel bad that you've hung out with such shitty people. Several years. We had to break up because she initiated sex once when I was exhausted with the flu. Turns out I was a homosexual the whole time.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Well, once a week is our compromise. This is something we have discussed. I've accepted that she has a lower sex drive, and it has never gotten to the point where I contemplate divorce or cheating. I told her, point blank, that 2 months was the absolute limit, and if it got even close to that, we would have to have a very serious discussion about our relationship. That said, would I be happy to have more sex? Yes. Then again, it seems like she'd be happy to have less sex, so there ya go. Its actually a vicious circle. Talking about it stresses her out and makes her feel pressured. That pressure makes her dryer than the Sahara, and it leads to less sex. Less sex makes me frustrated and try to talk about it with her, rinse, repeat. The reality is that it takes a lot to get her going. She also claims to not have any fantasies or anything that really gets her turned on. I've tried a lot of ideas, but nothing really gets her going, except just diving in and starting. Basically, it takes 20 minutes of foreplay to get her turned on. I fully realize there is a sexual spectrum, and some people are just way more sexual than others. For every nymphomaniac who needs to fuck eight times a day, there is someone that would be perfectly happy to never have sex again, and everything in between. My wife and I happen to fall in slightly different categories. I'm 2 to 3 times a week, she is once or so a month. We compromise to once a week, and it generally works for us. All that said, after we had the kid, she did step up her sex game significantly. During her pregnancy, I was student teaching and incredibly stressed out, and my sex drive was down to almost nil. Meanwhile, hormones made her hornier than she ever has been, so she'd be trying to get me going and I'd be telling her no. That role reversal seemed to get into her head, a lot, so after the kid came and we could start having sex again, she was much more receptive and understanding of my occasional frustration. Our sex life is also about to take another big step up because we're about to start trying for kid number 2 soon, and when trying for the first kid we were having sex three or four times a week.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Y'all communicated and worked it out...as best you could. That's awesome. That's the important part.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Shouldn't TheVillageIdiot be chiming in on this subject? Seems relevant…. In other news Ive been trying to watch the early 2000s revival of The Twilight Zone. It is fucking trash. Jonathan Davis of Korn does the intro music? Fuck UPN and their low rent bullshit.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread I dunno. As much as he loved to make posts about him being celibate, he was just as quick to shut down any discussion of it in the other thread.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Just out of curiosity, what more is there to discuss? My wife has little interest in having sex with me. Not a whole lot of mystery nor discussion is necessary. I made promises, circumstances have changed, the promise remains. I answered the amount, I don't know the why (which I already addressed), and there's not much more to it. My options are get divorced (which I don't want to do because I don't like breaking promises - especially big ones (and before someone chimes in with 'well didn't she promise too?' Sure, but that has nothing to do with my promise, and whether or not I honor it has nothing to do with anyone but me) or accept that this is the way things are for me. Am I happy about it? Not in the least. I've done all I care to do in trying to fix something that can't be fixed (or may not be broken) meaning - I can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Nor do I want to. Maybe things will change. I have no idea, I just do the best I can day in and day out. Circumstances changed dramatically once, so theoretically they could change again.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread To be fair, you referred to yourself the other day as a "lefty surfer" when you were younger so I have to assume that a large part of your life experience has involved auto-erotic asphyxiation to the sound of Sean Hannity's radio show.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread The thing I guess I'd question is what promise did you make that is more important than your happiness and general life satisfaction? The marriage one? Like "I promise to be with you for the rest of my life?" A promise is not a lock. It is not a jail cell. You didn't promise to be unhappy for the rest of your life, which is where it seems like you are. I mean, I love my wife and I promised to spend the rest of my life with her, but if she turned around tomorrow and said "we're never having sex again," I'd call a divorce lawyer the next day. I promised to love, honor, and cherish her. She promised the same to me. I didn't promise to allow her to make me miserable and unhappy. You're right that it isn't anyone else's business, but I guess where I am confused is that you seem to be in a situation where you are unhappy, and the only thing keeping you in that situation is a promise you made to a woman who seems to have zero interest in your happiness. To be completely honest, I think keeping that promise is something you'll regret one day. Finally, there is another perspective to take: you promised to love, honor, and cherish her. I assume part of that promise is to always look out for your partner's happiness. But I would argue this: by divorcing her, you would be loving, honoring, and cherishing her. You say she is clearly not attracted to you, so logic would dictate that she may be happier without you. Therefore, getting a divorce and ending the relationship would be what would make both of you happy. By continuing to be married to her, you are making her unhappy and breaking your promise. Then again, I could be completely wrong. I don't know you, I don't know your wife, I don't know your relationship, and this entire post is based on what little information I've gleaned from your postings on a message board, so I could be way off. If so, I apologize, but that is where you'd have to elaborate. Let me ask this: How is your marriage outside of sex? Are you happy there? Are you friends? Or is she more of a roommate that you tolerate?
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread This is actually the standard for most women.* I remember a university study saying something along the lines of "80% of women say they need at least 20 minutes of foreplay to orgasm." Then it went into 20 minutes actually being the average amount of time women need to enjoy the rest of sex or something like that. They didn't specifically define foreplay, but that 20 minutes your wife requires isn't some out of the box need. *Except for the incredible TiB women with push to start sex drives.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread I think what you're referring to is a Kinsey study from the 1940s, which was analyzed by Paul Gebhard. Paul found that among women whose partners spent 21 minutes or more on foreplay, only 7.7 percent failed to reach orgasm. Which sounds like I'm nitpicking, but it's really not. The study says that women came consistently with that much foreplay, not that didn't without it. So it's sufficient but not necessary, which makes sense: if you're spending that long on foreplay, you probably have other solid qualities. Also, being turned on =/= orgasm. Your main idea, that foreplay = a good thing, and that 20 minutes isn't abnormal is a good one, just clearing up some faulty logic. That info and more are in this book, which a lot of people have found helpful: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/she-comes-first-ian-kerner/1102670936?ean=9780060835255" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/she-com ... 0060835255</a>
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread I find myself agreeing with you and that's not common. However, I will caveat it. I feel like there has been a "masculiniazation" of sex in a way that its always stereotyped as the man always wanting it, like was mentioned before, and in a backwards ass way, its "honorable" for the female to de-prioritize it as other wifely duties pop up. Think about how many times you hear of a sex deficiency in a marriage and its somehow painted as the man being some hormone infused neanderthal. It should never be a situation where you feel bad wanting to initiate things with your partner. My last gf was like that and she was in her early 20s. I wouldn't call her non-sexual, but she was very selectively sexual. We would hang out and have dinner, or watch a movie, or whatnot and as we're getting towards the end of the night before I took her home, I would try to make moves. And it wasn't every time, but more than I was comfortable with, I would get some sort of tsk-ing like "why is it always about sex with you" to the point where I started to get self conscious about it. She also wasn't very into foreplay and when I asked her about it and mentioned I would like more, I got "sorry that I'm not good enough for you." Stuff that I kind of internalized at the time, but post-mortem came to realize was 1) bullshit and 2) a matter of sexual chemistry. I didn't really consider the latter cause the sex we did have was some of the best I've ever had, hands down. But clearly there is more to it, chemistry around the act, not just within the act, and that was severely lacking.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread You know, I know it can't possibly be true that in every hetero relationship the guy wants sex more than the woman, but I've never heard of it being the other way around in real life, only on the internet. I agree with this. I think a lot of people have sex a lot when they first get into a relationship because they use sex, subconsciously maybe, to keep their partner interested. Then when they get married it drops off because... well they already got what they wanted. Like a couple of weeks ago me and a couple of buddies were eating at a restaurant and a group of wives sitting behind us were talking about all the excuses they use to get out of having sex with their husbands. Really? Just say you don't want to.