Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread When you've been married to the same person for enough years, it doesn't matter how fucking hot she is.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread I did the whole "be married and not having sex" thing. There were other issues that fed into us not being even remotely physical with one another. Serious underlying issues that ultimately made things incredibly difficult for both of us. There's no way, ever, I could do it again. If you can, and the rest of the marriage is good, except you're not getting laid...and you're okay with that, more power to you. Myself? I can't do it. Nope. It's one thing to be turned down once or twice or even three times a month because life is kicked into overdrive and partner is tired. It's another thing altogether to be on a 6+ month dry spell. That ain't a dry spell. That's a problem.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Not sure if this is just a general statement or addressed to me. I've said before, he wants once a week, I would like at least three. I've never had a 6 month dry spell. No way. I agree with you there.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Very general statement. Umbrella statement with regard to my own experiences in dealing with being turned down or denied. In no way representative of any perceived or real judgment or thoughts I may or may not have about any poster found within the reals of TiB and all its forums.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Married, 31, and 3 to 4 times a month, although I want it more. On a good week I can get her going twice. If I were Happyfunball's husband, she'd have no issues. My ideal would be twice a week at minimum, her ideal would be once a month at maximum. She just doesn't have much of a sex drive, and she has always had hormonal issues and a thyroid condition, but it has been a point of discussion. Once we get going she is way into it, but it is getting the motor up and running that is the issue. I've been upfront about telling her that if we go an extended period (I.e. More than 2 months) it is absolutely grounds for divorce. I couldn't handle that.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread It doesn't have to be divorce really. It can just be grounds for changing the dynamic of the relationship. The whole "I don't want to do it so you shouldn't either and you certainly shouldn't with anyone else" thing is ludicrous. Medical/health issues excluded.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread The issue there is you'd have to have a significant other who would be okay with you getting sex outside the marriage. My wife would decidedly not be, regardless of how little we did it.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Or friends. And we all have more than one friend. Hungry dogs turn over the trash. That's just how it is.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread 36, in a relationship 12-13 years, minimum twice a week, 3 times if I get lucky. I'm always the one who instigates, If I didn't I suspect it would be three to four weeks before she even thought about it. And sorry but I suspect something is going on there, gay, cheating or both.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread When I was 20 I was dating a 32 year old, and she wanted it roughly twice as often as I did. Although, frankly, that was when I was kind of out on the relationship already. There's a myth that men are/should always be up for it at the drop of a hat. It's just not true. Ideally, I'd say 5 times a week (that's counting the nights where you recharge and fuck again like 3 times as 1). But sometimes you just don't want to.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Definitely gay or cheating. Or, you know, human beings have a wide range of sexual appetites and personal histories that leads them to want to fuck at different rates, and your (collective) stupid-ass "hurr durr men always be wanting to fuck all women have to do is be naked" thought process is at the intellectual level of a sitcom. A CBS sitcom. Jesus fucking christ I wonder how some of you manage not to drown in your own goddamn soup.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Seriously. Be happy fucking twice a day. Be happy doing it twice a year. As long as you and your partner are on the same page and satisfied, who the fuck cares? "Derp someone's sexuality is different from mine. Clearly someone is fucking the secretary!!!!!"
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread No, I mean, I GET when people have different sexual appetites (though, I would think that would have presented itself earlier in the relationship, but okay...). I get that. It happens. I don't get begging for sex. I don't get PartnerA denying that aspect of the relationship and the relationship's intimacy and expecting PartnerB to be okay with it. Just deal with it. Because it isn't important to PA, so PB needs to just let it go. D26 says his partner wouldn't be okay with 'extracurricular activities', so to speak, but his partner also isn't okay with stepping up the sex game. To me, in my relationship, that's bush league, and completely not okay. It's SEX. It's part of the intimacy and evolution of a relationship. Sex was important at the beginning of the relationship, it doesn't become less important just because years pass.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Ton of options, which boil down to two simple ones: fix it or leave. Talk it out. Sometimes the higher libido partner has to be willing to take care of matters on their own. Sometimes the lower libido partner has to be willing to actively try to be in the mood, not just wait for it to strike them. Both partners should be thoughtful, considerate and talented (or GGG, if you must). Discuss new things you'd like to try, and make sex fun for both people on a regular basis. A lot of couples would also do well to expand what they consider mutual sex. Maybe you can cuddle while one of you jerks off. Maybe you can be willing to go down on your girlfriend even if you're tired. Maybe the issue is one of mismatched schedules, in which case you have to be creative. A good sex life can take work, and it might mean cutting back on the rest of your schedule so that you can have the energy at night. If your sex drive is wildly different from average, on either end, you're probably going to have to make sacrifices. Nonmonogamy isn't for everyone, but if you're asexual and you're dating a sexual partner, you're either going to have to fuck when you don't want to or open up the relationship. Or, if you're not willing to compromise and its not worth changing what you want, find somebody new or die alone. Either way, you've got some potential fixes.
Re: 11/22 Drunk Thread Thank you. That's what I was getting at. Having one partner panting after it all the time and the other denying it all the time and then when it DOES happen it's almost a favor? eeesh. No way to live. Not at all.