My dad died when I was 17 my mom is decently well off money wise given her pension, his pension(s), life insurance that paid off the house and our college cost, and SS which she waited out to get the most. She makes more money a year than I do. She doesnt have much to worry about outside of a long term specialized care assisted living situation. She's not neurotically frugal but is from the generation raised by Great Depression parents. She is a neurotic worrier and has all her plans mapped out pretty extensively. Watching my dad die of cancer and my grandmother, his mother, slide into dementia she has put strict instructions in her will about non intervention and do not resuscitate orders for major illnesses like cancer. She has a Dixie esque handshake assisted suicide pact with her boyfriend to off each other if they get a dementia/alzheimers diagnosis. Given our innate will to survive Im not sure how much her will for non intervention actually will last in the face of some major disease in the moment of truth. Im not happy with where I am in my life with my career and make dick to save on. This is more a personal issues than anything. Any of my personal savings is due to the fact I still live at home. If I was renting or paying a mortgage Id be well into the red. At this point I take the hit on being mid 30s living at home then have to scrimp and save and live a barely subsistence living. I dont have kids and dont currently plan on them (always could change with the right girl). I do have some inheritance but no where near the amount that I could live off of. It's all going to my eventual retirement. One of my bigger worries is my brothers. My older brother does well for himself but has blown every last dime of a really good income. He just turned 40 is a functioning alcoholic and doesnt take care of himself at all. Men in my family have a terrible history of heart disease (and less but still concerning history of cancer). He has no will to change anything I think a major health scare is the only thing that will change him around. Plus he's got my nephew whos 3. Not sure why my mom isnt grinding him into the ground about this. I could see her changing her will and giving everything to my nephew in a worst case scenario with my brother. My little brother is even more rudderless than I am. I at least acknowledge to myself I have crippling anxiety issues around work and life. I ve been in therapy for a while for it. He just smokes weed, drinks all day (actually all night since he's a night owl), and watches netflix. My older brother got him a temp job at his company for a few months but that ended and covid hit before the next project. That's the only work he's ever done post college. I dont even know here to start addressing it with him. My mom's never pushed him and has babied him since he was 12 when my dad died. Wow wasnt expecting to type out an emotional wall of text like that this morning.
As well as a mess for someone else to have to clean up, in addition to trying to make you presentable enough for a family member to ID the body. That’s if the wild animals don’t get to your body first. I’ve had to clean that kind of shit up or cut people down from a noose far too many times. It’s never pretty and it fucks the family up mentally for life.
My mom is 76 and has dementia, it's relatively early in the process but for now we have her at home and visiting angels come in 5 days a week to help her out. My office is in her back yard (literally). Before dad passed at 68, he used to walk out to the office every morning so it helps that I'm close most days. We know she's going to have to go to a home at some point but during Covid we're trying to keep her at home as long as we can. My grandmother on my dad's side lived to 93, both of my mother's parents died in their 70's I think from heart failure and cancer. My dad died at 68 from either a heart attack or a stroke and my oldest brother died at 43 from heart problems. The rest of us got tested and don't have his issues but I just turned 43 so I have my concerns. Pretty much any way I slice it I'm on the back nine, though my blood tests have come back really good the last few years. I'm not married and don't have kids so I just need to work up a will to give everything to my brother and sister or their kids, whoever is still alive when I go, and make sure I'm passing along a bit of money/assets not debt which shouldn't be a problem. Outside of a will, I keep telling myself I'll grow up and stop living the single lifestyle (think 20's-30's), get in shape again, all of that. I haven't so far, but that's the plan anyway.
My mom was 76 when she passed in 2017, 10 months after stroke induced dementia robbed her of recognizing all of us and most of her memories. For her safety, we had to put her into secure elder care as she would become combative and a flight risk. We think she had an initial minor stroke possibly as early as 2007 based on doctors findings during testing and hindsight of changes on my mom's personality then. At the time the family attributed it to stress of my grandmother passing right after I left for Fallujah. Dad was 72 when passed 2yrs and 1 day after mom from cancer. He was diagnosed with multiple myeloma which the oncologist thought was treatable, but dad pushed off treatment. By the time he started it was too late. I think he was worn out from taking care of mom and had no fight left. I'm also afraid he saw how much the 10 months of elder care tore through their savings and didn't want to leave my brother and I with nothing but bills. All my grandparents and most aunts & uncles made it int their mid to late 80s and one uncle was 91. Not sure what it means for my brother and I that mom and dad were comparatively young when they died. My brother is 45, doesn't make much and still carries a significant amount of student loan debt. He has some retirement investments, but his only savings will be what he doesn't blow from his portion of the inherentance. I won't be able to help him much if he gets in a bind. My wife and I should be ok, but we'd be better off if we could move somewhere cheaper than the DC area. My concern with my son and any future kids is I'm 43 now...afraid I will need to work into my 80s to afford college, or that I won't see them through college age.
Mum turns 60 next month and Dad is 61. They're both in decent shape health-wise although Dad is much better financially than Mum. I live a good 12 hours drive away from them so unless something changes it'll be on my 4 siblings that live in the same area. As for myself aside from muscular-skeletal type issues due to years of sport and my military service, I'm in ridiculously good shape, and while it took me a while my finances aren't looking horrible now. Currently in the process of removing myself from Defence so that may be a medical discharge and a new career but time will tell.
BRO, WHY?? I bet you were the kid who was like "If you microwave the class hamster, no one will know it was dead before you put it in there....plus no school tomorrow!" The thing my financial advisor told me was "start from your basic assumptions". Like, "you assume you're going to pay for college for your kids" or "you assume a wedding costs $40k", and for my folks it's "you assume you need $50k/year to live off of" and unpack those assumptions. In their case $50k is an astronomical amount more than their living expenses, especially with no mortgage. However, if you factor in medical bills and the "unexpecteds" that happen every 5-6 years, yeah $50k might be a good comfortable target.
My mother/Father are going to be fine, Financially-speaking. My Father has Diabetes, but my mother is as healthy as a 60 year-old can be. We moved from AK to IL because my grandmother's Alzheimer's was progressing quicker than expected and my grandfather needed help. Both have passed on in the last 10 years. My mother/Father worked their asses off to keep my grandparents OUT of nursing homes, and in the home with us. It was brutal. My parents are not shy about the fact that my father is probably more likely to need care later in life, than my mother. They've even gone so far as to figure-out a "Kevorkian" style end. It's one of the reasons I live 6 blocks from them, but I don't see them nearly enough, now even more so. If I thought I wouldn't get drained(emotionally) by it; I'd start Mortuary training/School. It's gonna be in demand.
My grandpa ended up trying to take care of my grandma for a year or so once she started to slide into dementia. It was right when my dad started getting sick so we couldnt help like we could (though my aunt and uncle didnt raise a finger). It became so chaotic he became depressed and eventually had to put her in a nursing home because it was way more than he could handle. It is a heavy burden and very taxing emotionally. The amount of training and mental fortitude special care facilities need is no joke. Still the monthly bills are eye popping insane. She lived about 8 years after diagnosis. I dont know what your average 'don't have 600 dollars in savings for emergency' types would do. By the time my dad died my grandma didnt even know who he was when we told her. She was already gone for all intents and purposes. Just fucking brutal. Seeing the course dementia and cancer take when I was that young assisted suicide became a very real alternative in the face of such horrible diseases. Ive been a right to die supporter ever since.