Screw you and your stupid team!

A post in the baseball thread got me thinking about fan stereotypes*. For example, I'm from Chicago (and a White Sox fan), and these are the stereotypes I've noticed about the two Chicago baseball teams:

Chicago Cubs fans: This is their year. Every year is their year, so long as it is opening day. They eagerly await opening day like it is a national holiday (and many take the day off work to celebrate, even if it involves calling in sick), and with the exception of the occasional good season, are generally downtrodden, angry, and shattered halfway through the season. Despite this, Wrigley Field will continue to sell out, as it is less of a baseball game and more of a bar with a baseball game in the middle. If the Cubs ever moved from Wrigley Field and lost all the nostalgia fans who visit just to say they've been to Wrigley, the team would go bankrupt within ten years. In short, Wrigley Field itself is significantly more of a draw than the team playing there. Cubs fans are notoriously obnoxious when the team is winning (especially towards White Sox fans), and when losing will beg for mercy from insults (especially from White Sox fans). Despite the White Sox and all White Sox fans.

Chicago White Sox fans: Whiny fans who constantly complain that the Chicago media only cares about the Cubs. Consider themselves the "red headed step-child" of the city of Chicago and have developed an unwarranted chip on their shoulder because they feel constantly neglected. Consider Ozzie Guillen infallible, and embrace AJ Pierzynski, despite the fact that both are generally despised by the rest of baseball and baseball fans. Physically aggressive (see: attacking first base coaches at US Cellular Field) to a fault, especially towards Cubs fans. The bane of Cubs fans existence since the White Sox won the World Series in 2005, as that victory remains a constant trump card in any argument with Cubs fans. Despise the Cubs and all Cubs fans.

Note: If the Cubs and White Sox ever face off in a World Series, the ensuing riots will make the great Chicago fire look like a sparkler show in comparison.

Focus: What stereotypes have you heard/experienced about a group of fans? Are all Yankees fans really elitist douches? Is this an accurate portrayal of New England Patriots fans? Ever experience these stereotypes first hand?

*These are stereotypes. They are clearly not true for every fan in the group, but by and large apply to the group as a whole. For example, I'm a White Sox fan that actively roots for the Cubs, so long as they're not actually playing the White Sox.

 

Apparently there are these things called "sports" which I guess are competitive contests of primarily physical skill? These are played in front of crowds of "fans." Sorry if I'm slow to catch up here, this is all new to me.

Please do inform me about some of these so-called "fans" and their cultures. If I am suitably interested, I may want to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

I lurv me sum racin'!

 

Spoiler

Full disclosure: I've been watching an awful lot of the world rally championship this year.

 

Believe everything you hear about Red Sox fans. Good god. There were a couple of times I almost got killed when I was going to school in Boston just because I was from New York and/or generally ignorant about baseball.

There was also a funny scene last year when the Patriots were playing the Giants (maybe? I'm just kind of throwing out Boston v. New York team names) and I knew exactly when the game ended and who won (whichever New York team) because as soon as it ended three separate fights poured out into the street from different apartment buildings because everyone was so pissed.

But maybe I'm saying more about Boston residents than their sports fans...

 

The honest truth is that even most Boston sports fans don't like Boston sports fans. We're a bunch of arrogant, loud, obnoxious fucks.

We keep bleating about our baseball team being a bunch of scrappy underdogs fighting the Evil Empire when they have 2 rings and the second highest payroll. We have a long history of racism, and dear Lord to we love our scrappy white guys who get by on "hustle" and "grit." We will chant "Yankees suck" anywhere, regardless of relevancy. We assume that everyone cares about our teams, even when we have minimal interest in, say, the Kansas City Royals. And worse, we for some reason think we have a moral right to winning and adulation.

And that's not even getting started on the bandwagon fans. In baseball terms, we call them "pink hats." They're the people who bought all sorts of gear post-championships and "oh my god, I totally loooooooooove the Red Sox, they're so awesome!," yet can't tell you who the shortstop for the Red Sox is, or who starts at center for the Celtics. Sure, other teams have them too (yes, I'm looking at you, Lakers, Cubs, and Yankees fans). But the recent success and fervency of sports in Boston just encourage this sort of idiocy.


It's almost at the point where we should completely embrace our douchery, like a WWF heel.

 

A lot of Yankees fans are pretty entitled. More than any other fan base I've ever seen, they don't seem to understand that baseball is cyclical and high variance, and always just expect to win. Consequently, the team spends a whole lot of money, which means the fans expect to win even more.

You see where this is going.

I actually started watching baseball in the beginning of 1996, when the Yankees weren't yet a dynasty, in large part because I really liked their rookie shortstop. I had no idea that I what I was getting myself into at the time, but now I can't help but root for the stupid fucking Yankees and their stupid asshole shortstop.

Goddamn I hate Derek Jeter. And he's my favorite player. He's like that woman you marry out of high school, when you don't know any better, and then you grow to find out that she can't cook for power or clean to her left, but you stay with her because you've got this history, you know? And you defend her when people say that she's not that hot, because she's really is a great wife in a lot of ways, but goddamn it one of the best wives of all time moved in right next door.

 

I hate all yankee fans, and most New York sports team fans in general, their already over inflated image of themselves, their team and geographic location is accentuated hourly by the east coast biased self righteous fucktards at espn. They have a rudimentary grasp of baseball at best, to go with their rudimentary grasp of basic english and common courtesy and all things not within a $20.00 cab ride of the over priced piece of shit apartment they live in, which they believe the rest of the world revolves around.
Fuck you yankee fan

 

It's really hard to decide if Yankees or Red Sox fans are more annoying. On the one hand, I've heard chants of "Yankees Suck" break out in T stops, lines for the men's room, and a Bar Mitzvah (they were nice enough to wait until the party after the ceremony). On the other hand, Yankees fans are more entitled and have more annoying affectations, like singing "New York New York" after every home win. And there was that hideous felon of an owner, George Steinbrenner. But the Red Sox have their fixation with "Sweet Caroline" and that stupid Jimmy Fallon movie. I guess I'll say the Red Sox and give the Yankees a slight reprieve, simply because Mickey Mantle was so awesome (http://deadspin.com/#!5750485/micke...event-at-yankee-stadium-is-lewdly-outstanding).

 

I will guarantee that I get no red dots when I simply say, fuck Duke fans.

It takes a special person to love this face.



awaiting red dots

 

The funny thing about Cubs fans, and I use fans loosely, is alot of Cubs fans hate them too, me included. For every drunken jackhole stumbling around Wrigley when he really is from Cleveland and loved the Indians until he moved to Chicago, there is a diehard fan who has been a fan forever and hates those assholes. Me included. I've been a Cubs fan since I was little growing up with Sandberg, Dawson and Maddux. I was up in Wrigley Friday afternoon and found myself wanting to punch half the Cubs gear wearing idiots I saw. Going to Wrigley and getting shitfaced off of Old Style and singing Go Cubs Go doesn't make you a fan, especially when you scream shit about "This is the year" when any semi-knowledgeable fan knows the Cubs will be lucky to finish 3rd in the division. On one hand you have a fanbase who has endured decades of a team kicking them in the taint and still come back year after year, but then that is countered with the assclowns that give the team a bad name.

Hey, it could be worse, even knowledgeable Yankees fans are obnoxious cause they haven't wont a Series in 2 years and feel they are due. My favorite is the bullshit excuses I hear from people in the Midwest when they explain why they are Yankees fans.

 

Every time I feel like this, and want to apologize for Red Sox fans as a whole, I remember that Yankees fans still exist and my thought immediately changes to "Go fuck yourself if you think I'm going to apologize before that cancer on the soul of humanity does."

Yes I realize it's a bit like Democrats excusing their near consistent level of failure by pointing out that Republicans are actually tools of satan, but fuck it, they're of the devil.

 

I don't know about any other city, but in Phoenix...fucking good god I can't stand these Lakers/Yankees/Cowboys bandwagon fagfucks. Born in AZ, yet love these teams. Why you ask them? "Because essay! I'm Mesican!"

Call me a racist asshole, but its true.

Even if you like only 2 of these teams, go eat a dick.

 

This link was blocked for me but if it's Tommy from Quincy, it's pretty close to 100% accurate. Chanting "Yankees suck" at a Red Sox-Yankees game is OK. Chanting "Yankees suck" at a Red Sox-Mariners game is pathetic. Chanting "Yankees suck" at a Bruins game is beyond pathetic. Chanting "Yankees suck" at the post-Patriots Super Bowl riot is one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen.

Just as bad was a few years ago, when Brady got hurt and the Patriots went something like 9-7 or 10-6 with Matt Cassel but missed out on the playoffs, and many up there were seriously claiming the NFL should retroactively change the playoff rules to allow them in over one of the division winners who had a worse record.

Notre Dame - These come in two stripes. Maybe 20% or so of Notre Dame fans actually go or went to Notre Dame, and in my experience these people are usually fine. They love their team but they're realistic, they don't seriously think that the Domers' pre-WW2 successes are actually relevant today, and most of them are pretty much normal sports fans. The rest have zero connection to the school whatsoever and are just about the douchiest group of sports fans alive. They're the type of people who'll tell you how you went to "Backup College" because you couldn't get into ND, even though they also went to BC, as in Bergen County Community College, and dropped out after a semester. They'll talk your ear off about how classy and hospitable they are, yet having attended hundreds of college and pro sporting events around the world (during many of which I rooted for the visiting team), Notre Dame is the only place I've ever been physically assaulted for rooting for the wrong team. Don't get me wrong, it's a historical venue and as a college football junkie I'm glad I went once, but I have no real desire to go back. A bunch of my friends are trying to get a group trip together for the BC-ND game in South Bend this year, I may end up going simply because two of them are living in Chicago now and I want to check out their place, but I'm trying to convince everyone to make Clemson or Virginia Tech the big group trip instead. Life's too short to deal with Notre Dame fans.

Boston University - We get it. You don't have a football team. You don't really have a basketball team. You don't have a campus. You have nothing of note as a school other than your hockey team, and even that has been irrelevant for the past 15 years outside of one flash-in-the-pan season while you've watched BC rack up 3 national championships and numerous Frozen Four appearances and conference titles in that time. You have nothing to unify you as a student body other than hating and envying BC. It still doesn't excuse chanting "Fuck 'em up, fuck 'em up, BC sucks" at the start of every power play even when you aren't playing us. I've never been to a BU basketball game but it wouldn't surprise me if the couple hundred fans who bother to show up do it there too. See my comments on Boston fans chanting "Yankees suck" above.

Mexico soccer fans - Similar to Notre Dame fans; the ones who are actually from Mexico are mostly cool. The ones who were born and raised in Chicago, don't speak Spanish, and root for Mexico over the US as a way of bonding with their ancestors who snuck into the US illegally are raging douchebags and should be deported.

 

This will probably unleash a flood of hate on me, but I just never gave a shit. It's probably because I grew up with parents that didn't care, either, but I just don't get the idea of getting so worked up and spending so much money on a game.
The majority of these ass holes couldn't catch AIDS, let alone a ball. I say just go play the damn game yourself, stop acting like you're good at it and get off your ass.
Don't get me wrong, it can be fun to watch in person, with friends and alcohol, but in moderation.

Being in Vermont, about half the people are die hard Red Sox fans, and half are die hard Yankees fans. I've seen enough bumper stickers with Calvin pissing on one of the team names to send the Dali Lama into a murderous rage.

Regardless, I don't get the draw. Someone please explain it to me.

 

I've lived in Vermont and believe me, there are not really any hardcore fans for either team there. Sure, you have people who support Yankees or Red Sox, but it's not even close to the same as the passion and douche-baggery you see for the Sox in the Boston area. That's probably why you don't get it.

Side note: I don't get it either, my friend's wife said something derogatory about the Sox near Fenway Park (yes, I realize this is stupid, but she was hammered) and a group of guys walked over to kick her ass, the group of girls with her had to explain that she was really drunk before the guys let up. Seriously? You're going to hit a girl (or anyone for that matter) because they made fun of a sports team you don't even play for?

Oh, and Yankees fans can suck a dick too, you're just as bad if not worse.