Rules When Attending Weddings

I repped somebody about this yesterday, but don't remember who. We actually inquired about this for our welcome dinner/reception. I'm not sure how the booze works, but we were told that we could supply our own beer and wine, however, the wine was subject to a pretty hefty corking fee. In the end, it wouldn't have saved us much money, so we just let the resort/caterer supply everything.

 

Last summer my buddy got married in a country club and they supplied their own alcohol.

 

Ok, I am late to the thread, but I was in Mexico. Sue me.

What I learned from my wedding:

If you aren't close to the bride and groom, don't get fucking plastered. Everyone knows that there will be someone in the family who will get drunk and be funny, and they find it endearing. If you are nothing more than a co-worker, or a plus one, get drunk, but don't be "that person."

My "that guy" was a guy from Jägerettes work who kept cracking pedophile jokes when I was dancing with my nieces.

Don't get too plastered before dinner. This is the somewhat serious time and the bride and groom would like you to remember that we talked to you. After that, go fucking nuts.

In terms of registry and gifts:

1. Get something just for the groom. He has probably been put under the grinder and somewhat ignored for months, and all the gifts are for the house/bride. If he likes fishing, get him a rod and reel. If he likes scotch, get him a bottle. Nothing big.

Someone did this for me, and made a huge basket of BBQ gear, and the guy who made it is one of the best grillers I know. Unfortunately someone walked off with it.

2. Don't pressure people into getting a registry. J and I have been living together for 3 years and have everything we could ever need. Why would we need a registry.

3. If you do get pressured, keep it limited. Especially if you have everything you need. Guys, keep your fiance under control. I had to reign in on the registry, removing almost half of it. Only time I have made J cry as I went through deleting the stupidest shit.

4. When buying something from the registry, buy the most useful items. Don't buy the weird stuff.

 

I have D.J'ed weddings for eight years. Well over one hundred of them. I will tell you this:

- Don't think you're going to screw the bridesmaid just because they're wasted. It's not some pre-req when you're at a reception. Lotsa fish out there, cool dude.

- Don't get pissy because it's not open bar. Every suit jacket inside pocket can fit a flask. Sneak in your own booze. I cannot put that simpler. Mixers are ALWAYS free, and any retard can do it without getting caught.

- Don't request things people cannot possibly dance to. You're not at a fucking camp ground or pool party. Nobody's going to dance to Disturbed.

- If you're giving a speech of ANY kind, no more than four beers before you go live. A live PA system in a room with 200 hundred people in it can ruin the whole show if you act like an asshole or fart into the microphone because you think it's hilarious.

- No street clothes. Dress like everybody should at a wedding. I don't care how tough or "punk" you are, show some fucking respect an don't wear a sleeveless leather jacket cascading in rhinestones and knee-high docs with red laces.

- No fighting. Do not for any reason throw a punch. None of you assholes. If there ever was a time for the term "There's a time and a place", this is it. You won't think you're so super-cool when that chair you throw hits a 75-year-old man.

-If you're going out in groups, everyone knows you're getting high and NOBODY CARES. There's ALWAYS people smoking weed at a wedding, so relax. If you're going out every 20 minutes, people like ME know you're doing rails off a centre car arm rest.

-DO NOT TRY THAT FUCKING "LIFT" MOVE FROM DIRTY DANCING. SOMEBODY IS GOING TO DIE, ASSHOLES. Your comical bails and injuries do amuse me sometimes, but you ALWAYS looks like a asshole trying it because only Swayze can pull it off, and he's dead.

 

I don't know it the TABC laws have changed, but when I was a waiter, patrons could bring in their own booze, but they weren't allowed to take anything out of the establishment once it was opened.

 

Like some others, I've also been to weddings where the bride and groom supplied their own alcohol. At one wedding it went pretty well; they had a good IPA and a nice selection of mid-range liquor. At another wedding they had canned Bud Light and a choice of either a bride's choice or groom's choice cocktail. The groom's choice was some sort of plastic-bottle bourbon and coke and the bride's choice was plastic-bottle cherry flavored vodka and sour mix.

 

Depends where you are and on the licensing conditions. Here a lot of places will let you vend your own alcohol if you rent the venue - they just charge more for the rental than if they were selling the alcohol. It's pretty standard for events promoters to negotiate around who sells the alchohol and who provides the bar staff/security/etc to meet with the local license requirements. They may not go for it because their license/local licensing/their business model won't support it, but it's worth asking.

Shit, I've seen all of those things at one wedding. My friend Snickers was the breakout who went and did volunteer teaching shit in poor communities, who met a trust fund baby who was volunteering her rich white girl guilt away. Snickers 5 brothers and his dad are all bikers who all had outstanding warrants the day of the wedding. The brothers got the new father in law fucking blind on red wine and dragged him and the mother in law into the punch up. Snickers' dad tried to do the lift on the very big mother in law and while he got her up, very nearly died. One of the brothers burned the newly weds initials onto the front lawn of the very nice family estate that was hosting the party, and it was eventually broken up by the cops coming to serve warrants on all the dodgy fuck bikers. 4th generation of trust funds father in law tried to exercise his never before used law degree to make the cops fuck off, while blind drunk and not wearing a shirt on the front lawn and the mother in law ended up getting arrested as well. There was a burping contest into the mike at one point and I'm fairly sure someone farted and while I don't specifically remember Disturbed being played - the DJ was a friend of mine and was bitching about the requests that included stuff like Ministry - Jesus Built my Hotrod and Rob Zombie. I'm fairly sure Disturbed was in the request list at some point.

White trash weddings are always awesome - but they only get better when the white trash is all on one side of the family and the other side are snooty upper crust types.

 

A friend of mine supplied all of her own wine and champagne for her wedding. Some organization (either a church or random civic group) had a large building they rent out for parties and this type of thing. In that case, the owner doesn't really have an interest in stopping you from bringing your own booze, because they don't have their own bar, kitchen, whatever.

 

Night of my wedding at the after part at the hotel, my wife's cousin had a little too much to drink.

Said cousin was planning on going home with a random when her aunt stepped in and told her she was coming home with her (she was 17 at the time).

Cousin told her to fuck off and the aunt was persistent. Cousin ended up taking a swing at the aunt (who had just finished up chemo for breast cancer) and missed, this is when I stepped in. Initially I just tried to get her out of the room until she kicked me. That set me off, I put her in a half nelson and took her to the ground until the cops showed up.

I was threatened with arrest for false imprisonment, but eventually let go.

That whole event pretty much killed the after party, she hasn't apologized (was apparently "allergic to alcohol"), and it ruined any sex opportunity for the night.

Thanks bitch.

 

I had an open bar at my wedding, an open bar that gave out any liquor you desired. I knew this because one of my husband's coworkers had two Long Island iced teas and loudly told the bartender "The bride and one of her bridesmaids have slept together a few times! The bride is bi! Did you know that?" Luckily nobody in my family took her seriously, thinking she was some poor girl that couldn't hold her liquor and was making crazy declarations. However, my dumbass husband admitted that he had told her about my proclivities toward women but hastened to add "I didn't think she'd scream it out at our wedding!"

As for the bringing a date question, I'm not paying to feed your whore du jour or one of your friends. Don't like it? Don't come. End of story.

I'm going to also reiterate the fact that your fucktrophy wasn't invited. If your kid's name wasn't on the envelope, you can't bring them. After watching a kid out of hell nearly ruin my friend's wedding*, I did not want anyone under the age of 14 at my own. Don't like it? Don't come. End of story.

* said brat screamed during the ceremony "I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET" and was let loose to run around the back of the church.
Then, at the reception, he was running around and knocked into a table of food, sending it crashing over.
What did mom and dad do? Nothing! I sure as fuck didn't want a repeat of this at my nuptials, especially since some of my relatives think discipline will ruin their pweshus snowflake's self esteem.

 

This is good advice. Now, my wedding was pretty redneck but I was actually wearing a wedding dress (cream-colored as I was 6 months pregnant - woo!), my bridesmaids were wearing dresses and the men were wearing tuxedos, including my father. My husband's butch, lesbian sister and her girlfriend, however showed up in blue jean shorts and plaid button-down shirts. Believe it or not, they were the laughing stocks.

Or so everyone said.

 

For me, I really should make a rule - if there's an open bar: only drink early and STOP after a while. I've gone to a few open bar weddings and each time I make myself to look like an ass to the girlfriend, but hey.. everyone else seems to love it. That and the hangover/glare of death the next day kind of suck

 

Ok, from my experience being best man (the first one being last night) this is spot on. I am the master of fucking up the chance to get laid when there are willing girls throwing themselves at me and even I couldn't ruin my chances with the maid of honour.

The funny speech went a long way I think.