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Rules When Attending Weddings

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Ogee, Jul 20, 2010.

  1. Superfantastic

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    Yeah, I don't get it either. If it says plus one, doesn't that imply they're preparing for me...plus one? I mean, I still ask to be polite, and because I've learned how tough it is to get numbers set in advance, but wouldn't it be weird/rude to invite someone plus a guest, and then be upset they brought a guest? Just leave out 'plus one' on the invite if you want them coming solo. And what fucking reason would they have to care how long/if I've been boning the girl I bring? As long as she doesn't cause as scene, why would it matter at all? The girl I'm bringing to my buddies' wedding has never met any of that group of friends. I know her well enough to know that 1) she's really nice and fun and 2) she's smoking hot. I'll be shocked and, moreso, confused, if my buddy doesn't approve because...what, he hasn't met her yet? Is jealous? Thinks she's too good for me? Makes no sense.

    EDIT: This is all assuming you RSVP, or in my case say over the phone, that you're bringing a guest.

    Also, I brought my male roommate to my sisters wedding earlier this summer. I did this because I was the emcee (killed it!) and I thought it made more sense to have someone who knows my immediate family very well sit with them, as opposed to a girl I was only briefly dating. In general though, I agree on the non-dude-as-a-date rule. This was just a rare circumstance.
     
  2. Ton80

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    I think it depends to a certain extent on the size of the wedding. My wife and I spent a long time deciding who it was that we really wanted to be there because a) we wanted it to be people who were really special to us (we had less than 90 there), and b) we paid $200 per person for our own wedding. I understand your argument here, but your buddy might have been really choosy about who he wanted there on what is a pretty important day, and if he or the bride had to cut a friend out for money purposes and you bring someone he's never met cause she's smokin hot...I mean, I told some of my friends that they couldn't bring dates, and no one seemed to have any issues with that.
     
  3. rei

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    But did you simultaniously send them an invite asking if they wanted to bring a date? That's where the real issue is
     
  4. Superfantastic

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    Exactly. If the invite doesn't say 'plus one', I don't consider bringing a date. If it does, I double-check to make sure, then bring whoever I want. That's the part I don't get about no use for a name's post:

     
  5. Frank

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    The 'plus one' thing is generally to allow people who the couple in question aren't up to date with (distant cousins, old friends) to bring someone who the soon to be married couple isn't acquainted with that they are seriously dating to the wedding, they should send invitations with both people's names on the invitation for guests in relationships they are up to date with. Unfortunately a lot of couples still put 'plus one' on a lot of invitations for people in their late 20's/ ealry 30's they know are single and get upset when they take them up on the offer, which is stupid.

    But don't forget, it is still their day not yours, don't bring someone to the wedding you aren't serious about because of a stupid formality in the invitation. There are obvious exceptions to this rule, like asking the couple to be if you can bring a random, or an informal wedding where the couple explicitly states you can bring whomever.

    Basically:

    Bringing a guy friend = "I'm here to get drunk and fuck shit up"

    Bringing a one-night stand/casual hookup = "I'm here to get drunk and fuck this chick"

    Bringing a significant other = "This is a very important person in my life and I want them to celebrate your special day with me"

    Granted the real reason people go is to get drink and fuck shit up, but at least have the decency to not bring some random chick or your buddy so they can get plastered at the open bar and get a free meal.

    Edit:

    yeah, that works, it's amazing what a little communication can do.
     
  6. no use for a name

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    As has been explained to me by those involved in the wedding planning: I guess most people don't customize the format of the RSVP card, and most (if not all) RSVP cards automatically come with the "plus one" check box. I have been to a ton of weddings, and I've always been told that only if the invitation is addressed to me and a guest am I allowed to bring a guest.

    Like I said, these are only for circumstances where I'm not really close with the couple getting married. If it's a good friend or a family member, there wouldn't be any ambiguity at all. Acquaintances, old friends, parent's friends, co-workers, etc., where I may not know the couple's exact intention with regard to invitees bringing guests, that's the rule I've always understood to follow.
     
  7. Nick

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    This whole discussion surrounding the plus 1 is a giant circle jerk. I don't know about you, but almost every wedding to which I've been invited was for somebody I knew pretty well (at least well enough to give them a call). When in doubt, can't you just call up your buddy and say "Hey, I was thinking about bringing Susie from the block to your wedding. Your invite didn't indicate a plus one, and I didn't want to overstep my bounds without asking." The worst that could happen is that he says "You know what, we're on a really tight budget so we're trying to keep the guest list to a manageable size. I know the restriction sucks, but you're a really important friend of mine and I'd really like you to be there".

    If that offends you, you can always cut their gift size in half. I've always heard that you give an amount/gift that covers the number of plates your party represented. I.e., if it's a $125/plate wedding and you bring a date, then give them $250 (or equivalent). If they specifically preclude you from bringing a date, then you are well within your bounds to only give $125.
     
  8. Fernanthonies

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    Some good friends of ours are getting married next weekend and luckily my girlfriend also knows the bride and so got her own invitation. I had no idea about all these different rules and expectations when it comes to bringing a guest. Can't say I'm really surprised though.

    One thing I did learn though, since this is a fairly casual outside summer wedding, is that I am not allowed to be dressed better than the groom. I figured since it was an casual, outdoor affair in late July that I would wear some nice slacks and a polo and that I would go out and pickup a nice linen blazer since I like to look sharp at stuff like this. Since the Groom and groomsman are wearing just Hawaiian shirts, I was informed that this was a big no-no. Too bad too, I was looking forward to getting a nice linen jacket.

    As far as the gift goes, my girlfriend had a pretty good idea. The couple registered at Target where my girlfriend is a store manager, and apparently you can still add stuff to the registry after the wedding and anything on the registry is like 10% off. No one seems to know this, but groceries can be added to wedding registries too (at super targets of course), so we are going to get them a nice gift and my gf is also going to include a gift card with a note that explains all this to them. Seems lame I know (which is why we will also have a nice gift), but I imagine that would be super helpful to a newly married couple.
     
  9. BL1Y

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    If the venue will allow it, I would recommend hiring your own bar tender and supplying the booze yourself. The drinks will cost 25-50% less, and you get to keep any excess (or, more likely, let the groomsmen take it home).
     
  10. BrianH

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    A close buddy of mine has a couple of sisters and an extremely wealthy father, and when his oldest sister got married the projected tab for the wedding was in excess of $100K. Apparently she invited everyone on her fucking Facebook.

    The father, who didn't get to be wealthy by setting money ablaze for no reason, offered his daughter a second option: he would pay for 20 of their closest friends and family to fly to Vegas where they could have a cheap chapel wedding over the weekend and have fun with their friends. Included in this package was a $100K check that she and her new husband could use to start a life together.

    She chose the wedding. If I had been engaged to her, I wouldn't have been after that.
     
  11. Trakiel

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    This thread is insane. 10k for a wedding is an outrageous sum to me, so I guess I'm totally out of touch. My mother just got married last year which consisted of a dinner with me, a couple of her close friends, and a couple of the groom's close friends, one of which is a judge who officiated their vows. They probably didn't spend more than a couple hundred dollars, and they each have 6 figure incomes. I think that's the way to go; there are lots of better ways to spend that kind of a money.

    Edit: Oh yeah, they did have a reception with a bunch of guests, probably 50 total, so I guess they spent more than a few hundred bucks. But if the total cost was more than 5000, I'd be surprised.
     
  12. Decatur Dave

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    There's a huge difference between a middle aged woman and a twenty-something year old planning their wedding. When I got married over 10k was dropped. Second time around (if I'm ever that dumb again) it's eloping in Vegas, with Elvis presiding over the ceremony.
     
  13. Aetius

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    My cousin had the smallest wedding I've ever heard of (outside of quickie jobs in Vegas/AC). How small? I wasn't invited, that's how small. Nor was any sort of religious officiant. The fathers performed the ceremony, and the other guests were the mothers, the siblings, and one friend each.
     
  14. scootah

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    There is a reason for that.

    If you're a photographer, and your rate for a family reunion is say $400 for 6 hours of taking portraits and some candids - that's all well and good. But nobody gives a shit if you miss the photo of Uncle Roy and Aunt Patty announcing that they're having another child. That photo comes out blurry or you were taking a crap at the key moment - whatever. If anybody notices - they don't give a fuck.

    At a wedding - the pressure is fucking on. If you miss ANY key moment of the ceremony - the couple are missing their photos forever. Bridezillas (and every other kind of wedding zilla) will curse your name till the day you die if you miss the photo of billy the ring bearer scratching his asscrack. They'll make your life hell for weeks afterwards 'did you manage to find a photo in your colon of Billy scratching his asscrack? Did you LOOK? Could you do something in photoshop?) The pre-event arrangements and the pressure on delivery standards is insane. You either pass on weddings, or you bump your price to compensate for the hassle and stress.

    It's the same deal for everyone selling anything to the wedding. Timmy's birthday cake isn't 100% perfect? Shutup kid - nobody cares. My cousin's wedding cake had a finger print in the icing on the bottom. ON THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING CAKE. My aunt still tells people 12 years later about how that fucking cake decorator ruined the wedding. The lady had to move to another town because my aunt ran her name through the mud so badly that she couldn't get any business. I agree that my aunt is a fucking bitch - but she's not at all uncommon. The ridiculous shit I've heard people harp on about after weddings - like the band had any fucking idea that the Bride was dancing with her estranged brother and they deliberately ruined the moment by missing a fucking key change - fuck that.

    If you only bump your prices by 20% for a wedding, I think you're fucking nuts. Anyone who backs down because someone calls them on bumping their prices from a 'party' is inexperienced or stupid.
     
  15. Stealth

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    Ahhh yes , the good old mainstay of the Western World.

    As a cynical friend of mine put it ....

    What people don't realise is that the Joneses are already millionaires with no debts , try keeping up with that; suckers.
     
  16. Disgustipated

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    All of which just serves to confirm that weddings are mostly bullshit. A fingerprint, on the bottom of the cake? If that's cited as a reason for the divorce, I'll be in shock.

    This isn't to have a go at what Scootah said, I can fully accept it happens. I went to a wedding with my ex for her brother, and the bride was a massive bitch that managed to alienate everyone who came into contact with the event; guests included.

    But I have two reasons why I stand by my comments:

    1. The expectation, particularly by the bride, in these sorts of cases are nowhere near realistic. It makes the declaration between two people out to be a secondary consideration; which is just fucking wrong. Increasing prices feeds into that. You up the price, you up the expectation. You up the expectation, you up the price. And it goes round and round. Add that to a seething female who is determined that the spotlight is on her all day and you've got disaster. It's gotten beyond a joke; and

    2. If I hire a professional to do something, I expect it to be done right. Maybe I'm asking too much in this day and age. When I charge a fee to do something, I do it right regardless of what it is. If I don't do it right, I don't charge anything or I fix it for free (depending on the nature and what the client wants). Increasing a fee for something like a wedding just says that you have no intention of working to the best of your ability for anything else.
     
  17. Aetius

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    I would have countered with a $100K check, and a trip to a place that isn't the seediest place on the planet earth and designed to destroy all that is love, fidelity, and financial responsibility.
     
  18. BL1Y

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    Somewhat off topic, but I plan to have a small civil ceremony broadcast live online so family anywhere can see it, and then travel to a few cities where I have friends and family, and have a small reception with each group. That way you get to celebrate with everyone without making people spend money to travel, and you can plan events that are appropriate for each group. A nice sit down dinner with the new inlaws, and a night boozing with the old college buds without having to worry about them making inappropriate comments around family members.

    Of course, I'm a man, so my plans are purely academic.
     
  19. lust4life

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    I've never heard of a place that will allow you to provide your own booze (why would they?), and in some US states, it's a violation of the establishment's liquor permit and they could lose their license.
     
  20. Frank

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    Actually, at one of the weddings I went to this summer the father of the bride supplied all the booze. In most normal venues with a bar I'm sure they would never allow it because let's be honest that's a horrible business move, but this wedding was in an old mansion in a park that serves as a kind of function hall for events and they didn't have an established bar so the bride's dad brought it all, put a couple tables together for a makeshift bar and hired people to hand them out.

    And no, this was not a tacky or redneck wedding at all, actually probably the best wedding I've ever been to in terms of taste and fun, and I've been to some pretty damn expensive weddings. And I'm saying that without too much bias, I don't know the people too well, they're friends of my GF.