Recently, I've heard about a lot of couples denying "plus one's" unless you are engaged or living together. I would make sure you can actually bring a date, first. That being said, if you are single, why would you take a date? Weddings are a great place for meeting single women.
If it's a family wedding. As to taking a buddy - it never really occurred to me to take a guy to a wedding. Is this a common thing? And having a stipulation that they must be living together or engaged sounds like someone's being a cheapass. If you don't want them to bring a date, don't include a "+1" in the invitation.
I've been to several weddings where I was told not to bring a date becuase they knew I wasnt dating anyone. They have usually been large weddings, and yes it was people being cheap asses. Only bring your buddy if you are planning on having sex with him. That is litterally the gayest thing you can ever do.
Denying a plus one is a pretty weak call. I've never seen this before, although if the parents are paying for the wedding, I guess it should be up to their discretion. As to your second statement regarding not taking a date, this is definitely true if you're in your early-to-mid 20s. However, I started noticing that once I got into my late 20s/early30s, there were a helluva lot less single people at my friends' weddings, and the hookup opportunities diminished pretty rapidly. I'm getting married in September and can count on one hand the number of single people that are going to be at my wedding (I'm 32). In addition to that, I've noticed that there are going to be a few "plus twos" now that my friends are starting to have kids. Here's a question for you folks that have already been married - how many of you paid for your own wedding? Both my future in-laws and my parents do pretty well financially, but it's always been assumed since day one that I'd be covering the tab. It seems like that's the case more and more, especially for people who wait until they're a little older to get married. When it's all said and done, this whole ordeal is going to cost me around $60k (incl. flights, dress, honeymoon, etc.). We're probably only going to have 65-70 guests. Is it appropriate to flat out ask for money?
Apparently, this is a touchy issue (and my comments should be tempered by the confession that I am not married, nor do I plan on diving down that particular rabbit hole anytime soon). I've always been of the mind-set that an envelope made a better gift than anything you scanned with a registry gun, but I was recently informed that this is gauche at some weddings? Case in point: Friend from college is getting hitched. Small wedding, and they both do very well for themselves. I figured since they bought had recent bought a house that they are remodeling, $250 and a nice bottle of Crown XR would be more appreciated than some small appliance that will sit in the trunk of her Jeep until the kitchen is pieced back together, but when I mentioned this to a mutual friend, she looked at me like I was confessing an affair with the bride. I hate weddings.
I always get shit for this, but its a rule that I live by. I don't buy a gift if I don't think the marriage is going to last. Call me an asshole (and many, many of my buddies wives have done so) but excuse me if you don't think that plowing a stripper the night before your wedding is any of my fiduciary concern. I love my buddies, but most of them are bastards, and some of their wives are nasty individuals as well. Right now, as I'm typing this, me and the missus have about 6 mutual friends going through, or starting the divorce proceedings. Why would I throw my money at that losing endeavor? And for all those assholes that want to PM me and tell me that I'm a jerk and you're supposed to get the married couple something because it helps them get on their feet, or helps pay for the cost of the wedding. Fuck you. If its that much of a monetary struggle for you to get married, then don't get married until its fiscally responsible for you. I've never been married, and I'm never getting married... So why don't you give me a present for not being an asshole? Listen. I'm far from poor. I'm far from rich either. And I'm not shelling out for matching linens at Bed Bath and Beyond because you met your special someone during 2 for 1 night at Pedro O'hornys.
Bah. Money is always good. Especially if you're a single guy. Like you'd want to go look up their registry in the first place? Yeah no. That's a GF job right there. I say the money and the booze is a great gift combo. Nick, whether or not you ask for money, you'll still end up with some. Just keep the registry list on the small side.
My best friend got married a little less than a year ago. His wife and him were paying for it themselves and had a registry. I asked what he really wanted and he said cash. He paid a fortune for that wedding so I know what I gave him really helped. It helped me too, because as Shegirl said, I was lost looking at the registry.
A couple pointers stemming from the postmortem of my recent wedding: Don't: - Don't be the douche bag with a foot tall spiked mo-hawk, especially if you decide to sit in the aisle seat; you WILL show up in all the pictures of the bride walking down with her father, and other's WILL be photographed giving you eat-shit-and-die looks, especially the groom's step-father - If there is a margarita machine, don't decide to open your mouth under the nozzle and open the spout. It WILL come out faster than you expected, you WILL get a brain freeze that makes you want to punch jesus, and everyone WILL happen to be watching/laughing at you when you attempt the stunt - This is a big one: don't dry hump the bride on the dance floor. Especially if you are her uncle. Especially if your wife and seven-year-old daughter is watching. - If you happen to be said seven-year-old daughter, don't stand in the crowd gathering when the bride throws her bouquet. I don't care if you are the shortest, you WILL somehow catch it, and your father WILL make you give it back. - When the bride and groom are cutting the wedding cake, don't run up behind them and push cake into their eyes. It WILL burn, and the groom WILL physically confront you, along with most of the wedding party. - Don't be the guy that finishes the last bottle of gin at the bar. Similar to above, the groom WILL physically confront you. - Don't be the guy that pukes in one of the two port-a-potties. People WILL hear you, they WILL know it was you, and you WILL be forced to pay appropriate restitution. Do: - Drink as much as possible in the hours leading up to the actual ceremony. Especially if you are in one of the wedding parties. Especially if you are the bride or groom. It'll just make it easier, trust me. - Be the guy that brought an extra bottle of tequila. The bar will run out, and you will be worshipped. - Happen to be the guy that decides to take a leak in front of the vehicle in which the bride and groom will depart. They will unknowingly get in it while you are mid-stream, and when they turn it on, everyone will see you and laugh. This will be embarrassing, but trust me, it'll be worth it. - Recount drunken and inappropriate stories into the video camera recording the events. Chances are the video camera was the mother-of-the-bride's shitty idea, and you will make watching it bearable. - Buy gift cards as wedding presents. Whatever "great" idea you have for a gift, trust me, it's not what the bride and groom want. Especially if it's an off-brand Jenga game, a set of towels that was on clearance, or a dog clock. Gift cards are easier. Also, booze is appreciated as well. - Bring some cash. Those bar tenders are busting their asses for you; you'd be surprised what putting a $10 or $20 in their tip jar will do. On a similar note, talk with the bar tending/catering staff and make friends if you can. Again, you'd be surprised what some friendly banter will get you (mainly, at the bar). - Get encourage any and all old people in attendance to dance. If they oblige, it'll be hilariously awesome. If they say fuck off and call you insult that were offensive in the 30's, it'll be hilariously awesome. From my experience, you have about a 50/50 chance of getting either response.
I have always gone either the cash or registry route but I gave some recent newlyweds 20th row center tickets to a sold out concert which was couple of months away from the wedding. I know they both enjoy the band & I've seen them out at live music before. I'll never know if they didn't like the idea or not because they are both too polite to tell me to stop giving gifts that I want to receive.
On a serious note, this one actually became a major issue for us and resulted in a few pissed off people: If your wedding invitation does not SPECIFICALLY state "[your name/you and your spouses name] and family," or some derivation thereof, DO NOT think it is ok to rsvp for your children. Your children were not invited, and you are liable to receive a phone call from a rather annoyed person stating that they are not ok to come. Our wedding was 250 people, and catering alone was upwards of $75 PER PLATE. There was a limit to what we were comfortable spending, and we wanted to have fantastic food, for those we invited. Some of the people we invited decided to rsvp for their 2-5 kids too. We did the tallies and figured that the non-invited kids along put us at about $2-3 grand extra just on the damn food, never mind the extra tables, place settings, seats etc. That's money we don't feel like spending The fucking nerve of some people. I still get angry writing about this.
I always thought you should give $100 a person, (if you bring a date give $200 for you mathematician's out there) $150 is the minimum you should give as a couple, if you want to save money buy a gift. You have a year to send something so nobody has any excuse to be cheap. Promise me people do notice and you will get gossiped about, we have one friend inparticular who has been giving nothing (pill problem) and the wives have black listed him. When giving The Best Man Speech: - No cursing -Watch Your drinking - short and sweet is best - NEVER mention another girl or other girls - Don't get carried away roasting the guy. Make sure you butter up the bride If you are a best man your kind of like a celebrity at the wedding, if you're single your chances of scoring are 75%, with an excellent speech 89%, excellent speech and you dance with a nine year old cousin or 89 year old grandma, 96%.
I would never even imagine taking a buddy to a wedding. Spells gay or pathetic. As for gifts, it depends on whose wedding it is. For family, it's cash plus a gift for siblings, nieces and nephews, cash only for first cousins, gift only for any relative beyond that. Unless they set up their registry at Williams-Sonoma or the like and ask for items like a $300 toaster. Yeah, well, here's a vase. Enjoy. My wife and I were the first to be married among our groups of friends, so when they got married, we could gift them in kind, unless they were paying for the reception themselves, then we'd give cash. And I'll admit, some of those gifts we received at our wedding were re-gifted (3 champagne buckets? When did any of those people ever see us drinking champagne?) As for do's and don'ts, leave the microphone to the band/DJ unless you were asked to give a toast. Tip the bartender on your first drink, and tip well. And remember, it's a family event, not a frat party. If the parents of either or both of the couple is paying for the wedding, compliment them on what a nice reception it is and thank them.
This is actually a timely thread for me. I'm a groomsman in a wedding next summer. What exactly am I supposed to do? The best man has the speech and the bachelor party covered. Do I just sit there and look charming?
Do inspect the bottles of scotch at the open bar before hand to make sure there are no dead flies in them. Although I must admit, the flies sure had nice taste in scotch. Also, speeches. Leave the tawdriness at home. I think it's because weddings are one of the few times in most people's lives where they have to make a speech in front of a large group of people, and also act with the utmost of class of civility while otherwise being incapable of doing so. But jesus fucking christ, nobody wants to hear you personally address each of your seven bridesmaids, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, miscellaneous friends, sisters, brothers all four of your dead grandparents, and hear tear-filled and barely even subtle references to how your parents saved your life when your bipolarity damn near drove you to suicide in college. In unrelated news, no, the bride neither looks like nor is in fact a princess. Perhaps because my parents are the frugal sort, but even though I belong to an Italian family through my dad's side that has been exceptionally fond of outrageous weddings, I have only gone to three wedding receptions as a kid, and all three of them were for close relatives (three uncles' weddings, actually). I did go to a few wedding ceremonies, though, and my parents would leave us at home and go off to the receptions themselves. And outside of it being rather close family I can't see why people think their kids belong at a wedding. I mean, here's a chance for you and your spouse to get away from the kids for a night, have fun and not worry about looking after them, and yet here you are dragging them along with you. And for that matter they're probably far too young to appreciate the fun.
Yeah, weddings bring out a strange duality in people: They will spend thousands of dollars on an overpriced venue, a dress that will only be worn once, food that will just turn into shit the next day, top shelf booze that will literally be pissed away, a live band, and invite hundreds of people, then bitch and moan when asked to accomodate an extra person. Come on; if you are gonna try and be Johnny-Big-Spender with an extravagant, ostentatious wedding, don't bitch-out at the halfway mark, go all the way. Really, if you are prepared to spend $75 a plate for food, I don't think you're exactly hurtin' for money. What were you serving anyway? Condor eggs? Fugu? Oysters guaranteed to contain a pearl? Sheesh. Another strange duality is happiness/satisfaction: Weddings are supposed to be the happiest day of two peoples' lives, but out of all the weddings I've ever been to, no one involved seemed happy. The dads are shitting bricks over the bill, the moms are whining because the table cloths are the wrong color, the bride is pissed because she doesn't look as good in her dress as the bridesmaids, and the groom is getting plastered because he just realized that he is now limited to one vagina for the rest of his life.
Actually, if it is an open bar situation, most people would think that you're only bringing a buddy to take advantage of the free booze and that is really tacky. Also, it is considered very bad manners to ask for money in lieu of gifts. As someone else mentioned earlier, you'll get plenty of money anyway so don't be crass and openly pander for it. Plus, if the wedding is for someone you're close to, you'll want to give an actual gift to them. I can point out everything I received as a gift for my wedding 11 years ago and I can tell you who gave it to me, but I can't tell you who gave me money instead. If you want to be remembered fondly, make it personal.
Alright, so this whole gift/money thing, one of the last wedding I went to was in fucking Italy. The couple said that our presence was all that was required as a gift, because, you know what, I dropped a boatload of money to go to fucking Italy for a wedding. I did buy a couple of gifts for the showers, but I took them at their word and didn't get them a wedding gift. Was I being a cheap ass by not getting a gift? I guess I am. Fuck. On another note, perhaps a loophole to the no money thing....the most recent wedding I went to, the couple had a honeymoon registry. So basically they registered for excursions and stuff (this couple went to Hawaii), so you could go to a website and select breakfast in bed or a hike up a waterfall with a picnic on the top or a night in the honeymoon suite. If you are dropping a bunch of money for the wedding, it seems that it would help to not have to drop a bunch for the honeymoon. Plus who wouldn't want a whale watching trip on a catamaran vs. a couple of crystal champagne glasses or toaster oven. And to answer the question somebody else mentioned....I paid for my own wedding too. It was just kind of assumed that I would by the family. And you know what, with that being the case, you had damn well better not bring your kids to my evening cocktail wedding. It isn't an appropriate setting for children, I don't want to pay for them, listen to them scream during the ceremony, see them running around hopped up on wedding cake at midnight. Call me cheap, call me heartless, but that is how I feel. So if you have kids and want to bring them, make sure they are invited. Many places have maximum seating so bringing more people than the couple counted on you bringing can really screw up the seating. On that note, a major DO PLEASE RSVP, and if you say yes, PLEASE GO
If you're a 6'4" Texan don't throw your arm around the recently made mother-in-law and say about the criminally expensive crepe bar, "Goddamn I loved them fajita things." Because 12 years later I still hear about that.
Ditto. To add to that -- and why this isn't obvious, I'm not sure, but apparently many people people are still unclear on the rule (and this wasn't just on my wedding, but I'm using mine as an example) -- DO: If you receive an invitation but do not send back an RSVP card, the wedding couple will assume that you are not going to show up. Because of this, please, DO NOT STILL SHOW UP. It's not "oh I got an invitation, that means I'm going." Nope. It's "we received your response, you may now drink our booze." I don't care if you say "I forgot;" you didn't send the damn thing, we didn't put you into the count, therefore, you don't have a seat, therefore, don't fucking show. The bastard cousin of this rule is putting the fucking invitation in the mail the week before the wedding. Yes, we will get it before the wedding, and yes, we will still feel morally obligated to account for you. Unfortunately, because you lack fucking brain cells and common sense, don't be surprised if we never speak to you again. Now in fairness, when planning for a wedding, you always do a plus or minus a dozen people or more depending on the expected rough size. But, when multiple families pull this shit at the last minute, it gets ugly quick. Smaller weddings it's cool; larger weddings, people tend to act stupid in herds.