How the hell does "eat more meat" make you cooler? Do you just kill a cow with your own hands and then right there and then eat a side of it? For the girls: Be easy and learn good BJ techniques. The football team will appreciate it and in return tell everyone, making you popular and cool.
Chainsaws Dynamite Snakes Crowbars Mirrored Sunglasses Machetes Big League Chew Spitting Bomber Jackets Fancy socks Grenades Candy (Everybody likes Candy) Mud Guts 10 speed Huffy Bicycle Fresh fruit A Hang-glider Callouses Nintendo DS Horses Motor Oil Stains Poison Fire Castle Greyskull Playset Ninja weapons A nice smile Remote control dog Lots of batteries Pewter cups Seersucker everything Lava Green Thumb Sharing Metal legs Enunciation $25 gift card to Bennigans Food Dehydrator Hacksaw Hacksaw Jim Duggan poster Reebok Pumps Eye Patch Silly String Yo-yo skillz Mariah Carey's Christmas Album Glowsticks Boomerang covered in Glitter Real World Audition Tape Robot from Rocky IV Ratchet straps Strength Shoes Swiffer Sweeper "The Last Dragon" DVD Tree Fort Backyard Zip Line to/from Tree Fort Lasers (REAL ones) Hot sauce Be good at art Be good at making out and/or fingering The ability to raise both eyebrows independently Phone shaped like a football
Glow pens Scented markers Applebee's appetizers Rings with skulls on them Fake reading glasses Belt buckle with UK/Texas flag Arguing with security guards Swiffer wet jet Hiding hickey with turtle neck Going through McDonald's drive-thru in convertible. Doing it late night, when other fast food restaurants are closed. Having a black person and a Asian in the car. Pooping Flannel Fish sandwich Giving girls back massages Striped shirt Sketchers KFC Big Bucket Rock-em Sock-em Robots Black belt in karate Chocolate frosting Free parking Lego castles Mustard Tigers The Mask Lolz Petty Theft
-Listen to heavy metal -Pick fights with people weaker than you -Say things that are funny when other people say them on TV, like "I'm Rick James, bitch!" -Memorize obscure trivia, like who played drums in Pink Floyd or the five ways to reach first base without hitting the ball. -Drink. A LOT. -Blow off work and take a lot of drugs instead. Write a book about it, and be known as the voice of a generation. -Don't do your homework -Do your homework, and sell it to rich dumb kids -Tip people without looking at the money -Find out whatever the fuck kids are doing these days, then do it. (Twitter? Rainbow parties? Bulimia? Heroin? Jazz music?) -Say "aaaaaayyyyyy" while wearing a leather jacket and giving the thumbs up -But don't jump over a shark on waterskis. That's fucking stupid.
I could do this forever... Yelling profanities at people from your car Kiai martial arts: Chi always defeats the foot-fist way (no, it doesn't). Popped Collars: "Ladies, one at a time!" Striped Shirts J-Lo sunglasses (indoors, for men only) Jesus Bling Impersonate Arnold Schwarzenegger Tan-In-A-Can Doing push-ups in between beer funnels Skinny Jeans Puff Daddy/Diddy whatever the FUCK his name is tomorrow Flat-ironing your hair and you have a dick T-Pain and Lil' Wayne music/T-shirts "Body Slides" Forcing your 4 year old daughter into beauty pageants and warping her Wearing those middle-eastern scarfs around your neck when you're as white as snow Tattooing your last name on your body Crushing beer cans against your head Wearing Chuck Taylors and you're less than 25 years old Any band that doesn't play guitar solos and/or wears sweater vests Fedoras. Fucking BAD ASS. Kanye's Inuit glasses Bitching and making excuses at your friend for beating you at a video game Pretending to read James Joyce in a bar Iron Maiden T-Shirts, and you can't name more than 5 Iron Maiden songs. Blazers over hoodies. Just throw on a condom now and save yourself some time, stud. Affliction T-Shirts, of course.
This is pretty easy. Just do everything in slow motion. Ugh, tried to put the Dave Chappelle video in here of him doing everything in slow motion, but I failed. You know what I'm talking about though.
Obviously anything 80's related is cool again. (I'm hesitant to use the word "again" when nothing from the 80's was ever cool to begin with)
street cred oversized t-shirt "repping" a band, gang, and/or petitioning to get someone out of prison get mentioned in rap lyrics full name consisting of one word or several syllables one word name based upon an animal and/or sound Yeungling sleep with Tucker Max get away with murder in a public fashion sleep with your female high school teacher do anything with your bare hands that would normally require a machine beer pong witty comebacks repetition of the word "dude" Lakers fan wearing a retro sports jersey Air Force 1s steal displaying stolen goods in a public manner "stealing" road signs (sometimes they're just asking for it) creating/surviving explosions having a "hookup" with a cop having a "hookup" with a judge high alcohol tolerance the ability to "crush" or "pound" beers fast beer chugging abilities drinking an "old school" alcoholic beverage (such as OE, Thunderbird, Boones, MD 20/20) when you are of age and financial ability to afford otherwise friends with a strong black guy friends with a bouncer at a popular bar/club (related to above) choke hold skills fighting skills hilarity of facebook status updates raised, old, loud pickup truck ability to memorize and subsequently rap lyrics tendency to buy/give others free booze ability to tell a funny story larger-than-normal size of penis lawyer (mutually exclusive to above) tits ass posting boobs and/or ass on internet
Only Root for teams from L.A. or New York Throwing turtles like frisbees "Accidently" bumping into your boyfriend when he's drinking with his friends Tears for Fears: Songs from the Big Chair on vinyl (which I actually have) XXXL White t-shirts Angrily throwing shoulders into skinny guys at the bar Workin' on that screenplay, bro! Tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue (dudes only) Devastating Dave: The Turntable Slave Grillz, for when braces don't get you enough pussy. Wailing leads, killer riffs, soaring harmonics, smooth licks and galloping chops. Bermuda shorts, Black socks & flip-flops. Steamy stuff! Aiming your stereo speakers out your window in broad daylight Fixing your tranny in the front yard Interrupting dice games with spontaneous breakdancing Mambo #5 Ice cubes in the shape of naked chicks R.C. Cola spiked with Thunderbird Oak Ridge Boys box set
Read Twilight See Twilight Join Team Jacob/Edward Play World of warcraft and join a guild (or Whatever you do in that game) Don't Play World of warcraft and mock people who do Watch UFC and beat up on people because you learn by seeing Girl Jeans Chinese symbol Tattoos Gauge your ears Become Raiders Fan Get a Twitter Account More Facebook friends and make sure to take care of that farm