Rise & Shine! It's Early Morning Drinking Time!5/14/10 MILFS

No, just just stare at the mirror all day, yelling profanities and screaming "What're YOU lookin, at, you Fatty Fat-Fat?!!!"...and you probably weigh as much as a photograph of yourself.

 

What's up with people on this board being afraid of period blood? It's the last place I'd expect this. Magic Hat is fucking awesome, I got the shirt for being part of their focus group at the bar, which basically they let us get wasted on it and give a thumbs up or down. That shit is a definite go to now for me. More loyal to it than my bosses past.

On the topic of MILFs, what the fuck is up with stretch marks? These women I see look amazing, yet some women end up looking like Freddy Kruger's face is on their stomachs. Genetic?

 

Eh, I've never done it, but odn't have a problem with it. The girl I was just talking about was the one who said no, not me. Same situation happened with the "ex"

Situations would probably be different if we were in long term relationships at the time though, I guess.

And speaking of the "ex", guess who's also drunk and texting me from a wedding tonight? Wonder where her boyfriend is...

 

You can get work done to have them removed. Any woman that's famous and/or with coin is going to get that done. Some women do get them worse than others, some don't at all.

Wow, I am off my rocker talking about this shit.

 

Legit question. There's lots of kids in the world that need adopting, and if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with one person, I don't want them destroying their body for something that seemed like 'a good idea at the time.'

 

I thought pregnant woman just rubbed themselves down in cocoa butter.

Actually, I've never heard of anyone actually doing that. I just really like the idea of a woman buttering herself up like a roasting chicken every night.

 

I wouldn't call it "Destroying their body". A "Special K" addiction or grenade frag destroys a body. They're also supposed to rub a couple of different lotions during pregnancy which helps keep them at bay (and does work).

Anyhoo, Back on the Horse...Soleil Moon-Frye (Punky Brewster). I looooove black hair:

 

All of the creams that I tried were bullshit. With my first, I used creams, ointments and even this Vitamin E shit that was as thick and sticky as molasses. It was horrible to apply but didn't do a fucking thing. Believe me - I tried everything.

And while I admire the shit out of anyone who could adopt a child, there is no greater feeling than seeing your own flesh and blood accomplish a milestone, hear "I love you" for the first time or feel the relief wash over your child when they are returned to you (my little guy is already in the throes of separation anxiety so I get to witness this all the time). I would "ruin" my body a thousand times over again for all the joy I've had as a parent.

 

Anytime I hear about Terrence Howard, all I can think about is his toilet paper issues:

<a class="postlink" href="http://jezebel.com/287242/terrence-howard-thinks-women-are-unclean-and-dressed-like-whores" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://jezebel.com/287242/terrence-howa ... ike-whores</a>

It still leaves me speechless.

 

First: Coors Light is delicious.

Second: I'm an uber geek since I'm actually upset that one of the X-Men died in the comic books. So pathetic. So very pathetic.

To help negate that horrible geekdom, as if that's possible, enjoy The Scotsman:

 

Wait, are you saying that you haven't discovered the magic that is Cottonelle Flushable Wipes? There has never been an invention by human beings that elevates us to such a level of sophistication and cleanliness. You have not been kind to your own asshole until you have used those babies. It's like a kiss from an angel on your butt, and magically, it's all clean. No hassle, no mess, no fucking problem.


oh and more milfage (I wasn't aware that the term MILF only applied to famous women who had kids. You guys are doing it wrong)

 

I fucking LOVE that the Tigers sell beer until the game is FUCKING OVER, and in tonight's case, 13 innings deep. The pansy ass Red Sox stop selling it after the 7th inning no matter what. Also they serve beer in the stands all over the park not just in the box seats.

Going to a baseball game with a beer distributor could be on the top 10 things to do list. It's truly amazing. I'm blunted out too. My lungs are killing me but at least I know I'm not missing anything by smoking out of a pipe or vaporizer.

 

My husband is unofficially Jewish (if you catch my drift) and would not allow me to purchase such frivolities (well, he would bitch at me like a harpy if I did - seriously, the roles are SO reversed in this relationship). But I actually wouldn't mind trying them. We are up to our eyeballs in wipes over here but they aren't flushable and fuck knows I get enough grief for flushing tampons due to our wholly inadequate plumbing system. But yet, when I don't flush them and the dog digs them out of the trash, somehow that's my fucking fault too as if I want a goddamn period but I digress. Where were we?

Eh, at least with famous women you have confirmation that they are actually moms. I suspect that at least the top woman you posted is just old and probably childless. Call it a hunch.

 

Ooopsie! (that little purple square on the right there is the testing strip that I just used - I think I failed)





*edit for clarification* Little dude won't get up before probably 8am and by then I will be perfectly sober, so no sweat (I ran out of alkyhol about an hour ago). Even if I wasn't, there are other ways of feeding his adorable little ass.

 

Don't ever drink a bunch of maroon baboons before any type of event where your interaction with strangers will be nearly mandatory.

 

That fortune teller is so entertaining. Apparently when it comes time for me to settle down I am going to have to choose between two men. I feel like I'm okay with this.

 

Normally me and tequila aren't on speaking terms, but tonight my buddy brought over some good stuff he came back from Mexico with, worm and all. I gotta say, it's nowhere near as horrible as I thought it would be, but then again I was use to drinking Jose at mass gatherings because it was cheap and plentiful.

Me and Jose haven't been on speaking terms in awhile. He's like that one gangsta ass friend that just gets your ass in trouble every time you see him. Oh it's cool to hang out in the beginning, but you normally regret any interaction you have.

 

Goddamn...

Its el guapo de el motherfuck-o!?

I just fingered the fuck out of some girl's sense of humor@! With my fingers!

Seriously, mothereff!..................................................................................... Bjttsds!

 

This thread seems to be especially lively tonight...of course since I am a night owl I'm sure I have missed out on all the fun. Since I am a weekend alcoholic (I only usually drink on Fri-Sat, but to excess on those nights), I am trying to catch up right now by drinking tequila and orange juice since that is all I have...that and two bottles of some Belgian white.

I am currently rocking out to some STS9 (Sound Tribe Sector 9) right now. Jam band/electronica. It is pretty awesome. I am either going to switch to some Keller Williams or Phish soon. Probably phish, I am a huge phish phan.