Spent the night in the ER (haven't slept yet) because of an elbow injury (yay wrestling against über athletic black guys!) and IT'S NOT BROKEN!!! The first doc told me they might have to operate me because the swelling was very intense and probably indicated a fracture. NOPE! Just a sprain. I'll be back on the mats in 6 weeks tops. Celebration time! Hurray!
Hooray, painkillers that work! Anyone know where I can get a fife, waistcoat, and breeches for cheap? As long as I've got the head-wrapping, I might as well look the part, right?
My entire existence up until this point in my life has evolved around dealing with snow. I grew up shoveling snow; then I graduated to a snowblower; next a truck with a v-plow; now I have a Jeep so I can just drive over and through the snowbanks. I feel as though I no longer have a purpose!
Been trying to power through a hangover all day at work. Including throwing up in the bathroom, because I'm a classy guy. 6:00 needs to hurry the fuck up.
Shitcan it and keep it WFO when you hit the water. Keep the weight on the ass of the sled and you'll be fine.
The girl I work with is keeping up a running monologue today about all of the things she hates about her body, about her neurotic exercise routine, how lifting heavy will "make her like a man," about the latest and greatest diets, AND now she is playing music on her ipod and singing along. I am going to murder her. Thank fucking god it's friday.
True that. I've never done it, though, and hope I never do. At least in the middle of winter with all my gear on. I've seen the actual open water racing some do, and it's pretty cool. Spoiler
I think you meant who hasn't thought to the themselves, right? Amirite? High five! Seriously, though. I don't think a whole of thought went to that whole thing. This just in: drunk people do stupid things. News at 11.
Going to a scotch tasting party tonight. What food goes well with scotch? How do I pretend to like scotch?
You can't. There's basically no hope of not making a face after you drink if you really don't like it. Your best hope is having a chaser/some sort of strongly flavored food you can eat immediately after so that you can eliminate the taste/burn. Who knows, maybe you'll magically develop an appreciation for the magic that is scotch!
Would it be a downer to mention that I knew a guy who died driving his snowmobile onto a patch of open water, at night in a snowstorm? One of my sister's ex-bfs. She could pick them. And Nom - steak. Steak goes exceedingly well with scotch.
Why pretend? You will be much more fun if you react realistically: "Whooo!! Damn, this stuff doesn't ever stop burning, does it? AAAAAaaaaoooogGGGaaaaaah! Shit! That one was worst than the lighter one! WWWhheeeewwww, what's that, 200 proof? GodDAMN, let's get out the lighters and have flamethrowing contests, my mouth is ON FIRE!!"
Scotch flexes your smiling muscles. Just smile while you drink and you won't look like you're having a stroke.
It is 2:30, and I'm about to leave work for the weekend and head to Chik-Fil-A for a late lunch then home before I head out later for ribs and hanging out with a blonde that is way too hot for me that I've already had relations with. Point - Parker. Also, I think JWags and I might have a historic first. I'm interviewing at an ad agency this Friday where he works. We might be co-workers if I don't shit the bed in the interview. Definitely need to arrange the Chicago meet-up after that goes down.
I had this when I was a kid and it's taking a lot of effort not to reach into my wallet to relive some childhood nostalgia.
Just change chili to scotch in the following and you'll be fine Spoiler Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no oneelse wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the lastmoment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the othertwo judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You couldremove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what Iam supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two peoplewho wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of redpeppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nosefeels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part ofmy chest. I'm getting shit-faced. Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but wasunable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me withfresh refills; that 300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestantseemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuck those rednecks! Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balanceof spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled withgaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind meexcept that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in acan of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I amworried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he iscursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a fucking grenade in my mouth, pull thepin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is coveredwith chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my goddamn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Fuck it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safefor all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure ifhe's going to make. Poor Yank. FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
Ok, idiots, I need some advice. I've got some major league brown people problems right now. So my moms is trying to set me up with this girl. I've met her once a while back and we got along but I didn't think anything of it. Then my sister calls me up and tells me my mom called her mom and got her number for me. Now, I always told myself I wasn't going to go down that path, but I also feel like there isn't any harm in getting to know someone new. My worry is that if I engage, then disengaging if/when things don't work out will be a pain in the ass. Plus, my mom is going to constantly badger me asking how things are going and all that. At the same time it still seems unreasonable to not even give someone a chance. I don't know what the right way to go about this is, especially since my parents have done a lot for me over the course of my life so I feel like I at least owe them this. I'm dealing with this by getting drunk.