I like how in chick flicks, if a character is having trouble with her relationship and is considering breaking it up, her quirky friend is always like "Just write a pros and cons list, and whichever one is longer is your answer!" as if that would actually be a great way to make the decision. But around this time of year, I've found people start doing this for themselves, either because they're thinking about their relationship or wondering/being asked why they're single. For a Valentine's Day thread: Focus: What are the pros that you bring to a relationship? What are the cons?
PROS: I get to watch "Notting Hill" without feeling self conscious because, hey, its for her! CONS: ... Goddamn it, she doesn't like "Notting Hill".
I have a lot for both sides of the list, to be honest, so I'll just stick to a few. Pros: Smart, funny, educated, supportive, honest and kind. Cons: OCD, chubby, procrastinator, and honest. I'll focus in on honesty for a second because it's listed on both. I believe that an open and honest relationship is the cornerstone of my marriage. Period. That means that, on the plus side, my wife never has to worry that I'm hiding anything or concealing anything or in any way being shady or deceitful. Anything she wants to know, she gets to know. I have boundaries, in the sense that she's not allowed to go behind my back to check my email, but I would show it to her if she asked. There is nothing I do that i wouldn't tell her about and part of knowing that she's the one is knowing that this isn't a particularly difficult restriction for me. The downside to this, and somewhat interlaced with my OCD*, is that there's nothing she doesn't know whether she really wants to or not. I tell her everything. All the time. In order to make sure I don't accidentally act dishonest I essentially overbalance the other way and I can tell it's sometimes a pain in the ass for her. I was a liar as a kid and so now I'm painfully the opposite. It also means that I am perpetually speaking in qualifiers and disclaimers about things that might impact an outcome I am promising. "I'll be there at 5:30", as an example, winds up including "unless something interferes" or whatever. The one downside of "honesty" I don't have, however, is that bullshit people do where they're just mean assholes and try to justify it with "I'm just being honest." I don't do that, you can be kind and honest at the same time. *Ok, so, I have been diagnosed with OCD. It's much better now than when I was a teenager. I am still bothered by some symptoms of it, but at this point I am more bothered by the endless parade of people who use it as a casual adjective "I am OCd about X thing" instead of as an actual disorder.
Pros: Well first. you get thisssss. Also, i don't get jealous (ever) and am not insecure. I have always held a job and don't punch holes in sheet rock when I stub my toe. Cons: I may or may not watch you while you sleep while crounched on a wooden chair and licking a knife blade.
Pros that I bring: I am pretty open minded, in regards to food, beliefs, and the ways other people wish to live their lives etc... A queen size bed with regularly cleaned sheets, and a down comforter to boot. Penchants for outdoor activities and sports that I try to include her in. Ability to cook. Honest, thoughtful, romantic, and a tad funny at times. Cons: I do not spend my student loan money wisely...unemployed at age 28. I am not good at sex. I have no idea why some girls will keep having sex with me. I have apologized and heard, "It is okay, I do not mind" more times than one should. TMI Spoiler Five inches and performance anxiety blows Not knowledgeable in politics, world religions, sport teams, business ... and a plethora of other topics (the last girl I dated showed me how to jump start her car). And I will be the first guy to admit it, I still get clingy at times.
I tried to write down some pros, but I never can really figure out why I would prefer being in a relationship over being by myself. Cons: You have to share the bed. You can't do whatever you want, whenever you want. You lose more money. Alone-time becomes offensive. As a 'girlfriend' you are suddenly subject to far more scrutiny and judgment than as a regular person/friend. I better stop before my true feelings come out.
Pros: I have a big comfy king size bed, so it's almost like you're sleeping in your own separate bed if you want your space. You can do whatever you want, when you want. I don't expect your life to revolve around me, and neither should mine revolve around yours. Everyone needs their alone time, as long as by alone you don't mean with another guy that desperately wants to put his penis in you. I like giving as much as receiving (material possessions as well as in sex) I'm honest and I'll always tell you the truth if you ask. Cons: Probably the same as the pros, depending on the woman. I like my space in bed when I sleep, and I get hot as fuck when my gf wants to sleep halfway on top of me every night with our legs pretzled together. Most girls want your life to revolve around theirs and know what you're doing and where you are at every second. I NEED MY SPACE, WHY DON'T YOU NEED YOURS? I'm a sexual deviant (in the classic sense), especially when I get drunk. Nothing too crazy but I've watched a lot of porn and I always get in trouble for trying to stick my tongue and fingers in places they don't belong, and desperately want to give every girl I'm with a facial. I also want to see you naked, with the lights on. Most women are too insecure for that. Girls think they want to hear the truth, but they never like it when you give them blunt and honest answers. Not anything even mean, but when you ask me what position I like best in bed and I tell you 69, don't get pissed because I didn't say missionary!
Pros: -No leash, I don't care how many times you go out with your friends, how late you're out or whatever, go have fun. If you're going to fuck around on me I'm assuming you know how to lie too, so you'd just make something up anyway. -Honesty, when I give you a complement I mean it, I will not fake liking something for you. -Despite how cold I come across in a lot of ways, I'm actually very loving and affectionate. -Reasonably deep pockets for my age group. -Sense of humor, but everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor. Cons: -Bed hog (by accident, not on purpose) -Honesty, That dinner you worked on or gift you got me? If I don't like it I will tell you I don't like it. -I expect no leash -Cheap as hell -I like to drink, a lot.
Understand that the bar for me is low in the sense that my competition is other 23 year olds PROS: I'm 6'5 and have size 14 shoes. My car's model year starts with a 20 not a 19 I'm honest, loyal, and really hate fights. I like giving expensive gifts and dont give a shit about what I get in return CONS: Almost as wide as I am tall Ugly as hell feet/toenails, even when trimmed. Nonconfrontational to a fault.
Pros: I'm fairly rational. I have a low empathetic/sympathetic response to most emotionally charged situations so I don't fly off the handle about most things. I'm a workaholic, and I respect workaholics. I don't want anything from anyone I didn't earn. I like fishing, shooting, and drinking. I do not like shopping, I hate accessories, and I don't have long hair to clog the drain. I have a great ass. I sleep in a cold room. 40* outside? Open the fucking windows, that's perfect. I love baseball. I love sports. Let's go play outside! I breed well. Love me well, and I'll spoil the shit out of you. Shark Week is Blowjob Week in my house. I hate dirty dishes and unmade beds, and I'm a cuddle bug. Cons: I'm compulsive. I'm not a strategist. I spend a lot of time in the now. I couldn't begin to tell you what five years from now means. I've been married twice. I'm cynical. I'm a slob. Not a dirty slob but a throw my clothes in the floor slob. I'll pick them up in a couple of days. I am a hedonist. I love languishing in bed, not doing much of anything any chance I get. This may interfere with something he wants done but...I don't get much downtime.
Pros: Very good cook/baker Extremely enthusiastic about sex, adventuresome in bed, pro-blowjobs Super into sports, in particular Baseball, football and hockey in that ord. You want to go to a game? Great, let me grab my jersey! Last year I ran fantasy baseball and football leagues. I won my fantasy baseball league. I don't really understand the purpose of the major gift-giving holidays--birthdays, valentine's day, christmas--and so will not expect really anything from you I'm intelligent and can discuss current events/world history/science/whatever with a reasonable level of smarts I HATE drama I 1000% do not want an infant, at least not for the foreseeable future (I guess this could be a con...) I love outdoorsy shit like camping and shooting While I clean up really good, it does not take me long at all. I can get ready for work in 10 minutes flat and it takes me maybe half an hour to get ready to go out for a really special occasion. Cons: I am really messy I am incredibly judgmental and horribly intolerant of stupid people, at least inwardly/with my close friends I have 3 pets, all of whom are very hairy (could be a pro, depending on person) I will forget our anniversary. I am extremely serious about my need for space/alone time. I cannot handle clinginess of any sort. I have a wee bit of a shopping problem, particularly for shoes and lingerie. My career ambitions will take priority.
Pros: 6'2" and recently lost a good amount of weight Funny Capable around the house Patient (almost to a fault) Rational I can fit in (almost) anywhere Great with kids I clean and cook Cons: I am sloppy, and while I do clean, it is usually just once a week. I have no limits when it comes to comedy. This can make me very offensive at times. Because of the above, I'm generally very quiet in public settings until I get to know people and their limitations. I am an introvert, and I worry too much about what other people think. Once my patients wears out, I get loud, angry, and basically go into Hulk mode until I break things Lack of motivation in terms of my career. I'm happy to just work and go home. I'll do my job well, but I have no desire to 'move up.' I think the thing about me that my wife hates the most is that I can go for days without leaving the house and be perfectly content and happy. If she spends more than 24 hours at home without leaving and going somewhere, she turns into a walking anger machine that will destroy anyone who gets in her path (which is really just me).
Pros: - I gotta make you laugh, or else I fucked up a day. - I can cook pretty well, and I make great chili. - I hold doors for you--chivalry isn't dead. - You want your space? Take it. I probably want mine, too. - You want to go out? Cool. You want to stay in? Cool. I'm easy going and content doing whatever. - I'll treat you like you're the most important person in the world, so long as you deserve it. - I can do some crazy shit with my tongue. Cons: - I'm a weird mix of OCD and couldn't give a shit. I'll align coasters so they're even with the corner of the coffee table while I toss my socks in the general direction of the laundry room--where they'll sit until it drives you crazy and you move them, or until it's laundry day 5 days later. - Speaking of clothes, I hate washing my jeans--it screws them up. Unless something is spilled on them, they won't see the washer and dryer for 6 months. - I remember everything, except plans that you've made and told me about a week ago. Oh, and I also made other plans because I forgot. Oops. - I bite my fingernails. - I fart. Kind of a lot. - I'm definitely someone who expresses love through physical touch. If you're within arms reach, I'll probably be messing with you. I'm a big fan of the ass grab/ smack. Depending on who you are, I'm sure this could be very annoying.
Pros: 6 feet tall, 175 pounds, and I've been told many times that I look like Christian Bale Deep, sexy voice Smart Funny Accomplished mechanic Good around the house I cook I'm a good dad Cons: Because I already have a kid, I don't want another one, so you're not getting a baby out of me Emotionally jaded from my past relationships I've been told I'm really cold and emotionally distant I don't put up with stupid bullshit that a lot of women try to pull I can be really cheap, so don't expect me to shower you with gifts I check out other women That mechanic thing I mentioned above? Well I spend a lot of time at my shop, and I don't like having people around when I'm working, so forget about spending time with me when I'm fixing your car. I don't tolerate shitty music and movies. I'm not going to take you to chick flicks, and I'm not going to listen to Nicky Minaj with you. I drink a lot Most women don't like my sense of humor I'm not giving up my porn stash. Just accept it. And I'm available ladies!
Pros: -I am honest and dependable. If you need a favor, I will do it for you. -I am 6'3'' -I am always on time for any commitment, and in all likelihood will probably be early. I have always shown up to any job I have a half an hour or so before I am scheduled to start -I will always hold the door for you or pull your chair out -I am open to dating a girl of any ethnicity or religion Cons: -I am not good at initiating or keeping conversations going. Mia Wallace would like me -I am very opinionated. If your three favorite bands are Staind, Shinedown, and 3 Doors Down--like the last girl who I dated--it's probably not going to work -I am not good with money management -I have a full time job and have never had much of a problem staying employed, but the money isn't great and I really have no marketable skills -I have no patience. I would never hit a girl, but I may be hard to deal with at times -I am not good at coming up with romantic gift ideas -I have no sense of fashion
Pros: 6' 3", also recently lost a bunch of weight Deep voice[This is supposed to be good I think?] I've been told I have great people skills even though I try to avoid people. I can fix your car or your computer. A jack of all trades, really. Honest, for the most part Loyal Humble Eclectic knowledge It's very, very rare when I will argue something with someone. Unless it actually matters you can go about your merry way with your wrong ideas. Cons: Still have some weight to lose Impatient and short temper Not a great conversation starter Fairly selfish Somewhat lazy and messy Cold personality I still like to go out and be dumb most weekends.
Going to attempt to answer this from my husband's viewpoint... Pros: Unlimited lookee-no-touchee policy applies to porn, the internet, and strip clubs. Touchee can be negotiated, in advance. Give excellent BJ's and willing to try new things in bed Perfectly comfortable walking around naked, doing it in full lighting, and letting you smack/touch/grab the goodies on display Very feminine in appearance and action Will make you look good. This is a combo of several things: keeping myself fit, dressing stylishly but never too trendy or revealing, being friendly but not flirty, having ladylike manners, being able to connect with pretty much everyone on some level and have them walk away liking me, etc. Won't spend your money, I've got my own, thanks Excellent at gift giving (I keep a list throughout the year, if you drop the hint once I got it) Your family will love me Obsessed with college football, will adopt your team because mine was D1 in name only Adventurous eater and drinker, equally love beer/wings and tasting menu/wine pairings Highly intelligent and also somewhat ridiculously highly educated Something of a thrill seeker, don't mind getting sweaty and dirty to do something fun, better skier and snowboarder than most girls my age you'll meet I am a woman of my word Shittacular liar, thus I never do it Do not work a 9-5 and happy to make it up with household crap - you never have to do your own laundry or make repair appointments ever again Extremely supportive of your career and ambitions, eager to strategize with you Not easily offended by various brands of humor (hi, I've been a member here/RMMB/TMMB since 2006) I'm unexpected - you may think you can assume everything about me by my appearance, but you would be very very wrong! Cons I burp loudly and often around family and close friends. I think it's hilarious. If you piss me off, you will FEEL THE WRATH. And it will sneak up on you, I go zero to livid in 60 seconds. Lazy as sin. Without supervision, I will spend an entire week on the couch in my giant sweatpants. Love to shop, and will drag you into stores anytime there is time and something catches my eye. Have expensive taste and love presents. I expect there will be something to unwrap on gift giving occasions. Have difficulty o-ing with you in any but one tried-and-true manner, and largely unwilling to do my homework for various fucked-up-past reasons Lazy as hell about shaving my legs. Very, very girly. Prone to shrieking in groups if alcohol is involved. Gossipy. Overshare with friends. Said friends will annoy you. Do not work a 9-5. Do not plan to do so ever again. Prone to drunken crying and vocal self-loathing on those 2-3 occasions per year that I thoroughly overdo it, which I will shrug off as nothing the next morning and basically refuse to discuss. Overly critical - of myself, of you, of everyone we know.
Pros: I'm in excellent shape. If, for some reason, you wanted me to carry you for half a mile, I could do so. Probably farther if you're small. I'm pretty much impossible to get mad. Stable job. Excellent at cleaning. Your boyfriend doesn't know what a mop looks like? I've stripped and waxed floors. Decent at cooking. Probably infertile due to radiation, if you're not looking for kids. Cons: I'm a fucking nerd. If you're used to guys who are interested in cars, sports, and an acceptable amount of video games, you're going to be disappointed. My biggest interests are nonfiction, programming, and video games that even most guys look at and say, "What the HELL is that?" I'm completely ignorant of pop culture, preferring to read history textbooks instead of the latest issue of People. Absolutely terrible at sex, mostly because I've only done it a few times. Shy, to the point that I've been offered a choice between approaching a girl and taking a punch to the face and chose the latter without hesitation. Busted face due to severe teenage acne and constant ongoing abuse. I've recently tried using that Neutrogena face rinse stuff; it doesn't work on scar tissue. Probably infertile due to radiation, if you're looking for kids.
"Not a racist" is not a Pro. That is like putting "I don't shit in buckets" on your list of Pros. Anyway. Pros: - I have a lot of likes. Whether it's food, music, movies, art, whatever. Chances are, we'll find some common ground. - Pretty knowledgable about a number of subjects. - Love getting my nerd on with a fun debate. - I very rarely get mad, and when I do I just get quiet. So yeah, I won't be screaming at you or kicking your ass or anything. - I can be used to prove to people you aren't racist. - Sometimes I fail at it, but I try my best to be nice to everyone. - I have a pretty sweet beard - Pretty decent cook, and working on getting better. - I'm the cleanest 24 year old dude I know Cons: - 5'8" 130 lbs. Not the biggest guy. - Definitely have some OCD tendencies about organization - At the same time, some of my things are a complete mess, I don't get it either. - Incredibly neurotic about people liking me. Even if I hate them, everyone must like me. - I can be an attention whore, especially when I have some drinks in me. I've noticed whenever I'm out drinking with friends, 4/5 of the time, we're talking about me - I'm incredibly fucking hairy. - I tend to do things in bursts, which means I will have period where I work at the expense of food and sleep for a day or two...then I crash and don't want to move from my bed for another day or two. - I have a love for large boobs that I'm beginning to become concerned about. - Smoker