Recall This, You Bastards

The originals were made out of some tempered glass or somehting that would shatter explosively after awhile, which was probably why they were changed. We used to clack those fuckers as hard as we could just to watch the glass chunks fly everywhere.

 

I know this gonna be some pussy shit compared to the shenanigans you people are telling, but how about just plain old swinging from the swing set as hard as you could? Launching yourself from the swing as you try to make yourself do a complete revolution and hit the ground nearing terminal velocity.(Thats what it felt like.) And breaking nothing.

If I tried to do that now, I would be out of work for a week.

 

What the fuck happened to cartoons? Bugs and Daffy live together in a house, carry cell phones, drive a car that looks suspiciously like a Prius and Daffy is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, or a duck, or driving a Prius.

Anti-focus: The pogo stick has gone against the tide, thankfully, and become even more dangerous.

 

nothing wrong with driving a Prius? Fucking weirdo.

Also, fucking safety nazi jerks. Buckyballs are awesome.

 

Jumping off make shift ramps made with plywood and bricks? Yeah that was my jam. Also, those water rockets were the fucking shit. Except they always broke after like 2-3 times because they magically always found concrete or a rock in the middle of a grass field.

Also, I really don't fucking understand how an 8 year old or older thought those magnet balls were candy. WHAT OTHER CANDY IS SILVER IDIOTS? Seriously, it boggles my mind. 8 year old can set-up computers and tablets now, but can't tell the difference between skittles and a magnet ball? Ugh...this is why we can't have nice things.

 

Yup, take the warning labels off things, and let the problem solve itself.

 

See the blade on that thing? It's alloyed metal. See that kid's eyes? They're about to get turned into pudding.

Most dangerous toy I've ever seen. Worse than Teddy Chainsaw Bear.

 

The Wego Kite Tube. Never got to ride one. That is a regret I will have to live with the rest of my life.



This crash starts at about 1:50.

 

A friend of mine had a shed waaaayyy back in her yard near some woods. We used to climb up on the roof. One day we found a board that had a hole in it and thought we'd make a swing for the tree next to the shed. Except we used just a regular rope that was about 1/2" in diameter. And I just double-knotted the bottom. So I was picked as the tester, I grab the limb, and climb on. Start swinging. "Hey! This is fu-" as I then plummet to the ground and landed on my back. My first fear was paralysis, so I figured I better get up and start running as that instantly cures paralysis (fact). So I do and start running towards home, holding my back, crying. Get about halfway there, stop, said "actually, doesn't really hurt", turned around and went back. To climb on the roof. I will say, I did not do the swing again, although I believe we tried to get some other friends to do it. Telling them how fun it was of course.

 

I lived on a farm so all of the usual things like rope swings and such were the done thing. We used to make forts of hay bales so how one of them didn't collapse on us like I've heard stories of I don't know. Massive rope swings, dodgy tree houses, farm bikes with no protective gear and many other things. Not sure how I didn't blow myself up with the homemade napalm and flame thrower.

I know a couple of the things in that list aren't the usual but the safety brigade have gone well over the top.

 

Speaking of homemade napalm, it's easy to make, dissolve packing peanuts into a 5 gallon bucket half full of gas until you can't melt anymore peanuts into it.

We soaked a hay bale with it and it burned for what seemed like forever, I liked growing up country.

Also old VW Beetle engine blocks are made of of magnesium, if you have an Acetylene torch you can light them and they burn so hot that if they are sitting on sand you'll have a blob of glass when they finally stop burning.

Homemade pipe bombs, riding quads drunk, shooting skeet while drinking, getting hungry and spotlighting a deer for a late night grill snack, all things I enjoyed. Pellet gun wars ( 2 pump limit ), I have a cousin who still has a pellet behind his eye 15 years later.

I don't know how none of us died.

 

Ha! We used to do the same shit, except we had a 1 pump limit. We'd be in the trees shooting at each other and every once in a while you'd hear "OUCH! WHO DID THAT? ONE PUMP LIMIT YOU GUYS! GOD DAMNIT!

 

Bottle rocket wars were a staple around New Year's and the 4th of July. There were a bunch of kids in the neighborhood and we'd run around and shoot bottle rockets at each other. The bitch was after you lit it you had to aim the thing which meant you were a sitting duck for a few seconds until it shot off.

I don't know how all of us still have two eyes.

 

I later found out Sea Monkeys are essentially over-priced brine shrimp, you know, those things you buy to feed aquarium fish? I remember mine hatched out and then got all dumped out. There was some sort of panic about kids drinking them.



I remember vividly breaking a Stretch Armstrong and watching the fellow kid I was yanking on this thing with get smacked HARD in the face with the flung-off half of the body.

 

See all you guys have fond memories of gun fighting. So why is it the media portrays us as thugs when we play the grown up version? We're just recapturing our youth ya' hypocrites.

 

A particular unit of grunts up in Darwin used to use para flares for the same thing. They're little pen sized flares for those that don't know. Apparently you never left your room after hours without using a mirror to check the corridor first.

 

Speaking of napalm, it can also be made with gasoline, salt and egg whites.

Never give an army training manual to a 14 year old boy.

 

Anarchists cookbook and a bunch of Boy Scouts did lead to some neat scars. For reference though, sticky and hot aren't the defining characteristics of napalm. Pyro nerds (here at least) call egg white, or dish soap or oj concentrate in your accelerant goblin snot. The difference between napalm and goblin snot, is that napalm keeps burning if you bury it in wet sand, or if the person covered in it dives under water. It's a self oxidising reaction and honestly, that's fucking hard to make with stuff you have at home for most people. The packing peanuts thing is harder to put out than most goblin snot recipes.

Also kids? Molotov cocktails only work if you put something sticky in the bottle. Traditionally dish soap. Otherwise you just end up with a pool of fire on the floor, not the cool flames leaping up the walls of the tank/police officer/shed wall that you were trying for.