Rant: Having to swallow my pride and go to a trash school (seriously, half the campus is a cemetery) so I can live at home for a year to get my shit straight. I hate that I feel self-pity but with the shit I've been through lately I'm just pissed the fuck off all the time. This stuff is forcing me to grow the fuck up awful fast.
RANT: As of today, I'm jobless. Not because I fucked up, but because someone else fucked up and I caught the buck.
Rave: I feel a billion times better today, thank baby jesus. It's my oldest son's birthday and we are having a fantabulous day. RAVE: He turned six and thinks he is eighteen, acting so mature. He is cracking me up, trying to be all serious. and thanks to those who repped me on my prior post in this thread, the support kinda made me tear up. Guess I'm not such a hard ass after all...
Rant Some fucking ass hole stole my locked and seat-less bike last night. Godfuckingdamnit. I don't have the money to replace it. I hope he enjoys riding it, and then gets hit by a fucking bus. Then gets a blood transfusion leaving him with aids. Then goes to jail and gets pounded by cellmates, then dies. Fuck it. Doesn't help that the job search is stagnant.
Rant: I work outside all day, every day and the weather has been so shitty for so long that I have lost all traces of the farmers tan I had before.
Rant/Rave/WTF: 99.9% sure I saw Jesse Camp wandering around Manhattan today. For you young folk who are not familiar with Jesse Camp, he was an MTV VJ in the 90s who talked like he either had cerebal palsy or smoked all the weed in the world at once. He looked like this: He hasnt changed how he looks one bit, and in fact may be wearing the same clothing he wore in 1998.
RAVE: Still reeling from a life-changing weekend last weekend. I danced for 72 hours straight, stayed relatively sober, met amazing people, laughed my ass off, stuck up for myself with an ex for whom I usually jump through flaming hoops, and remembered how easy fun is supposed to be. I've spent the past week standing tall and cutting out all of the drama that has been infiltrating and seeping into my life like tiny little ants on a march--they creep in and suddenly they're everywhere. No more! Fucking fantastic. RAVE: While driving the 1.5 hours home Saturday night, I burst into (happy) tears and a barrage of verbal vomit about all of the above spewed out of my mouth. What a chick thing to do--I'm so disgusted with myself. The boy was incredible...put on my favorite songs and sang to me, actually listened to all of my "revelations", and more importantly, understood. Lately we've been talking of slowing things down in the romantic side of our relationship since we both know we're not meant to be in the long term. (After being friends for more than a decade before all of this romance stuff, honesty comes pretty naturally.) But Jesus, I can't find words to describe how amazing it is to have someone in my life who just. gets. it. and loves me anyway. Just solidified the fact that how he's in my life is irrelevant...just as long as he is. NOTE: Sorry for the lovey-dovey stuff lately...sometimes I just need to spew. I promise I'll be back to my happily-intoxicated-baseball-loving-goofy-Chirpy in no time.
Rave: Apparently I'm doing something right. I finished training a few days ago, and my sergeant fought to get me put on his crew. It's nice to feel wanted. Rave: Ran a PFT today. I didn't do amazing, but I did better than 98% of the people there. This may be because everyone was cheesedicking it (it was for the CGI's inspection, not for score). Made a nice impression with the Gunner. Rant: Roommate is being retarded again, so I'm staying out of my room until he decides to go harass strippers, as is his custom. Rave: One of my coworkers might be moving into my room. He's officially in my room, but he's living in an apartment out in town. He's gained a bunch of weight, so they might be moving him back into the barracks so they can keep an eye on him and force him to work out. Bottom line - it'll be two against one when my roommate decides to throw a tantrum.
warning - work stuff that might not mean a damn thing to anybody else but me Rant So I had a patient who was totally unreasonable today, actually the daughter was totally unreasonable. I did what I thought was best (he was 93, had recently fallen and broken a hip so was wheelchair bound by the daughter's admission, and so demented that he didn't speak) and I opted not to have him stand up (he couldn't) and bend over the table for a prostate exam. But based on labs, he had a high probability for cancer and I offered to arrange for a further test in the hospital, but explained that at his age and current state of health since he doesn't seem to be in discomfort that a reasonable alternative would be "watchful waiting" vs. performing invasive testing that would put him at risk for infection and bleeding. So she could discuss it with her family and determine how to proceed, just let us know. So, she leaves and on her way out writes a very passionate letter explaining how I was "lazy" because I didn't want to examine him, how shameful it was that we didn't have the "help" to properly examine him, I diagnosed him without an exam, she was going to write horrible reviews on the internet, etc etc etc. It was about 2 pages of pure scathing bitchery. I was seething. So I was totally in the right, I know it. I can't stop thinking about it and obsessing about it. Rave The doctor who I work for (and owner of the practice) totally backed me up, I had actually already talked to him about it even before the note. Rant Doesn't matter because I CAN'T STOP FUCKING THINKING ABOUT IT So for peace of mind I am going to have to somehow call her and explain how I apologize for the "misunderstanding" and eat crow and all of the things that I hate but I just cant seem to let it go.
Rant: Ohh, fucked that one up. Didn't know jack shit about one briefing item for my flight today and the Instructor was pissed. I still have 4 flights left, so I'm still not out of the woods yet. Gotta keep my head in the game for the next week and then I can drop the pack...no sooner. I'm a fucking idiot...
Rave: Jägerette is of course stressed the kidney transplant going on right now. She asked me to put on Law and Order SVU.( she likes rape I guess). I asked her what episode she wanted to watch. She jokingly said "something with a kidney transplant" Amazingly I could comply as there is inexplicably an episode about kidney transplants
Rant: Currently posting an ad on Craigslist for a room mate. I've just about had it with this bum. He set the fire alarm off 5 times in 10 minutes with his midnight cooking. I go out to check out what the problem is. He had the fucking oven turned up to 545F and kept opening and closing it to "check" his food--which, by the way, takes an hour to cook. I tell him in no uncertain terms to lower the oven temp (for the record, I have witnessed him cook the food successfully at 400F) and/or keep the fucking thing closed, because that kind of heat is dangerous. He gets mad with me, and blah blah blah. It doesn't matter how the rest of the conversation went. Point being, he's cooking while drunk, and his overall drunkenness is causing him to fail out of school (he's here to learn English) and making him very difficult to deal with.
Rave: Only one more day and night in Toronto. It's a fun city but I can't wait to get home and enjoy a 4-day weekend. Rant: My sales guys all need to be fired. Spending lots of time around them and hearing their "old war stories" has made me realize that most of them are stuck in the past. The economy and our business has changed. Rather than adapt and change they'd rather rehash the big order that was booked a decade ago and lament on how much business is going overseas. When I get back I'm going on a hiring and firing spree. I'm sick of this nonsense.
Rant: Went out to mow the yard and the mower is being a piece of shit. The yard is starting to look like a jungle since every time I have planned to mow it has rained. So I got up this morning ready to mow the yard and the mower craps out on me. It starts but then it just kind of limps along. If I kick it in high gear it dies. I guess the yard will have to wait until the guy gets off work and can see if he can fix the thing. Rave: Working the afternoon shift this week. I can sleep in if I want since I don't go in until 12:30 and I'm off before 6 so my evenings are free. Rant: I've been trying to clean out the spare/junk room so that I can make it the nursery. I don't know why I even have some of this stuff. What a mess. Rave: We had a good visit with the perinatologist last week. What my OB thought was complete placenta previa is only marginal and this doctor fully expects the placenta to move on up as my uterus grows. We go back the end of July to make sure that it has. This is a huge relief for me, as I'm hoping for a normal delivery rather than a c-section.
RANT: Nothing like starting up the day with a fried firewall/router. RAVE: That spare I had pre-configured, siting in the box on the shelf was it a drop-in replacement. That extra $100 I spent a couple years ago just saved me 3 hours of downtime. Validation achieved.
Rant: Nothing like getting home to get ready for work, only to find that your roommate and/or drunk ass friends ate the lunch you made for yourself. They ate two dozen homemade perogies with all the fixin's that I made as well the night before. About an hour of work and those delicious little things were wasted on a bunch of drunk idiots. It's double annoying as I'm lactarded and these ones are specifically made without milk. I guess I need to be a little more proactive, my roommate and I split the money on food and I'm assuming he though to go free-for-all on them but they didn't even save half of it. I wouldn't be annoyed so much if this was the first time it's happened but it's not. People come over, thrash our house and eat our food. Now I've got to buy a lunch because I didn't have time too make anything else this morning - fuck. Rave: Things are going amazing with my lady. Like really amazing. Rave: The sun is out and about; the torrential rain that flooded my basement, my office and several other locations that I frequent has stopped. Fucking friends, gah.
Rant/Rave: Another of my high school buddies just got married....apparently they eloped. I found out on Facebook a few hours ago. Rave because I'm happy for him, rant because at age 27 another one bites the dust. Rave/??? Not to be outdone, I calculated that I have gotten drunk in 17 of these great United States--Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, California, Arizona, Nevada--plus the District of Columbia. In all of those states (including DC) except for New Hampshire and Indiana, I have blacked out. Also, I have gotten drunk in 3 foreign countries (Germany, Singapore, and China) and in a month and a half will be adding a 4th (Thailand). So there's that. Rave: Out of Afghanistan in less than a month, and off to Thailand about 3 weeks after that. This guy needs a vacation. Rant: I just misspelled my own country's capital (but caught it before posting)...I'm pretty good at keeping the spelling straight between the coke/Shakira-exporting South American country and the Ivy League school in NYC, but it'd apparently been such a long time since I actually typed out the full name of the American capital that I got it mixed up.
Rant: A tenant who didn't pay his electric bill. BiggerRant: A different tenant who didn't pay their electric bill and moved out in the dead of night without a word. BiggestRant: Another tenant who didn't pay their electric bill because she got picked up in a multiple county drug sweep for meth. SuperRant: They all have kids. (meth dealer had twin girls no more than 2 years old)
Rave I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 5:45am for Hong Kong. I'll be there for 10 weeks with my school's Industrial Design program doing sponsored projects with TTI and Microsoft and taking several weekend trips around the region including a planned trip into China to see some of the manufacturing centers and processes that I've been learning about the past 3 years. If anyone has any advice on what to see or do, I'm all ears as I've never been to Asia before but I'm fucking stoked. Rant/Rave Rolled Ecstasy for the first time on Sunday night. It was alright, nothing I'm in a huge rush to do again but I think it was worth the experience. Went with a few friends from work that took me through it, one of which is a Trance/House/Techno DJ that made it pretty fun. I was nauseous almost the entire roll but lights were fun and my head went some really weird directions. The rant is about the nausea I'm feeling today. One of my buddies that I rolled with said it's the depleted Serotonin in my brain that's causing the nausea and depression in appetite, mood and sex drive. Like I said, not in a rush to do it again.