I was just practicing astral projection somewhere in the United States and watched these two people eyefuck the beans out of each other between a car and an office window. All hail the Borglum Crystal.
Rant? Rave? I really don't know. There are two girls, probably no older than six, playing in the backyard of the house that my apartment patio backs onto. It's school holidays so that's not particularly out of the ordinary. I just heard them singing something they probably didn't hear on The Wiggles. I knew the song but I'd never read the lyrics until now, when I heard two six-year-old girls singing about brushing their teeth with a bottle of Jack. Whatever happened to the innocence of youth?
Rant: David Hasslehoff just got voted off DWTS. I swear, people wouldn't know entertainment if it bit them in the ass. Some drugged-out anorexic reality show 'star' that no one recognizes does a passable version of the Waltz, and it gets voted in. But The Hoff dressed like The Terminator and clumping around the dance floor, air-humping to Tom Jones gets voted out? I don't understand people. That's comedic gold right there, and now it's done.
Rant: Honestly, is there any logical reason behind women believing men should put the toilet seat down for them? I know I sound like a bad comedian, sorry, but I just don't get it. Every time I hear an explanation it's basically "because we want you to."
Rave: Burritos with a blend of three hot sauces... Sriracha, some Mexican jalapeno sauce, and a Somali hot chile sauce. Mmmm. Rant: I am too goddamned busy too soon. An 18 credit semester, 30+ hours a week at the job, and then I find time for my workshop. And I work 9 hour days on the weekend. Rave: The bosses approved my idea to name this weekend's sales promotion "The Breast Fest."
Rave: I was just sent a video of Jennifer Aniston walking topless on the beach. Made my afternoon. I'm simple like that.
Rave: Here's to you, random coworker whose business casual attire today consists of black shoes, a gray dress shirt and CAMO CARGO PANTS. Keep it real. TV Rave: Modern Family tonight. Community and 30 Rock tomorrow night. Dexter, Bored to Death and Eastbound & Down on Sunday. TV Rant: Still need to find time to watch the newest episode of Weeds and the first episode of Boardwalk Empire.
Rant: We can play with rc cars on Mars, but we can't make a sound absorbing or sound proof toilet? Don't get me wrong, there are places where it's perfectly fine to revel in the reverberation. The office, however, is not one of those places. To the poor woman across from the bathroom--I'm sorry. Rave: Got the living room finished last night. Hung the center channel speaker below the TV and moved some tables and lamps around. After living there for two years, we've finally got the place exactly the way we've always wanted it. Rave: Mom finally found a condo and signed a contract. After 16 months of trying to sell the house and find a new place, she's finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Rant: Ended up being pretty long so I'll spoiler it. Spoiler A couple friends from the states have been using my house as a home base while they travel around Central America for a few months, leaving a few valuables and clothes behind to make their traveling lighter and a little more safe. A few weeks ago they came back from a four-week trek to Guatemala, and one friend was missing a book which contained a few hundred dollars in it. He thought he left it at my house, and asked me to talk to my maid. Here's the problem. While I normally have no problems confronting people with an issue, and I trust my friend, there's the possibility he brought the book with him and it was lost or stolen. I asked my maid if she'd seen the book (who the hell would answer yes to that?)* to appease my friend for the time being, and told him I'd make sure she didn't enter his room while he was gone to Honduras. It didn't break his budget so he shrugged it off as part of traveling. They just got back from their latest trip yesterday. Now the same friend claims to be missing a pair of hiking shoes. "Why wouldn't you take your hiking shoes with you?" is all I asked, and he almost flew off the handle. Wanting him to see my (maid's) side, I told him that my maid cleans the houses of at least 6 other houses in my little community here, and makes decent enough money that stealing 300 dollars would not prove worth it. That, and she doesn't have a SO or a child to steal the shoes for.** He proceeded to pack his shit as I left for the office. I'll feel terrible if he's gone when I get back. * and ** I lucked out with my maid. She's a really sweet 40 year old Nicaraguan lady. She walks down the street and people all come out to chat with her. There's normally a risk involved with The Help, but I've left large sums of money on my dresser and left for work while she cleans and all she's done is found and created a change jar for me. She's also seen me get angry when I got home and she was watching her telenovellas instead of cleaning my toilet, and knows that I won't hesitate to fire her.
Rave: I went to my regular bar after lunch to grab a beer while waiting to hear if I had an afternoon meeting or not. While I was there in walks an old man with a cane wearing a WWII Veteran hat and the USMC Globe and Anchor pin in the center, he was a Pacific Marine. I bought him a few beers and he told me a bit about what he did, Tinian, Saipan, Okinawa. Super Fucking Rave:When he got up to leave we shook hands and he looked me square in the eyes and said "Son.... that is a hand shake." Highest compliment I have ever gotten in my life.
Rave: ^^ Old Military guys are awesome. Rave: I finally got my wheel spacers installed and the car looks oh so clean. Rant: Common problem with my car and wheel spacers is a slight vehicle vibration between 60-80mph, and of course my car has it. I have to take it back to the shop tomorrow to see what they can do to fix it. Rave: There's a pretty simple home remedy involving a soft copper wire acting as a crush ring that could fix it all if the shop can't fix it.
RANT: Fucking Similac!!! I'm so angry I could kill somebody right now. I've been angry, but I've never truly wanted to kill somebody like I do right now. I have a tub of Similac Sensitive that's almost empty and one that is empty that I just pulled from the recycling bin. They have just been recalled due to MOTHER FUCKING BEETLE LARVAE!!! My 4 month old just got sick for the first time about 6 days ago and the doctors said it was an ear infection. I'm sure it is, but she's just not been right this past week. Odds of her containers being infested is very slim, but just the odd chance that her little illness could have been caused by this makes me sick. Just knowing that for the last 11 days that I at least know of, I've been feeding my daughter food that could hurt her. I eat something that ends up being recalled, fine, I'll live. Having me feed my beautiful little girl this is beyond reproachable. We were so thankful that we were able to transition off of Nutramigen onto Similac Sensitive. Major step and a huge cost savings. Now this. I'm afraid to make a change to anything else, yet am now afraid to feed her from containers that I know aren't recalled. I already haven't slept for more than an hour at a time the last few nights. I'm losing it.
Rave: I was working at my desk today when my supervisor came up to me and said: "You've been doing a great job. How would you like another 4 bucks an hour?" Fuck yeah. With the amount of overtime I work, that is another 10k a year.
Rave: Decided on a whim to drive up to see my sister, and also my niece. She is so much cuter than last time.
Rave: Hung out with a bunch of old friends who I haven't seen in awhile. Felt good to catch up and hang out with my good friend who is getting married soon. Rant: I hung out with my friend who is getting married soon. He always claimed he'd never marry anyone and we used to be close, almost brothers. She's changed him a lot from the guy I used to know and I cant tell if it is for better or worse. I cant tell if the reason I don't like her is because she is something to not like or if im just mad at her for taking a great friend from me. I guess I feel kind selfish for this now and wonder if he is truly happy with her. If he really is happy with her, then I think I can be happy for him. Problem is I cant tell if he really is happy or I am just biased and I feel guilty for this. Rave: It felt really good to get that off my chest. Rave 3: I looked in the "truth mirror" and saw what I really am, I am really really close to achieving my goal for my weight loss. I am about the last 25-30 lbs away from being where I wanted. At my buddy's wedding, I plan on being at my goal and going on a sex rampage on all his fiance's girlfriends. I have already working on two girls im planning trying to get them in a challenge for me to sleep with and see what i can talk them into. The key is to get them to be in a contest for me without really them knowing I am driving it. My confidence since losing weight has sky rocketed and I am now borderline cocky asshole, and I don't really care. I love my life.
RANT: I've decided that while I love my job teaching college, it's certainly cramping my style. I've seen three students out all on separate occasions when I've been pretty tipsy at my favorite bar. That made me uncomfortable enough to make sure to first scan the crowd before I allow myself that extra drink or four. It's been fine and the kids (kids, sheesh, they're like ten years younger) have been really cool about it. Until today. Today my boy was off and I didnt have to teach until late so I stopped by for lunch. I was giving my boy a spontaneous mid day treat while we waited for our pizza to be delivered. While I've stopped by his house for lunch and treats tons of times, this one was special. It was one of those ones where we were both so into it that I would slow down and take a breath or two just to keep it going longer. This one was one to make last. I thought I had a second or two before his moment arrived and popped off to take a quick breath before the finale. Alas, I was wrong. Bad timing on my part because that's just unprofessional. Worse timing that the doorbell rang thirty seconds later. Without thinking, I ran to the door to pay for the pizza and right there in front of me was the delivery guy: one of my students. I paid him quickly while he yammered on and on about how he's going to miss class in a couple of weeks and as I nodded my head politely, he suddenly stopped mid-sentence as he looked down. He left abruptly, I shut the door and my boy stared laughing hysterically at the situation. "That was your student?" he said. "Yes, and I teach him in like three hours tonight. That was awkward. What's so funny?" "For one, your hair is only falling out of your braid on the one side where my hand was." "So?" "Second, look down at your skirt." Lovely. All I needed was the beret and the cigar to complete the look. That's the last time I decide to breathe during a blow job. First drinking, now head. Will my career change take all my pleasures away? RANT: The student usually sleeps through my class. Tonight he was wide awake and staring at me wide-eyed. Christ. RAVE: He's failing. I win.
RANT: Almost a week out of my life due to that fucking stomach virus. 2 days I don't remember hardly at all, and a short stay in the hospital to deal with dehydration. RAVE: Woke up a 1am this morning feeling back to normal. Clear headed, energetic, and all sorts of other stuff I haven't been in a week.
Rant: Went to Paris for a holiday and while there met someone who I've managed to develop feelings for. She is now in London for 5 days but then goes home for good. It's really pissing me off that I like her, yet nothing will happen and I will most likely never see her again. Aparently I have become a little bitch in the last few weeks.