Rave: The weekend duh. My friend came back from West Virginia so I may have him and some buddies over for beer pong. Rant: Blues Monday which means I have to get the uniform ready. I fucking hate my blues. Rant: Plans on moving are now up in the air but I'm hopping for the best. Even though I expect the worst.
RAVE: Spent the day on Table Rock Lake! RANT: Water where we put the boat in was 51 degrees. RAVE: As we moved further away from the damn it rose to 87! RAVE: Went cliff diving! Must have been 30 feet above the water!
Rave: My little one is 10 months old today and finally seems like he's better. Rant (and this is a big one): We're fucked. I don't know if anyone has any relative or good advice.. but we're fucked. We signed a rent-to-own contract for this house a long time ago, and put down a 10k down payment a ways in (we had nothing to begin with and then I came into the last of my inheritance from my mother)- all with the agreement that we'd be buying the house and the money would go toward the down payment once we did. There were a lot of fishy signs a ways in with the owner- but we figured they had time to clear it up and we'd still be able to buy it with no problem since they were so desperate to sell. Well.. the contract with the "broker" (the middle man, the one who saved the owner from foreclosure and who has my 10k) is up Sunday and the owner refuses to re-sign with him. basically this means that WE are fucked. The broker isn't going to give my 10k back, he made the contract state that we won't get it back.. even if THEY are the ones who default. Yes I realize it seems stupid to have gone into that kind of contract but I had a real estate lawyer look it over, did research on the company and it all seemed legit and reliable... at the time. My 10k is gone. The owner now wants to sell directly to us.. but for a price FAR above the appraisal value (and we've had the house appraised). With no fucking down payment.. and still crappy credit, no fucking way is any bank ever going to give us a loan for a house ABOVE appraisal value. I don't know what to do. This moron wants to short-sale now.. and list the house while we're still living here. Is there ANYTHING we can do?? It's not just the 10k, which is upsetting enough, but the 7k in fucking improvements we put into this house because it was completely unlivable before we moved in (though I kept all the shitty crap we uninstalled, thank god). I'm afraid we're going to be homeless. Two kids.. all of our shit, and nowhere to go. Not to mention we JUST got our 8k tax credit (which we used a chunk of on overdue bills and were saving the rest for closing costs) since we had a land-purchase agreement.. and if we can't buy this fucking house we'll have to pay it back. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK
(In continuing with my trying to make this whole therapy process transparent -- as this forum has now seen me go quite literally from "normal"-to "oh shit what the fuck's going on"-to diagnosed with a rather mainstream and severe disorder -- I give you the below rants and raves. Joke about self-medicating with booze all you want (I actually still do it frequently), but in some instances, therapy is legit, mental disabilities are a very real problem, and people do actually die from not receiving the help they need. This is my subtle attempts to further that realization for others.) Rave: Dr switched me from Xanax (I was talking up to 2.5-3 mg twice a day, but usually around 1 mg at a shot), to something called "Klonopin" at my request because I hate feeling drugged and like to actually function while my insane PTSD and panic attacks are chemically shut the fuck up. So far, so good. It's also not reacting at all with the beer I have tested it with, which is always a good sign. Rave: Switched psychiatrists because after about 4 appointments with this one lady (who was cool as shit, and I'm sure highly effective for some people) because I didn't feel like she was actively giving me strategies to improve. I like to attack this shit head-on. New lady's fantastic, although do I get a cookie if I almost make the doctor cry? Was talking about how "I am intimately familiar with the process of the death of a child, because I almost was that child" and she had a reaction I don't think they teach in shrink school. Note to self: she probably has kids. Rant: Unfortunately, the new lady re-diagnosed me with the same shit: insanely severe PTSD + retarded strong panic attacks/anxiety (those were not her exact words, but that's the way I interpreted the diagnosis). She said the ONLY thing that separated me from the worst PTSD cases was that I was in no way suicidal. Unfortunately, many PTSD cases, especially with soldiers, do end up in suicide. I am afraid of seeing the actual numbers, but from what I have read, it is bad. Though it's not even remotely in my picture now, I have a very real and I am afraid well-founded fear that this might be my fate too. Or at least the direction fate will try to push me. Rave: Fortunately, I have both my wife and my job to live for. I am fully aware of how important this person/entity will become. Rant: The wife wants to go shopping tomorrow, and I have not yet tested the new meds out in public (previously I was too afraid to leave home/her unless I was xanaxed to all high hell, and simply staying at home by myself without her was not an option). I foresee this ending terribly. She better enjoy it. Rave: In exchange for my attempt at giving her an hour or two of retail therapy, she has promised to accompany me to the sex shop and pick out some new toys. See ladies and gentlemen, THIS is how you negotiate.
RAVE: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.alluneeddelivery.com/index.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.alluneeddelivery.com/index.htm</a> Guess where I live?
Rave: The All Blacks kicking the everloving shit out of the Wallabies. Let's hope this continues through the second half. Rant: Having to watch this on my laptop on a mediocre stream. Stupid non-rugby playing country I live in.
RANT: Didn't make it up to Savannah. RAVE: Would have hit the traffic that shut I-95 down in Titusville. RANT: There was a fatality. RAVE: Got my money finally. RANT: A day too late to make the trip. RAVE: I have one of these living on the back of my house, a Nephila clavipes. Spoiler Really enjoy feeding it. It's almost as big as my hand.
Rant: A friend of mine's husband swam 2.4 miles. Biked 112 miles. And ran 26.2 miles. Today. In 10 hours 9 minutes. Fuck me, time to start to run 7 miles a day again. As though it compares.
Went to Top of the Hops, Mississippi's first Beer Festival today. Was a lot of fun and found some really great new beers that I hadn't been able to try before. Lazy Magnolia's Jefferson Stout is still my favorite, but I found a few gems that I plan on enjoying in the next few weeks.
RAVE: Concert was awsome. Avenge sevenfold and Limp Bizkit know how to put on a fuckin show. People could give Fred Durst all the shit that they want, but he was the only one out of like 14 bands to actually get off the stage and get involved in the crowd. He also mooned half the crowd and also shitted on Justin Beiber saying he would make him suck his dick after the show. Obscene? Yeah but totally awsome. Rant: Obese, rocker guys abusing the fact that they can bully the shit out of scrawny guys like me and woman. Ha. Just kidding, but they smell really, really, bad once they start sweating.
RANT: So I just popped down to the local petrol station (a 30 second drive for me) to purchase some tasty fermented hops. I pull in, and sat at one of the pumps is my ex's car. I would have marched on in there, but I had bed head, and was dressed 'comfortably' and so didn't want to have our first encounter in the year+ since we split be one with me looking like I just slept in a hedge. So, I fart about in the car until she leaves. I notice she has a new tat on her arm which has my paranoid OCD brain obsessing about what it means (is it a new boyfriend? blah blah blah). Anyway, my point is thus: she's been nothing but poison in my life, so why does seeing her for 5 seconds make me feel like my stomach and heart have been pulled out through my mouth? Fuck.
I suppose this is a rant, but that's really an inadequate word. My teenage cousin died 2.5 years ago from a rare, undiagnosed disease. After years of prodding and fighting on my aunt's (her mother's) part, the hospital and the attending doctor entered mediation with my family and their lawyers. What has come from two days' worth of meetings is that the doctor has admitted to being completely at fault. Due to the legal structure of the province, he is protected during these proceedings. His career will not be impacted, and he faces no criminal charges. If my family chooses to pursue the matter in court, the hospital and the physicians association will throw every expert at them possible in an attempt to drag out the proceedings for years and bankrupt my family. Sitting here, having gone through what can only be described as a comedy of errors with regards to my own medical treatment of late (How is treatment of a ruptured ovarian cyst considered 'elective'? How can you go to the ER and say, "something's ruptured and I'm bleeding" and have them say, quite literally, "Would you like an asperin?" And then wait seven hours to be seen? How are you placed on a two month wait list to see a specialist with these conditions?) I really can't stress enough that the ENTIRE medical profession in this country needs to be redone. We need new legislation, new doctors, better access and direct payer setups so that there is accountability. I just can't believe that this is the way it is in one of the finest countries in the world, and that its citizens are willing to accept it.
I hate having 2 posts on this thread on the same page, but Rave: Victoria Electronic Music Festival. Free 6 hour concert in the city square, then a $20 access pass to 3 venues that play till 5 in the morning. Rave: $5 Beers. And not the shitty beer, some local semi-micro brewery on the island. Rant: DD for the night...wooo... Rave: Beautiful women, and minimal clothing!
Rave: Got drunk as fuck and went swimming naked with some girls in our apartment building last night. Rave: Bad Religion and The Bouncing Souls are on tour together, and I'll be seeing them in Toronto on October 14. Fuck yes. Rave: Anti-Flag is playing a tiny venue in London in September too.
Rant: Two weeks ago, compressor on the fridge died, so $500 repair bill on a 9 year old fridge or buy a new one. Bought a new one. Went to reheat a cup of coffee in the microwave this morning, it lights up, makes the noise, turntable spins. Coffee is cold. Try to adjust the power level, microwave tells me it can't be done at this time (so, when would be a good time?) Now, I have a new microwave to install (Installation is how much? $139? No thanks). Enough with shit breaking down.
Rant: Some fucker egged the Volvo. Rant: The thing has been a money pit, and at times I want to egg it. Do yourself a favor and don't buy an S40
Rave: I just chewed a kid out for doing the old ding, dong, ditch gag. It was hard to keep a straight face considering the kid was cowering beneath a pine tree and adding "sir" to everything. Strange feeling at 23. Rant: It appears that I am officially old. Rave: This whole GET OFF MY LAWN! curmudgeon thing seems to be a good fit for me.
Rave: Mostly moved in! The heat index was well over 105 today, and I think I lost about 10 lbs in water weight. I'm so glad major progress was made today. Rave Dos: Six and a half pages of "personal statement" completed. One step closer to sending out my applications and starting the interview process. I hate writing an "autobiographical statement including factors contributing to your decision to apply to our program". I'm old with a lot of experience in this general area. I had to cut things out to not have an essay of "Moby Dick" proportions. Rant (there's gotta be one, right?): My ankle still hurts when I walk. I haven't ran in a week, and I feel like every day my ass is getting bigger. I've hardly done any Yoga or Pilates either because it's been so swollen and at times wonky. Maybe I should have a career where I sit on my ass all day. That way it'd probably heal faster. The down side is when I start running in a week or so I'll have nobody to run with. My endurance will be toast, and nobody wants to run a moderately paced 4 miles with the quasi-gimp.
Rave: in class right now learning how to use html in dreamweaver by drag and drop, this would be hard if I have not spend that least three years at uni building various websites and programs for assignments Rant: I'm the dumbass that left a first year course to last semester because I forgot about it Rave: more time to focus on the rest of my more important courses