Rave: So this day has been pretty much perfect. If/when I ever win the lottery, I will simply repeat this day over and over. - It's beautiful outside; sunny, pleasantly hot, a mild breeze and the humidity has finally gone away. - Don't have to work this Sunday, for the first time in two months. - Just spent two hours walking the dogs through fields of wildflowers and letting them swim till their heart's content. - House is clean, and THE LAUNDRY IS EVEN FOLDED (this should draw a shocked gasp). - About to go grocery shopping for the week. - When I come home, I'll spend the rest of the day watching Ken Burns' The Civil War and cooking. Life is good.
Rave- The best thing about 3 day weekends? No Sunday depression, knowing you have to work the next day.
RAVE: I'm still alive, haven't been in the pokey, and my head is actually somewhat clearer then it has been in ages. Well, about as clear as my pickled brain can get. A couple of months ago I had a surprising moment of clarity while I was staring in the toilet one morning trying to make my internal organs external. Apparently in the past year or so I've gone just a wee bit crazy and I decided it was time to reevaluate my situation. Waking up to the fact that all your money is gone can have a very sobering effect on a person. And sober I've stayed. I'll still have 1 or 2 beers when I get together with my buddies to play music, but no more of the falling down half (Fully?) crazed hillbilly I've been channeling lately. Maybe I was having a mid-life crisis about 10 years after most people? I don't know, I'm just glad I checked myself in time and have started getting things somewhat straightened out. RANT: About a week ago I called my mother for the first time since Christmas. I guess even I knew that in my intoxicated state during the past few months talking to mom would just upset her. Mom is 77 and has MS. It turns out that the disease has taken a turn for the worse and I may have to go up there to take care of her. But there is a RAVE behind this dark cloud....I'm now sober enough and clear minded enough to do what is required of me. And finally, I've been through this before...the going crazy and trying to drink an area dry...I always manage to catch myself just before I tumble headfirst into the abyss. It truly amazes me just how much punishment my body and brain can put up with and still walk away pretty much unscathed.
Just for the record....no, I'm not back. This is more just a drive by, but I will stop in every now and again. I need to distance myself from what I've become over the past few years and who I really am. I kind of let the line become blurred. Jesus, I sound like I've been talking to a shrink don't I? I haven't, I just have enough self awareness (Sometimes) to stop myself and question just what the fuck I'm doing. I've taken on a couple houses that I'm restoring for my aunt, writing and recording music with a friend (Which is quite difficult when I've got to much blood in my alcohol system...all my creativity seems to be stifled.) I've turned off my internet connection and my tv. It amazes me that even what? Two months later? I'm still waking up with what feel like hangovers and I have to remind myself "I didn't drink last night." I'm still pulling my happy hillbilly stunts, I'm just keeping it a bit more on an even keel now and a little more low keyed. I'm crazy enough without booze pumping through my system, to much juice and I have a tendency to turn it up to 11. With firearms. And heavy equipment. That's cost me an awful lot over the years and this time it damn near cost me everything.
RANT: I just saw a video from the Toronto G20 summit that makes me sick. Now, let me be clear: I'm not one of those anti-police hippies. Honestly, most of the time I see a video like this I side with the police because the protesters are usually just whiney passive-agressive cunts. This, on the other hand, should not be happening. Right after celebrating all the things that makes this country great, I really hate to see this. Basically a group of about 30 protesters get boxed in by riot police and then get herded together as the police tighten the perimeter. Finally, they come in and forcibly remove/arrest them all one by one. Now, admittedly, I don't know what these people were doing before the video started, but I can't imagine a group of less menacing or threatening people. I see absolutely no reason for this amount of force/intimidation. (Just watch 1:15-2:15 and the last minute.) Overhead view of the 1:15-2:15 part.
Rant: For no fucking reason whatsoever, I am an emotional basket case today. Tearing up for no damn reason. I am not drunk, I am not depressed. Every thing makes me either want to explode in tears or anger. Might be menopause..... So, I think that I'll go work at the bar, being around booze and drunken idiots is exactly what every emotional cripple needs.
Rant: Still fucked up from my wreck back in February. Hurting like a bitch. What started with just a slightly stiff back has morphed into a pinched nerve in my neck/shoulder, leaving me unable to pop my neck when I used to twice or thrice a day to relieve pressure of sitting at a desk job. Maybe that's a problem in and of itself...but whatever. Also, back spasms, feelings of numbness in my shoulder and hip, a sore knee and foot, and this is all on one side of my body. Time to see one of those wretched beings known as the chiropractor. Rave: Living in what is still the greatest country in the world. Without getting all political about the current state of affairs, seeing the fireworks every year makes me think about friends of mine who have gone to Afghanistan and Kuwait and Iraq to fight. Their fighting and bravery lets my lazy ass lay around playing PS3 and ordering pizza tonight after spending all day in the pool with gorgeous women running around in the shortest skirts possible everywhere. One of the many great parks in my town had a big event last night and I swear to Allah I fell in love at least 40 times. If America didn't kick so much ass, there's a decent chance all those women would have been running around in burkas. P.S. Does anyone in England view America's 4th of July as a giant "Fuck You"?
Rant: I hate how I'm most creative/ get the most work done in the wee hours before I go to bed, and I have a tendency to just keep working away until it's really fucking late even though I told myself that I wanted to go to bed at a reasonable hour. 3:30 is early for me when that happens, I usually end up stopping myself at 5:00 AM and then end up wanting to kill something the next morning until nighttime comes and the cycle repeats. Ugh.
Rant: Michael Barlow snapped both the bones in his leg on Sunday. Tough bastard tried to stand up and his leg crumbled underneath him. Was pretty horrible watching it happen, hopefully he heals quickly and comes back better then ever. Footage is a bit nasty
Rant: Damn it, I just found out I've been dating a liar. He's told me for so long that when he's not with me, he doesn't see anyone else. Actually, I'd even be cool with it if he did; it's the lying I can't stand! Now I find out he's been seeing other women all along. Why does he have to lie about it?
RANT: New York loves it's smokers. With the new "we can't cut spending, close a deficit or pass a budget" cigarette tax increase, a pack of Marlboro's at the store closest to my house (think Syracuse area), priced at state minimum, is $9.44. RAVE: I haven't had a cigarette since 11:45pm on Thursday. I'm over the 3 day hump. I actually WANT to quit this time, and that mind-set is helping a ton. Not experiencing any severe cravings, and I'm getting used to doing things without a cigarette in my hand. I'm not a miserable son of a bitch either, which is awesome.
RAVE: I FINALLY have my house! My OWN house. As in I'm not moving for at least 5 years kinda place to live. Got the key yesterday. RAVE: My family already owns it, so technically I could spend the rest of my life here. RANT: Needs a bit of work inside. RAVE: The cool shit I can do is limitless. RAVE: Any interior designers got some ideas/directions for me to check out (sites etc.)? RAVE: Awesome yard. Got room for a hammock, hot tub, keg toss, still and BBQ pit.
RANT I started drinking early evening on Saturday on an empty stomach. Fast forward to the end of the night when I'm walking and I'm running across the cross-walk and apparently I forget how to run and keep my balance at the same time because I become up close and personal with the asphalt. I didn't even try to break my fall because I have road rash on top of my hand and forearm and my head bounces off the ground pretty good. I spent all day yesterday in my boxers on the couch but now that I'm at work I'm fairly certain I must have a concussion because I'm definitely not feeling right. I'm spaced out and a little nauseous... oh and I used the spell check at least a dozen times to write this... Fuck me!
Rant: Blood test results came back. WBC is elevated yet again, and this makes me nervous. Repeating the test again tomorrow morning. It could be a myriad of things, but my default thinking is the worst case scenario. Rave: Lipid profile was the best I've ever had, everything within normal parameters. 2 years ago, my triglycerides were literally off the chart and could not be assigned a numeric value. Rant: Even though the rest of the country recognizes today as a federal holiday, my school does not and thus, we have class tonight. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but I've become very complacent this semester and I'm starting to fall behind on my reading and writing assignments. Serious case of the "Idontwannas."
Rant: cut the shit out of my finger yesterday. I spent the morning getting a tetnus shot, antibiotic shot and Dr. McDreamy cleaning it up. I hate when healthcare professionals are attractive. Rave: it's my middle finger so it looks like I'm giving everyone the bird!
Rave: I may have a problem with booze. So much so, that for my birthday (well, tomorrow, but celebrated this weekend) my family all got me alcohol-related items. Highlights thus far include: bottle of Jack daniels, bottle of some kind of delicious sipping gin I forgot the name of, a "beer belly" flask, and a basket of about two dozen different kinds of microbrew. Rant: NBA. The free agency period has been a shit show thus far, and will undoubtedly lead to a lengthy lockout in a year.
Rant: At the chiropractor. Before he savages you like it's Turkish prison, the nurse hooks you up to an ultrasound machine to pulse the afflicted muscle group for 15 minutes. In that room are 3 tables. On the table next to mine was a 400 pound woman on her back struggling to breathe. Not exaggerating in the least; she hung off the sides. She was barefoot, scabs on her feet up to her shin (oh yeah, it wore shorts), and grunting/snorting like she was roiling hot velveeta in the back of her throat. I started cracking a smile because I can't help it in inappropriate moments. One of the nurses is fat. She almost cracked up with me. You know you're a disgusting fuck pig of a creature when other fatties are laughing at you. Bonus point 1: Super Fatty had an obnoxious Southern accent. Bonus point 2: I heard the doc mumble to the nurse he couldn't do an adjustment on her. Too fucking fat to do a goddamn adjustment.