Rave: Legitimately insane people. I got forwarded a call that was apparently some guy wanting to know details about out iPhone app. It started out badly. He was convinced the ad in our catalog meant we were selling the phone for $14.95. He started getting angry, and I started getting pissed at the CSRs for sending him over. Then it got hilarious. He started rambling on about how he invented the cell phone after a visitation from aliens that lived on the International Space Station. And the space station was actually a city that orbited as a landing station for UFOs going to Mars. He knows this because he founded a UFO research facility in New Mexico. By founding this it led him to serve on the staff of 5 presidents. He ended the call by telling us that since we have been around 35 years we need to start building cell phones. And asked that I get on it. I told him I would.
Rant: woke up at two this morning and realized I forgot to mail the checks with some quitclaim deeds at work. Rave: The partners won't care and the deeds won't be filed until next Wednesday at the earliest so I'll have time to fedex the checks. Rant: This fuck up makes me look like a jackass.
Rant: Why the fuck is it impossible for me to properly put on the bottom sheet with the elastic edges on a mattress in a reasonable amount of time.
RAVE: I just found a diner that serves a grilled cheese sandwich which is then battered and deep-fried. There's almost a pound of fucking cheese on this thing! RANT: I think I just shit my entire ass, cheeks and all.
RAVE: Best buddy is in town for the weekend, us together equals lots of drunken stupidity. Going to the Indians game tomorrow, not interested in the joke of a team, just being at the ballpark and downing lots of brews. Also, the weather forecast is perfect. RAVE:Got a callback about a possible job in GA...hopefully this could be my ticket out of shitty Ohio.
Rant: I have to work 8-3 tomorrow. Rave: A friend is taking me to the strip club tomorrow night as an early birthday present. I've never been, so I desperately hope it's a good experience and that the chicks are hot. Rave: Not working Sunday or Monday, so intend to stay drunk.
Rant: Working 10 hours starting at 6am tomorrow and sunday. Rave: Getting to sleep in til 8am on monday! Rant: Fuck all of you with real jobs and days off.
Rave: I finally made it to Alaska, and I really hate to say that the people here are about 1000% more friendly here than Honolulu. I can walk into the store and buy a gun like I'm buying a piece of furniture. It's amazing. I'll post something more when I figure out why the laptop is acting like it smoked a bunch of crack.
Rant: I think I overdid it today. It's 11pm and I'm having little muscle spasms in my lower back. Tomorrow is going to be shit. Rave: Grouting is half done. Probably going to stay half done for a bit too.....
MEGA RAVES THAT BIND TOGETHER IN A QUANTUM THEORY OF HAPPINESS: Kids stayed at my moms last night, the wife and I went out for dinner, came home, went in the pool, had sex in the pool (five times!), had some drinks, went through the closet full of fireworks in my office in preparation and planning for tomorrow, went to bed and passed out for a blissful night of uninterrupted sleep, woke up this morning with no kids yelling, screaming or video game sounds. I'd like to put the last 18 hours on a loop and live it all over again.
RAVE: Finding out all the fucked up texts I got from an old college buddy about guns, sororisluts, and being the dumbest man on earth (the one message that actually made sense regardless) between 2 and 3 a.m. were a result of a mushroom trip. I thought I was gonna have to bail him out this morning. RAVE: I live by a meat processing plant, a nice name for a slaughter house. Going to pick up some steak, grab some beer and head souf. Drinking and grilling at the country club. RANT: The state of Florida has everyone with a badge out in a car writing tickets this weekend.
Rant: I overheard this at one of my stops today after hearing one woman say "why are you on one of those scooters?" Fat woman: "I walked in the entrance and I started to sweat, I don't like doing that." HEY CUNT, MAYBE ITS A SIGN THAT YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SODA AND EATING CHIPS ALL DAY THAT YOU CAN'T WALK TEN FEET WITHOUT SWEATING IN AN AIR CONDITIONED BUILDING. Fuck, as much as I love this country, some of the people should fucking die.
Rave: Woke up this morning and had one of those weird moments where I didn't immediately realize what day it was. After a few seconds, I figured out that it was indeed Saturday and I was pretty fucking happy. I love a good weekend.
Rave: Someone, somewhere posted about how happy they were that trashy one piece bathing suits with no sides were back in style. Surprisingly, I agree. I was skeptical, but upon trying one on it fit like a charm. Gives you cleavage and, oddly, makes you look skinny. Any girls out there on the fence about whether or not to wear a bikini, give these a try. Double, Thank god Rave: Air conditioning. May the lord bless and keep the people before me who installed central AC in this house. Holy balls is it hot and humid outside.
Rave: last day of work tomorrow. Rave: moving in my own place in 9 days. Rave: current boss using his connections to get a job when I move, so no worries about job-hunting. Rant: lost most of the size and strength I put on over the school year this summer since I've been too busy/hurt to work out. I plan to rectify that as soon as I get up there. GTL, amirite??
RANT: It's July 3. I'm wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. PacNW, a giant middle finger to you. RANT: Mr. Pink has a passive aggressive boss that is going through a divorce after finding out her husband fucked someone else while she was preggo with their fucktrophy. Because she's a bitter hag, she has to take it out on Mr. Pink. He finally had enough of her shit and called her out on it. Now she's acting butt hurt and wants a meeting with her boss and him to discuss the issue. I fucking hate passive aggressive bitchy whores. PacNW, you're full of passive aggressive assholes, so, another giant middle finger to you. RAVE: Getting closer and closer to the Atlanta move. If someone wants to burst my bubble about life in the south, go fuck yourself. Seriously. Because if you've lived in this cesspool full of dreary weather and passive aggressive assholes, you'd want to move to the south too. RAVE: I didn't know that a man grabbing the chesticles during animalistic mating and stating with conviction "These are mine" would be a turn-on. Now I know.