???? - My roommate and I have began referring to having sex with someone as "punching them in the kidneys". Like, if a hot girl walks by, you'd say, "Oh shit I'd totally punch that chick in the kidneys." The origin of the phrase lies in my roommate thinking I'm super freaky or kinky or whatever, but it's since become a normal part of our vocabulary. What's interesting, however, is when someone hears you say, "I'd punch that girl in the kidneys all day long." Which happened at the bar yesterday afternoon.
Rave: Just booked the honeymoon excursions (Alaskan cruise) to include driving an off-road buggy up a mountain, glassblowing lessons, and taking a two-person sea kayak two and a half hours next to a glacier and attempting to sneak up on dangerous wildlife. Rant: Between the fiance driving either up or down the mountain, the possibility of severe burns with glassblowing, and the nasty hypothermia when the fiance inevitably flips our sea kayak, I'm gonna die. Like, there is zero chance I make it out of this alive. Rave: A night before and after the cruise in Seattle, one at Alexis and one at Edgewater (both insanely nice hotels, the former off the recommendation of a board member). Then Atlantis for a few days, if I make it there in one piece, then home. Heyoo!!! Rant: But I'm gonna die!!!
Rant: Installed new "stylish" door knobs on the doors upstairs. Didn't think a thing about it. Closed my bathroom door with me behind it and now it won't open. So far I've tried using a toothbrush as a chisel and my Adidas sandal as a hammer to pop the hinge pins... not working. There's no way I'm kicking down the door either. Facebooking friends to get someone to come over and let me out. I suppose I could drop from the window but there's a semi dismantled cobblestone patio beneath the window. At least I have water and my laptop... until my battery runs out anyway. HELP!!!
RAVE: My letterbox (mailbox, whatever..) came back. Whoever took it left it lying in the front yard. So, its base is currently drying in a block of concrete that will be buried when I get home. Short of someone getting some earthmoving equipment, it's not getting stolen again.
Rave: Screw you Red Sox, Hahhahahaha. I hope you were still locked in the bathroom and missed it Guy Fawkes. Rave: I love beating Jonathan Pabelbon and his Down Syndrome stare. Rave: That was a fun game to watch.
Rave: Stop the presses...it's monday night and I have been drinking beer. Ever since I got a respectable 8-5 job I have become a total boring adult sun-thur. But when my roommate and her friend came home today around 7 with a case of coors light...how can I say no to that? was actually a pretty good night.
Rant: Turned in my two weeks notice today at work. I've been stressing about what to wear, how to say it, the right tone to express (regret tinged with sadness? brisk professional tone peppered with enthusiasm about my future?), and what to do if they decided to offer me more money to stay. But I did it, it seemed to go over as well as can be expected, and it's done with. MEGA RANT: My direct supervisor made me cry in the parking lot. Correction: I cried because I am a tard who can't keep her feelings in check. I CRIED AT WORK LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I don't know if I'll ever get over the shame, seriously. Who the fuck cries at work!? I'm so embarassed! She said a lot of really nice things about me and seemed to be actually sad that I was leaving. Normally, that wouldn't phase me--I'm always ready to take compliments from upper management. But this lady was so damn hard to work for because she never gave positive feedback. I live off of positive feedback from supervisors/employers--I will literally work my fingers to the bone for a smile and "Wow, Pinkcup, you did an excellent job. Keep up the good work!" I know that's silly, but that's how I roll. Anyhow, I busted my ass trying to get a "Good Job!" from this woman for months and she never gave it to me. I tried harder and harder and started doing things that weren't even in my job description just to get noticed. She nitpicked the shit out of everything I did and it bothered the hell out of me...and then today she tells me that she's sad to see her most promising employee leaving!!!! And then she followed that statement with a speech about how she pushes me harder than anyone else at the company (like I didn't fucking notice) because she has always seen more potential in me than anyone she's ever worked with!! And then I burst into tears and and I think she felt forced into hugging me in order to stop the incoherent babbling that just wouldn't stop coming from my mouth. I destroyed my professionalism today, and it still stings. I checked myself about two minutes in and slipped my sunglasses over my swollen eyes, but I think the damage was done. And now I have to look this bitch in the eye over morning coffee in seven hours and act like I didn't come within centimeters of blowing snot on her cardigan shoulder yesterday. Rave (because life isn't only composed of Rants!): Learned how to put on windshield wiper blades today! One of the maintenance men at work is giving me lessons in basic auto care/maintenance, and it's proving to be the best education I've received in years.
Rant: Michael Johnson has been caught with concaine and suspended from the footy club. Not what we needed after such a good start to the season.
Rant: Sitting here feeding little dude, NSFW Spoiler he poops in my lap and it bubbles out the back, dripping down the crotch of my pants and pooling in the seat of the chair. As I pick him up, not realizing that it literally goes up almost to his head, I get it on my own arms up to my freaking elbows. I take him in the bedroom, grab one of those waterproof blue thingies and lay him down on it, proceeding to clean him up. Before I put a fresh diaper on him, I flip him over onto his belly to get all the poop off his back. I pull the blue thing out because it too has poop all over it and as I flip him back over, he starts to pee, arking this impressive stream of pee all over the bed (the blue thing actually would not have done anything to prevent that). He had just gone, right?! I didn't figger he'd pee again so soon! *sigh* I diaper him, put him in the Bumbo seat (smiling all the way, the little booger), change my clothes, wash myself up to my armpits, strip the sheets off the bed and wipe the poop off the chair just as he starts fussing to get out of the Bumbo. I go pick him up and he promptly barfs all down the front of my fresh shirt. Can we start this day over again?
Rave: Grades are posted: 3 classes, 3 A's. Keeps my scholarship going and bodes well for the research assistant position in the fall.
RAVE: I got my red wings this past weekend. I think she finally realizes that it's not a big deal. RAVE: Weather is beautiful! Spent a lot of time outside and am actually getting some color. RANT: Back to work today. It's gonna be hard sitting inside looking at the beautiful weather outside.
Rant I was just made aware of this: Peter Steele of Type O Negative died for weeks ago of heart failure. That fucking SUCKS.
RANT: The house right next door to me that has been for sale since I moved here two years ago was rented two weeks ago but a bunch of trashy assholes. The cops have already been there six times, and I haven't been the one calling them. These people have to fucking GO.
Rave: Escaped the bathroom after I decided to use the toilet paper holder spindle as my chisel. Adidas sandals make a decent hammer in a pinch. Rave: Tested ALL the other knobs and found one other than would have locked me in. Fixed both so now I won't need to call for help. ???: All my friends are assholes. No one was concerned and they all mocked my facebook pleas instead of assisting. I hope they all fall into a well and I'm the only one around with some rope. Fuckers. Rant: Fucking Red Sox. At least Wakefield pitched well.
Rave...in the end. In my neverending and involuntary quest for bizarre luck, I've turned another corner today. I was offered higher pay at another company for a tougher job. While trying to decide whether or quit my current place, I was just recently informed that my current firm collapsed and fired everybody without notice, including myself. On the same fucking day (no, really). In any other situation I would probably breaking everything of value in my house after the incredibly horrible year that had just past for me, but I truly lucked out on this one. It's nice when that happens. I wish it happen more.
Rant: I apparently am confused as to what red wings are. I thought it was when a dude eats a chick out while she's on the rag. Rant: Allergies. Fuck me.
Rave: Finished the move! I've got all my shit in one building! Rave: Had some friends from Ohio for a visit this weekend. Relationship rant. Spoiler Rant: Friend boy told me he would be upset if I banged anyone else on Thursday, where we also hashed out a deal. He puts out once a week, and only has to stay over once a month. Then my male friends from Ohio come stay the weekend. Nothing happened, but one of them did make a threesome joke in front of him. Then he got all drunk and was being all bitchy because I asked for sex. He tells me " Why didn't you take up the offer last night?" To which I reply, I want to have sex with you, not Ben, that's why." Then he tells me waiting around for him is dumb unless I'm ok with not getting sex all the time. So, I have no idea what the hell is going on, and he is confusing the hell out of me. I asked him to come explain to me exactly what the fuck happened on Sunday, and he's pretending nothing happened. I'm fucking pissed.