Rave: I finally did it! It took a lot of practice and stretching, but I finally managed to curl my dick back and shove it up my own ass! As soon as I did this, I turned down the volume on my Nickelback CD and shouted "Mom - I fucked me! I fucked me harrrrd!" No more plants for me - take that Griffin!
Rant: My terrier had diarrhea today while I was at work. Rave: He was in his kennel, so sucks to be him but it didn't really make a mess. DCC - 01 Terrier - 01 Tied ball game. I still haven't gotten over the destroyed leather chest.
Can't edit the previous post. I just realized that he smells gross. Which means he gets a bath tonight. Fuck it, we're still tied...he hates baths.
Rant: Been up for way to long, flight at 12:50 am, its now 5:30 pm, ive been up for36 hours without sleep Rant: They just walked the drug dog by me and it stood there looking at my knee...intently..... Rave: He decided my knee was not a chew toy Rave: The drug dog is interested in the black dude sitting next to me
Rave: Much-needed Come to Jesus meetings. Hopefully people's behaviors/attitudes change. Rave: Not being part of the fall-out. Life is good when you are a drama-free individual and kick ass at what you do.
RANT: I hate looking for jobs. Being qualified for a good job and actually getting a good job are two very, very different things.
Rave: Escaped Indianapolis on a much earlier flight today than I was scheduled for. Rave: Big motherfuckin deal closed so staying in Greenville OH was worth it. Smoking hot Japanese translator chick. Almost wished I was staying another night. Rant: Fat, sweaty, stinky guy who wasn't supposed to be in the seat next to me on the plane but insisted on sitting there instead of his actual seat. Thank God it was only a 45min flight to Cleveland. Rave: Leaving tomorrow for a weekend of skiing and drinking. One of my friends is bringing two Yamaha snowmobiles. I've only snowmobiled a couple times so it should be fun.
I don't often rant, but it's time for a doozy. Rant 1: Caught hell at work this week for using the internet when I should have been working, from a guy who doesn't need to be dealing with pissy problems like this right now. I feel horrible that I've disappointed him. Rant 2: My deep freeze has suddenly started growing a mysterious dark green substance in the last five days. It was fine on Saturday, and by last night the bottom, on the inside where the meat is, there is something strange and, well, green. WTF? Rant 3: My terrier had diarrhea today. See previous rant. Rant 4: While washing the poopy blankets from his kennel, I learned the hard way that something has gone wrong with my sewer system, because the gross, shitty water is now 6" deep in a 15' radius around my basement drain. Rant 5: Now I can't bath my dog, or shower. And I have to ask my boss for time off tomorrow so that I can meet the plumber and give him lots of money to fix the drains.
Rave: For only 200 more a month I found a non studio apartment, 2 bedrooms, walking distance from the beach with an ocean view.
Rave: Its friday afternoon, I've cracked my first beer (I'm still at work for the win see free beer) and it's the cusp of a long weekend. Did I mention I have 10 days on a tropical island to look forward to in the next few months..... And the GF's not invited.
Rave: I threw down $70 on an awesome green, 2010 Olympic Canada zip-up sweater last night. I've been seeing it on display through the window of a local retailer for a month now, and I finally decided, "Fuck it! I deserve to spend some money on myself." So I did. I felt a tad guilty about spending $70 on one item of clothing, but I really, really like the sweater. Rave: I go home and announce to the girlfriend: "I just bought that Green sweater that was on display at [local retailer!]" Her expression - Shocked. Guess what she bought me for Valentine's Day? Yup. She was initially bummed because the surprise was ruined, but once I assured her that it was what I really wanted, she calmed down and seemed really happy that she had bought it for me. I zipped back to the store and returned the sweater, and felt great that I got my $70 back. Rant: The girlfriend and I went to the casino, and I threw $50 of that money onto the roulette table. I lost it all within five spins of the wheel. No luck whatsoever.
Rant/rave: I think I need to get some. I just read Gravitas' sig, and didn't know what the word 'vulnerary' meant, so I tapped it into wikipedia. Only instead of 'vulnerary', I typed 'vulva'. No, I don't want to tell you about my muzzer.
Oh, you two have broken up, you say? And I'm such a nice guy? And so honest? And you're really sad about being alone of Valentine's Day now? FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK STOP MAKING MY LIFE DIFFICULT WOMAN
Rave: going to a gym for the first time in 3 weeks. Rant: Urbaning is a fucking idiotic facebook "trend" that makes me painfully aware of how boring and dull my friends' lives are. I care more about the peanut/corn ratio of your last shit than what anyone thinks "Amy" really means. Also that doppleganger shit makes me want to commit seppuku with a nuclear warhead. You ignorant cunt, just because you look like Shrek's wife does not mean your celebrity look-alike is Cameron Diaz, and how fucking depressing is your life that you spent a portion of it pondering "Hmm...what celebrity do I look like?" The worst thing that a million angry gods could wish upon you has already happened: you have to continue to live like that for 50 fucking more years and die alone. When I see you in hell, at least I'll have something interesting to say.
Rant: The white death is upon us. It's a freezing rain/snow mixture right now, and the roads are icing up like crazy. Apparently my city forgot that rain washes away whatever they treat the roads with. It rained early this morning until the temperature dropped. Forecasts for my area are showing anywhere between 2 and 7 inches of snow, with up to a foot or more up north in the Dayton area. Take that Amberisma!!!!!! Rant: Sick again. Went and got a prescription for Doxycycline on the way home from work. I thought I had a common cold, but this morning I woke up to a swollen face, completely unable to hear, smell, or taste anything. Hello major infection. Rave: Just ordered some Jet's Pizza. If there's one by you, you have to get one. Like right now.
Rave: Called Miller about getting some flat Miller Lite the other night (before it is pointed out that's what I get, beer is beer after a few glasses of Tequila). They were very cool about it all and sending me a beer money check. Rant: It's raining like a bitch down here. Rant: Telling people what they already know, STRETCH BEFORE YOU LIFT. Didn't properly stretch and the front of my deltoids are keeping me from benching today.
Rant: People not disabling their ad blockers for a site they spend lots of time on and have lots of entertainment from. It's one ad and you owe it to the people running and paying for the site. Rave: The weather was great for my usual 9 hour drive and I ended up doing it in 8. Rant: I have to make the drive again this Sunday. Rant: Mothers who have not worked in almost 20 years trying to tell me that using one space after a period instead of two on my cover letter is going to bother the employers and they will not hire me because of my incorrect use of spacing in a formal cover letter.