I have never in my life watched The Wizard of Oz. Mrs. Noland finds this some sort of character defect and every time it is on she tries to make me watch it. Because I am an ornery SOB, I just refuse, because, well, I just want to say I've never seen it. I'm irrational sober. Drunk? There aren't words.
I dated a girl who refused to watch The Godfather, just to spite her dad. It was weird, but I understand the whole fuck you dad logic.
I know a guy who, after two dates, will invite the girl to his house and put in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. If she sits through the whole thing he'll go for a third date, if not, he throws her to the curb. Not a bad system.
I use "The Man From Snowy River". Lonesome Dove is like 5th or 6th date material. And speaking of Wizard of Oz, you want to know how really not redneck I am? I saw "Wicked" in Chicago. To be fair, it was for (free). Is anyone going duck hunting tomorrow?
Wait, I thought cormorants were really illegal? Is this what you assholes in your company do behind closed doors? Now, Coot, Pul Doux (however the fuck you spell it), those are all good. John Folse is the man when it comes to those dickheads. Yes. And its probably best we don't go down that road here... Yat.
All four parts, or any one in particular? Cause if that's your 5th or 6th date material, and it's the whole thing, then hopefully you're having weekend sleepovers, too, cause that's a serious time investment in a movie.
All four parts! And Unforgiven, too! We're this close to indoor plumbing. I'll let you know if it's any good...you might want to consider it down in the bayou.
Holy crap... Thats fucking crazy. I thought yall just sat around watching "Mystery Alaska" eating fat free bacon. And you're a girl, too? Wanna go to homecoming with me? Do they have homecoming in Canada?
I think that Spike TV is required by Canadian broadcasting laws to show at least one Charles Bronson movie per week. I could be wrong, though.
The farmer has a depredation permit. Politically correct or not, it's best not to say "Gosh, I really want to shoot some Cormorants." The correct way to go about it is "I sure wish we could bring in some fast movers and napalm every fucking pond and kill every goddamned Cormorant in the county. I guess we can't, but I brought lots of bullets and a layout blind. Can we use rifles, too?" Then everybody thinks we're doing them a favor. I actually saw, uh, water turkey listed on an old LA hunting license.
Maybe you and Bluedog can come and help me with my bird problem. I have a bird that flies by my house every day at 7pm, and it makes this loud racket as it passes. I have to know what the fuck it is. I have listened to 150 bird calls and none match. So my only option is to have several people with shotguns on my balcony to just start firing into the sky as it passes, and hopefully identify the pellet laden corpse.
I bet water turkey is delicious with jalapeno and cream cheese wrapped in bacon. Sad to say, I may have you beat- I shot a turkey out of the tree that supported my stand with a 270.
Put a big rubber snake on your porch. It will freak the bird out and he'll not return. You can also shoot bottle rockets at them and they'll fly away.
If its a protonotary warbler, play a bunch of Megadeth and Slayer CDs on really high volume, and while they slow dance to it, fucking wack 'em with a tennis racket that is on fire. Put out the burning carcasses with holy water and urine, and you should be all set.
When my mom and dad were in college and dating, my mom visited my dad's house for Sunday dinner where they served stuffed, roasted duck. At some point in the season, somebody shot a Merganeeezer and Buelah cleaned it along with the other ducks. Out of the entire chest freezer, mom got the Merganser. Everybody at the table was going on and on about how great the duck was and she was thinking "this shit tastes like a pelican's asshole". It took her a long time after that to warm up to duck.