Random Drunken Purchases

Focus: Does this really need explaining? Talk about your random drunken purchases. Drunkenly bought something you have no use for? Drunkenly made the greatest purchase ever?

 

My greatest drunken purchase ever was a DVD of the movie Tiptoes. It stars Matthew McConaughey as the only normal sized person in a family of midgets. Gary Oldman plays his midget brother. I think I learned about the movie here. It is a terrible movie that I paid $2 for. it was a great surprise when it showed up in the mail. Much like Topgun and Days of Thunder, I put it on when I need a good laugh. The spoiler below contains more plot details in case you are curious.

Spoiler

Matthew knocks up his girlfriend and is terrified the baby will be a midget. He encourages her to get an abortion. Gary Oldman then steals Matt's girlfriend, and they raise the midget baby together.

http://www.amazon.com/Tiptoes-Gary-...F8&qid=1423495161&sr=8-1&keywords=tiptoes+dvd

Buy it. You know you want to.

 

At two separate times, a 3-month Match.com membership and a membership to EHarmony.

The Match was in January, the weather was terrible, I had a free membership to browse people my roommate had been going on dates on, and I came home from the bars one night and said fuck it. Met some crazies, no harm no foul.

EHarmony, woof. I was about 2 weeks removed from a promising situation blowing up from no reason, friend's girlfriends telling me I was looking for the wrong girls, and I came home from a party after 2 different girls were pulled away from me by their friends which I countered with combative drinking. Somehow decided on EHarmony, dropped the ridiculous price (I think it was like $199), and woke up the next day awash in shame.

Best? My first flight to visit a buddy in LA a few years ago. I was on the fence about going and finally pulling the trigger was a smart choice and satisfying. THANK YOU GIN!

 

Was it Sugar Free Gummy Bears? http://slightlyviral.com/beware-sugarle ... mazon-com/

FOCUS: I can't think of anything I've bought that would be considered a drunk purchase. I'm pretty stringent when it comes to buying things for some reason. If I can't find a solid justification for needing it, I can't buy it even if it's on sale. For example, I thought about buying a nice pair of headphones. I found these nice Sennheiser head phones that are originally $300 on sale for $180 and I still couldn't pull the trigger because the ones I use work just fine.

 

Like Bewildered, I got hammered and bought some art. It was at a Ducks Unlimited fundraiser so it went to a good cause, conservation. But I spent $240 on a picture of ducks, for fucks sake. It was an auction and I raised my stupid hand.

 

My only drunken purchases are shitty 70s rock and pop songs form my childhood that I buy on itunes when I'm drinking and feeling maudlin. Which is how Patches, Rainy Days and Mondays, Leaving on a Jet Plane, and Talking in Your Sleep all wound up on my ipod.

 

Do sleepwalking purchases count?

 

I guess this is the best place to admit this:

I've never bought anything online. Not even a song on Itunes, or Malaysian ladyboy. I'd like to try to, but usually I just end up going to the ladyboy store.
I'm not kidding. About the credit card thing.

 

Well, first of all, you guessed wrong. This is the worst place to admit that. Second of all, the focus was not limited to "online" purchases, just drunken purchases.

I tried to drunkenly buy beer. On a Sunday when it wasn't allowed. At a convenience store in the next state. From an off-duty cop working the counter. And, I tried to bribe him to sell it anyway. With five dollars.

 

If my husband and I go to a charity auction, we will get drunk and buy a trip. I mean, open bar and actually pretty stunning deals, what's not to love? Two years ago: a week at a condo in Spain. Last year: a week at a house in the Bahamas. It's all for the kids, right??

I did buy a 50% off but still $700 purse off a flash deal site when drunk. That was NOT for the kids.

 

I think I actually paid for porn once when I was drunk.

 

I once paid two women to blow me at the same time.

When one woman sucks your dick and isn't in to it, its cheese pizza. When two hookers give an un-enthusiastic hummer, its couch Digiorno.

 

This should probably be split into a separate thread involving experiences paying for sex. That would be quite entertaining.

 

At least one of my stints on eHarmony or Match was bought while I was drunk.

My best drunken purchase was about 7 years ago, when I was still an undergrad. I bought a can of Surge off of eBay, and I drank it (it tasted okay). My roommates had to hang the empty can up in our living room. It made for some good conversation starters.

I think that my only other drunk purchase was a DVD of The Wizard of Oz that has Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon playing over it.

 

Amazon's 1-click ordering is like a fluorescent light to drunk me.

I don't know how much I've spent on cool-looking knives from there, but I do know I wouldn't have a knife collection if it wasn't for beer and amazon.

 

Amateurs.

Spoiler

It's Plymouth Duster with a 440 stuffed in it and a narrowed rear end.

With 2 minutes left in the e-bay auction I bid $5300 for it. When the auction ended, I owned it. For $7400.

Why? Because my drunk ass entered a $53,000 bid.

Also, it was 3 states away.

I got lucky and only lost $1K on that debacle.

 

One act that always cracks me up are the guys who want to keep drinking at the end of the night so they buy a case from the bar. Which costs a small fortune and usually they have one or two apiece before passing out and become stuck with the $100 case of beer.

 

One day a parcel arrived at my door, which contained a Viking Helmet. After checking my emails and doing some cross-examination, I realised I had purchased it for $60 off eBay after a drunken night out. I wore it around the house for a couple of hours, put it back on eBay, and somehow sold it for $65.

One New Years Day I woke up, went through the notes app on my iPhone to a page saying "BUY A KILT IMMEDIATELY". Apparently I had seen a couple of Scottish Guys partying in their native get-up in town and thought it would be a great idea to join in on the fun next time. Thankfully I never made it to eBay for that one.