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"Put on something sexy, we're going to Red Lobster."

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Revengeofthenerds, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. E. Tuffmen

    E. Tuffmen
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    Was she at least really drunk?
     
  2. hotwheelz

    hotwheelz
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    You asked me to walk you home.
     
  3. StayFrosty

    StayFrosty
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    Holy shit. I don't know anything about other guys, but I'm honestly self-conscious about the amount of hair I have going on down there. If most guys are like that, that's fucking sick. If it's baby smooth, that's still sick. I can picture the hottest girl I know, and I don't know if I could eat her ass freshly showered and smothered in strawberry jam, much less some stank-ass crusted hair sphincter in a fucking parking lot. Daddy issues don't have shit on that kind of depravity.
     
  4. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    For a man not into rimming, you seem to have thought this through quite a bit.
     
  5. StayFrosty

    StayFrosty
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    When your dick hasn't seen the inside of a vagina in over a year you think about a lot of things.
     
  6. whathasbeenseen

    whathasbeenseen
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    You told me how important it was to be with people you love on New Years when I had previously never given a fuck about the day. You then intentionally go way out of town because you've already experienced New Years with me in our town.

    There are no secrets of our relationship kept from your girlfriends though you let me believe there were

    You did meth our entire relationship, somehow hid it and still remained overweight

    You pick up random pills off the floor and swallow them because, "Meh, might be a good time"

    You throw in the 4 or so words you know in Tagolog into most conversations. Yeah, your half Flip. Yeah, thats swell. You don't speak Tagolog. So stop.
     
  7. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

    Mantis Toboggan M.D.
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    Disturbed

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    Not that I could tell....just sweet, sweet desperation.
     
  8. whathasbeenseen

    whathasbeenseen
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  9. katokoch

    katokoch
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    You told me you loved me a month into dating ("uhhh, okay") and when I broke up with you two weeks later you admitted you had lied about it, thinking it would bring us closer (i.e. start having sex*).

    *Back when I was holding onto my virginity.
     
  10. Jason Mc

    Jason Mc
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    Village Idiot

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    My ex came back into the picture.

    Yeah, that obviously worked out really well. You should have broken up with me for being an idiot.

    I think I'm doing this wrong.
     
  11. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I'm with him. I challenge anybody on this board to explain to me the joys of taking the organ that receives taste and plunging it into the hole that ejects shit. It's an ASSHOLE. Just thinking about the action puts me into dry heave mode.
     
  12. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    You're not necessarily plunging it into the rectum, you're just licking the outside. Provided there's a shower before hand, get your Hep A shots, and if you're really paranoid use a dental dam, and it's not all that disgusting. I guess if you're dry-heaving at the mere thought of it there's not much to convince you otherwise but, well, isn't doing things that your partner finds pleasurable a big part of good sex? Sometimes girls like it.
     
  13. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    Ugh, no.

    Like, can you imagine putting your MOUTH on the hole that ejects piss? Or VOMIT? Ugh. Humans and their fucking holes man.

    Can we go Demolition Man style yet?
     
  14. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    Well, I can, but only if its yours.
     
  15. toejam

    toejam
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    Disturbed

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    I can only imagine what Crown would have to say about the three seashells.
     
  16. Parker

    Parker
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    - You asked me to be your date to NYE, then told me $150, non-refundable tickets later that you were raped on NYE and it happened during the countdown. Then was surprised when I slept on your couch and not sleep with you.
    - You told me the same guy who randomly texts you at night was your brother, best friend, and co-worker all at different times when I asked who "Peter" was.
    - You lied about being married to some random dude in Africa named Uche. He was not your best friend.
    - You lied about going to London to hangout with your girls when it was just a connecting flight to hangout with random dude in Africa named Uche.

    - You never wanted to have sex unless your cycle made you really horny. You also never left me alone so I could beat off.
    - You started fights over the most mundane shit to start fights and then blamed me.
    - Your primary argument in fights was that I should stay with you because I'm a terrible boyfriend and that is why I got cheated on.
    - You refused to give me the $400 back I gave you so you could pay your rent. Then told me I was cheap because once in awhile I like going to burger joints for food and you wanted crab cakes.
    - You got shitfaced, pulled off my clothes, begged me to have sex with you, got on top. Tried to convince me that I "consensually raped" you, then told me you loved me and wanted to just keep us together no matter what.
    - You then punched me in the face when we broke up and tried to steal more of my money out of my wallet.
    - You then called my best friend and tried to convince him to throw a surprise party for a girl he's never met just so he could invite me and you could go crazy on me.

    Fuck I got too many of these, I need a break. Those were two separate girls.
     
  17. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    You said Dan Brown should be nominated for a "Pulit Suprise". I can think of two things wrong there.
     
  18. caseykasem

    caseykasem
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    You said you were emotionally and therefore physically incapable of having sex but were pissed off at me for not bringing it up more.
    You called me "Chatty Kathy" but complained that I didn't tell you my feelings and said I never discussed my interests with you.
    You wanted me to be with you all the time but complained that I never did anything I wanted to do.
    You made me your designated driver when we went out and complained that I never got drunk with you.
     
  19. BakedBean

    BakedBean
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    You wondered aloud why I never wanted to come (to your tiny one-bedroom apartment in order to be preached at, told how awesome you were and how I was wrong about everything).

    You told me I needed to be more assertive, then told me I could just leave when I said you were rude when you told me you didn't care that I recognized a guy in the movie we were watching. (I did, for the last time).

    You constantly complained about the way your mother treated you while being oblivious to sharing a lot of her terrible traits.

    Every time we went to or did something I wanted to do you would get into a foul mood and insist on leaving early, then bitch that we never did anything.

    If you didn't stay up all night thinking of new things to get pissed at me for (like pointing out that a spot on the wall next to a painting was a bug), you could have fooled me.