T. S. Eliot is a famous poet. He is famous for, among other things, writing the poetry collection that inspired the musical Cats. This was probably not his best work. Among his better work is a poem called The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, which is oft-taught in schools (along with his other work The Hollow Men and The Waste Land). Like most poems, we're not 100% sure what it's about. However, a common interpretation is that it's about a guy who is going to confess his love to some girl, but he gets nervous, psychs himself out and ends up not doing it. Ever since then, when I see (or commit) this sort of behavior, I get this image of Prufrock in my head and think "wow, I just totally Prufrocked that opportunity." Interestingly, I once saw a license plate that said "PrUFROCK" on it (it actually said "PUFROCK", but they had written in the 'r' in the space below the P because license plates can only have 7 letters), and had the opening stanza ("Let us go then / You and I...") on the license plate frame. I was always curious about this because Prufrock is sort of a tragic figure and not someone you want to identify with. FOCUS: What have you Prufrocked in your life - that is, what have you wanted to do but psyched yourself out on / waited too long for, and missed the opportunity? RULES: This is not a thread for your regrets of all sorts - this is specifically about times when you had an opportunity, you wanted to go for it, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it (in time).
I dated a lady for quite a few years, not so recently ago, which I've now named the Great Recession of [primer]. We had broken up at one point, briefly, about eighteen months before and you could see the event horizon in the far distance - well, some could, I was a little short sighted. It was at this time, about the two and a half year mark, where two things happened that shook the foundations of my youthful exuberance and naive outlook on the relationship; first off, my father offered to pay for my flight to any part of the world. Second, I had met several new women folk in my travels around town who really opened my eyes on how a relationship should work. The trip to [destination anywhere in the world], paid by my dad, was only valid for me and my brother. I started planning out ideas; where I could go, what I would do, for how long, ect, ect. It wasn't until I brought up the idea with the ball and chain, that I realized the difficulties that lay ahead of my path for world domination. In the end, the only way I would be able to take that trip would be if I either paid her entire way through it (which I couldn't afford at the time) or break up with her (which I was unwilling to do). Sensibilities be damned and the fact that I thought myself to be in love, I would stick around and see if we could scrape up enough cash by the end of the year and take the trip together. Turns out that three cats, a new condo and a new car are more important than a life changing, continent spanning trip for some people. It was also around this time that I had met several interesting women that I started to realize what kind of relationship I was currently fermenting in. Still, being pig-headed and acting like a puppy dog, I stuck around for another year and a bit; thinking I could fix the relationship. It wasn't until after I broke up with the recession that I realized all the missed opportunities I had with those women and fully understood that you cannot fix people in the ways you want them to be fixed.
Is it perfume from a dress that makes me so digress. I should have a pair of ragged claws scuttling across silent seas. I can't believe I remembered that or that it would at all be relevant on this board of all places. Nice thread Doc.
A few years ago I had one of the lady folk make obvious and repeated advances on me, and in my youthful stupidity - compounded with somewhat uncharacteristic timidity I forwent this opportunity and ended up (somehow) in the clutches of her friend. Her slightly less attractive and definitely more boring friend. It was the easier option and I just didn't quite manage to psyche myself up and not be a total pussy about it. I still regret that - as the girl I passed up on and I have only since had paths cross when one of us has been in a relationship. I don't like knowing how easily I could have got into her pants and yet haven't.
I'm not entirely sure if this counts, but joining the Peace Corp. When I graduated from college, I had every intention of joining. I filled out the majority of the application. Then I started thinking about deferring my loan payments, not seeing my family for at least a year (probably more), living pretty much in poverty in a country where I barely speak the language, etc. I think I'm ok with the decision, but only time will tell.
I could have salvaged the whole god damned thing. I knew it, too. Right at that moment, as I sat there looking at my cell phone ring, I knew I could pick up and undo. But I didn't. And here I am. Recently, the girl I had been dating (but then stopped dating, but still saw socially) lost her place. Or, more specifically, the roommate left an AC unit plugged into an overloaded socket and it started a fire and the place burned to the ground. But she was just moving in, so she really didn't lose anything. Cue call to me, crying. Cue whiskey induced speech about how she always had some major event occuring in her life, and that it was tiring to keep up with her. The next day, she called. And she left me a voicemail about wanting to get together and hash things out. I never called her back. We had something, but I Prufrock'd it.
When I was 17 I dated a girl called Elizabeth for about 3 months, she was amazing and I think I may have loved her a little. A good friend of mine at the time was dating one of her friends, he told me that Elizabeth had told his GF that she wasn’t that into me and would never have sex with me. (We hadn’t gotten past 3rd base) Rather than confront her and get to the truth of the matter I, fuelled by my bruised ego dumped her. I was surprised at how upset she was seeings apparently “she wasn’t that into me”. About two years later he confessed to having made the story up because he was jealous that she was better looking than his girlfriend. Needless to say this revelation ended our friendship and I still regret my actions with Elizabeth, if I had of manned up and had that one uncomfortable conversation she might have been the one. At the very least I wouldn’t have shagged the fat chick in the paddock 6 months later which would have also been nice.
A few years ago, when I still lived in Florida, I could have kicked out my (currently) unsexing, deadbeat, (previously) fucking-another-woman-in-our-bed husband and had an RMMB board member who was cute and sweet and loving and made good money move in with me from many states away and be a family*. Instead, I decided to stick it out for the sake of the kids and here I am, pulling most of the financial weight, largely overworked and underfucked. He is now with someone else and she is a lucky gal. I missed the opportunity to pull a 180 on my life and veer off on a totally different course. Not that I'm entirely complaining. If I'd taken the other road, I wouldn't have moved back to Virginia and I wouldn't have my 9 month old, so.... *I am not waxing philosophical here - this was a definite: I met him after a long time of talking - he even kicked out his current girlfriend before visiting me with the intention of making this a permanent thing. I broke his heart. And no, I won't tell you who it was.
At the end of 2007 I had a pile of cash saved up, with the expressed purpose of using it to live off while I travelled around the world for a year. I knew the housing market was going to go nuts in Saskatoon, Regina and Winnipeg. Not ideal cities, but a major boom is a major boom. I elected to travel the world rather than buy two or three houses, carry the mortgages for a few years and flip them at double the price. I'd be pseudo-independently wealthy right now. Instead, I have a (to me) significant amount of debt (mortgage, student loans, etc) and pictures of me at the pyramids, on the Grand Canal, at the top of the Atlas Mountains, teaching 500+ African kids, etc. I'm still not entirely sure what the 'best' choice in this regard was. Hypothetically, I could use the money now to travel and be a step ahead of the game. But the timing was right then. Obviously, I'd really like to be sitting on the nest egg now that I was then, but at the end of my life I don't think I'll look back and say, "Geez, I wish I'd made more money." Time will tell. Clearly, I'm undecided about the choice.
Before I moved away, I had a brief fling with a girl we'll call Kayla. We met a mutual friend's birthday party, hit it off instantly, and started seeing each other almost instantly. Kayla and I had a tremendous connection. We were both ambitious, had many similar interests, and sexually we were right on par except for one major detail. At the time, I refused to have sex with a girl who wasn't my girlfriend. It was my ass-backwards way or maintaining some Christian ethics while still allowing myself to do everything else without feeling guilty. Having some faith herself, she initially understood where I was coming from. We spent a ton of time just getting to know each other, and when it came to get busy - We went basically as far as you can go without penetration. About a month into our fling we were in bed, messing around and everything was perfect. She whispered in my ear that she, "Wanted me inside of her." She lived her leg up, and moved her body towards mine... With about a second to spare I pulled away, and once again told her that I would only do it if we could be exclusive and make things 'official.' She started to cry, told me that she wanted too, but she just wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. A week later, she ended it. Whatever IT was. Four years later, I look back on this situation and I kick myself repeatedly. Since then, my moral fiber has changed significantly, and I no longer view sex as this 'forbidden activity' that only belongs in a relationship. I prufrocked myself out of at least three other scenarios similar to this one, but the one with Kayla hits home the hardest based on the connection that we had. Don't get me wrong, it all worked out. I've got a great girl and our sexual connection is tremendous. But I'll always wonder what 'could have been' had I been more sexually willing and a lot less naive at a younger age.
In 2008, I was "laid off" from a major computer company where I was the top sales rep for their technical sales department. (See also, I apparently wasn't screwing the right people so I was disposable.) In order to give me separation papers, I was called into an office on a different floor. Apparently this was because my manager (See also, douchebag I couldn't stomach screwing) was under the impression I would make a scene. However, my purse and other personal belongings were in my office. I had to be escorted by security to retrieve them. I always wish I had a crazy Office Space/copy machine/type flip out and broke crap on my way out of the building. Immature and ridiculous I know, but when else are you practically handed a license for crazy and have an opportunity to stick it to the man?
I wanted to take Spanish just to learn another language and I thought it would be cool for travel. I was in line at a Penn State satellite campus and got cold feet. I was like "I don't have time for this, and look how old I am! What am I doing?" I guess I will have to deal with my three years of Latin and my three years of French (which I cheated in mostly)