Ok, I'm going to start some shit here. Do guys handle casual sex better than women? Are men more capable of handling the psychological aspect of promiscuity? And does this imply women can't be motivated by sex alone? (For the record, my feelings on this are right down the middle for either gender.) A couple guys hinted at this same thing Dirty did. That while their number is high they don't want a girl who has a similar tally.
The stereotype is what you said, but again, it's something that comes down to the individual. I know a lot more girls than guys that are cautious about who they sleep with, and how soon. Then again, I know plenty of girls with a stereotypically guy attitude. Maybe the fact that I've worked in/around the military for the last 14 years skews my sample population...
I'm 23. Before I went to Europe for 6 months last year, my number was 6. 5 of them were with girlfriends, and one was a night stand. Since I've gotten back from Europe, I've slept with one other different woman. So taking Europe out of the equation, my number is 7. If I count Europe, I have no idea how many it is. I can say it's at least more than double. It was a fair few. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. I had a lot of fun at the time, and that's just where I was in life at the time.
I think the answer is: it depends. Some people, male and female alike, are better at handling sex just for the sake of sex. If I had to guess and keep in mind I have zero facts to back up this assertion, I would wager that yes, men are better at handling casual sex. I do think it is the worst form of hypocrisy for a guy to have a high number and then find fault or refuse to date a woman because she has had more or a similar number of partners as he has. If there are other factors at play, let's use the overused cliche of daddy issues, then fine, I can see not dating her because she has those sorts of issues and is using sex as a some form of self induced therapy. Keep in mind, though, at that point it isn't the sex that is objectionable it's the rationale behind it that is the problem. If she just happens to like sex and has had a fair number of partners over the years, then get over it. She likes sex. It feels good. End of story.
Maybe it goes beyond the male/female thing. Maybe it is an "I know what a dirty rotten slut I have been and some of the unsavories that I fucked to get to this number, I don't want my partner to be like me" scenario. Sure, ideally, our sexual past should be exclusively filled with supermodels and/or relationships rivaling The Notebook, but if you are at 50 partners, chances are you have been a little less discriminating. Maybe that is all it is, I am sure nobody here is hypocritical or a sexist, right?
Or it is just as simple as sperm Wars said. There is just too much honey in her pot. It's ok for the guy to potentially spread his genes around, but we don't want a woman doing the same with the competition.
In my experience and among acquaintances: no, but they tend to act/speak as if they do. On average, they aren't any better at walling off sex from emotion, but tend to assume they are because "I am man, we like casual sex." They still feel the attachment and jealousy, but get annoyed when women display the same traits.
the thing that bothered me with a 'high tallied' girl is that every time she spoke of a male friend I had to think 'wait did she fuck him or not?' - it's a weird question to ask yourself, and it's weirder when the answer is more frequently yes.
Mainly because most guys' female friends are girls they tried to fuck, failed and ended up in the friendzone. Or would fuck, but can't due not being her type, her having a boyfriend or various other reasons. Like 90% of my female friends.***This is a whole another topic so let's not jump on it here.*** This thread has made me feel like a failure at life. My numbers are WAY too low compared to some of you male whores. I really wish I could be more of a manwhore, but I get one girl, and just lose motivation to go talk to other chicks and do all the shit necessary to get one in bed. I blame my poor college choices.
Very valid point - I've only got the perspective of having half of the people brought up be former partners, not something I've done so I do lack perspective here.
I know you said not to get into this, but I turned this quote around and it messed with me. "Most of a girls' guy friends are guys they WANTED to fuck, but failed and ended up in the friend zone." If the vast majority of my wife's male friends were guys she wanted to fuck but didn't (for whatever reason), I'd have a nervous breakdown. I can't imagine how girls deal with it, and I can see how they'd be upset at a guy spending time with a female friend if said female friend was just someone they never got the chance to bang. Quotes like that are why some women turn into jealous crazies. "Oh, my friend Cindy? No, I never fucked her. I wanted too, though, but she wasn't into it. By the way, Cindy and I are hanging out later." As for this whole numbers thing, I married my high school girlfriend, and our numbers are the same (and hint: it isn't 1). Would I be upset if hers was higher than mine? I honestly don't know, but when I think about it, I honestly don't think I'd care. We have way to much in common otherwise to be annoyed because she had more sexual partners than I did. I might insist on some testing, though. STDs are some freaky shit.
My number is probably around 40-50. I've never felt the need to list and count them, and there is probably an unremarkable one nighter or two that I've forgotten. I feel no need to justify or defend myself for my number. I'm engaging in a healthy expression of my sexuality in an ethical, responsible and safe way, and if people want to call that whoreish behaviour, they can have fun getting into a tizzy while I'm off having mind blowing orgasms. As for the thing with guy's girl friends.. boys, we all know you all want to fuck your chick friends. But that doesn't mean you should admit it.
I forgot to say when I lost mine. At 17, to a girl that was 16, and had at least 5 guys before me. She was definitely uses dicks to fill the hole in her soul due to daddy issues. D26, the big thing is that for the majority, that quote doesn't/cant get turned around. Shit just doesn't go that way. Chellie, no, not all of you do. I swear every girl on this board is some omniscent Wonderwoman who gets guys, swallows, drinks like pros, cook well, and can fuck until the end of days. God bless your hearts if that is all true. But you all are in the minority.
I understand this concern, but I think that strays into trust issues. Spoiler My count is pretty high, to the point that I'd have to sit and think for a while to get an accurate estimate. Even excluding my old job, I like sex and I compartmentalize to the point that I can easily have sex for the sake of having it and enjoying it. Some of the guys I've slept with are friends. Not boyfriends, not ex boyfriends, but friends that have had and explored a mutual attraction. I don't abandon them if I decide to commit to one guy. I do, however, respect my relationship and my partner and draw a very clear line in the sand regarding my friendship with any other guy. Those ex boyfriends that have recognized that I respect our relationship and haven't been awkward about me maintaining those friendships were great, because they trusted me and it showed. Those that didn't, it showed, too, and put a strain on the relationship that could never be overcome. And a lot of the time, it was because they themselves weren't trustworthy, and projected that on to me. To summarize, if you're thinking about it that often, i.e., every time she mentions a male friend, you don't trust her and your relationship will likely suffer for it. Let the past, the time before you were in her life in a romantic capacity, go, and you'll be happier for it. Focus: Personally, I'm somewhere in the twenties. Add in the former daily grind, and that number is at least double, but doesn't exceed triple. At 23, I've been having sex for nearly a decade and recycle quite a few partners for the sake of not having to figure out if someone new is worth a long term arrangement. At least 5 were one night stands because none of them lived here and it can make for an interesting story (Hot Brazilian in Paris? Yes, please). I couldn't give a flying fuck about how many people a new partner, casual or serious, has slept with, so long as they are clean and (in the case of monogamous partners) have cut off any other sexual or romantic connections while we are together.
I've been wondering about that. Are they? I know I have one or two female friends that are like this, but as you said, it certainly doesn't seem like many are... Or maybe that's incorrect. Maybe what we're seeing here is just a bunch of (relatively) healthy, normal, women who are simply stating what they *really* think/do/feel without the concern of others (friends, workmates, family, etc) finding out or being able to talk shit about them for it. Maybe what they're saying is the same things most women feel or think...they just don't have an anonymous message board to protect them from the judging eyes of mom, and the occasional friend (rest of the world), calling them a slut under their breath. Guys inflate their numbers (if they keep track) because they get congratulated and encouraged to keep it up. Women deflate their numbers because if their numbers are too high, they're shunned. But they can't be too low, or they're probably a crazy cat lady. I mean...fuck...talk about a game you can't win. I started having sex around 15...and I'm 38 (holy balls!) now. My numbers blow the shit out of those averages, but I can't remember exactly what they are. Middle double digits, I'd guess. And if Pink Candy and I were both single, add one more. I don't think there's a "too high". If you're doing it because you want to, and are smart about it so you don't catch/spread nasty shit around, I say fuck away. Just be honest with yourself about what you’re doing, why, and if you’re really okay with it. That said, my fiancé and I didn't really talk about it. She mentioned once that she was surprised I hadn't asked yet (seriously guys, do a lot of you bring it up?) and I told her it was none of my business, and vice versa. It's pretty clear by some of the stories she tells and, uhhh, skills she possess that she's experienced plenty. Not only does that not bother me at all but wheee! more fun for me! I do, however, give her a heads up if we’re meeting some people and someone I fucked in the past is part of that group. Mostly because I want her to hear it from me, and not think I’m hiding it or that she’s the only one not in on the joke, ya know?
I think they are in the minority in most areas, but this shouldn't be surprising, most of us came from a message board created by a writer who got famous by writing about drinking, fucking random people and just being a guy. Many normal and most "girly-girls" would be repulsed by or uninterested in him.
Does the number of times you've had sex count for anything? At 30, I've had between 15 and 20 partners, but easily have had sex 400 times, and quite possibly up to 600 or more times. I feel like having sex with 50 people is cool and all, but if you've slept with each one once or twice, how great can that really be?
I strongly and honestly disagree with this one. Over the years some of my best friends have been girls, and they've been completely platonic. In fact, the first 'best friend' I ever had was a girl. There's a few that started out romantically, but fizzled out quickly and never went back. In some cases I've almost felt like the stereotypical gay friend who goes out on platonic dates and helps my girl friend with her guy issues, and I know of a couple cases where a married girl I was just friends with was having marital problems, talked to me about it, and ended up reconciling/blowing her husband's mind the next night. I really think that, from either person's perspective, it's supremely important to have truly platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Now obviously, as a general rule, on some level all guys want to bang every attractive girl they see, and sure, I would be willing to bang my girl friends I find attractive...but I'm not friends with them in the hopes of doing so. In fact, outside of the few that started out romantically, I don't even jerk off about my platonic girl friends, which is kind of surprising now that I realize it. Regarding past lovers, I'm struggling to think of a time I was with a girlfriend and a guy she once banged. Don't think it's happened. I could see it being a bit awkward, but beyond that it just sounds like jealousy, which to me has no place in a healthy relationship.
A lot of guys say this, and it makes absolutely no sense to me. The only way it would be fine for my missus to get girl-action is if I am there and participating fully. Otherwise, there is an ungodly injustice what with her being free to have pleasurable sexual experiences with other people (if she has sex with women, she obviously find it pleasurable), while I am not. Some of my girl-on-girl-partial girlfriends bring up the "well, the boyfriend can fuck guys if he want" false equivalence bullshit. Firstly, that doesn't appeal to your man, and you know it, so it is a bluff. Second, if he DID go out and fucked a dude and enjoyed it, you would go mental. Most women are extremely insecure about any hint of bisexuality in their menfolk. I am not criticizing the guys who find it cool and exciting for their girl to go prowling for snatch. If it works for you, go crazy. I just don't understand it.