To say my father is incredibly oversexed or has some kind of sexual problem wouldn't be an exaggeration. At the age of four, I stumbled upon some racy mags in the bathroom and asked my mother "what are these?" They were quickly nabbed out of my hand and an argument followed between the parentals. Mostly my mother screaming "Your daughter found these! Whatever happened to hiding this?!" His nonchalant reply was "Oh, she doesn't know what she saw." When I found them again at age eleven, I knew what I was seeing. And by found I mean I went into the basement and saw them on one of his old filing cabinets in plain view. For whatever reason, the man had (and still has) an affinity for Penthouse mag. And a few Hustlers. I preferred Hustler. At age twelve, I found the porn stash. And by found, I mean I opened up one of the many videotape holders and sitting in front of me was a porn called Three Way Cum. Huh. My father also had an affinity for the porn stars Nina Hartley and Seka. Especially Seka. I knew not to ask questions but I kept wondering why he never hid any of these items. When I was sixteen, he told me to fetch him a pair of socks from his sock drawer. Cue me finding condoms that were probably older than I was. After I slammed the drawer shut loud enough for my mother to hear, she took it upon herself to glance at the contents that gave me pause. She pulled out the offending birth control and said to my father "Not to quote your teenage daughter, but, these would be for...what?" My father shrugged. "I forgot I had those. I guess I should've used them the night Pink was conceived." I felt a little nauseated. My brother was ten. I was twenty. I was on the computer when he came up to me and handed me a prescription bottle. He said "this fell on the floor from Dad's dresser. What is it?" Mmmhmm. Little blue pill. "Um...ew. Y'know what, put this back on his dresser and never mention it again." He obeyed and luckily never brought it up. Yeah...my dad has a few sexual demons. Or he's just one of those fatherly types that doesn't believe in hiding porn from his children.
Don't know if this really fits, but it is work related and has been a huge eye opener for me in the past month since starting my new job. The new job which I have discovered is very erectile/sexual dysfunction related and I must discuss it in the same way as discussing things like strategies to get over a muscle strain. So here is the sequence of treatment for ED....pills (Viagra, Cialis), vacuum erection devices (exactly like it sounds), injectables (yes, you inject yourself in the dick to get an erection), penile implants (boy is that a surgery you don't want to see). I have discussed all of them and at the other end of the conversation is elderly men that are people's fathers, grandfathers, great grandfathers. Initially I was embarrassed for them, having to have the discussion with me, many were already uncomfortable anyway so I am sure they can sense my discomfort which made it even more awkward. Since, I have just approached it like I am discussing any other form of medical treatment (and this is really important to these guys) and it is going much better. Almost all the awkwardness is totally gone on my part and that puts the patients much more at ease. However, there are still a couple of other awkward moments: The guy who called about when he would be sterile after vasectomy because he was getting married in 3 months, but he wasn't having premarital sex so wanted to make sure it "took" by then. I told him that shouldn't be a problem in that timeframe, and he should bring in a sample at 6 and 8 weeks for us to check, but he should be good to go by then. He just responded that they weren't having sex until marriage. I said that is fine, he would just need to ejaculate about 20 or so times to ensure the sperm is cleared from his system. He just responded that they weren't having sex until marriage. He was honestly perplexed on how to work out this problem. I told him he could still ejaculate. Um.....still confused. I had to actually tell this guy that he could jerk off even though he wasn't having sex until marriage. I don't see a happy ending for those two. An Amish (of the horse and buggy variety) guy who was recently married and they weren't conceiving so they were concerned about fertility. So turns out the kid has never learned about sex and has never ejaculated. Never masturbated. Thought sex was just inserting penis in vagina. Didn't realize that you needed to move. Didn't know what the end result was supposed to be. I always thought that was something you boys discovered along the way. A woman who came in alone to consult about her husband's lack of a sex drive. They have been married for 7 years. They have never had sex. EVER. What in the hell are you supposed to do with that?
Focus: I posted about this in the "Funny Rep Comments" thread - a couple of weeks ago, I was visiting my mom and was fixing something on her laptop for her. I open Internet Explorer, and WHAMMO - RedTube is on her "Most Visited" sites. I just pretended I didn't notice, didn't say a word. My father & mother were never married...I've only known my father about 8 years at this point. A few years ago, I was nosing the local Craigslist and stumbled upon a link to the website of a local swinger's club - guess who happened to be the founder & president? And I wondered where my hyperactive sex drive came from.
My old roommate's girlfriend found her father's porn stash when she was little. It was full of incest mags.
A former boss of mine, who did a lot of traveling, asked me to help fix some stuff on his computer. I was in MS Word, and in the file menu, it lists the last 4 documents that were accessed so you can easily open those. They were all guides to swinger clubs and hookers for the places where he frequently traveled. Did not need to see that but was not the least bit surprised.
I stayed at the girl's house I've been talking to for a while now and when I woke up I had no idea where I was. I was lying on my stomach, panicked a bit and put my hands up under the pillow to sit up and get my bearings. Turns out under the pillow is the safe spot for the vibrator. She instantly got 5x hotter.