Please don't tell me you are hanging out with THAT guy again

A while back I was out having drinks, and a friend calls me and wants to meet up.

Me: Don't. I am with my friend B right now, you will hate him.
Friend: What? Why?
Me: Because he is a massive douchebag.
Friend: Right. Then why are you hanging out with him?
Me: Because he is hilarious and awesome.

This made me think of the different types of friends that makes life interesting. This guy is legitimately a dick. He's American, and embodies every stereotype people try to tar the Yanks with. He's loud, arrogant, rich, vain and dismissive. He will loudly and in public declare how much every single thing in Australia sucks compared to back home. Al-Qaida could spin an entire terrorist recruitment campaign around him.

And I can't get enough of this guy. His entire persona is so extreme, it is hilarious. He is a blast to go out with. The things that come out of his mouth will leave you in tears. Of course, he also is smart, generous, and can be very insightful about everything except for himself.

There are some friends that are your twin-spirit, and that you know you will go fishing with when you both are 80. There are some that are caring and supportive. And there are some that you could never introduce to your better half or she/he would divorce you, but that makes sure life is never boring.

Focus: What are the different types of friends one needs to have? Do you have any friends that your other friends would hate?

 

I know it's Dane Cook, and he is generally disliked, but he makes a good point.

 

In college I had so many groups of friends, none of whom would get along. Like Jim Gaffigan said:

I have always wondered about why I have such different friends. My two best guy friends are so far apart personality wise it is borderline absurd. One is in law school, and an up tight conservative guy, the other taking the slow route to a PhD in history, and not hippie, or hipster, but just different. Of course, just add booze, and everyone gets along.

Also, anytime I introduced groups, a male and a female would date. I was sick of being somewhat of a matchmaker. I had one girl who ended up with two different guys from one group. Yeah, that doesn't cause issues.

 

The non-judgmental friend (the best friend): You can tell this person anything. Something innocuous, like you sneezed and poop came out, or something less innocuous, like you stabbed a kid in the face and don't have enough lye. No matter what you tell this person, they will just shrug their shoulders, roll up their sleeves and help with the cleanup, even if you haven't seen each other face-to-face in years.

The fun friend: You don't necessarily trust this person, but they're a fucking blast.

The emotional friend: They just love talking about feelings. Sometimes you need an outlet, and this is the person you go to. They understand every emotional problem you're having, and you feel better for talking to them about it. Having one of these in each gender is immensely helpful.

The make-you-a-better-person friend: If you're lucky, this is all your friends, but sometimes there is just that one person that is so incredible that you try harder every day just because of them. Hopefully they love you and then become president so you don't feel bad about not having a real-person job.

I am a lucky bastard because I have a good handful of people who I thoroughly can rely on, but unlucky in that they are far-flung to different parts of the world. But then I realize it's probably a blessing, because their personalities are all so strong, there is no damn way they would get along if we all lived close to each other.

 

I'm a firm believer in having multiple groups of friends. It keeps you sane and its just nice for variety. With my roommates/college friends, by and large, I'm sort of like Peter Pan. 2 of my roommates and another 2 of my close friends we all hang out with have serious, long-term gfs or are engaged. They still can be fun, but usually are only going out 1 night a week or other nonsense that people in serious relationships do separate from single folks. Meanwhile, my other close friend group are a bunch of kids I met through a kid I used to work with. They are a bit younger than me for the most part and with them I am the mature one who gets mocked for not drinking enough and seems to be the voice of reason at times. Its a refreshing dichotomy.

More to the focus, I definitely have two friends I am cautious about introducing to others. One is my friend Framer. I have known him since I was 6 and he's been one of my best friends since we were 12. But as we've gotten older, he turned into an unrepentant bro/fratstar. Shaggy or stupidly spiked hair, has dabbled in soul patches, always throwing around "dawg" and "wicked". He moved to Arizona to be a golf pro but ended up fucking around and has restarted college at ASU as a 26 year old sophomore. But the kid would take a bullet for me, has always been good to my family and is at heart a good person. And my friends actually loved him when he came up for New Years awhile back. But when I last went down to AZ and was more or less one on one with him for the better part of a week, I wanted to kill him by the end and I can see how others would too.

The other is my friend Cooter from college. He was a bit neurotic and kind of an asshole in college, but again, solid friend, alot of fun, and 2 of my favorite nights in college involved him prominently. However, since college he has become ridiculous. He is a consultant, which he views as the most elite of professions, and is a complete asshat about it. We'll be sitting around on a Fri or Sat night at his place, drinking and watching TV, and he will have his laptop out, acting like he is working cause he views sitting around and chilling as a waste. He is OBSESSED with airline and hotel points. For example, he took a trip to Buenos Aires. Not to enjoy, but because the flight earned the most miles per dollar, something he sent up and elaborate spreadsheet for, in order to secure an elite class on United. Oh yeah, he also has a wine wall. Which is a wall he has turned into blackboard in his kitchen with wine bottles hanging and their names written in chalk. And he FREAKS if you jokingly graffiti it. Come to think of it, he is getting married in the next year or so, and I can't see us associating much past that. But its amusing to have him meet new girls I date and them uniformly react with "man, your friend Cooter is kind of a jackass."

 

The asshole: Like the OP mentioned, you hang out with this person because he is hilarious and completely without shame. He's also the first the unleash the elephant in the room when everyone else is too polite to say it.

Mr./Mrs. Crazy: This is one who believes all the 911 conspiracies, there's aliens somewhere out there in the desert, the banking cartel really runs the world, and we never landed on the moon even though alien contact accounts for the technological revolution. You're not sure why you hang out with them, but they're just so endearing. Usually this person is generous and caring to a fault so you'd feel bad about cutting them off.

The honest and loyal friend: Gives good advice and calls you out for your own good rather than to be a douche. Isn't judgmental, but is world wise and always has an opinion worth hearing.

The alcoholic: You might want to go out for a beer next Tuesday, and this person knows drinking and how to do it right. He's never too busy because he's always drinking.

The outgoing friend: The one who seems to believe he's going to die tomorrow, and wants to try everything before the reaper gets him. This person introduces you to ideas and activities you wouldn't have considered before.

The outdoors friend: Hates being stuck inside. The perfect hunting and fishing buddy. Has the best guns, camping equipment, and always knows the prime spots.

 

A lot of my friends are categorized in interests and not in terms of one on one roles. I have my best friend Eric who I've known for 16? years. My other really close friend I've known for one year less. They know everything about me my parents and what not. They both are mostly all-rounders.

When it comes to guys, I have a group of friends I can sit down with and talk about nothing but sports with. Another group I can talk about TV quality shows/movies/music with. Another group I can nerd the fuck out with talking about superheroes, videogames, all that shit. Most of them I can drink with and shoot the shit about women. I keep most of my groups separate for my own sanity.

My female friends are all a different category, I can't even begin to get into that. A few of them I entered the dating maze, got lost somewhere and ended up in the friendzone. One or two I've hooked up with and now have great friendshps. Others I'm just friends with and are always tossing back and forth dating advice. I need a new fashion advisor because the crazy ex helped me shop for clothes, I can't dress myself for shit. I also have a new female bffl, who just randomly used me for sex last weekend and now that I'm no longer wondering what she's like naked, we're going to have a great friendship.