One of the other threads put this question into my head: Focus: Do you like to be the pursue-er or the pursue-ee, romantically speaking? Do you like to make the first move, or do you prefer to have the first move made on you? Alt Focus: Any funny stories from asking someone out/being asked out.
I have a feeling this is going to be split between TiBbers and TiBettes, because of the nature of gender roles in society. However, it may be interesting anyway. Personally, I hate being the asker, but have really had very little choice otherwise. If it weren't for the Internet, I shudder to think how many additional years I'd have been alone. Luckily it all worked out in the end. But asking someone out and getting shot down is ridiculously terrible.
I prefer to pursue, that is in regard to pursuing elusive porn around the internet while I hold a mental debate with myself on the pros and cons of Vaseline versus lotion. It's more rewarding, and intensely more engaging, than any other pursuit I've engaged in. In all seriousness, I'll pursue a bit, but not too much. If she's really interested, she can stop running and tag back, so to speak. If I wanted to chase pussy all day in the desperate hope of catching something, I'd be working for Animal Control.
Before I was married, I had long given up being a chaser since I was a teenager. If somebody is genuinely interested in you and the feeling is mutual then I think you simply shouldn't have to work for it. Many people treat "Hard To Get" as a fun game and a test of the other person's will, but I have always viewed it as an egotistical, boring and unnecessary waste of time but like this thread states that's just me. Why torture somebody you respect and WANT to be with? It wastes good boots-knockin' time.
I totally agree with Crown Royal on this one. I hate chasing girls that would play games or act like they didn't want anything to do with you. If I got those vibes, I would just stop chasing them altogether to 1) stop wasting my time and 2) not look like an idiot. While I like to make the 'first move', I like that first move to be coaxed by obvious signals (eye contact, flirting, etc). Alternatively, I also like it when the girl makes the first move every now and then. It's refreshing and makes me feel like a badass because "Hey man, SHE put the moves on ME." Of course there's always the moral dilemma of wondering if she's a slut, but when has that ever stopped anybody?
I feel like gender roles dictate that I be the pursue-ee, but if a guy hits on me and I am interested, I'm not going to lead him on. Otherwise, I enjoy pursuing a guy. It usually doesn't take much for them to be interested.
I like to be pursued, but I don't make a game out of it. If I'm interested I'll show interest and go out with him. If I'm not I politely decline.
This is something I like to remind myself if ever I have doubts about a romantic situation. I think back to all the times where everything just clicked because both parties were working towards the same thing and how I didn't have to work hard to make things happen. Focus: As a guy, I've usually been on the chasing end of the spectrum. I've never had a fear of rejection simply because I don't believe you need to be rejected to learn that she's not interested. There are dozens of signs on the way that show you that she's not jumping for joy at the opportunity of being with you. (See above). Growing up, it was always a goal to become a real charmer. When I was in high school and early college, I was really proud of myself for being able to chat people up and get them laughing and interested. I didn't want them walking away from our interaction like it was any other boring conversation. I still feel the same way, but I've realized that I exist too. So now I often find myself treating others to a good time but despite the smile and the jokes, I will feel unchallenged by the lack of reciprocity (even bored). As soon as I feel like I'm exclusively responsible for our good time, be it conversation or sex, then I'm done.
I am, by nature, a fisherman and one of my favorite types of fishing is sturgeon fishing. To catch sturgeon, you take any manner of bait you can find, whether it be night crawlers, minnows, or a sliced up fish you caught earlier in the night. You go to a place you think will hold fish, put the bait on your hook, set it in the water and wait. If you are in the right spot and you have the right bait, you will catch fish. The same theory applies to my style of picking up women*. If you have the right bait and go to the right place, they will come to you. There's no need to pull any of this stupid "game" nonsense or PUA fake bullshit. If you have the right bait, e.g. you look good, don't smell too bad, and don't punch her in the face, you will pick up women. It's just like sturgeon fishing. *I've already caught my prize sturgeon, so I no longer practice these methods.
As some people have already mentioned, I have no problem being the chaser when the girl isn't playing games, but girls who play hard to get are a complete turn-off. It gives off an air of self-entitlement, and nothing annoys me more than someone who thinks they're too cool for school. Generating a relationship is a two-way street ladies. I've actually called a girl out on this before. She had the nerve to tell me I "just blew it" by mentioning it. I laughed in her face and walked away. She was eying me the rest of the night while I hit on her friend, which only made the situation even funnier. Too bad lady, your friend wasn't too full of herself so she got the dick while you got the vibrator. It's like Tupac said, "You picked the wrong guy baby if you're too fly. You need to hit the door, search for a new guy." That being said, there's nothing sexier than a girl with enough confidence to start the process herself.
Huh, the overwhelming response on this thread isn't what I was expecting. I like to be the "pursuer." I don't have a problem putting myself out there for rejection and I know how to directly but respectfully ask a girl out. Honestly, all the indirect flirting and trickery doesn't make much sense to me. It is so much easier and more effective to be unambiguous and just say, "Hey, I'd love to get your number and grab dinner or drinks with you later this week." I don't mind being "pursued," but it doesn't happen as often and I don't think I'm too cool to show some interest in women. Believe it or not, it is possible get a date/get laid without looking like a puppy sniffing after the scent of pussy.
Firstly I saw the title and old looney toon rage kicked in. Why? Well since you asked so nicely, I always loved looney toons as a kid, and I thought Bugs against the hillbillies was funny, but NO, it's offensive to people of the south so it stopped getting aired, then Speedy Gonzalez, depicts the the Mexican people in a bad light so we can't show them, and I shit you not they stopped road runner for a while because it was too violent and thought kids would try to drop anvils on their friends.....CAN YOU LIFT A FUCKING ANVIL WHEN YOU'RE 8?! I know I couldn't, and I always disliked that they did that, it made me mad, and I guess Pepe there made it a bit better when you realize it's a smelly Frenchman that continually is trying to rape someone unless she's kind of ugly, or returns the affection in which case he runs away, which kind of says he's gay. A Gay Smelly French Rapist, and that’s ok to still show, I always like to think the French looked at it and decided not to be offended because it was true or something, and I felt a little bit better. ON FOCUS : I usually would say I was more the chase-ee than the chaser, I would definitely flirt and what not, but I was more suited for the thread on "Misses blatantly obvious signs until they just kiss him" thread. Got an awesome wife of almost 10 years eventually so must have done something right.
Like I mentioned in the missed signals thread, I enjoy being pursued; however, I am not into playing games. It's more about feeling wanted, desired, and important. It's like the difference between receiving a gift card from a friend versus your friend giving you something really heartfelt and creative: it's a mix between "hey, that's really cool," and "you must really think a lot of me to do something so special." That desire for feeling wanted and important are probably an extension of some of the things I expect and want from a relationship, but that's not the focus of this thread. That time where someone shows interest in you for the first time and you begin dating are oftentimes the most exciting part of a relationship. After awhile, you settle into your habits, you come to know the other person very well, and maybe more, depending on the relationship. But those first couple weeks, oh, they can sparkle. Like lhprop1 mentioned, I've got my prize fish (or fisherman if you will), so this is really all a moot point.
I was always the pursuer. Like someone else mentioned maybe it's just the result of growing up a male Southerner. However, on New Year's Eve 1995 Mrs. Noland invited me to her place for the night. We had been strictly platonic friends for years. I had nothing going on so I agreed and, since she lived 4 hours away in a one bedroom apartment, we pulled out the sofa bed in the living room before we went out. We both drank far, far too much and about 5 minutes after I fell onto that uncomfortable bed she crawled into it with me. So much for being the pursuer.