A hypothetical situation: The school semester is starting, and you're in orientation. A girl that you just met starts a conversation, and it comes up that you don't know where you're going to park during the school year. She finds your email on the class list and contacts you a week later, suggesting that you can park your car at her place, which is close to the Metro. She gives you her address and the code to get into her parking garage. Focus: Do you think the girl is into you? Alt. Focus: Ever missed a signal from someone? Both ways - missed that they were into you, or missed that they weren't. Alt Alt. Focus: How do you approach a potential mate? Any good ideas for letting the opposite sex know that you're interested?
Focus: Now, yes. When I was in first year Uni, no. My thought process would have been "oh, how nice of her! What a nice person to help out a fellow student like that". Can you tell I didn't get laid in high school? Alt Focus: Sigh. Why must you spoil my good mood with this fucking question. Fiiine. Let's see: there was the girl who used to invite me out to her shows (she was the lead singer for a band) and tell me about the sort of sex she liked. We'd have lunch together every day and she'd tell me how she was looking for the right guy. This is the one that still cuts the deepest actually, because I still listen to her music and am regularly amazed that a 20 year old girl could have such talent and the balls to put herself out there like that. Sadly all my FB stalkings have not led me back to her, which in retrospect is probably just as well. There was the girl that came over to my house, with drugs, waited till the others had left then grabbed me and put her tongue down my throat for a couple of hours. Oh wait, no, that was just a brutal cockteasing, never mind. And, of course, there was the girl that I've mentioned before who came into the spa I was having with my girlfriend, stripped naked and joined us. Yes, I missed that carefully hidden signal. Yes, I hate myself. No, still haven't had a threesome. Fuck you. Looks like it's a liquid lunch today then.
I'm going to write this as if I didn't/don't have a GF, my actual rationale would be different since I'm not single and have no desire to be: 16-18 Year old Frank: A GIRL IS TALKING TO YOU, DON'T PANIC, DON'T PANIC 19-20 Year old Frank: She wants a dicking BAD, invite her over for Everclear and Sprite, let things go where nature intended 21-22 Year old Frank: She wants a dicking BAD, invite her over for a couple beers and a good movie, tell a couple jokes and let things go where nature intended 23-24 Year old Frank: She probably wants a dicking, but don't screw this up, it's a good parking spot, there's plenty of pussy elsewhere 25-26 Year old Frank: What the fuck happened to my 401k? I can't afford this shit, it's public transport for me 27-28 Year old Frank: I'll show her how to park it, ha ha ha. No, but seriously how much a month?
No idea; I could go either way with it. I've lost count. Grabbing my dick and saying, "Let's fuck" would be the advisable approach. At thirty-six years old, I'm still working on the best way to do this, without ending up in HR and/or handcuffs.
I think I can sum up my position on all counts in the following way: I am now, and always have been, completely clueless as to whether a female is being "just nice" or "is interested" up until she jumps on my junk. Then I start to get an inkling.
I've just taken to assuming that every girl that talks to me is at least mildly interested. The alternative is too grim to consider.
Focus: Do you think the girl is into you? Inadequate information. It could just be a friendly gesture, although it's overly friendly from the information at hand. She's probably into me, but could be just really nice, desperate for friends, or batshit insane. Her body language during the conversation and phrasing/context around the parking offer would give me a guess on which way that was going to bounce. Semi closed body language (friendly and smiling, but holding her books across her chest and carefully avoiding physical contact would imply nice but nothing else on the table. Semi closed body language that she was trying to open up (moving the books away and then getting distracted and moving them back, faint hint of desperation in tone, etc) would indicate just desperate for friends, especially if she was a ginger. Too much laughing, flipping between the semi-closed body language and way too much touching would indicate batshit insane. A few too many accidental on purpose touches, or some unnecessary playing with her hair during the conversation would be big markers that she was interested. Biting her lower lip, looking up from under her eyelids, sliding a mention about her lack of a boyfriend into conversation, very open body language (hands on her ass/hips while her front of her hips feet are oriented towards me and an open stance) would also be a solid indicator. Alt. Focus: Ever missed a signal from someone? Both ways - missed that they were into you, or missed that they weren't. With my Aspergers - I have an idiot savant thing going on. I'm really good at reading interest and sexual direction. I can't read anger/most other emotional states as well, and interpreting how a joke was received I've always been awful at - but the ones that play around lust I'm good with. I've had people miss the communication attempts in the past when I was shy or less confidant in myself and I under sold it because I couldn't handle the potential rejection. But I usually do pretty well at making my intentions clear - in regards to the whole lust thing - everything else I suck at. I compensate by being blunt. Alt Alt. Focus: How do you approach a potential mate? Any good ideas for letting the opposite sex know that you're interested?[/quote] For a dude? Don't be coy. The gender divide is unbalanced and guys have to take the risk of being rejected. Girls get to drop signals and hints and be subtle, and act like they didn't get rejected even if they did. Guys don't. Knuckle up and risk being rejected. Tell her that you really like her and ask her if she wants to get a coffee or go out some time. For an immediate hook up - ask tell her that you really like her and you'd love to show her your place some time. It sucks when they say no - but accepting that is part of being a guy.
I would think there would be a possibility, but my lack of self-confidence would tell me that while that is there, there is no chance anyway so I shouldn't even try. Yay for being me. A situation that occurs occasionally for me that frustrates the living shit out of me is knowing a girl likes me, and not being able to do anything. I get instantly paralyzed that anything I do will turn her off. I'd rather be going after her, rather than have her "go" after me persay. There have been a couple of situations where I have completely missed clues. This summer I had a really hot ass subleaser living with me who I'd known for a year or so, met her on a pledge beach retreat. We hooked up and she asked me why I hadn't made a move on that beach retreat, because she had been "really into me" and thought that I was thinking the same about her after our "talk." The talk was a 20 minute conversation about where she was from/if she knew anyone that I knew, and I left that conversation thinking "she is totally not into me, I just spent 20 minutes talking about trivial bullshit." Either she is shitty at hinting, or I am the Helen Keller of reading body language. I'm going with the latter.
Focus: I think she is dumb and now I kind of want to rob her. Alt. Focus: I am good at realizing when people I am not into are into me. Conversely, if I am into a guy, I will never accept that he is into me. One guy I was deathly in love with kissed me, and I swore he was just playing a prank on me. We did not end up dating. I've been getting better at it as I get older, but it still is a rather high school-esque shock when I realize someone is into me. Alt. Alt. Focus: Back in the day, I used to pine in silence and hope my intense arousal was noticeable enough through whatever retarded expression I thought conveyed interest. These days, I just start making out with them until they get the hint.
My younger self would have had zero fucking clue she was being anything but nice, as illustrated in a previous post which conveniently serves to fill the alt. focus: Spoiler It's happened to me a number of times, i'm just not very good at picking up these hints... why the fuck cant a girl just come out and say it straight up? Worst example: I had to take a 3 month course at my university of choice in order to get into the degree i wanted to do (my scores were 0.5 off the min entrance score but admissions had been really low so i got a break, provided i passed this course). The very first day i take a seat in the lecture hall and this cute little red head sits right next to me and introduces herself, we get chatting and end up being pretty close friends for the whole 3 month course. At no point did i realize our friendly chatting was actually flirtatious chatting... so she decided to take things into her own hands and on the last day, as i'm getting in my car, she says goodbye and hands me a piece of paper with a little sketch of me she had done (which was actually really bloody good). Like the idiot i am i just say "thanks, that's pretty awesome, see you around" and hop in my car. Fast forward about a year later and i'm going through a bunch of old uni shit, the sketch falls out of one of my binders and lands face down. On the back is written "Call me, you can do anything you want to me. Amy" and her mobile number... I called and explained how i only just saw what she had written on the back, she laughed and told me i was a moron and too late as she was now in a relationship. 6 years on and i still haven't nailed a red head (a real one anyway). And the rep from bewildered i got for the above post which made me laugh and then cry at how fucking stupid i used to be... Thank you for making me feel like even more of an idiot than i already did, i appreciate it. Spoiler Maybe she should have given you a hand engraved marble slab with the message "I am going to have sex with you tomorrow at 4pm in your car in the South parking lot." but then you would have complained that her font was too hard to read. Now that I'm older, and arguably wiser, i would just man the fuck up and ask her if she is interested. If she says she isn't then at worst you have damaged your pride a little... and ill take a little damaged pride over a missed opportunity any day of the week. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
I'm 26 and I still don't have the slightest fucking clue about when a girl is into me. I have it stuck in my head that if she really does like me, then she would ask me out.
Focus: Yes. Girls that you have just met do not go out of their way for you like that. If she went to as much trouble as finding your email, then a favour like this, she likes you in some way or the other. Especially nowadays, people rarely do favours for others unless there is some sort of kickback or secondary intention.
Funny thing, I had something similar happen in class the other day. Apparently me and this girl both forgot that we didn't have class and both showed up. When we got there it was the normal conversation. She mentioned she needed a ride so I offered her one. On the way to the car she started talking about repaying the favor to me, maybe going to an amusement park or concert. She was being overly nice and I got the impression she thought I was attractive. So now, what exactly was she trying to accomplish? Was she trying to hint that she wants me to ask her out? Or was she simply being nice?
Focus: Part of me would think that she was interested, the other part would think that she was crazy for trusting someone that much who she didn't know. Alt.: I'd say that 50% of the time I was really good at picking up on signals and it worked out well. The other half of the time, I was just awful, and those times bit me in the ass. Spoiler I remember one night of Spring Weekend at UConn my sophomore year--I got so drunk the night before that I wasn't drinking anything because I was just barely able to keep down solid food. We were sitting in my buddy's room while they pre-gamed and this girl showed up with a few friends. She sat down across from me and just started blasting me with sexy glares. Apparently she was attracted to people who looked like they were in the middle of severe heroin withdrawls, because I must've still looked like hell. About an hour goes by and she is still staring at me, but I'm not responding at all. I was so banged up that I couldn't imagine she could be attracted to me--perhaps she was just concerned that no one was watching and I was about to die, I thought. My friends declare that it's time to leave and I get up out of my chair like I have a rubber spine--where you stand up, but your head springs up straight a few seconds later. I turned around to grab my keys off of the desk behind me, and when I spun back, she was right there in front of me. She pushed me back down into the chair, straddled me, and reached around both sides of my head--tits square in my face--and wrote her number on a post-it on the desk. She then slowly pulled back and said, "You're stupid. I've been looking at you all night and you never came over to talk to me. But you're also cute, so call me," and stuck the post-it to my forehead, dismounted, and left the room. I did call her a few days later, but nothing ever happened. Alt. Alt.: Now that I'm older, I've gotten to the point where "Hi" usually works best, and take things from there. I haven't been in the dating game for a while, but I can't imagine that being able to have a decent conversation like a well-adjusted person has gone out of style. As far as tips for the opposite sex go, it would make things a hell of a lot easier if you just jumped on, wrapped your arms around our heads, and wrote down your phone number on a post-it behind us. But if you lean more towards a subtle approach, again, "Hi" works just fine as an ice breaker.
You just gave her a ride, right? You didn't give her sackfuls of candy or Justin Bieber tickets? The "repaying favors" thing would simply be offering you a ride at some future date when you were vehicle-less and she wasn't. She's trying to get a date with you but she doesn't want to come right out and say it. Focus: Do you think the girl is into you? Yes. She is into him. She is giving him several green lights just in case he missed the first two or three. Alt. Focus: Ever missed a signal from someone? Both ways - missed that they were into you, or missed that they weren't. Girls flirt differently than guys do. I can almost ALWAYS tell when a guy wants to fuck me later. The signals are blatant: He feigns interest in what I'm saying, checks out mah titties, and there's usually some innuendo going on that ends up being a dead giveaway. But sometimes I'm halfway through a late-night coffee with a cool chick I've met before I realize that she's mentioned her ex-girlfriend twice and she's playfully touching my hand and....aw, shit. She doesn't want to be my friend. She wants to make out. Alt Alt. Focus: 1. How do you approach a potential mate? 2. Any good ideas for letting the opposite sex know that you're interested? 1. I approach males on the internet. This minimizes rejection (for me) and I have the added bonus of being able to sift through potential "mates" in my sweatpants. It's a winning combination. 2. I have all the game of a twelve-year-old, so my approach generally consists of much smiling, oftentimes excessive giggling, and blushing furiously whenever I discover that he is also interested in me. Sometimes I touch him on the arm and whisper in his ear.
I just assume they are not interested. That's only because I honestly don't see any reason for most women to be interested in me at for the most part right now. I live on my best friends pull out bed. I help with rent but i got kicked out of my previous place and this was easier than looking for a new place. Either way, let me run a little scenario about Rbz90s internal monologue goes with girls. Girl - You can park at my house. Rbz - Thanks! Definately just being nice. In anycase you live on a couch, are a poor student and while you're fit you're not really that great to look at either. Just take the offer leave it at that. I've had girls tell me they've tried to hook up with me and I acted cold and unintrested. For the most part it's because I completely miss their signals. So yeah...usually if I see a girl im interested I still go talk to them mostly because I know that's the normal socially adjusted thing to do.
Exactly. Guys, quit over thinking these things. None, if few, of you are in high school anymore. I used to over think this stuff, I used to worry if she liked me or if she didn't. I eventually realized that not trying doesn't give you the answers you're looking for; only way to know, is to ask. The worst case, she says she isn't interested in you that way; which doesn't change your situation. Best case, she says yes and you've got a date. It's seriously this simple: Is she talking to you, laughing at your jokes and not paying attention to anyone else; does she enjoy your attention; does she make references to plans with an ambiguous person(s)*? She might be interested, give it a shot. In the end, just try. If it doesn't work out, you can go home knowing that you did at least that much.
For truth. Guys are a little strange because of how often they seem to fall into the two extremes. One being that all a woman has to do is smile, or say hi, or fart in their general direction and "she totally wants to bang my balls off, dude!" The other is that the woman pretty much has to come out and say "I totally want to bang your balls of, dude!", to which the guy is responding with "err, well, I don't have a ball, umm, is this even about sports...cuz I'm a hockey guy myself." Focus: Yes, I would think she's into me. She went through a little too much trouble finding me and then contacting me a week later, just to be nice. At the very least she's new to the school as well, and maybe doesn't know very many people, so I might have someone new to hang out with. Again, this girl is offering up a little too much to not be at least a little interested. A simple "Hey, thanks a LOT for the ride. If I ever see you out, I'll buy you a beer." would be completely acceptable. In my experience she wouldn't be offering to hang out again if she wasn't interested. Or...she thought you were a shmuck and wanted to get your number so she could call you for a ride when ever she needs one, but let's not assume she's one of those right off the bat. Alt. Focus: Yep, I've missed them both ways. There have been times when innuendo on her part was completely missed by me for any number of reasons. There have also been times that I thought things were going well, but apparently my wit and charm were only serving to repulse her to the point of practically jumping out of my car when I dropped her off with a "okay, yeah, gotta go, BYE!" I didn't think I was THAT bad. She probably just had to poop. Oddly enough she stopped calling me. Alt Alt. Focus: How do you approach a potential mate? I'm pretty boring in this department. I usually just say hi and introduce myself. Her reaction and the subsequent conversation (or lack thereof) will dictate where things go.
Focus: Considering that I'm the one she decided to email instead of anybody else, I'm going to go with a yes. Alt. Focus: I was getting my first tattoo and had gone outside to take a smoke break. The tattoo apprentice was a girl that was Suicide Girl material. Hot, Asian, tatted up, piercings, and I later found out that she played more video games than I did as a 16 year old shut in. She kept telling me that she didn't have a boyfriend, generally had time to kill when she wasn't working, and talked a little shit to me about World of Warcraft. Naturally, I finished my smoke and went back inside to get my tattoo worked on. If I had a time machine, I'd go back and have the artist tattoo "dumbass" on my forehead. I also missed a threesome opportunity with an ex-girlfriend and her best friend that was visiting. I may as well have been a eunuch. Alt Alt. Focus:How do you approach a potential mate? The internet seems to be the place to be. Especially since I'm on a computer anywhere from 9-12 hours a day. I've been pretty good about filtering the crazies, and picking up women in my boxers is pretty awesome.