Paging Mr. Douchendorf, Mr. Douchey von Douchendorf

I was all done posting threads today and then I saw this glorious article about the douchiest colleges in America. And I am so, so fucking glad MIT and Stanford are on there. The oversized part of my brain dedicated to schadenfreude is firing on all cylinders right now.

FOCUS: What college (or other organization) produces the biggest douches? Why do you think this is?

 

University of Santa Cruz should have been up there. I don't even think it's necessary to explain why.

 

Eh, I'd agree with that. We're nothing like the description, I think the guy who wrote it just ran with whatever notion he has about UF, but I'd absolutely agree that we're a top 10 douchenozzle producer.

Still better'n you, better'n your school. Whooee. Go Gators and such.

 

Unfortunately, their assessment of UD is pretty much dead-on except I can't believe they didn't mention Rich Gannon. That's the one name I loathe more than Reggie Bush for the mere fact that I hear it over and over and over again. While it's cool that he went to UD and played for the NFL, give it a rest already. There's got to be a better defense when people accuse you of going to a crappy school than "ever hear of Rich Gannon?" Yes, and I don't care.

That's why I always say you need a passport to go anywhere near UD. A completely different world. It's like UD gives scholarships for biggest douchebags out of Jersey and Longisland (one word)--tons of popped-collar frat boys and Jersey Shore wannabes. It'd actually be cool if they pulled it off but alas...Couple that with the socially inept engineering majors and the shitshow is complete.

Makes me happy I went away to college (see avatar). Go Orange!*


*Except for Jim Boeheim...the personification of douchebag.

 

Spot on.

Don't forget the hordes of absurdly rich foreign students that show up in the summer and can't figure out how traffic works.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the douchiest college students aren't from a particular school, but are just all the kids who come from New York.

 

Apple. They make great products, but their retail employees? Smary douches. I don't know if the attitude is a prerequisite or if they provide training, but even the sales people at Bergdorf-Goodman don't like them.

 

Eh, the worst people affiliated with Ohio State are the fans who attend one of the other 12 D1 schools in the state, the mouth breathers who didn't attend any college and just bought a Buckeye tee shirt at Wal-Mart, and half the football team. The actual students/alumni aren't that bad.

If you want to stay in Ohio, I give you:

Spoiler

The video pretty much speaks for itself.

Spoiler

 

As a graduate of Santa Cruz I resemble that remark. well, not really.

It isn't douchey in the sense of "shit loads of dudes with popped collars" but more so the douchey, whiny and entitled trust fund hippies who have the most naive view of the world you could imagine.

[*]They demand more classes, more staff, but want fewer students on campus.
[*]They demand that all workers that aren't academics be paid living wages, but want lower tuition.
[*]They destroy property in "protests" and then hold later protests to try and force the school to not punish those who destroy the property.
[*]Angela Davis is a professor there.

I lean pretty far left, but even there I was considered to be a moderate/right winger.

 

This is indisputable.

Also, I want those Pepperdine girls. They can talk holy to me any day.

 

It is beyond me how neither of those two made the list but Penn State, who's arguably not even that relevant in college football anymore, made it for their douchey fans.

Focus: BC. Without a doubt. I went to school in Boston for a year (BU, which explains part of my hatred for BC) and of all the people I interacted with, including the Harvard and MIT kids I met, BC had by far the douchiest students.

And OSU fans should all die in a fire, but 99% of the fans do not attend, nor have they ever attended, the school.

 

As a graduate of Penn State, I completely agree with the school's place on this list. I was going to bring up Cornell as the douchiest school as far as people who brag about where they went to college. But Penn State is a school full of frat boy douche bags. My freshman year of college (2006-07) half the student body popped their collars and wore Livestrong bracelets or puca shell necklaces. Even when I went to one of the smaller campuses, it was full of douche bags who drank PBR and got WAY into playing Rock Band.

 

Penn State fans tend to be douchey and mean as hell. Case in point: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDiRPUiQZHc" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDiRPUiQZHc</a> if that's not a bunch of douches I don't know what is. Yelling taunts that are in good fun is fine, but this is definitely taken to the extreme.

I go to OSU now, but I'm a USC fan from undergrad (and my parents in Ohio loved it when we beat them a few years ago (twice) cause they could rub it in to their coworkers who were annoying fans). Ohio State fans are definitely annoying, but I don't know if their douches more than they are just hickish (the most annoying ones tend to be the people who are from bumfuck nowhere that proceed to shout at you while rubbing mustard off their XXL Fuck Michigan shirts)

 

Dude, that is any college. I went to Purdue where, in 2003, they were popping collars. Instead of Rock Band, it was Halo.

Don't get me wrong, I have zero love for Penn State. Then again, I have zero hate for Penn State. They've always just kind of faded into the Big Ten background for me.

Ohio State, on the other hand, is full of the most obnoxious fans that you can possibly find. I've never found a more obnoxious set of fans then when I went to a Purdue home game against Ohio State. Lots of Ohio State fans at the game, and each and every one of them was trying to start shit. I heard a guy insult a six year old in a Purdue jersey. Seriously, that is how big of douches their fans are. In fact, calling them douche bags is insulting to douche bags. I'm going to dub them colostomy bags. They are bags of shit. C-bags. I'm making it a thing.

Regardless, I'm also willing to bet a lot of those fans had never even gone to Ohio State, so I can't say that Ohio State students are assholes. Their fans suck more than any set of fans out there, however. They make Notre Dame fans look gentile and calm by comparison.

 

GQ posting a story about organizations that are calling cards for douchebaggery?

Obvious irony is obvious.

 

Sorry Guy Who Went to BU A Few Posts Back, but BU was the school I immediately thought of when I saw this. The biggest douche(s) from my high school went there, and every exposure I had to them proved to me that the biggest douche(s) from all high schools in the North East wound up there too. BU students made the B line even less bearable than the stops every 30 seconds. I would probably agree with BC, though, except that they were so far out there that I never had any contact with them.

Why is Cornell on there, though? I've never gotten a douchey vibe from them.

 

While not your traditional, popped-collar faux rich douchebags, I'd like to nominate Texas A&M aggies as the worst people on the planet.

Equal parts entitled, humorless, braggadocios, and unintelligent assholes, they make my blood boil just thinking about them.

When my sister married an aggie, I began making bonfire jokes to the better part of the groom's family. I thought it was hilarious, but for whatever reason they no longer speak to me.

 

I'd like to nominate my alma mater, NYU. Here, you'll find just about every kind of annoying person. 95% of the student body will fall into one of these categories:

1) Asian Gunner: They will become doctors, or die trying. More likely, die trying. They lack natural intelligence but they have an abundance of motivation stemming from a stunning fear of failure drilled into them by their parents since birth. They didn't get into a Ivy, and so they are on a mad quest to prove they are adequate...to their parents. They are also completely devoid of a personality and likely have an adderrall adiction. They have recently also branched into Economics and Computer Science to secure entry level soul sucking positions in finance.

2) B-School Networkers: These people make up the majority of the Stern School of Business. They wear suits to school very regularly. As if this wasn't bad enough, they only got into the school because of their connections, they'll float through their degree graduating with a 2.8 GPA. They are also likely your boss because they will use their connections to get a great entry level position and skyrocket up the corporate ladder because of their political skills. They are white and do nothing but get hammered throughout their 5 years of undergrad. They are also proof that life isn't fair.

3) JAPs: Of course, can't forget the Jewish American Princesses. Not particularly smart or dumb but their parents have given enough money to the university to where they pretty much have to let their kids in.

4) Social Science Hipsters: The campus Marxists. They will champion any cause even vaguely anti-right wing. Nothing gets their blood flowing like a good ole fashioned pointless college protest. Their privileged upbringings have left them teeming with white guilt. To make up for this they will take study Sociology and use it to make bad arguments blaming white men for all of the worlds ills. They also think their discipline is just as rigorous as Mathematics or Physics. While they claim their passion is social activism, their true calling is the unending pursuit of a single black friend.

5) Tisch Art School Hipsters: Share many qualities with the social science hipsters but are less concerned with activism and more concerned with liking more obscure music, fashion, film, etc. than you.

6) The Incredibly Intelligent but Woefully Unmotivated Stoner: They could have easily gotten into Harvard and could genuinely change the world...if they could be bothered to put down the weed, mushrooms, or acid to show up for glass. All these people need is for someone to replace the copy of Politics of Ecstasy in their hands with a fucking textbook and they would make the world a better place to live.