I seriously can not wrap my head around the whole "go to her place so you can leave immediately afterwards" thing. I am hitched now, but way back when, I would always bring girls home to me, unless she absolutely insisted on going to her place (early morning next day, roommates might worry, what have you). Sure, it means she'll probably spend the night, but I can't possibly be the only guy who actually likes girls spending the night. Call me a faggot if you want, but I don't like to sleep alone, and I like the whole sappy deal with spooning and pillowtalk. It is nice, and I don't understand why you shouldn't be able to experience that outside of a relationship. Also, while many girls have crazy or judgemental room-mates, I knew mine were cool as shit. So if she ran into them in the apartment the next morning, they would make her feel comfortable and welcome. And that makes repeat business more likely.
Wait, just like old boyfriends? Not even guys that were involved in cheating in some way, but just decent regular folk who happened to have slept with her back when she was single/in a relationship with them? What tremendous assholes those cops are.
Let me start out by saying that anybody in the military will have an infinite amount of more balls and respect than I could ever dream of having, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't even remotely feel bad about that situation. Hell, it still confuses me to this day that she even bothered to tell me she was getting divorced, or that she married a military guy, or that she was moving, or that she wasn't just single. It made no sense to even bother with any of that. I am certainly not the bad guy here though. Her message to me wasn't, "hey my future ex husband that is fighting overseas is gone and i want to fuck anybody and did i mention i'm getting divorced in a month and that my husband is sacrificing his life for our freedom". If that was the message I got, then yeah, I'm a fuck head who deserves an ass beating. That's not the case though. Not even a little. Seriously, I respect the hell out of any military. I also wasn't disrespecting anybody here or in my situation. Yeah, it sucks that there are harpies that go out and fuck around while their husbands are defending our country. That clearly wasn't the case here.
Oh, dan, dan, dan... Don't bother trying to explain yourself. If this thread about One Night Stands has shown us anything, it's shown us that ONS are the Pinnacle of Human Interaction (TM). Let me count the ways in which you fucked up, dan... First, as everyone knows, since a OTS is the PoHI, you owe an obligation of full faith and forthcoming. No lying. About anything. Not what you do, not your height, not your marital status, not your past sexual history, your latest tax return, or whether or not you took your sister's ice cream cone in third grade. However, this gives rise to the second way in which you fucked up. Second, as everyone knows, since a OTS is the PoHI, you are obligated to not believe anything the other party tells you. Therefore, in order to properly do proper homage to this PoHI, you must require the following: 1) a valid driver's license, 2) medical records for the last three years, 3) a criminal background check, 4) a judgment history, 5) a credit report, 6) all pleadings in any ongoing litigation in which the other party may be involved (including divorce proceedings), 7) Certified Body Measurements from the last week, including, height, weight, real eye color, real boob size, fake boob size, size of boobs they actually want, real hair color, a dissertation on any birthmarks (for identification purposes should that prove necessary), and dental records for the last 8 years. Third, you are required to submit to a breathalyzer. If you're going to engage in the ONS, the Pinnacle of Human Interaction, then by gum, you must make sure all parties, including yourself, are legally sober. Fourth, and this is key, since we're talking about the ONS, the PoHI, and not dating and marriage, you must be COMPLETELY up front about your intentions. For instance, when I was single, I generally brought along a contract, which was about 5 pages in length, which set forth all terms completely and honestly, including cuddle time, birth control used, positions to engage in, who gets the remote afterwards, whose place you're going to, arranging for transportation, before, after, and potentially during the interaction, what was for breakfast, who was cooking it, what time check out was, as well as the all important follow up text/e-mail/phone call etiquette that was required post PoHI. I also provided for a photographer to take pictures the next day to commemorate this most holy of Human Interactions, and in fact, still carry wallet sized photos. You didn't do the above, dan, and therefore, are properly subject to Judgment Week (Patent Pending) here at TiB. You see, dan, no one here, myself very much included, has EVER done anything remotely sketchy. In fact, all of us, except for you dan, are shining examples of human perfection. Or, you could just ignore the foregoing and realize that apparently some members this week are cycling together or it's 'Judgment Week (Hypocrisy Included!!) here at TiB. Don't feel too bad, I'm not one of the cool kids either, so I didn't get that memo.
Let's be real for a moment folks. It sucks getting a "Dear John" letter, no doubt about it. The person who is an unethical piece of shit is the chick he banged. Period. If staying faithful while deployed is the deal, you live with it. If you're a lying, cheating cunt, you are a lying cheating cunt and it doesn't matter if you are married to a soldier, a lawyer or a fucking donut dipper. If you are about to fuck a married woman and she tells you "My husband is an X", then you have already passed over the moral high ground. I respect SOME members of the military, the ones that deserve it. I sympathize with those who have been "Dear John"ed and I hope they all come home safely. But, I know a LOT of douchebags that joined up, married someone they knew for 3 months as teenagers and are fucking miserable losers that think the world owes them something because of their uniform. Their personal lives are often twice as messy as the rest of us, with bad decisions as rampant and obvious as the stupid tattoos. Respect is earned, that especially applies to the military. If I am about to fuck someone and they say they are married, I have to make a choice whether or not I'm ok with that. Personally, I'm not. Ever. Because of this situation potentially unraveling, because the one married girl I have fucked got me fired (didn't know she was married), and because of a similar situation with a police officer and a batshit ex-girlfriend. Also, where I'm from, it's still pretty legal to shoot someone you catch fucking your wife. But you have a choice to make, and it's whether or not you want to fuck someone you know is married. It shouldn't matter who her husband is or what he does. She made a choice to cheat on him, and if you're his best friend you deserve a place in hell. If you're a random in a bar, it's on her. "My wife must be beyond reproach"-Julius Caesar.
How dare you take a woman's lie seriously, how HORRIBLE of you! Though in all honesty taking the DVD is kind of a dick move regardless of context.
I was just mulling this exact thought over this morning because I did imply in my post - and my knee-jerk reaction was - that it seemed somehow worse when someone was serving in the military, away from home, and was getting cuckolded. That feels wrong to me, though, upon reflection. Chosen profession should not automatically entitle someone to more or less respect. There are power-hungry police officers, and sleazy firefighters, and dickhead military men who joined so they could shoot someone. There are also shining moral examples of each of those professions. Then there are janitors who volunteer their free time to homeless shelters, and tax accountants who adopt foster children. So, while I understand there are military guys on here whose immediate gut reaction is to crucify someone who might have slept with a soldier's wife, I think it's shitty to imply that it is any more or less wrong than sleeping with any other married woman. Other husbands are either deserving of your consideration, or not - but no less so than a soldier.
As this happened to me(cheated on while deployed), my initial reaction was one of "fuck you, you're a turd, etc". After a moment of reflection, DD hit it pretty much on the head. The chick is the bad one here.
Totally, everyone knows Citizens on Patrol and Mission To Moscow are the Police Academy movies you WANT to steal...
Well, I've never been deployed but I've heard more than enough horror stories to convince me against getting myself into any serious relationship for the time being. Worst part is, half the times I've heard about significant others cheating it has been with another service member. It goes both ways though, service people will cheat on their partner while deployed while the one back home stayed faithful. My supervisor's wife, for example, fucked a bunch of dudes while she was deployed with and when she got back she left her Facebook page up on the computer along with messages detailing all of the "hot desert sex" she had been having. On topic: I've never really had what I would consider to be a one night stand.
Don't wanna derail this into a 'cheating' thread, but I've always had a tough time placing much blame, if any, on the person being cheated with. And if the person who's cheating says they are separated/getting divorced, how is it the cheat-ee's fault at all? Don't get me wrong, I think cheating is horrible, and if the cheat-ee is friends with or even kind of knows the cheated, they're horrible as well. But if there is no connection, let alone if it's a one night stand, it's a problem for the person cheating/their partner only, similar to what Scootah said. Blaming the person who's just trying to get laid seems like a stretch. FOCUS: I'm sure I've told it here before, but my last one night stand was a couple years ago with a crazy/hot chick. It was a total 'right place right time' situation for me, as she was clearly going home with someone that night. So we get to my place, and things go from zero to eighty pretty quick. By that I mean, things went from making out to her asking me to choke her in less than five minutes. It was a bit off-putting, as I had no experience with such an act before, and doing that to someone whose name I forgot was a bit...odd. She also scratched the hell out of my ribs and pulled some hair out. All within 15 minutes or so. The much much longer version, if anyone cares.