I think having bed-breaking sex with some foreign dude who claims to work in construction but is totally in the mob, and waking up the next day with a new coat, a pack of cigarettes, and an incorrectly entered phone number on New Year's day has recently taken the cake for my best one-night stand story. Question for the etiquette focus: Why are guys so insistent on it not taking place at their apartment? I personally don't like bringing people home primarily because I feel awkward having my roommates aware of what's going on, but it seems like guys have a different reason. A couple times this has happened it turned out it was because they lived with their girlfriend, but I'm sure that's not always the case...
Because they probably don't want to risk you being crazy as shit comming back to ther place on a random Tuesday night with a fruit basket, or because they don't want their roommates knowing they fuck ugly broads. We all do it, we just don't want our friends to jam us for it.
I've never been insistent on going to the girls place, I didn't even know this was a thing until right now. I prefer my place, I feel like it gives me a bit of a home field advantage, plus, access to my toothbrush (Sonic-care, bitches). As to the focus, I have no good stories. Just awkward goodbyes.
Reason 1: If you leave while you're still drunk, it minimises the risk of you waking up in the morning next to Griswold the Blacksmith and thinking OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?? That way, in your mind, she'll always be that Jessica Alba lookalike. Reason 2: It minimises the chance of discovering depths of crazy you'd repressed/ignored when your penis was doing your thinking for you. Reason 3: A guy walking home in the morning after a night of crazy monkey sex following a heavy binge drinking session will, as a rule, generally look a bit unkempt at worst. A girl doing the same will look like a very poorly maintained streetwalker, especially if she didn't bring a hairbrush and makeup products. So it's just common courtesy. Reason 4: A guy is more likely to have drunken flatmates who think it's hilarious to burst into their room naked and shout "ROOM FOR ONE MORE?" (your experience may vary) Reason 5: A single guy's room is generally a disastrous mess that he doesn't want to inflict on any girl.
This would be my reasoning mostly. My room is generally ok, but the common rooms of the house are normally in post-Katrina-esque conditions. It comes with the territory in a house with 3 guys. But the kitchen is never less than a disaster, so offering breakfast the next morning would look unsanitary at best. (even though I make a mean Belgian Waffle and the coffee is always top notch) The other reason for me is my 3rd roommate. He is a super nice guy but uber-religious. I mean, he went to divinity school and then back to finish med school. Not that I follow any sort of religion, I would still feel a bit guilty about rubbing it in his face. If he was a prick about it, and constantly pushed his beliefs on me, I would totally bring a girl back...and keep the door open. When he wasn't home, it was game on.
I personally always prefer my house. I like my stuff, I don't have to find a way home afterward, and there's lots of ways to get rid of randoms if they get annoying. I do have a thing of single use, disposable toothbrushes in the bathroom draw and ill usually offer someone a lift home when I'm sober.
I never have a problem with it, and prefer it for comfort's sake. I'd much rather endure an awkward goodbye in which I sink back into my own comfy bed than one which then leads to me having to sleepily return home. I also hate leaving a girl's place in the morning. I had a FWB who I hooked up with semi-frequently for a couple months and I still received shifty loathsome glances from her roommates when I left. Whereas I don't deal with that in my apartment and my roommates are civil enough that they reserve celebration and/or ridicule for later in the afternoon. I also find it interesting how many people leave right after, maybe its because I'm sleepy post-coitus but all I have on my mind is sleep. And provided we're at my place, I have no problem with her sleeping over cause in less she wants to leave I'm gonna crash. I haven't had a ton of true one night stands. Rather beginnings of brief FWB situations usually, and the one night stands I've actually had were with people normally with some sort of familiarity. One stands out however. My roommate Dew was unemployed for a time last fall. As such, I went out with him on a Wed night for the hell of it. We end up running into a girl (KT) I knew from college and a group of her friends. She and Dew hit it off and I flirt with one of her cuter friends (J). We dance and flirt and before long the bar closes. We leave and are walking around Lincoln Park for awhile. As I'm hitting on J, KT and Dew are stopping every 5 steps to make out and get handsy. Despite attempts, J isn't super receptive and I just kind of go into cruise control. Eventually, KT feels weird about the lack of making out on our end, and they get in a cab. 5 min later she texts me and says they regret leaving, especially J. Do we want to come over? Considering Dew thinks he is getting sober, it takes us approximately 5 seconds to decided yes, so we stupidly get in his car and drive. We realized halfway there that they are nursing students at Rush. You Chicagoans know that its a bit of a hike from LP, especially at fucking 2:30-3AM on a work night. We get there and KT and Dew start sitting in each other's laps and making out and J is still kind of distant. After an awkward 20 min, she gets up to go to her apartment next door, and I start to figure out how I'm gonna get home. Until she pointedly looks at me and says "Come on, lets go". Once in her apartment, we go to her room where she is still awkward and even changes into her sleep clothes in the bathroom. Laying in her bed, I just decided I had nothing left to lose and I kissed her which hit some crazy light switch and in the next half hour we fucked on half a dozen different surfaces around her apartment and reacted to her roommate potentially waking up with "Don't worry, I would just ask her to join, and she probably would..." Unfortunately she didn't. We finally passed out at like 530 and my alarm went off at 745. Dew wouldn't wake up despite repeated calls and me buzzing the apartment and I took a $20 cab home in the rain where I barely had time to shower before shuffling miserably into work. It still goes down as the worst day of work I've had to sit through and funny enough, Dew didn't even get KT's pants off cause she was "sort of talking to this guy" so he got the worst make-out related chapped lips you can imagine. It remained a one night stand because J proved to be flakey and crazy and I quickly realized I wasn't the first or last gentlemen to bend her over the coffee table in their family room that month.
I started a habit long ago as a hopeful freshman in college which lead to me cleaning my room every Friday in the hopes that I brought a girl back and wasn't ashamed of the hovel I resided in. Even if it often consists of me making my bed and throwing everything in my closet, the floors are clean and a cracked window has made it smell nice.
I think some of these "rules" need to be age appropriate. I never cared about coming back to my place. I kept the toothbrush, hell, I even kept shampoo, conditioner, and a separate body wash for them, along with clean towels, and a hair brush. (For the record, I am bald). I was in a relationship for most of my twenty's, and didn't really experience singlehood till I was 29, so the drunken, unkempt roommates, or dirty rooms didn't really apply. I'd even cook you breakfast after smashing your guts in, I was just that kind of guy. I never minded even driving them back to their car in the mornings or if they didn't want to spend the night, but the one thing, the one single fucking thing that annoyed the shit out of me, was they wouldn't shut the fuck up. After a night of drinking and fucking, with little sleep, please, just be quiet. Then again, alot of them were insecure trainwrecks, so it figures.
I've never had a one night stand, but I've put a bit of thought into the rules of etiquette I would appreciate: 1. Be considerate of roommates and/or neighbors. There's no need for yelling or screaming at the top of your lungs. 2. Leave within 30 minutes of waking. I wouldn't want to cuddle or get breakfast with some random dude. Those are boyfriend activities. Wake up, put your clothes on, and get the fuck out.
I'm not exactly sure what the proper etiquette is, but "Checkout time bitch, I'm done" after ejaculation isn't it.
What if he starts singing "I've Got A Golden Ticket" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? I'm not asking this for me, of course. Rather for a friend of a friend. *ahem*
I've always just shown them the level of respect that they showed my house. If I wake up and you've left beer cans and whatever other trash around my place, then you're gonna be asked to leave and given whatever you need to get home. You throw your shit away and act like a decent human being? You're gonna get a breakfast (either homemade or waffle house depending on the desire to see the person again) and the easiest way back to your car within reason.
what the hell kind of women have you been sleeping with? I mean it's one thing if you live in a party house (even then it'd be weird) but what kind of woman, even college age, leaves beer cans around the house of who they are hooking up with? Or if you're a chick or gay, what kind of guy?
Of course, because the right thing to do is to treat people like dogs. BAD RANDOM HOOK UP. THIS NEGATIVE STIMULUS WILL TEACH YOU. Oh you cleaned up after yourself? Good random hookup. Here, have a treat.
This obviously does not read like I meant it to. Long story short, you treat my place like you treat yours you basically are in your place as far as I'm concerned. You treat it like a damn flop house, get the fuck out.
I said this in rep, but this seems pretty reasonable regardless of whether you've fucked somebody or not. I think the etiquette should be pretty much the same as if you let a friend of a friend crash at your house. Be polite, be nice, offer some coffee, but you're not compelled to entertain them for too many daylight hours unless you feel like it. If you're the visiting team, wake up at a reasonable hour, be polite and adult, and if somebody seems like they have shit to do, let them get to it. Unless you're going to fuck again, and if you are, make it worth their while. None of this 45% drunk nonsense, these are sober hours, and treat them as such.
Why would your random hookup be a complete slob while at your house, but be allowed to stay? I wouldn't want to hook up with someone whose general lack of respect for my house not to mention themselves. It's a hook up not a sloppy party guest.