A couple of days ago, Twitter user "iHeartMtnDEW" tweeted: Frankie Muniz retorted: Even if iHeartMtnDEW had a point, you have to admit that Malcolm laid the verbal smackdown on his ass. FOCUS: Tell the story of the best comeback you ever heard - the more detail, the better. Alternatively, tell the story of when you've seen someone just utterly verbally destroyed.
Admit my nuts. iHeartMtnDEW would have been better off with "Your entire fortune is predicated on a series carried by Jane Kaczmarek and Bryan Cranston. You should sacrifice a goat to them every time you spend a single dollar of that "Agent Cody Banks" money, because you sure as shit didn't bank it with talent, you smug, fuckfaced little "Big Fat Liar"-filming prickstain." Focus:
Incidentally my favorite verbal thrashing was handed out by The Rock to Chris Jericho upon his WWF debut. After interrupting The Rock, Jericho proceeds to spend several minutes announcing who he is and what he plans to do. But The Rock needs some clarifications...
I assume he'd then reply with something like @BeefyPhil - You're right, excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep in the bathtub full of money I keep around for hookers and blow. I know most of you don't give a fuck about cricket. But the sledge and reply between Glenn Mcgrath and Eddo Brandes remains my all time favorite - McGrath (to Brandes) Why are you so fat? Brandes (To McGrath) Everytime I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit. McGrath has bad luck with sleding McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s di*k taste like?” Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife. McGrath's wife has since died of cancer. So I guess those jokes would be less funny now - but they were pretty awesome at the time.
Didn't McGrath completely snap after that exchange and grab Sarwan but the throat & threaten to kill him?
More famous ones are skipping my mind but I remember the funniest comeback from middle school: PersianKid: (slams pay phone behind school) Son of a Bitch! BestFriendsSister: Whats wrong with you? PK: Get away I don't want to hear your shit today BFS: God whats up your ass?!?! PK: Yo' Mama's Dick! BFS:Asshole! Little better to have been there but it started off light when she asked what was wrong and they both ended up screaming. I gave the kid points for creativity, though he left himself open for a gay comeback the implication that her mom was a tranny stunned her into fumbling. Also a middle school argument. Both named Eric, one a neighborhood tough, the other a semi effeminate spaz. Again escalating from a normal conversation into a record scratching argument on the bus ride home: GayEric: Shut up, your a bitch. ToughEric: Bitch you like the power rangers! GE: What ever I bet you'd fuck the yellow ranger! (implying the original Asian girl wasn't worthy of a dicking, the bus is silent at this point) TE: YOU'D FUCK THE BLUE RANGER!!!! (bus erupts with laughter)
Just to keep with the cricket theme, apparentely the Australians were playing a county side in England before the Ashes as a warm up game. Whilst some mediocre batsman who nobody had ever heard of was batting, Mark Waugh started sledging him about how useless he was, to which the batsman replied, "I may be useless, but at least I'm the best in my family." Mark's twin brother Steve was of course another Australian cricketer, and arguably better. FOCUS Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”
I got slapped for the following: Moderately attractive girl (MAG): My students think I'm hot! Me: Oh, that's so sweet. MAG: That I'm hot? Me: No, that you teach special ed. 'SLAP' Totally worth it.
A guy I was casually banging decided to ask me if I ever regretted having sex with him. My Reply: Usually about half way through. Edit: This was at a bar where we were both drunker then two pirates, and surrounded by people we were both good friends with. Everyone at the table fucking busted up.
This one cracks me up every time. One of the girls from Melrose Place talks about her movie with Carrot Top, and Norm Macdonald makes fun of her for it.
I was having a pointless conversation with a female friend as to why I broke up with my last girlfriend, one of the hottest girls that I've ever dated, and I knew it was time to change the subject. "Listen, here's the bottom line. The smartest thing that ever came out of that girl's mouth was my penis" I'm not sure where I heard that line, but I can't claim credit for it. She was not amused though.
Since he's been here on or around day one I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was A.) Trying to be funny B.) Honestly forgot (Old English will do that to you) or C.) Someone said it before TM and he doesn't remember who
I was out to dinner with a few friends and a couple whom I didn't know. The female half of the couple was a militant feminist and it was obvious from the start that her boyfriend was completely pussy whipped. Now, I'm never an asshole just to be an asshole, but after 10 minutes of listening to her self-righteous ranting I had had enough, and as soon as the opportunity presented itself I spoke this line as though it had been handed down to me by Zeus himself: I just realized that if you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place. My friends held back for a second but ended up cracking up anyway. And it was my favorite kind of laugh, the "hahaha... ohhhh". The couple was less than impressed.
Some of you have probably heard this, but it's one of my favorite stories to tell. It was my sophomore year of college and my roommate and I had a bunch of people over on a Friday night. My friend asked if she could invite some more people over and I had no problem with it. When they arrived, it was two cute girls and one drunk, nasty chick. She was a big girl, probably 60 pounds overweight and wearing a shirt that kept riding up over her stomach. Not the prettiest sight, but I kept my focus on the others that came with her. We were all talking and chubs quickly turned the conversation to sex, which was...unfortunate. She regaled us with stories of the poor fellows she had taken to bed, or lawn, or alleyway as we all tried to shift the topic in a more appealing direction. Not having any of it, she kept chugging along, talking about blowing and anal and...I just needed a break. I went to the bathroom and overheard her say, "I think piercings are sexy!" The rest was muffled by the toilet flushing. I zipped up and went to go back into the room and was met with a terrible vision. There she was, pants at her ankles, showing everyone her clit piercing. I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Holy shit! It looks like a bulldog chewing on a marble!" First it was pin-drop silent, then everyone burst out laughing, even her friends. She redressed and exited the room to go pass out on my bedroom floor. Why she didn't punch me in the face on her way by, I'm not sure.
I was at a bar with my dad and some of his friends. His friend Moose and I went to take a piss and Moose was exiting the bathroom without washing his hands. Some guy said "Didn't your mom teach you to wash your hands?" Moose replied instantly "Nope, my mom taught me not to piss on mine." I fucking lost it right there in the bathroom.