Nett is an amazing person because he can inspire two completely separate threads with a single post. Parents generally have our best interests in mind. As long as they don't conflict too much with their best interests. And therein lies the rub - occasionally parents will do things to us that we find mortifying and that keep therapists in business for years. FOCUS: What embarrassing things did/do your parents do to you? How have they scarred you for life? ALT FOCUS: If you are a parent (I know we have some broken condom veterans here), how do you embarrass your children? Do you do it on purpose for the lulz, or mostly just so you don't have to deal with your magical crotch goblins?
Focus- I don't think my dad had a specific intent on embarrassing us. Around middle school age he started hounding us endlessly about who the cute girls were in our classes, who we thought was going to have big hooters, basically trying to find out who we had crushes on, etc. He's go so far as to whip out our year books when our friends came over and ask them who we liked or who liked us. Most of the time my brother's friends or mine would just point out the token fat girl in class or the downs syndrome girl. Though he'd laugh off the LD girl he'd actually go to our mom believing that we were crushing on fatties. This shit embarrassed me to no end. Being insanely shy as I was towards girls, Im guessing as shy as your average TIBer at this age, I think it really set me way back in the confidence game on the girl subject. Something I didn't really get over until well into my sophomore year at college. I think I personally take most of the blame for it as his actions weren't outrageous but I can remember reacting in almost panic attack like fashion the few times girls tried contacting me at home and he got to the phone first.
FOCUS: I learned late into my teens that ANYTHING I said in confidence to my parents would become a topic of conversation between them and their friends. As a result, I no longer tell my parents anything at all. I only wish I'd realised this earlier in life. I also think I'm not the only one on TiB with this problem? I'll mention another one was back when I was in Scouts. I was asked to go and fetch some stuff downstairs out of one of the storage rooms. Bear in mind that the room at this time was unlocked (it could be bolted shut from the outside and the light switch was outside the room too). Of course, some of the guys thought it would be funny to lock the room from the outside and turn the light off right when I was in the digging around for the stuff I'd been asked to fetch. It was really fun for me (not) when the cockroaches came running all over me. Did I mention the roach problem, and how much I HATE roaches? Being in pitch darkness and unable to see anything - not even my hand, since the room was underground, was pretty terrifying - cue 10 minutes of me screaming my lungs out to be let out. Eventually, I calmed down and realised my father (who was the troop scouter at the time, and was upstairs) had done NOTHING to remedy this situation. Maybe he meant for it to happen to toughen me up or something. All it did was make me realise that I was definitely not the son he wanted (since it's not likely you'd let that happen to a son you wanted, right?) and since then, I stopped giving a fuck what he thinks about anything. I quit Scouts soon after and instead refocused on slacking. He (intentionally or unintentionally) broke me that night and I've never felt the same since.
My mother used to drive passed me on my walk home from school and scream "Are you wearing a bra" out the window. I walked home with a group of friends and I was usually mortified.
I learned this a bit earlier on. My my has a very big family, so whenever we would go to visit them, I'd get to hear the exact same story about something stupid I said or did (ie: everything a normal 7 year old ever does) over and over again. Same deal as you, I don't tell my parents anything about anything. We have a real fucking functional relationship now because of it.
I played in Little League (baseball, for you non-americans) for a large chunk of my youth; I think from age 8-15 or so. I was I think around 10 when this happened. All the cool kids' parents would buy them slim jims, big league chew, or gatorade during the game. My parents brought me a large water bottle full of milk. The other kids never let me live it down.
Once, in high school, I had lunch with my mother after a meeting of some sort. I saw a classmate of mine as we were leaving, and said hello; my mother didn't notice him. Later, he joked that my mother must hate him or something. I assured him this wasn't the case, and in my amusement, told my mother about the whole incident. Smash-cut to a month later, and we're having some sort of parent-student gala. My mother makes a beeline over to him, shakes his hand and says how very happy she is to see him. Confused, he tries to pull away, but she continues to shake his hand for the better part of a minute and sarcastically gush about how he is the only person in the whole world she wanted to see at this point. She can be a bit of a jerk. At the same gala, parents submitted photos of their kids for a slideshow. Did my mother give photos of me frolicking in the snow, or hiking, or throwing that ol' curveball? Nope. She sent in a topless photo of me, that caused an uncomfortable and fairly embarrassing reaction from the other collected parents and students.
The only thing that my parents did that embarrassed me in junior high and high school was to drive unusual cars. Neither of my parents have ever had a new car. My dad collects and restores cars so they always daily drove old cars. Inevitably, my dad would swap in a V8 and loud exhaust which made them stand out. He is also a fan of bright, sometimes ugly colors. When I was a little kid I thought these cars were awesome and now that I'm older I'm back to thinking they're pretty cool. In between, however, having my dad pull up in an orange '76 Vega 2-door station wagon with a small block seemed like the end of the world.
The most embarrassing thing my dad ever did to me happened when I was about 7 or 8. He was my Cub Scout softball coach. Cub Scout softball is a slow pitch, everyone plays, everyone bats sort of league. So it's about fun, or something. Anyway, I'm pitching and apparently not doing so well. He basically runs out to the pitching rubber, gets about two inches from my face, and growls, "If you walk another batter, I'll rip your arm off, and beat you to death with it!" Not too bad, except he left me in the game for another two innings or so. It was horrible, he just sat there, not saying anything. Holy shit was I scared that I was going to walk another batter and go home with only one arm.
My parents never did anything to try and embarass me in my middle school or high school years, they did not have to. My mind was set that if they were just around me, then it was going to be embarassing. Turnabout, now my 14 year old twin boys are embarassed to have me around their friends. It comes back to bite you everytime.
My dad didn't do much to embarrass me because mostly he stayed out of the way whenever I brought friends home. The worst thing I can remember is when I told him I was going on my very first date with my very first "boyfriend" and he insisted on calling the guy's mom because he was a few years older than me and was going to be driving us. Daaaaaadddddddd. Although, my-best-friend's-mom-who-is-basically-my-mom definitely made up for it. She lived to embarrass us. I developed early, and I have pretty big boobs, so from the time I was 13 or so, she started calling me Busty. I can't remember the last time she's used my real name since then. I don't even notice how weird it is anymore, but when it first became the standard, it was awfully embarrassing to be a 14 year old in a supermarket and have her yelling after me saying "BUSTY! BUSTY?! WHERE ARE YOU?" Or just calling me that in front of teachers or something. Yeah. Not too bad though. Other than that, I mostly took care of embarrassing myself.
My stepmother is extremely open when it comes to talking about sex. In general, in theory, and having to do with her personal experience (which would also mean she is talking about my father as well). There are so many 'gems' of sex-related comments she has made over the years but this one has stuck with me: The scene: Christmas morning ~5 years ago. My siblings and I are hanging out in the living room waiting for my parents to come downstairs so we can open the presents (at this point we were all in high school/college). Finally my stepmother arrives in the living room with the expectation that my father will be shortly behind her. My brother asks, "What was taking so long?" Stepmother: "I had to tend to the Christmas woody!" Instant irreversible scar. I still cringe when I think of this. To be clear: they are entitled to their sex life. I just don't need to hear about it, using the term "woody" no less, on Christmas morning.
If I left my underwear on the bathroom floor after showering when I got home they'd be hanging on my bedroom doorknob. I brought friends home with me after school. Thanks Mom. She sent me on a blind date with a coworkers nerdy ginger Son. It didn't go well at all and I never saw him again. Cut to just 2 years ago when I go over at Moms and he is mowing her lawn, for money. He turned out how I thought he would, broke, real-jobless and single. Me realizing who he was and having to interact with him was awkward to say the least. "Nice to see you. You look well." "ummm...thanks, same to you." What I wanted to say was, "That was the worst date I've ever been on to this day and why did you make me pay for my own 2 buck burger you schlep?" Thank God my Dad had slipped me a few bucks, "just in case."
Being raised a Jewish kid comes with all sort of trials and tribulations. The most embarrassing thing that stands out for me is the Bar Mitzvah. Granted, when all is said and done, if you came from a generous family, you could make out like a bandit. Heres the scene: I am a somewhat fat, short and pre-pubescent 7th grader who is being made to speak a language that is so utterly unfamiliar to an English tongue. Not enough? SING IN THAT LANGUAGE TOO! For approximately 2 hours (depending on how Jewish you are) in front of all your friends and family. But wait...theres more. Skip ahead a couple years when all the family friends and cousins are getting ready for their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs too. "Hey! Lets watch the VIDEO of xrayvision's Bar Mitzvah service and party!" In front of all the house guests at the same time. "Where do you think you're going, xray? You can't go hide in your room. Its not polite to leave all of our company like that." My mom probably showed the video approximately 8-9 times over the next 6 years. One time, my sister thought it would be fucking hilarious to show the video to a group of her super-hot friends. I walked in from work one afternoon and it was in the middle of playing. Jesus, I wanted to kill her. It got progressively more embarrassing the older I got. Thankfully, they no longer have a vhs player so the tapes are pretty much worthless, but the pictures still make an appearance. Out of the goodness of my heart, I will share a picture from my Bar Mitzvah that my sister has on her facebook, because she thinks its so funny. I'm so happy that I don't even look close to this anymore.
My mother also embarrassed me during Little League. All the parents took turns bringing snacks, usually rice krispy treats and sugary juice boxes. My mom, the healthnut, however, would bring shit like celery sticks and water bottles. It was absolutely mortifying to a 12 year old.
This happened during a football tailgate my Junior year at college. My parents and sister were and a lot of my friends were drinking a good amount when one of my freshman female friends turns to my Dad and this quick dialog ensues: Freshman to Dad: "I'd fuck you if you weren't married." Dad: Speachless, then after a few seconds: "My son isn't married and he's single." Freshman: "Oh, I've already hooked up with him a couple times, and probably will again tonight." Dad: "That's good to know." Not really my Mom, but it involved my Dad and some fantastic awkwardness later and the next day.
You guys had it easy. Fucking pricks. Grade 1, got in trouble for getting up and walking around, so the teacher tells me I have detention on lunch and can't leave the classroom or they'll call my parents. I, being the 6 year old, parent fearing kid I am, think this is a fair request, and each my lunch in relative peace. That is until my delicious and refreshing juicebox decides to wreck havoc on my bladder and make me have to pee. Now, the teacher was not in the room, she was probably in the staff room smoking and watching soap operas or whatever staff rooms had back in the day, and I did not want to have my parents called incase she came back and I had left to go relieve myself. So I pissed my pants. Right there in my seat. I squirmed and held and pinched and did everything to stop from peeing, but there's only so much a tiny bladder can do before it metricates all over oneself. So the teacher comes back, I am in tears for a) pissing myself b) thinking I'll be in trouble for pissing myself and c) thinking I'll be made fun off for pissing myself by my friends Luckily, the teacher felt horrible and called my dad and let me hang out in the back of the class and told the other kids to not go near me when they came back because I wasn't feeling well. Ten minutes later, my dad strolls in to the classroom, comes over and asks how I can manage to pee myself at school when the bathroom is right across the hall? I grimmaced, and did the slow motion look over to my peers, who were in stitches laughing at me. I spent the next two weeks being called pee pants before a new kid moved to town from Scotland and everyone was fascinated by his accent. So embarrassing. Another one involving my father was about 8 years later. A new girl had moved to our street and in order to make friends with the majority of the guys on our street, she would let us feel her up and such, but only while we were playing truth and dare. I got her to come over and we went and hung out in my garage. We were kissing and I was feeling her up while she was rubbing my dick through my pants (blowjobs were a foreign concept to me at this time). My dad opens the door to come in and get a beer from the fridge, and says "That's not Melissa" as we try and cover up, and nonchalantly grabs a beer and walks away. Now, there was no Melissa. Never has been, never will be. As he's closing the door, I'm getting slapped in the face and left with blue balls. The girl never came to play truth and dare ever again. Not so much embarrassing as awkward, and frustrating, as my own dad cock blocked the shit out of me. I didn't get any for about 2 years after that. Well played father, well played. This one doesn't involve my parents, but my brother. I had just started dating my girlfriend, and had told my brother she was coming over so don't be a dick. I get ready, she comes over and we hang out and she states she has to go to the bathroom. She walks in and kind of lets out a gag and runs back into my room. My brother walks into the bathroom and screams "JESUS JDTHEHERO! Flush the toilet after you take a shit! You're disgusting!" The bastard had dropped a fucking Hiroshima bomb in the shitter, left it, and then blamed me for it when my girlfriend went to use the bathroom. Try explaining that one to a 17 year old girl. Does not compute.
My father has always been a big dude. Farm boy big. I on the other hand was rather scrawny until I turned 20. I was a hellion and a pain in the ass as a kid and teen. When I pissed my father off he had one threat that I pretended didn't scare me but terrified me to the core. The rocking chair. My father would chase me down, scoop me up, carry me to the living room, sit down in the rocking chair next to the fireplace and rock me. Not just for a few seconds but for minutes. All the while talking soothingly too me in the most condescending manner possible. Ever seen a 15 year old kid being rocked? If you were friends with me back then you would have.
Oh fuck all of you. In the 18 months after high school graduation - my dad fucked at least 2 of my friends. At least! It's not like I've gone out of my way to find out about his sexual activity, or if any of my other guy friends from high school had a thing for experimenting with older men. Still awkward more than a decade later. From some rep misinterpretation - these were guy friends, and to the best of my knowledge, Dad and I have never fucked the same person. Also eww.