This morning I decided I wanted some toast. A simple enough craving, right? I grab a package of bread, remove two slices, place them in the toaster and depress the handle. The coils glow red and all is right with the world. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I'm in an usually good mood. I grab some butter from my refrigerator and while my back is to the toaster I hear it eject. And by "Eject", I mean my toaster flung my toast with roughly the force of a medieval catapult designed to fling cows over the walls of a besieged city. My toast landed in the sink. My sink full of soapy water. I think I may just go crawl back in bed. Focus: What are your warning signs that the day is just not going to go right?
When I'm trying to do what's been asked of me here and I get stupid dots from The Sack that say, "Uh oh Mommys mad." Yep, that about does it.
FOCUS: My bad omen is when I drop my tongs within 15 minutes of clocking in at work. Sets the tone for the entire day and ensures that I will drop something important at some point.
Odd timing for this, since I was literally just explaining to my friend that I'm irrationally upset, and my whole day has been ruined by fucking Red Robin. My coworker and I decided on ordering Red Robin to pick up for lunch. She wanted the chicken burger, I wanted the bruschetta. What we got was a chicken burger with a side of cheese toast. Unfortunately we didn't realize the error until we got back to the office, and the rest of my afternoon has been an effort at me trying to maintain a reasonable blood pressure. I can't even explain why I'm this upset.
I wouldn't go so far as to say my whole day gets ruined, but any change in the sequence of my morning routine throws me out of kilter. Sequence of events has to go like this: Wake up Piss Brush teeth Shower Dry off Shave Get dressed If I shower before brushing my teeth or shave before showering, I just feel off for the rest of the day. Of course, pissing before I wake up puts a wrinkle in the wife's day, too.
The instant I wake up, i know what kind of day it is going to be for me. On the weekdays, If I'm tired as shit then bad; on weekends if I'm hungover as shit then bad
When you wake up, you're feeling lazy and you're having waffles or pancakes. Then after you put the syrup on your food, your fork slips down into the syrup. You pick it up thinking 'ah fuck it I don't need a new one' and then lick it clean. And it looks clean. But it isn't. It's a lie. Your hands are sticky for the rest of the meal and no matter what you do nothing will fix it. You try to enjoy your food and ignore what happened but it lingers in the back of your mind eating away at you faster than you could ever eat your pancakes. That's when I could just about murder someone and my day tends to go downhill from there.
-When you're so tired you put dad's hemorrhoid cream on your toothbrush instead of toothpaste.* -When you wake up, totally hung over, and you grab that refreshing bottle of water to find out it's full of vodka after you've tugged on it for about 10 seconds. -When it's dark, that bottle has a label on it, and some asshole filled it with dip spit. *Thank god I realized at the last minute what I had done.
I have drank dip spit before, in the dark on a bus ride home with my redneck wrestling team. vomit is inevitable
I think mistaking your toothbrush for your 5 bladed razor falls under that category too. Thankfully I noticed something was off before I put it in my mouth once I had opened my eyes.
I have these delicious Fiber One* dark chocolate granola bars. I usually grab one to keep me at bay during my commute to work. I went to the cabinet this morning and found the box empty. My wonderful husband ate the last one last night and had the temerity to say "Oh, those bars are really good" when he saw my crestfallen face. Cue bad day all around so far. But I guess that's not as bad as last week's mishap: Mr. Pink accidentally taking an Ambien thinking it was his Zocor at 5:30AM. I heard it was an interesting day for him. *yeah, I eat lots of fiber. Shut up, I'm more regular than you are.
I have a one year old and a two year old. Any time I get bodily fluids or substances or other stuff (urine, feces, snot, vomit) on me first thing in the morning is interesting. I know the day is going to suck when I don't notice getting these things on me. The best example was when I was in Court one day and looked down at my pants and noticed I had a little hand-print in yogurt on the back of my knee.
Monday morning I woke up, which Monday mornings are bad enough by themselves, but this Monday I had to drop my cat off at the vet. Anybody who has ever tried to find a cat that doesn't want to be found knows how that goes. Loom in every closet, under every piece of furniture, behind the dressers, look in every closet again. 30 minutes of searching pass and no sign of the damn cat. All the while I am getting closer and closer to being late to work. Finally I called my husband who informs me that he went ahead and took the cat, I guess he didn't feel it was important to leave a note. As a result all of my patients were batshit crazy that day and I was ready to pull my hair out by 10am. That's got to be why so it was all his fault.
I had one of these a couple of months ago: You just know its going to be a shitty day when the dentist's office catches on fire and needs to be evacuated while you are numbed up in the chair.
Whenever I get to my desk at work and see that there's a waiting voicemail. That means that at some point during the evening, someone found a problem with something I designed, or found a problem on site that I need to know about, and it usually means something will need to get built immediately to correct the problem. I try not to be a pessimist, though. Many things have to go wrong throughout the day in order for me to give up on it.
My cat has a lot to do with my state of mind for the day. If I can get through a morning without her breaking/spilling something and also without stepping in a pile of puke, we are off to a good start.