From reddit This should be in a quote tag but for some reason the board wont let me "An ex-girlfriend of mind was kind of Wiccan, but her older sister was REALLY Wiccan. Like always talking about astral projection and spells she was putting on people and reading our destinies in our palms and talking about how fate meant for us to be together and way too into movies like The Craft. Well, I guess fate meant for my girlfriend to fuck another dude rather than be together forever, so I dumped her ass. A few nights later, around midnight (OF COURSE), I get a call from her older sister doing her spooky witch voice. Picture a girl with a thick Southern accent trying to sound like a spooky Disney witch. "Ooooooh, since you broke my sister's heart, I'm going to put a curse on you." "Oh, hi. Maybe your sister shouldn't have sucked another dude's dick." "What kind of curse should I put on you? I need something good, something evil, some black magic..." "Well..." And I started ad libbing. "I should tell you it's not going to work." "...why not?" And for some reason, she starts taking me seriously. "I didn't want you to find out about this too soon, but I'm actually a very powerful warlock. Did you think my going out with your sister was just a coincidence?" Fuck if I know, at this point I'm rolling. "You're just bluffing," she says, but I can hear she's uncertain. "I didn't pick up anything in your aura..." "Really? You thought you could read my aura?" Do I even know what I'm saying? I have no fucking idea. "Come on, that's bush league shit. EVERYONE knows how to disguise their aura. Well, everyone except you, of course." She's silent. Holy shit, she's buying it. "C'mon, do you think people who are the real deal go around talking about their aura and showing off their spells? Think about it. The real witches and warlocks around here do more than get drunk at coven. I was going to invite your sister, but she didn't pass the test. You think that guy just HAPPENED to be there? You think this wasn't all part of the PLAN? But she failed the test and now..." DUN DUN DUN "There are consequences." I know I'm talking like a horror movie villain now but I am ad libbing furiously and trying not to die laughing. She finally starts talking again, but her voice is shaky. "I...you can't! I've got wards of protection..." "Your wards..." I put my voice down very melodramatically to a whisper. "Are gone." Now I don't believe in that shit and I was just fucking with her, but apparently fate had a sense of humor because (I found out later) her mom accidentally dropped a glass out in the kitchen right after I said that. All I knew was I heard the sound of glass breaking and she started screaming and freaking out and I hung up the phone because I was in tears from trying so hard not to laugh and had to explode. Every time I saw her from that point forward she'd do all her "protection signs" (kinda like the evil eye gesture but from someone that's completely nuts) and then run the other way while I just stared her down. Then promptly laughed my ass off when she was gone." FOCUS: What's the best / craziest lie you've ever told to get someone to stop bothering you? ALT-FOCUS: Any funny story about crazy pseudo-wiccans.