No, we're just friends

This seems to be the overriding "gotcha" message in this thread. But here's the rub, why can't a guy be friends with a girl he wants to fuck? Why does desire to fuck necessarily negate friendship? I get that if he's constantly trying to get in her pants, that's probably not going to be a successful friendship, but suppose a guy wants to fuck her, but decides for whatever reason not to try, but to keep it a friend level, what's the problem?

Are you guys such hornballs that every woman you find attractive, it must be dick inside her or no friendship at all?

 

Nobody said he couldn't? You can want to fuck someone and at the same time be friends with them. It's only a problem when the ONLY reason the guy is friends with a girl is the chance that he can fuck the girl.

Physical attraction is physical attraction. That's just what it comes down to.

 

I don't miss The Bunny either. Tortured artists who bitch about their various mental disorders are not fun. It's like hanging out in a high school art room.

I'm male, and am only really have 1 good female friend, and I'd never make a move on her. Not only because I'm not attracted to her, but because from experience it creates awkwardness and kills friendships, at least in my experience.

Most girls are ignorant of the male thought process. Every female I encounter, I think 2 things: "yes, I'd like to bang them" or "no, I don't wish to bang them". To claim that you've never considered fucking a female friend is simply a lie.

 

This is where the whole discussion is getting misinterpreted, I think. I still say it goes back to the nature of the friendship. I have girls who I would call friends but they're more like acquaintances. They're in the various circles of friends I have and I can hang out and have a great time with them. Some of them I would sleep with, some of them I wouldn't. But in every instance, they're not REALLY close friends. I don't call them up to go to a movie with me. I don't ask them to go on shopping trips with me. I don't ask them to go out to the bars with me*. Unless, of course, it's a group setting. Or they're bringing a friend for me. I like them as people and all, but I have guy friends to do that kind of shit with. The dirty little secret is that for the most part girls aren't as fun to hang out with as guys. Guys are funnier. Guys are more interesting. Guys can tell a story without rambling on for 10 minutes about what kind of shoes they were wearing when the story took place. I'm obviously painting broad strokes here but, in general terms, it's the truth. That's why I am suspicious of any girl who thinks she has that special guy friend where sex isn't even a consideration. Because more often than not, she isn't that fucking cool.

Girls are fun to hang out with when you're pursuing/flirting with them. Or when they add to the group dynamic. Or when you're inside of them. Sure, there are some really interesting girls. And when I meet them I want to get intimate with them because interesting girls are fucking sexy. I don't want to have a just friends relationship with an interesting, smart, good looking girl. If they don't want the same thing I do, that's fine. At least you still have someone interesting in the group. But I'm not gonna be besties with her and hang out like old pals and do shit alone with her. If you can do that and not go fucking insane with sexual desire, then you're a better man than I am.

*And I certainly don't fly across the country to help them move a couch.

 

Am I the only one who thinks the women of the board are just not qualified to comment on this topic? Men can do a pretty good job of keeping their desires hidden in the interest of the friendship.

Of course wanting to fuck a female friend and actually doing it if given the opportunity are two different things. And of course some men are able to resist the temptation if sex was actually offered.

But if you're attractive and cool enough to be friends with the guy, he is sexually attracted to you. Or gay.

Edit: I should clarify before somebody points this out, despite my location, I realised long, long ago that it's retarded to be friends with a girl hoping for the off chance that she'll get drunk and want to sleep with me. Which is probably why I don't have any attractive female friends.

 

The not going insane thing becomes much easier with practice/as you get laid more.

You miss out on tons by painting in those broad strokes.

This is true, but even truer is that a truly hot woman playing wingman for you is probably the easiest way to get laid, ever.

One of my closest friends is a (gorgeous) strict lesbian, who when I first met her, I fell for her ridiculously hard. However, even though she liked me on several levels (some physical) she was just never was truly physically attracted to me (translation: She hated cock. I can sympathize with this). It ended up going back and forth through some truly awkward moments as she'd try until the physical became too much for her(translation: it came to the cock actually inside her point), but it settled into an awesome friendship with a few wild moments.
Whenever we went out as just friends, she'd always play wingman and I'd end up hooking up with shockingly hot girls with tiny effort. (The "He's the only guy I'd ever go straight for" and "I'm totally gay but I still thought he was amazing in bed" were awesome cards to have played for me and perked incredible interest.)
It only got to that point because even though I was totally honest and open about just how much I wanted to sleep with her, I still focused on being a good friend first, never letting the other side get in the way of us being friends, and mainly, manning up, respecting how she felt and not being a whiny bitch or pressuring her too much about it.

 

What the fuck is your point here? Nothing you said here makes any fucking sense whatsoever.

This makes no fucking sense, you fucking moron. Not if you're good at what? Not if you're good at sex? A good person? Good at getting girls to sleep with you? Please explain yourself, as I would love to understand what you're trying to say. I have no doubt it's retarded, but I'm honestly curious. I have reached a point in my relationship with a few hot girls that I think having sex with them would be bad for our friendship. So...I'm bad. Of course, I get it now...you're a fucking idiot.

I fail to see how you hi-fiving a girl you just had sex with is relevant to me saying I hi-five a female friend when she bangs a guy she liked. Again, please let me reiterate that you are a fucking idiot. So there's no reason to congratulate a female friend for accomplishing something she's proud of and happy about? What's the difference between this and congratulating a guy friend when he fucks a hot girl? Ok, I get it now. You clearly don't have any friends who are female. You must be incapable of developing such a relationship, and I feel sorry for you.

"Nah dude, I don't need to be friends with the broads...I just bone them all mannnnnnnnn."

Sure you do.

Yup, I went on a trip with a group of friends, slept in the bed with two of my best girlfriends and I didn't try to fuck them. I'm clearly a fag.

Please elaborate on your vague and shallow responses. I'd like to better judge whether you are a total piece of shit, or just a complete fucking idiot.

I think this is an excellent point, and definitely not one that had occurred to me before reading this. Even during the short periods of time in my life where I haven't been in a committed relationship, there was still never a lack of regular sex. And I think this definitely has something to do with it.

What's the matter guy? Not getting laid? For you, I recommend craigslist or fat chicks.

 

I count only one woman as a friend and that is because:
a) even though she is hot, she is pretty cool
b) she is Asian &
c) the antidote of yellow fever pumps through my veins

If she was a different ethnicity, she would have seen my penis already.

 

HAHAHAHAHA. FUCK NO.

 

I guess so.

 

I've read through this entire thread and scootah's post basically sums it all up. It really just boils down to supply and demand. How much you want it and how much you get it. Obviously men and women are attracted to each other, this should be common knowledge (if it isn't, you should ask your mom and dad to have 'the talk'). Doesn't mean however that you feel that need to act upon it all the time.

The nice guy example is just really an example of what happens when there is a shortage, it's no different than having to wait 18 years in the East Germany for a car. I therefore wouldn't judge people that do that as harshly as scootah does. The solution in that perspective though is rather a catch-22. Yes, they could have healthy relationships with females they don't want to fuck, but for that to happen they first have to find a way to control that desire. Either by fulfilling or by surpressing.

Another observation I'd like to make in this is, that the reason nice guys are frustrated and resort to this, is that they have difficulty in reading the signals in the first place. The result is that they blame the girls in question for not reading their signals, which in itself is kind of ironic, now that the strategy kind of depends on being able to hide it. Doesn't mean that some girls do read it and string them along anyway, in that case they're just as much to blame for the resulting fall-out. Don't get yourself caught up in such a situation. What I am trying to say with this rant here is that the key here really is honesty. If you're honest, you don't get this kind of shit.

 

For men who rarely get laid, they are.

 

You act like this isn't some huge number. I forget where I picked it up, but the average man has in his lifetime less than 10 partners. What you just said applies to 95 percent of men.

 

If we're bringing statistics into this, men have sex an average of 70-110 times per year between the years of 18 and 50 (the range accounts for different age groups). [1] Amount of partners has nothing to do with how much sex someone has.

 

I think it's possible.

I don't understand what's going on in this thread. It seems to be "attraction means there can never be friendship." Why can't there be a friendship if there is attraction?

I'm sure a lot of my guy friends are attracted to me. It kind of follows that if you find someone cool enough to hang out with, eventually there is some attraction. But even so, it doesn't really get in the way of us being friends.

It seems to me that most of the guys who answer "Girls = pussy or bust" really just don't see any value in having a girl around outside of sex. That's fine. I'll probably never be friends with you. But there do tend to be men out there who see girls as pussy AND other things. I can accept that guys I'm friends with look at my boobs, just like sometimes I check them out. It happens. I just don't see how that necessarily negates a friendship.

 

I'm sure I'm not the only guy here that has fucked a chick they straight up hated. When you like them you it seems natural to move to the next level.

When you meet a female that you connect with on an emotional/intellectual level and they're attractive I think most guys will take a shot to see where it goes. Maybe it's the male equivalent of the "what are we doing?" discussion ladies like to bring up at a certain point in a fwb situation.

 

I think this thread is one more in a pattern of threads that show how fundamentally warped many of TiB's members are. From the "Every group of guys has one everyone hates," thread to "Girls, please tell us why you are all uniformly cruel," thread to this one, there is something wrong with a lot of posters around here.

Males: do your male friends embody everything you want in a partner, except their gender? If your platonic male friends were in every way the same, except instead of male they were a physically attractive female, would you want to nail them?

For me, the answer is no. Most of my male friends are so because I've known them for years upon years, we had many common interests and thus happily spent a ton of free time together. And over time, we built a trust that makes them reliable. And that's how I make new friends. I meet people, we share common interests. We spend time together doing those common interests and have fun. Over time, we build trust and share more and more of our lives. If they or I break that trust, we stop being friends. Simple. Natural. Easy.

But that doesn't mean they have the qualities I'd want in a partner. Many of them are insecure, or self-involved, or inconsistent, or dirty, or have bizarre/extreme political beliefs, or are quick to anger or any number of qualities I do not admire or desire in a sexual partner. But they have other admirable qualities, I can trust them when I need to and we can have fun doing some or many things together. The more we enjoy doing together, the better friends we become.

What in the world stops this from happening when the person in question is my opposite gender?

What is wrong with you if you are so fixated on getting laid that you can't enjoy yourself with someone who is trustworthy and likes doing the same stupid stuff that you do?

Take out the gender in this thread's question and we're left asking, "Can you have a friend you don't want lay?" Everyone will (hopefully) say, "Of course, yes." Then I'll ask, what is the difference between friends you want to lay, and friends you don't? If your answer is "their gender", then you have a warped view of the differences between males and females.

If all you want from a friend is a lay, why don't you surprise one of your same-sex friends? What is the difference? Some of you will answer, "a vagina," and to you I ask... Do you enjoy anal? Food for thought.