No, we're just friends

I have plenty of hot girlfriends that I don't want to hook up with. I place a special value on their friendship, because they aren't as abundant as my male friends, and it's nice to be able get a friendly female perspective on different things. Also, you'd be stupid not to have some good girlfriends, as they can be an incredible resource. Hot girls have other hot girlfriends by extension, and girls love playing matchmaker. Friend visiting from out of town, maybe looking for a little vacation rendezvous? "You gotta meet my friend George, he's cute and fun; you'll love him!" I got hooked up with an absolute knockout and we ended up dating for a couple months, all because she was the sorority sister of one of my best girlfriends.

Call my a liar if you want, but right now* I really have no desire to hook up with my 5-6 really hot, really close girlfriends. And that's not just because I currently have a girlfriend. Yes, from a physical standpoint it would probably be incredible, but not worth it.

* In full disclosure: I say right now, because a couple of them I hooked up with before we were good friends. It was after a random hook up that we became friends. Two of the other girls I went to college with and REALLY REALLY wanted to hook up with them once upon a time, but bad timing with significant others never let it happen. And honestly, now, I wouldn't want to bang them.

Oh yea, ever go out to a bar or club with a group of 5-6 dudes? Ever go out to a bar or club with a healthy mix of male and female friends? I shouldn't have to explain all the reasons why one of these options far outweighs the other.

 

I like to let girls know right away, subtly and half-jokingly (totally seriously), that I'd hook up with them given the chance. Almost all of my former girlfriends were friends at the start, and thanks to a tiny bit of game and just being open to it, relationships formed. Last week I was out with a couple guys and a couple girl friends. Any one of the girls I would've banged. One girl was talking about how no guy has ever gotten her off with their tongue. One of my friends called bullshit, they other said dibs, and I said why don't we make this a pepsi challenge sort of thing. It's all fun, but at the same time we were all dead fucking serious. Did we all chow box? No. But who doesn't like to talk about sex? It set the tone for some sexually charged talk for the whole night, and good times were had by all. No one got laid from it that night, but two of them, who were initially friends, are now fucking like rabbits.

Girls who keep leading guys on are are wretched, ego boost-seeking bitches. Unless the guy is too much of a turd to express interest. If he does and she still keeps him in the friend zone, he should be castrated.

The whole friends with the opposite sex while in a relationship is not a big deal to me. I won't be making a move on any of them, so I become a pretty good wingman. It all boils down to everyone wants to bang everyone, though, really.

 

Maybe it's just my age, but I have a lot of girls who are just my friends.

If I have interest in a girl and she doesn't fall head over heels for me and all my natural charms, so be it. If I want to get my pecker wet that's only a speed bump and I move on.

The thing that seems to be missing in a lot of the arguements against men and women being just friends is one of the fundimental basics of friendship...ie...you see the other as a real person with thoughts and feelings.

Yes, the dynamics of the friendship are a bit different, but the fundementals are still the same as a same sex friendship...you enjoy one anothers company.

I treat the relationship with my female friends differently then I do with my male friends, but that's just human nature. My female friends and I will flirt, but is that really so different then telling a buddy "If you don't shut up I'm going to shove a dick in your mouth so you can't talk"? To gay guys that may or may not be a come on line, I dunno.

In short: I have plenty of female friends that I have about as much sexual intrest in as I have in bending one of my buddies over the couch. The stimulization just isn't there. I like them as a person and I enjoy spending time with them. That's it.

 

SGEDIT: PM or rep stuff like this.

 

Believe it or not, I've had this conversation with my male friends. I've been with the same guy for almost six years now, and have my guy friends (very few female friends, will go into that in the other thread). My guy friends fall into two categories... A. Guys I worked with/met through female friends, and B. Guys that I'm mutual friends with my SO.

The guys in category B are the ones I can't bitch about my SO about, but if he's busy at work or something, I have no issues going out with them, and know they'll keep any other guy from hitting on me. And report everything back to him. These are the guys who are "friends", but not one I'm gonna call when I'm PMSing & just had a fight with him. A couple of them I'm friends with their wives, and we'll go out as a group, or just the girls, or just me & the guys... it works.

Guys in category A are the ones we've had the drunken conversations about this... every single one of them told me that while they do consider me a friend, if my SO & I ever called it quits, they'd definitely be hitting on me. I go out with a group of them from time to time, and usually crash on one of their couches since I live in the middle of nowhere, and don't want to risk driving home. My SO asked one of them that he actually knows a few months ago if anything went on... and my friend flat out told him, "Nope, because she's with you. We wouldn't anything like that happen to her, with us or anyone else." SO then asked what if she wasn't with me... and he replied, "Trust me, you don't want to know what we'd love to do to her if that was the case."

Since then, he's obviously against me going out with them & staying over... to the point that he doesn't care if I go out, but if I won't drive, call him, no matter what time, and he'll come pick me up.

Now, almost all of of the guys in cat A I wouldn't go out with if I was single, but there's a couple I definitely would. The attraction is there on both sides, but we'll never act on it... unless someday we both end up single. The ones I wouldn't go out with even joke that they know if my SO & I break up, I'd be with one of these two guys. *shrug*

So yes, you can be friends with guys... if you both know where your boundaries are if you're in a relationship. No matter what, my guess is on some level, from someone, there is some type of attraction, be it sexual, mental, emotional, whatever. And you might never think about it, and nothing may come of it, but there *has* to be some kind of attraction, or you wouldn't be friends with them in the first place. Think about it. Even your same sex friends (males or females), I'm sure you are friends with for a reason. Same likes, dislikes, same attitudes, opposite attitudes, something. There's *something* there that makes you friends. Now I'm not saying that friends secretly lust after each other, but the *potential* for something more than a friendship is there. It's just most of us don't consciously think of our "friends" that way. But if you were both stranded on a desert island with no hope of rescue in near sight, I'll bet the majority of the relationships would change.

 

This reminds me of a story from college. My wife had a large group of friends in her major, some of which were guys and some of which were girls. They usually hung out, studied together, and would go out after exams and get wasted to blow off some steam. One of the guys (We'll call him 'Jim') would very frequently text my wife (then fiance), or message her on AIM. My wife, god bless her naive little heart, insisted that he, in no way, shape, or form wanted to fuck her. I informed her that she was mistaken, and that if given the opening, he would jump her like a fat kid on a cupcake. I then informed her that I wasn't worried, because I trusted her never to get herself into said situation, but she continued to insist that he didn't want to fuck her.

A few months later, the large group had a night out (I was playing poker with my buddies at the time), and she called me to come pick her up, as she was far to wasted to drive home. I went and got her, took her home, and she promptly passed out on the couch. Then, her phone went off, and it was a text from 'Jim' saying 'I'm tired, come cuddle with me.' I ignored it. A second text came, saying, 'awww, are you ignoring me? I was only kidding.'

I finally grabbed her phone and responded: "This is her fiance. She is passed out. Also, she will never fuck you. Stop trying. Its pathetic."

I told her what I did. She was pissed. I told her that if he really wanted to just be friends, it wouldn't matter and they'd still talk just like they'd used to. She didn't hear from him again until they had another big group outing, a few months later, which I attended this time. He refused to make eye contact with me or even glance in our direction the whole night, and avoided my wife like the plague. She finally acknowledged that he was only giving her attention in the hopes that he could bang her, and once that was shot down, he stopped paying attention to her. He was also the only one from this large group (10 or so people) of friends that didn't attend our wedding (she still invited him). It is entirely possible he was avoiding her so that I wouldn't kick his ass, but he refused to talk to her even when I wasn't around. She said that in their large group, he used to always sit next to her, but now he sat on the other end of the room when studying or anything else, and he didn't text or IM her anymore, either.

That was a little over 3 years ago. He just chatted with my wife on facebook a few days ago, asking her how married life was, and dropping not-so-subtle hints that he still wanted to bang her (i.e. 'you know you miss being single' and 'I know you want some random hookups'). She sat next to me, reading me everything he was saying, as I laughed at his silliness. 3 years later and he is still carrying a sad little torch.

 

I've had guy friends in the past who were just friends. I will admit, though, that I became friends with them through someone I was sleeping with. Whether any of these guys wanted to sleep with me, I will never know. I was told I became instantly off-limits the second I started sleeping with their friend. I also had a guy friend in college who made it clear that he wasn't interested in sleeping with me. On an unrelated note, I'm pretty sure he's a closeted homosexual.

 

Um, not really my thing. I'd rather snuggle.

Dude, I feel sorry for you if you're not able to have a friendly relationship with a good looking girl without wanting to bang her. Believe you me, I like banging hot girls, and I want to bang hot girls. But that doesn't mean I want to bang all of them.

You can't fathom the concept of being friends with a hot chick and valuing her friendship more than her pussy? As I said in my first post, I can acknowledge that they are hot and that having sex with them would be nice, but that doesn't mean I want to do it. There comes a point in a relationship that you develop with a person where having sex would be a detriment to what you have already established with them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the weird guy with no dude friends who is always surrounded by chicks he will never have a chance with. I know those guys, and I dislike those guys. They're creepy. There was a period between my two serious long term relationships where I became something of a manwhore. Of course your guy friends are going to cheer you on and give you props, but it's awesome to have girlfriends that will do the same. It just sounds cooler when girls offer praise for your "hot streak" and comment on the hotness of any particular girl who walks out of your room the next morning. And I'll be quick to hi-five them when they bang a dude they had been pining after.

Example, just for shits and giggles: A group of six friends (4 dudes, 2 of the aforementioned chick friends) went to Vegas for an awesome Halloween party weekend. I shared a large bed with the two girls and, hammered drunk and everything, making moves was never considered. Guess I'm a fag...

 

For the most part, I can be very close friends with girls in two categories: (1) Girlfriends of male friends and (2) Girls I'm not attracted to.

I can hang out with these girls one-on-one, have long meaningful conversations, joke around, etc., without any sexual tension or desire whatsoever. There is one possible exception: (3) Single, attractive girls who have many single, attractive friends. However, I've never been tight with any girls like this. I'd label them more of an acquaintance than a friend. The only reason I don't want to bang them is because if I did, it would close the door on a nearly infinite supply of other single, attractive girls.

I did have one single, attractive female friend I was very close with in college. The sexual tension was there from the start; we met on spring break and joked about taking a shower together. For whatever reason, we never did, and back at school we fell into the friend zone. Then we banged after six months. Sexual tension isn't one of those things that just fades over time. It lies dormant until you've had one too many shots of tequila, and then it strikes. The odd thing is, I'm still very close with this girl, and have been for more than four years. We haven't hooked up except that one time. So maybe it is possible to be close friends with a single, attractive girl...after you get it out of your system?

 

One of my closest friends from college is a woman. However, we didn't become close friends until after she rebuffed my attempts to fuck her. Once we got that out of the way, we could (and still do) talk about anything.

 

That's basically the same way with me. I'm friends with many of my wife's friends, and would definitely try to fuck the not-fat ones if it weren't for a ring on my finger and a little certificate I think we have somewhere.

That being said, the majority of my co-workers are female. With that added layer of anti-boner, even before my wife, it was relatively easy to maintain friendships with females (I always followed the common sense rule of "don't dip your pen in the company ink).

Aside from those circumstances, no, I don't believe men and women can be strictly platonic friends, unless she is fat and/or unattractive. I used to feel that they could, but after several experiences, nope. Nada. He wants to fuck you, and you'd be better off just befriending a queer. I don't feel like writing more to back this statement up, and what's more y'all would receive little enjoyment from reading it.

 

Not if you're good.

Assuming the dude they're banging isn't you or one of your best friends... What the fuck dude? I used to habitually high five hookups after the dirty was done to break any awkward tension and have a laugh about things but this... No dude. Just no.

...

 

Wow, some of you guys fucking suck. You really can't be friends with a woman unless you're trying to fuck her? To me, that seems just as pathetic as the guy who always ends up in the "friend zone."

I have lots of girlfriends (I would say about 40% of my friends are girls now that I'm in college, in high school it was probably closer to 70%) and I think it's awesome.

Benefits:
- If the chick is cool, there is really nothing you can't do with them that you wouldn't also be able to do with a guy. So, you definitely don't lose anything out of it. Imagine all the benefits of being friends with a guy, but you also get to stare at her tits and ass when you hang out together.
- If you're not lame, you can be up-front about sexual stuff without it being weird. I've invited a couple girls to threesomes, or have outright said "just so you know, your tits look fantastic in that shirt." If it's clear that you're not only hanging out with them to fuck them, you can still tell them that they're sexy without creating awkward tension. (I'm not saying you should be that creepy guy who always says sexual things to the girls in the group, just that you should be able to say them without making them uncomfortable.)
- Along those lines, I've had plenty of hookups result from girls who were friends first. If you create the boundary of being friends who could easily fuck but who could just as easily just stay friends, then you're not forcing them to choose one or the other. I've had girlfriends I've been friends with, slept with and/or dated, and then returned to being friends with them without anything changing.
- It also makes getting laid a lot easier because you don't have to always flirt or play a role when you're trying to get laid. To be honest, I don't even try anymore to fuck girls I wouldn't also be friends with—it's just not worth the effort. Easier to have a real conversation that ends in sex (you're more attractive if you are having an interesting conversation anyway), than to feel like I wasted my time if I didn't get laid.

Similarly, if I'm in a relationship then all girls are off-limits anyway (unless it's an open relationship), and girls that cheat aren't attractive to me anyway, and it would be kind of weird to avoid being friends with girls just because the chance of fucking them didn't exist.

EDIT: These rules only apply if you are interesting and not ugly. Otherwise, you're fucked and should probably stick to getting bitches drunk first.

 

I think you're reading it all wrong. No one said you are only friends with a girl because you're trying to fuck her... or at least I didn't. The question is can you be *just* friends. Then again, I'm not in college, I'm older, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

Yeah, you'd be one of those guys that I'd probably catch, and ask WTF your problem is. And you'd come up with some lame ass excuse, or some funny haha comment, and I would prefer not to hang out with out due to your blatant disregard for an actual "friendship".

Oh, so it's okay to hang out if there's a possibility of fucking them, which is what you're basically saying here is that you would, given the chance.. therefore disputing most of your post. If you think there's no tension, then the girls you hang out with are A. Young, B. Stupid, C. Both.

This is about whether or not you can be friends with no sex involved, or did I miss something?

 

FOCUS: Can guys and girls just be friends?

I miss The Bunny when threads like this come up.

I have friends, both male and female who I would happily put my penis in. I'm not friends with those people because I want to bone with them, I'm friends with them because they're fucking awesome. As it happens, I often want to fuck people who are fucking awesome. We don't go past friendship for a bunch of reasons - The Bunny for example is on the wrong continent. Were it not for that, they'd need pepper spray and a hose to get me off of her. Other friends I haven't played with because they're in a relationship where it's not cool or because they've got hangups about the other relationships that I'm in or because they're into Barry White music and candle lit boudoirs scattered with rose petals, and I'm into Rob Zombie and Anal Hooks and we know that it's not going to work.

That said, I have friends who I would never sleep with, male and female. Some of my friends are fucking awesome, but incredibly ugly. Some of my friends are fucking awesome, but emotionally unstable crazy people. I'm not shallow enough to not be friends with someone who's fucking ugly or a psychotic bunny boiler - but I am shallow enough to not want to fuck those people. A lot of my friends have one or two show stopper issues that take them from being incredibly sexy to not at all attractive.

There's this preconception that guys are walking talking sperm cannons who'd live in cardboard boxes and eat old shoes if they got to fuck Jessica Alba every day. The reality is that guys who are happy with their sex lives get some perspective on shit and can have motivations other than getting laid. If you've got blue balls, then it's really hard to be just friends with people you're attracted too. If you're jonesing for human contact and a friendly orifice - you're like any other junkie trying to get well. All you see is the high and you can ignore the things you burn getting to it. If you're getting laid regularly or you've got control of that jones - then you can actually be someone's friend without an alterior motive.

The thing that really shits me is blue balled 'nice guy' assholes who try and use a friendship as a stalking horse for something more. The assholes who bitch about nice guys finishing last are almost universally just jerks who tried false friendships as a way to get pussy. They're not 'friends' with girls. They're predators waiting for a vulnerability that they can exploit. Every single one of them would be at least a hundred times more successful with their relationships if they were friends with people they actually liked instead of faking a friendship with girls they don't have the courage to hit on.

 

I would never hook up with a super close friend. My best guy friends I've known for 10 years and to hook up with them would practically be equivalent to hooking up with my brother. Gross. I've hooked up with a couple of guys who were friends, but they weren't guys I hung out with a regular basis so awkwardness never ensued. Relationship-wise, for me it can't start as just being friends. It doesn't work for me to transition a guy from friend to a boyfriend. Once a friend, always a friend (possibly with benefits).

 

FOCUS: In my experience, no. At least, for me, the other person always does something that pisses me off and this prompts me to end the friendship. There are a LOT of things people can do to annoy me, sometimes I won't even mention what they did that led to me walking away - they simply don't hear from me again. As far as Ladder Theory goes, I have one ladder: acquaintances. I make a point of not getting too close to anyone anymore, since I do not want any sort of emotional relationship with anyone.

I know women put me straight into the abyss (as ladder theory calls it), simply because I won't engage them. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship or in a close friendship with a woman, so, why bother in the first place?

I realise many of you will read this and think I'm broken upstairs. I couldn't care less.

 

Clearly the problem is that men and women cannot be friends. Not that you're a damaged person.

 

That's pretty much how most of my best women friends put it. However, I'm pretty sure if there was chemistry on both sides from the beginning then there will always be some sexual tension.

I'm glad you are still around because you make My tendency towards being anti-social look like a joke. Have you considered counseling?