No, we're just friends

I was reading the girls are assholes thread and noticed that a lot of girls are saying they have more guy friends than girl friends. That got me thinking about guys, and if guys are really just friends with girls or if they're just waiting for an opportunity to fuck them. Then that reminded me of a story.

I was having drinks with some coworkers and one of them said that she was going to see a movie that weekend with her guy friend. That started the whole 'is he really your friend' debate. I explained that I have a few chicks that I would call friends, but I don't go to movies with them or go out to dinner with them or hang out with them like I do with my guy friends, unless they're out with the guys. If I were to do that, it would only be because I wanted to sleep with her. She claimed that he wasn't like that, they were just friends, blah blah. Her reasoning was that they've been hanging out for a while and he's never shown any interest or sent out any signals. I said that he was probably scared of chasing her away or getting rejected or something and was likely just waiting for her to get drunk and want to hook up. She didn't believe that.

So I told her that the next time just the two of them were out for drinks (this happened fairly often I guess), she should put the moves on him and see what happens. She did, and he was totally willing to go there. She couldn't believe that someone would hang out with her for a year or two in the slim hope that she would eventually want to sleep with him.

FOCUS: Can guys and girls just be friends? Girls, have you ever had a guy friend that was truly a friend and not willing to have sex if it was offered? Ever offered it up to a guy friend only to be turned down? Guys, do you have chick friends that you don't want to sleep with, or wouldn't if it was offered?

Maybe clarifying the friendship is important. Like I said, there might be a girl in a group of friends that guys don't really think of sexually(relatively speaking), but when a guy and a girl just hang out together and go to movies, shopping, dinner, etc. I find it hard to believe that he's not waiting for his chance.

Apologies if this has been done before. I'm too lazy to search but it sounds vaguely familiar.

 

http://www.laddertheory.com/
And more importantly: http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm

Honestly, I think guys and girls can be friends. I have plenty of female friends that I enjoy hanging out with that I would never even consider dating. Would I fuck them? A couple, of course. It would have to be with the understanding that nothing would ever come out of it and it would be strictly physical.

I don't think I could ever hang out with a girl for the sole purpose of the possibilty of hooking up. That would be brutal. Not only would it put you through the emotional grinder but you'd look like a complete bitch in the process; and we all know how women really lust after the guys who will do anything for them just for the chance of touching the panty soaker.* Then again, I think this is something that comes with age and experience. I hate to admit that 20 year old me did this on many occasions. It always ended up with me getting burned in the long run.

* denotes sarcasm

 

I'm very glad someone brought this up. I think in every relationship with guys and girls (when both are heterosexual), there will always be some point where guy likes girl, vice versa, both at different times, or both at different times in the relationships. No matter what guy/girl friendship, you will see that at some point there was the thoughts of "more-than-friends" going through one or both of their heads. We go with nature. Men want to spread their seed; women want some lovin. There are, however, three ways this guy/girl friendship works.

1) Person A knows that person B will never be girlfriend/boyfriend/hookup/whatever. Person A realizes that they will forever stay in "friend zone" unless some silver lining suddenly appears in the friendship.

2) Person A knows that person B will at least hookup with Person A. Person A doesn't really want the title of boyfriend/girlfriend, but knows that if he stays friends long enough he'll probably get some when they're both horny, drunk, etc. Person A usually won't say how he just wants a hook up until after, and Person B usually gets pissed and hurt but will more than likely do them again.

3) Person A likes Person B, Person B likes Person A. They both are attracted to each other, but want more than a hookup. Someone finally makes the move and you got yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. (The only time this won't happen is if one person is too much of a bitch to make a move or say anything about the relationship)

 

I'm one of those "friend zone" guys because I'm often a big pussy. And make no mistake: any guy that complains about always being stuck in the friend zone is full of shit--it's his own fault. I used to whine about it, but now I see how stupid that was, so I'm slowly changing and realizing that becoming friends with a girl in the hope that someday she'll be into me is retarded.

Having said that, there are a few girls who I am genuinely just friends with. They're hot, so I would probably sleep with them if they really wanted to and thought it was a good idea, but I can honestly say I hang out with them as friends and I'm happy with the situation.

 

Hmm, now that I think about it, I've hooked up to some extent with the vast majority of my female friends, or became good friends with girls I first randomly hooked up with.

One girl in particular, I've known for over 8 years now. About 2 years ago, we were both single, and always joked about how we would get married some day. There was a massive amount of sexual tension between the two of us for years, and we decided to fuck and get it over with. We're still great friends.

The girls that I consider my good friends that I haven't hooked up with are that way because they are in a relationship, or I am in one when they are single, or we're both in one as today's situation stands. The good news is my girlfriend gets along with them and their boyfriends, and vice versa.

However, I do not have a single female friend (aside from some corpulent coworkers, but I don't hang out with them regularly outside of work) that I wouldn't fuck if the opportunity presented itself.

I do pose a question for the rest of you: what's up with the fat chick and her obviously gay companion, most often a small, well-dressed and groomed guy? Does the fat chick have hopes of fucking him one day, or are they just catty, obnoxious, gossiping bitches together? Is there a ladder theory for the fat girl/gay bff? I wonder...

 

So if you know that you set yourself up to be in the friend-zone..have you fixed it? or changed the way you approach women? I mean, it gets annoying always being "that guy". I mean you can start off being friends, but in a short time you gotta make it clear that you want more than friends, either hookup or possible relationship. I think that's the biggest problem with friend zone, you get so comfortable with them being the person you go to for everything that its hard to turn on that "I want you more" light.

 

Yeah... I used to meet a girl who was in a relationship, "out of my league," [bullshit excuse], etc., and I just became friends with her thinking "well LATER it'll probably work out somehow." Nope. It only becomes harder and harder to make a move.

With one girl, for example, I was friends with for YEARS. Basically I met her in my first year at university, and she had a boyfriend, so I just became good friends with her. She's super cool, so I did enjoy hanging out with her and being friends with her, but it was always in the context of "this girl is awesome... someday I'm going to date her." God I was a fucking idiot.

Now, after she's come to see me as a good friend (and nothing more... I eventually tried), I'm sort of ending the friendship. I know I'm never going to be happy with only being friends, so now I'm not happy, and she's not happy because she basically just lost what she thought was a good friend.

So now if I can't muster the balls to make a move, and I know I won't be happy just being friends, I just move on to an easier (ok, fatter) target.

 

I can answer this - yes for the most part they are just catty, obnoxious, gossiping bitches together. But, I had a group of straight female friends that would go out to gay (male) bars with my best friend because they would hook up with straight guys there a lot. I know, it's weird - but it happened - way more often then you would think. A gay bar is a great place for a straight guy to meet a chick (and not all fag hags are beasts) - think about it - straight girl sees a straight guy at gay bar, she knows the guy is accepting and open minded, so that's a huge plus for him already, plus there is not a ton of competition, so you get the gay friends you both came with to chat with each other and bam! done and done and for the most part mutually beneficial.

But, back on topic - I have tons of (straight) guy friends that I am not interested in sleeping with, but I am a gay, so it doesn't count. I also have tons of (straight & gay) female friends that I am not interested in sleeping with (well, there might be one or two that I would, but I am married, so it doesn't count). Due to my experience of course I think guys and gals can just be friends, but I don't think my experience really counts, it's not the norm I guess.

I have noticed that my younger sister has TONS of guy friends but they don't hang out her as much now that she has a boyfriend and my other sister informed us that it was because they all had crushes on her and secretly wanted to date her (she's really cute, like Lacey Chabert cute) and now that dream has been crushed.

 

Alright call me vain, shallow, silly misguided college kid, whatever; but when I'm single and you're a reasonably attractive girl and we're hanging out one on one, I'm looking for any chance to put my Woohoo in your Woopsie. I've hooked up with almost all of my close friends that are girls at one point or another and while I don't go into hanging out with them with the explicit intent of "I'm going to act like a friend until I fuck her", given the right circumstances anything goes. There are a couple that I haven't, but whoever said "You never really know a person until you've had sex with them" was dead on. Girls especially change a lot after the first hookup. A lot of them lighten up and a lot of friendships have gotten closer after the first time. I'm not looking to get her drunk and make a one night mistake by any means, especially at the cost of our friendship, but there are too many opportunities and my game is (not to blow my own whistle or whatever) very good one on one. My current girlfriend of about six months was just a friend for over a year (actually my Orientation Adviser freshman year) before a spur of the moment pair of drunk hookups back in January kicked things off properly.

Personally, if I'm single and you're hot, I don't care how long we've been friends; I'll fuck you given the right opportunity*. I've done worse.

*sober, drunk, over dinner, after a roofie, under the understanding that I'm stronger than you and there are only two ways to do this: and one hurts a lot less, whatever. I'm basically masculine as FUCK.

 

I think it is truly rare for a guy to be friends with a girl and not want to fuck her at some point.

I've been friends with one girl since the Nixon administration. When we were teenagers we played a little grab ass and flirted a bit, but we've never done anything sexually, and I've never kissed her, at least not more than on the cheek. This woman is not some Mandingo wildebeast either - most of you guys, and some of you ladies, would have leapt at the opportunity to sleep with her. A couple of times the door of opportunity opened a slight crack, but I/she didn't pursue it. I've been friends with her for so damn long, and we've shared so much of our lives, that it would have killed me to mess with that by taking things physical. At this stage of our lives, both married with children, the time to act on any feelings we may have had is passed.

 

I as well have plenty of female friends who I have absolutely no desire to fuck but at one point or another, they've wanted my cock, in and around all their orifices. I also have plenty of chick friends who I want to do nothing more than to play with their lady lumps and take a trip down to sexy town; in fact, I would hazard a guess that at least 90% of my chick friends who I have not hooked up with either crushed me at one point or I them. I can tell you that if the ones that I wanted to nail long ago, decided that they wanted to get a little bone from me, I wouldn't deny them the chance.

I think every dude on the planet has, at one point or another, hung out with a broad in order to fuck her. It gets sad when the dude doesn't realize he's on the hook and continues pining after her for years to come; nothing good comes out of it. It happened to me years ago and it just came down to the point where I just stopped hanging out with her. We still hang out every now and then but I know deep, down inside that it's just not going to happen.

Ah, yes, the fag hag. From what I understand from the few gay friends I have met over the years, is that some women cling onto gay dudes because it's like having a chick friend who doesn't have all the drama aspect of it. Mind you, if you've met a lot of gays*, you'll understand that they're worse than women for dramatic shit. It's like having a boyfriend who doesn't want to fuck you at every turn and is willing to go shopping with you all the time without making a fuss about it; it makes them look better and it's a badge of honor, or some shit, having a gay friend like that.

*I know where some of you are going to go with this, spare me.

 

Man up, pusscakes! You don't have to necessarily go for a fatter target. Next time you meet a girl that you find attractive. Hang out with her, take her out somewhere, I don't give a fuck, for only 2 or 3 times. After that, be a man tell her straight up "You know, you're (insert whatever things you like about her so far, that shit makes women feel hot), but I gotta let you know that I'm attracted to you and that I'm not really looking for "just friends" anymore. (insert other shit that makes you look awesome)".

The key is making it short and simple. You like her so far and you want to get to know her outside of being friends, but if that doesn't happen then you need to move onto someone that wants what you want. SHORT AND SIMPLE. Give the girl too many words and she'll manipulate the shit outta it/take it the wrong way/other stupid shit.

I've heard that some gay guys get kind of pissed that straight people go to the gay bars. Is that ever true? Or true at all?

Annddd thank you for help keeping my theory alive.

 

It is my policy to not sleep with women who are not my wife, that being said I would sleep with every female I would consider a friend except for one if I were not married.

 

This seems to be about right. I think that it is possible for a guy and a girl to be just friends. Although, this is usually because the dude is a bitch and won't make a move or because the girl has him on the friends ladder. As others have said, a guy will fuck nearly any girl and the feeling is not always mutual. I have never had a female friend who I wouldn't have sex with. Sure I have female friends but I would fuck every last one of them if given the opportunity and provided they weren't married or in a relationship or had been in a relationship with one of my friends.

Women who think that they can be "just friends" with a guy and that that guy won't have any sexual interest in them are insane. Think about it. Why would I be best friends with a woman? Because she loves hockey, bull riding, and rugby so much? Hell no. I have male friends who share those interests. It's not as if I have many common interests with women. Woman are friends with guys because we're not catty and fun to hang out with, etc.,etc. but we are friends with women because they have tits and one day they might let us touch those tits or make a bad decision and give us a random hummer. Women are so naive about that shit it's incredible.

 

Since when did wanting to have sex with someone prevent you from being a real friend to them?

I have a ton of female friends I'd sleep with if the chance arose/I was single, but that's not my motivation for being friends with them. I'm friends with them for the same reasons I'm friend with any guy: they're awesome people who are worth having around for any number of reasons. Any sex that occurs is just a fun little bonus.

 

It's only true if it's a large, obnoxious group. I've been to tons of straight bars with gay folks and straighties and it's never been a big deal. The only thing I have even been annoyed by is straight guys staring, sometimes slack-jawed, at the ladies in lesbian bars or the college chicks who are "gay for the night" running around, making out with anyone they can get their mouth on, trying to get their boyfriends jealous and/or turned on. Annoying.

 

What? Alright dude, you keep pouring out your feelings in "short, simple terms that make you look awesome" and in the meantime I'll keep pouring loads into your girls.


Er... Actually. Keep doing what you're doing.

 

Most but not all of the female friends I have either we ended hooking up first and being friends later or we were friends first and ended up hooking up months or years later on down the line. Like Village Idiot, if I find her cool enough to be my friend, I usually find them cool enough to fool around with. Hooking up just happens to be an added bonus to having someone awesome to hang out with. I however NEVER go out with the strict intention of hooking up, it just so happens that we usually end up hooking up. Regarding being stuck in the friend zone, I never do that either, however one situation does come to mind.

I was friends with one girl for a few years. When we first met up, I went to hang with her with the intention of wanting to date her. We slept in the same bed the first night we met and got pretty fucking close but never fooled around. After a few weeks of persisting, I felt she just wasn't interested so I kept her as a friend because she was really cool. I didn't see her in any sort of sexual way at all. Fast forward about two years and she texted me wanting to hang out, but didn't mention anything specific. I jokingly mentioned making out in a dark corner somewhere and she invited me over. As it turns out, we fooled around that night and for a while after that until she met another guy and got married.