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No, My Stapler Really Is That Important

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nom Chompsky, May 23, 2013.

  1. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    Yeah, but what percentage of BLACK people are named J'Marcus? Marketers aren't going through these names on an individual basis, they're batching the data and looking for trends. There aren't enough Shiquitas in the country to make filtering based on that worthwhile.
     
  2. ssycko

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    You're also missing what I was saying. If you looked at a map of Shiquitas, you would see that they clumped up in very specific areas, and advertise according to location. It's a much better metric, because names like Shiquita and J'Marcus live among Anthony and Jonathon in the same places, who would be interested in the same advertising.

    They don't do it out of fear of being called racists, they don't do it because it's far less helpful than the metrics already used.

    Oh right, in case you didn't already know I'm a sound mixer for movies and TV and the like, so if you're dying to know anything about my oh so glamorous life ask away.
     
  3. JPrue

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    Civil engineer here. At 24, I'm far from an expert, but will try to field any questions that TiB can muster.

    Restaurateurs/convenience store owners/similar small business owners: after pouring in so much time, energy and money into your business, possibly/probably at the expense of your sanity, do you find that it's worth it? I know people who live above their convenience stores and are there seven days a week, making their existence almost entirely about that entity, but for what? Why? Is it that lucrative? Or is that truly your passion?

    Look at Now Slappy; he and his wife employ several people, spend nearly all their time at this establishment, and genuinely care about the brand/business/customers/PR. That's who he is, and that's who she is. Are you filthy rich? If not, why would you put up with that stress to scrape by? That grind would wear me down to nothing inside of 12 months. What keeps you going?

    Male Massage Therapists: just exactly how much dick do you throw to your female clients?
     
  4. MoreCowbell

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    I also do consulting, and the thing is, consulting means just about whatever you want it to mean. I work in a very particular subset called economic consulting, which basically amounts to doing lawyers' finance and economics work for them.* There are a lot of similarities between what I do and what Juice does (sounds like management consulting?), and a few differences. For example, at my job level, I never have to travel and never see a client face to face. Way less Powerpoint, and probably more economic modeling using statistical programs like Stata and SAS. More wonky, but less actively making a difference in a company's day to day affairs.


    But to answer the "what does finance do and does it have value?" question:

    I assume the value of banks in their traditional "place to put your money" function is obvious enough to you, as is the fact that corporate finance people have to handle the finances of actual companies. Similarly, the value in VC and PE is easy to understand: the former invests in fledgling businesses, the latter takes businesses and rearranges them such that they are more valuable. I'm guessing what puzzles you is more the money management side, since that appears to be (1) takes money, (2) invests it, (3) ???, (4) profit.

    It's easiest to see where the value is when comparing it to eras before modern finance. Back in the day, the profit of successful businesses basically went to the individual owners of the business. If the factory did well, the factory owner got rich. Investing was primarily the pursuit of a very small set of very rich people. However, in a time of widespread prosperity and larger public companies, (1) lots of people suddenly have enough money to own parts of things, and (2) it became unwieldy for corporations to be owned by single individuals.

    Hence, now lots of people own stocks, which signify partial ownership in companies. The corollary, though, is the have to somehow figure out which companies they should own. Some are going to be more profitable than others, and someone has to decide which ones seem like the best bets. The same logic applies to bonds: the public and companies want to raise money, and someone has to help people decide which ones are good bets to actually pay off their debts.

    So this sort of finance is, in part, a consequence of the transfer of societal wealth from a very small monied class (monarchs, the Medicis, Carnegie, etc.) to the public at large. There's debate on how effectively they do it, and the inherent value of activities such as derivative trading is a lot murkier, but that's the basic gist.


    *What this means is something along the lines of: a company's shareholders sue the company, stating that a misdeed caused the stock price to fall. Or two banks sue each other. Both sides lawyer up, but obviously the lawyers aren't trained to evaluate those kind of financial claims, and also aren't considered a reliable authority on it. So they bring people like us in, to do the finance-and-economics arguing. Usually something along the line of "plaintiffs allege that Company X owes them $100 million, here are a bunch of reasons why that should be something more like $25 million."

    This certain has value to our clients in that they end up with better settlements and someone has to do it, and the lawyers themselves likely wouldn't do a very good job of it. Whether it has societal value? Debatable. It probably has value if you consider lawyers themselves in class action/corporate contexts to be socially valuable, but often it's just a matter of choosing which assholes get a particular chunk of money.



    Which SNL cast member is the biggest asshole?
     
  5. Crown Royal

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    That does clear up my blinders on finance, but since like you guys explained its very broad, so it makes me giggle when somebody asks what they do and they simply reply "I'm in finance."

    ...kind of reminds me a little of when a career criminal gets asked the same question and they always reply with "Oh, I'm a businessman."

    Such simplification. Love it.
     
  6. MoreCowbell

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    Well, you have to remember that finance is sometimes very boring to talk about and very esoteric, so often we assume people don't really care about the finer distinctions.
     
  7. ODEN

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    Out of these, what's the weirdest/coolest place?
    I thought Afghanistan was really cool. I spent my time in the east along the border with Pakistan. It was very rugged terrain and I couldn't help but think of the south west here in the U.S., consequently, now when I am out west I have flashbacks to Afghanistan. Overall the area just had this strange mystical feel to it. The people were very kind and friendly, inquisitive even. A very simple life, it was cool.

    One thing about it that was really weird was the food. Early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up you would see the gut wagon roll by. It was full to the brim with the hides and entrails of the slaughtered animals of the day, it would leave a huge blood trail behind as well. You would drive by the market and see the baker tending his oven, with his bare toes in the hot pile naan that he was pulling out of the oven when it was finished. Finally, you would ride by the butchers shop where there would be a side of lamb hanging up in the sun out in the open with a black mass of flies flying around it and the butcher madly swatting at them with a horse hair swatter.

    What do you do when you're bored?
    Honestly, I didn't have a lot of free time while I was there; we worked 7 days a week from the time we got up until the time we went to bed. I would take time out to go workout and talk to family and friends when I could. Every so often we would take a half day off here or there, we would have a barbeque or challenge the subcontractors to a game of their choosing, usually cricket and gamble on it.

    Abu Dhabi will be my first time working in a foreign land where I work a basic 5-day work week. Not too sure what I will do with my time. The guy who owns the box I do CrossFit at wants me to find some people interested in running a box and start one over there. We'll see what happens.

    Is the heat that hard to stand?
    The heat can be fucking brutal. The summer of 2010 in Baghdad was the worst one I had ever experienced. My local guys would tell me they would speak with their grandparents and they couldn't remember it ever being that hot. Al Khindi street, which runs in front of the US Embassy is lined by T-Walls (Large precast concrete structures lined up to create modular walls/barriers), I would leave my office after lunch on the East End of the compound and head to the west end where we were building a new LZ for the State Department and it was already well over 100 degrees (F) out and you could feel the heat radiating off the T-Walls as well. I don't recall the hotest it ever got but it got in the 120s before, sometimes there would be humidity with it as well. Usually, when there wasn't any humidity, 100 degrees is actually quite comfortable, when you reach the 120s though it starts to suck fast.

    Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Kuwait get more of the humidity being on the coast and it could be well over 100F and the humidity would be up as well and you just couldn't give the jinglies enough water, they would sweat through their jump suits by the time the sun was up.

    Could you bang a local chick if you tried?
    Definitely, I had guys working for me that would play with the locals. Too much risk for me, when that thing started going sideways, guys breaking it off and girls thinking they were going to be married and get citizenship......people got fired. Otherwise, in all of the places, there was large-scale prostitution. Mostly chinese in Afghanistan and Iraq but in Kuwait and UAE it was pandemonium. In Dubai, there used to be a club called The Cyclone and I swear you could find a woman from almost any country in the world; there have even been references to this place in movies. I don't know where the new big club is now but I know a lot of guys who lost their minds going after Eastern European girls over there.

    Final question: which country has the hottest women (if there are any)?
    I would say that the girls in Kuwait and UAE took the best care of themselves, though they wore so much make-up you would think you were at a clown or prostitute convention when you walked around the local malls. The girls in Iraq weren't that pretty to me, additionally, it seems like they hit 25 and blow up (not like a suicide bomber)....not to mention by the time they are 25 it seems like they have been married and already have 5 kids. The women of Afghanistan were kind of interesting, they were all covered up, so the only thing you would see are eyes(if that). In some areas you could see the influence of Russia still in the blood lines, green or blue eyes, lighter skin and lighter hair colors much different than Kuwait and UAE. I didn't have much interaction with the local women because I had been warned off and also had seen first hand the high drama that came with it.
     
  8. Crown Royal

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    I admire people with boring jobs who don't drone on about them. It's too bad they're a minority. Brokers? Christ. My wife is one, she doesn't like it, and swims in a sea of people who are just such a fucking big deal in their world. You live in London, master of the universe!!!

    Anyhoo, most of my jobs have sucked but being a DJ or private investigator are the only interesting things I've done.
     
  9. D26

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    I'm a high school teacher so if anyone has any questions about that boring ass job, I'll answer.

    Also, restaurant folks: what is the standard tip now a days? I was brought up with 15% (that was standard at my serving job), but now I hear 18 to 20 is normal, with a few people telling me servers get offended by less than 25%, which seems silly. I usually tip high just because I've worked food service and it sucked, but I'll tip a quarter if the server is terrible.
     
  10. fertuska

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    What kind of private investigator? Cheating spouses/bounty hunter or more like asset checking/background checks? I have no idea what private investigators do, so if you could sum up your job in a couple sentences that would be great. What did you do? Who were your clients? Was it fun?
     
  11. Juice

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    Are you attracted to any students?
     
  12. MoreCowbell

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    What percentage of your job was "Is my husband getting blowies on the side?"
     
  13. D26

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    God no, and I honestly can't understand the teachers that are.* Besides the obvious (it is skeevy and gross as hell) I teach 16 to 18 year olds. I want you to spend six hours a day conversing with 18 year olds, and you'll get it. The vast, vast majority 18 year olds are mind-blowingly self-absorbed, and so wrapped up in their own little gossipy world that the idea of spending more time than absolutely necessary with them makes me want to slam my head in a door. I hear them talk about their "problems" and it is all I can do not to laugh at them.

    Your dad took away your phone because you're failing three classes? What an uncaring, unsupportive douche!

    What's that? Cindy called you a bitch? Good thing you graduate in two weeks and you'll never have to see Cindy ever again for the rest of your life!

    Besides that, these kids are literally fucking tied to their cell phones. It is insane. The school I work for has no set cell phone policy, so I'm teaching to a room full of kids wearing ear-buds, texting, and checking facebook. And I can't really do shit about it for a few reasons:

    1) I wasn't the original teacher, they've been doing this all year and when I tried to change it, it accomplished nothing
    2) There is no school policy against it, so I can't confiscate the phones or do anything remotely resembling a punishment they'd care about

    I've added a 'participation' component to the grade, where I take points off when I see them texting or listening to music while I'm teaching. I have a few kids that are going to see their grade take a MASSIVE hit, but whatever. The funny part is they literally don't understand it. It is as if they aren't cognizant that they are texting, or doing anything wrong. To them, it is completely socially acceptable to carry on an entire conversation while never making eye contact because they are glued to their cell phone screen, texting, with music blasting in one ear from an ear-bud while the other dangles and blasts music for the rest of the world to hear. I'll tell them to stop and they'll say "I wasn't doing anything." In their mind, they're not. Texting, listening to music, while "talking" to you (or to their friends) is a completely normal thing, and in their minds, in no way disrespectful. They aren't doing anything wrong at all, and no matter how much you try to explain to them that they're being disrespectful of you or their friends, they just don't get it.

    So yeah, the idea of being attracted to a student makes me almost physically ill.

    And I am fully cognizant that I was the same self-absorbed little asshole when I was 18, too. I know they'll grow out of it, and in five to ten years, they'll be fully rational human beings. That doesn't change the fact that, right now, they're in their self-absorbed, pseudo-rebellious phase that is incredibly grating.

    *how do you think I got the job I'm in now, 3/4ths of the way into a school year
     
  14. Pink Candy

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    I know there are a few chefs on here, and I have always wondered - after cooking for people as your employment, do you even want to cook for yourself/family when you get home? Don't know why, always figured it'd be the last thing you'd want to do after chopping/frying/whatever all day.

    Parents - so many of my friends have gone off and had kids and lost their identities. Instead of woman/wife, they're mommies and nothing else. So many of those marriages ended in divorce b/c the spouses grew apart. How do you keep your parent life separate from your spouse life?

    I'm a probation officer. Started in parole interviewing sexual predators, moved to probation managing the gang members, now supervising the substance abuse aftercare participants. Before you ask, yes, there are people like Dixie on my caseload that hate the police, hate probation and while (sometimes) polite to my face, I know they're secretly hoping I get shanked.
     
  15. Gravy

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    What's your profession's general consensus on the War On Drugs?

    And who is the person on your caseload who scared you the most?
     
  16. R_Flagg

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    I wouldn't know; when I was younger I tried to sneak up on a few cattle when they were asleep and they just woke up and looked at me with a glazed over expression. Now after getting more experience with them I sure as hell wouldn't try it. Cattle can be pretty fragile, especially Holsteins (they're the white ones with the black spots on them), and Angus (solid black, sometimes with white faces), can be fucking mean if they want to be. No way in hell am I going to either injure a $1000+ animal or risk an ass whipping.

    Also cattle, unlike horses, mostly sleep while laying down. They might doze for a few minutes while standing up, but when they want to do some serious sleeping they'll lay down.
     
  17. Pink Candy

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    Officially? They're illegal and a violation of probation. Personally, most of us have the same general idea: if you made weed legal, it'd make our jobs much easier. A lot of us are finding that prescription drug addiction is actually the hardest to combat because we can't do anything if there's a legal prescription written by a doctor. Even if that doctor is shady as fuck and runs a pill mill. That's another story for another day.

    So far, I haven't had any on my new caseload that have gotten me freaked. In my old circuit, I'd say the 6'3" 250 Bloods member that went completely fucking beserk on me. I had the police with me when I searched his room, thank god, but yeah. I remember trying to keep it together because I was frightened at how rapidly I was losing control of the situation.
     
  18. D26

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    Just curiosity, because back when I was a social worker, I worked with a few kids that were deemed 'sexual predators.' How did you deal with interviewing sexual predators? I know I had issues dealing with those cases, because it is just a fucked up situation to have to deal with.

    Also, as a parent, let me say this: couple time is invaluable. My wife and I are fortunate for a few reasons. First, we put the kid to bed early so we have time together as a couple at night. Second, we have babysitters (grandparents, mostly, but an actual paid babysitter, too) so we can have date nights. Last week, we sent the kid to the in-laws while we went to Chicago, saw a play, got a hotel room, had some drinks, and then walked around the city the next day, just the two of us. We're going to do it again over the summer some time, only a bit longer of a stay, so we can get nice and trashed one night. We're big on "us" time, away from the kid. It keeps our marriage healthy.

    Finally, we make a concerted effort not to be 'those' parents. We don't post a single picture of our kid to Facebook, nor do we let anyone else post pictures of her to facebook, either. When we go out to dinner, we talk about work or our lives, and go out of our way not to focus the conversation on "what did the kid do today?" We don't talk about our kids non-stop at work (at least I don't, can't speak for my wife), and our kid is a HUGE part of our lives, but we try not to make her the center of our lives.
     
  19. ssycko

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    A sort of lame answer, but nothing springs to mind about the current cast. Everybody got a little ornery at times during the late nights, but that's to be expected. If you're an actual asshole you'd have a hard time doing the amount of work necessary without everyone hating you.

    Even the hosts are the same way. The only person who I've heard is a confirmed asshole is Jonah Hill, whom I've never worked with but the story I was told was that he seriously thinks he's God's gift to acting.
     
  20. Kubla Kahn

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    What's the biggest movie and TV show you've worked on? What type of schooling did you go through to get into that business?

    Is it a stressful job in any aspect. I imagine maybe tough deadlines or working with entertainment types with huge egos might cause stress. Feel like sound mixing would be low intensity job.



    I work for a market research company that recruits and host focus groups, taste test, things of that nature. I can tell you when political campaigns want to do a study they want completely undecided independent types and extremely low educated people. Every time.


    Mechanics- I know DixieBandit is one. Wonder how much fuckery goes on with over charging people or misdiagnosing car issues to replace more parts and such? Do they really take advantage of girls? My brother is a car guy and does all of his own car work. He once had his girlfriend's car over and showed me a small radiator hose they were going to charge her 150 for parts and labor for when it was a 20 dollar hose that snapped in and out in seconds.