A friend of mine had too much of one thing or another and face-planted in the driveway of the house we were at. Really hard. She busted her lip up pretty good and was kind of out of it. Concerned that she might have a concussion, we called her parents to come get her from the house because she has no health insurance and didn't want to get charged for an ambulance. When I say "we called", I mean "I called", because everyone else was too fucked up to do it. I was not sober in even the loosest sense of the word, so how I got recruited for this task is beyond me. I was standing in the driveway waiting to flag her parents' car down, when I hear my friend's sister's douchebag gangster-wannabe boyfriend laughing about the situation and making fun of my friend. He had been a complete fucking dick all night, and I was already agitated, and I sort of snapped. I went off on him about what a pathetic fucking poser loser he was, how he was going to get his shit ruined in jail when he goes in in a couple weeks, how he needed to shut his fucking mouth, fuck him, fuck this, fuck that, blah blah blah. He didn't care for that. He started yelling back. I laughed at him and walked away. This was a five-foot-seven white boy from a middle class suburb. He's maybe 150 pounds soaking wet. I've known kids like him my whole life. 99% of the time, they're all bark, no bite. This guy, though, proceeded to go inside, get the knife he apparently carries with him wherever he goes, and come back outside. Four or five people get in between he and I as he screams about how he's going to cut my throat. Like a fucking moron, I just stood there staring at him. I get douchechills just thinking about it. His girlfriend eventually talked him down, and he went back inside. Ten minutes later, I followed suit and proceeded to try and drink away my embarrassment. I was not successful. His girlfriend kept him in a bedroom until he was done ranting, and he eventually came out and apologized. For trying to stab me. Really. It was surreal. In retrospect, the whole thing was profoundly fucking retarded. I hate New Year's Eve.
I had 2-3 good shots of NyQuil and was in bed by 10:30pm. I woke up at 10:30 this morning with drool all over my pillow. I win.
The plan: fly from my parent's place to home in 4 hours, sleep the afternoon and be ready for the evening. The events: flight delayed due to luggage balance issue and the 2nd engine wouldn't start. I cannot sleep on a plane, because the chairs are designed for people without vertebrae. I arrive at my destination 6 hours later than I had planned, on less than 2 hours of sleep from the night before. Upon being offered a brief nap before the festivities begin (around 7), I seize this opportunity like a hobo being paid $100 to kick someone down an escalator. I pass out. I am awakened at 11:30. This person should have worn a helmet, riot gear and earplugs, and was unprepared for my response. Night's festivities commence. I am blissfully unaware. I wake up, unassisted a full 12 hours after I initially fall asleep. Eat cereal, play with dogs, and am fully satisfied. The lesson: when traveling, expect bullshit to occur. And the only ball-dropping that I care about occurred a few years ago. Happy New Years, 2010. Glad you made it.
I worked from noon to 11:30pm, doing appetizers for hundreds of rich people. I got screamed at by the boss for the better part of the day to hurry up because he'd overbooked by a long shot and needed to hussle people out of their tables to get ready for the next seating. Came home to a depressed girlfriend, absolutely shit-housed and pissed off that nobody showed to her birthday bash (including me), and spent the next 4 hours trying to deal with it. Highlights include: - Telling her that nobody showed up because she never mentioned she was having a party until 2 days prior. Conclusion: She smashed my bottle of whiskey in the sink. - Having an argument about me being at work all night. I told her that someone had to be earning money to pay for rent since her job is only part time and the place has been closed for the last two weeks. Conclusion: A crying fit for over an hour. - Her destroying the $112 bouquet of flowers that I got her as part of her birthday present. Conclusion: I stayed in a cheap motel last night. The fucked up part is that this is the only fight we've had in 3 years of dating (2 of those living together). Regardless, this wasn't the worst New Year's I've had. But that's another story for another day perhaps. I hope to read some stories that are a tad more uplifting than mine. My apologies for being the downer.
Not so fast, Canadian. We sat at the chef's table at a small restaurant specializing in progressive southern cuisine. GorillaGirlfriend had duck ravioli with bacon, caramelized onions and a sherry cream sauce. I had a filet with a crab cake, calimari, and risotto with bacon. We split a bottle of wine and headed back to the house for Bailey's, hot chocolate, pie, and a movie. I was dragged to bed at 9:30. Nine fucking thirty. I woke up this morning in a panic because there was no way I slept that hard without passing out. Instead, I slept like a baby because I managed to avoid every aspect of amateur night. I loved it. Loved the shit out of it. I want to do it again tonight.
I stabbed a tree to death and woke up in a bed of pine needles with empty beer cans surrounding me. Now that's a hillbilly holiday.
This New Years was fucked, but in a good way. We started our drinking at around 5 p.m. over some nice steaks at a friends place. After a few drinking games combined with out festive cheer, we'd manage to polish off all of our pre-bar alcohol by 8 p.m. This meant that we had to get there much earlier (and drunker) than originally expected. It took a bit of convincing, but we all were allowed in to the bar. During a brief conversation with a bartender i knew, she told us that it was still happy hour. Furthermore, she said we could buy numerous rounds under the current price and just request them from her later. My last clear memory is turning to my friend elated with our 'good fortune'. My memories are dot point form from here on. - Making out with a chick with enormous tits at midnight. She then suggested i motorboat them. I signed them as well. - Looking at my wallet, confused at how i only have $10 left. - Getting two girls i know to flash the bartender so i could get a drink. - Dropping and smashing a full glass of scotch. - Making out with my boss' best friend on a podium. - Paying for the rest of my drinks by winning games of rock, paper, scissors. - Drinking from the rum and coke tap when no-one was looking . . . or so i thought. The bouncers kindly asked me to leave by rolling me into a ball and throwing me on to the street. I woke up to a scolding from my friends mum. I had no idea where i was and as i looked around it dawned on me that i was in her bed. She had come home from work at 7 am and wanted to sleep but found a half naked drunk sweating in her sheets. As i got up i vomited all over the wall. After i cleaned it, I stumbled right out to my car and drove home without being breathalyzed. As far as i am concerned, it went from the 31st of December to the 2nd of January. I slept away my embarrassment.
This year was the best new years I've ever had. After I got off work at 9:00 I met a very beautiful female coworker at a bar called the Town Hall. We hung out at the bar, had a few beers, a couple shots, and danced a little. Unfortunatly, for reasons I will not get into here, I was unable to actually kiss her at midnight. Fortunatly though we left the bar at 12:30 and went back to my place. I'll just say that I spent the first 8 hours of 2010 with the most beautiful woman naked in my arms. God do I love this woman!
My plan was to hang out with a buddy and his friends (who I kinda know, but not really). He went to his friend's place early and said they were gonna plan out the night over beers. I said I would fuck around, drink beer and wait for him to let me know the plan so I could meet up with them. That was at about 6:00. By 10:30 they still hadn't figured out what to do and I was getting antsy. So I decided to go hang out with another group of friends instead. The lamer of the 2 groups. I got shitfaced and dazzled them with my thinly veiled sense of superiority. It wasn't a bad time I guess. They all think I'm awesome and I was able to be the coolest one in the bar. Also, I ran into my ex girlfriend at the bar. We kissed at midnight. We shared a cab at 2:30. She invited me in for a tour of her new apartment at 2:45. At 2:50 I was inside of her. I feel like I am taking relationship advice from Grind.
We spent a good 2 or 3 hours trying to make sure a friend of mine didn't wander outside in the 5 degree cold barefoot and with no jacket. He ended up sneaking outside and when we found him another drunk guy kept pushing him in the snow, so my roommate punched him in the face. A short while later he passed out in the middle of my living room, so everyone went to bed. When we woke up this morning we saw that he had vomited all over the floor, wall and radiator, and rolled his head into it. Then he apparently tried to clean it up with his jacket, found a bottle of champagne that we hid from him, drank half of it, made a sandwich and take two bites out of it before setting it on his lap and passing out again in a chair. He does not remember any of this. I enjoyed white russians for the night and drank Baileys out of a shoe (for any Mighty Boosh fans), played Rock Band drums, then drunk dialed some people and one of the girls I drunk dialed wanted to come over to kiss me at midnight. My friends thought she was going to be bringing like 8 more people into an already very cramped apartment and told me to tell them not to come. So no kiss for Cope at midnight and getting very angry texts for the rest of the night. And yet, it was fun.
I rang in the new year with a bang! Left the house around 8pm. Showed up to a friends house, watched some Animal House while doing cheap whiskey beer bongs, almost ending the night right then and there! (Potters Crown is a disgrace to whiskey lovers everywhere!) I quickly realised my friend's little brother had decided to make that party the high school hangout so we went to the bar! After drinking 2 Free Vodka redbulls, I decided to go partycrashing at places where was unwanted and unwelcomed! The first house was filled with boring wannabe sophisticunts, so we drank massive amounts of alcohol and used their grand piano to play beer pong! Met up with a chick that had moved away 6 years ago... met her husband, went crashing to two other places. Came home at 3:40am. As soon as I opened the door of my pickup truck, a bloodcurding scream hit my ears! I looked down the street to see what looked a young girl running for her life! Naturally, I sprinted into action, and chased after her! I thought she was in trouble, when I'm drunk, I'm pretty sure I become Batman, and I was off to save the day! Once I reached the end of the street it appeared that there was no one there! Utter silence fell upon me. I stopped to make a visual scan of the area... nothing! When I turned around to go back home, I was greeted by sight of five patrol cars heading in my direction! "I knew... I was fucked!" They told me to put my hands on my head, cuffed me, and shoved me quite firmly into the back of the baconmobile! No miranda for me! At the station I inquired as to what crime I had commited? "STALKING!" After much further deliberation, they decided that I was in fact not being arrested for stalking, now I was being held for P.I.! I asked for the chance to perform a field soberiety test. Nope. I asked if I could take a breathlizer. Nope. 8 hours, $350, and one guilty plea later I am a free man! It's going to be a good year!
I showed up to work at 8 PM, put down two Speedballs (two bombs with 3 AM vodka, Red Bull, and Wide Eye), and proceeded to drink and serve drinks all night. I had an absolute blast, got propositioned a few times from girls at the bar, got hammered, then was given the two remaining bottles of Champagne for myself. I put about $2k in the register myself, and was part of the biggest tipped night the bar has ever had. So I got drunk and made money with some of my closest friends. It was probably my favorite NYE I've ever had.
First time I ever got arrested was on New years 1998/1999. I was 18 and My 22 year old buddy and I went to the liquor store and filled my jeep completely full of alcohol. As we were getting ready to pull out of the parking lot, a cop pulled up right behind me, blocking me in. He got out of his car and walked up to the jeep, and saw all the alcohol that we had in the jeep. Well, I hadn't drank a drop at this point, and there was a 22 year old in the jeep with me who legally obtained the alcohol, so they couldn't arrest me for that. However, I had apparently failed to appear for a speeding ticket violation I had gotten 6 months earlier, so they arrested me and threw me in jail. Well, my Buddies apartment was 25 feet from the county jail. you could literally throw a rock and hit the jailhouse. That is where we were throwing this raging Kegger. So he walks over to the jail, and bails me out. I walk across the street to an apartment FULL of underage drinkers. We proceed to get shithoused. A couple of hours of drinking later, this cowboy kid shows up and starts wanting to fight everyone, and my buddy whose apartment it was obliges him, and kicks his ass. After all that, He shakes his hand, and with a new attitude about things, comes in and drinks with us the rest of the night. Later on, he was spouting off about how he could eat Habanero peppers, and that there wasn't anything too hot that he couldn't eat. Well, I happened to have a bottle of "Endorphin Rush" which is basically condensed oil extract of habanero peppers. One drop of this stuff in a 3 gallon pot of chili makes the pot of chili too hot to eat. I DOUSED a tortilla chip with this stuff, and handed to him, said "here tough guy, try this". He downs this chip, and runs out back to the balcony, and starts Puking off the Balcony. Well, the cops drive by and see this Idiot puking, and of course, come and bust us all, and I get arrested for a 2nd time that night. It was the greatest and the worst New Years I ever had. Trying to explain myself to the Judge that Monday was interesting.....
Oh, dear. That's bad. Listen to MY New Years "antics" and feel better! -Got an e-mail from my boss (my S.O.) at 10:00 Pennsylvania-time reminding me about a deadline that I had totally forgotten. The deadline? 12 0'clock Alabama-time. -Me: At the parents house in Pennsylvania. I excuse myself from a thrilling game of Go-Fish with my parents, fire up my work laptop, get to work. -11:59 rolls around, my mother demands that I come downstairs and watch the ball drop. I watch it. It looked totally different this year than it has in every single year past--glad I didn't miss that! She kisses me on the cheek ("So now you don't have to worry about bribing someone to be your first kiss of 2010! I did it for free!") and I trot back to my laptop. I finish precisely two minutes before my deadline, and call the S.O. to wish him a Happy New Year. -He doesn't pick up. I assume he's drunk, so I text his cell phone with the number of a cab company in Birmingham that I've found to be reliable and prompt. I go to bed at about 12:30 Penn-time. -I wake up at 8 to my text message inbox being full. None of it makes sense, so I call the S.O. until he picks up. First thing out of his mouth? "I'm sorry. Whatever I said after noon yesterday was a lie. I was fucking WASTED, honey!" Um, even the urgent deadline? "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yes, even the urgent deadline. I don't need anything from you until the 4th. But thanks for turning it in early! Wait.....do you know where my car is?" No, no I don't. "Shit. Neither do I. I'll call you back later." Happy New Year to me.
Shortly after midnight, I entered that stage of drunkenness where I remember only still images. I wasn't quite blackout, because I do remember what happened, but I was damn close. My girlfriend and I went to an upstairs living room and started hooking up on a couch. A knock on the door, however, interrupted the fun. We hurriedly got dressed and let some guy in who wanted to get his coat so he could leave, then went downstairs and rejoined the party. Minutes later I see a disturbingly familiar pair of underwear on the kitchen floor. Amid 20 or so people. A quick check with my hand confirms that I am in fact freeballing, and that the underwear is mine. I am baffled. How did I neglect to put on underwear when I got dressed? Better yet, how did they get downstairs? I retrieve them, smiling sheepishly, and stuff them in my pocket. I continued partying and left an hour or so later. As far as I know no one said anything about it. But I sure would like to solve the mystery of how they went from a secluded room upstairs to the most crowded room at the party.
Well, I'm guessing they were in the guys coat. Do you always hide your underwear in other people's coats, weirdo???
Nothing too crazy happened for my New Year's. Went "downtown" got hammered, had a buddies sister pick us up and drive us to their house, where there was a party going on. Vaguely remember making some girl cry because she was bitching about a boyfriend not calling her back. After that I have absolutely no memory until 7:30 am, when my Dad called me to say he was coming to get me and drive me to the airport. Got on the plane at 10:30 am, touched down in Hawaii at 12:30 pm, the next day. Yup, nice little 26 hour flight always helps a hangover. Delays, delays, and more delays. Ended up getting a hotel room in LA last night, courtesy of the airlines, and partying my ass off, so I guess it wasn't as bad as it could have been. As it is, still haven't talked to anyone from the party. Lord only knows what the hell went on. I'm guessing I made an ass of myself, which would be pretty much par for the course. Whatevskies.
I got talked into being designated driver. I figured I owed it to the girls after my birthday blackout. The problem was "Lures" and her insanity. She invited 4 guys she had fucked and proceeded to agonize over whether they "knew." One of them brought a female friend who Lures immediatly decided was a bitch and needed to try to start a fight with her. This with the thought process that I would have her back. If it were a valid reason that violence broke out I'd kick some ass, sure. Since it was an insecurity issue I attempted reason. Lures then tried to start a fight with me. This is hilarious to me, which worsens her temper. She proceeds to solve it by chugging gin and dragging one of the guys off to fuck. I haven't spoken to her since then. She keeps calling and I hit ignore. Fuck that. My friend L left bruises on my forearms from me supporting her all night, trashed in heels. Awesome.
I am a paramedic, i worked on new years eve -> new years day. Full moon and New Years are not something that go well together..... My first call of the new year was a guy who blew his head off with a S&W 1911 .45 He and his wife had friends over while the kids were out for new years. After midnight he and his wife are cleaning up, they toast the new year and he goes upstairs takes out his gun and sprays his brain all over their bedroom. We clear from that call after the coroner gets there and get a call for a drunk kid that got angry at his girlfriend and punched a window slicing his forearm down to the bone. His excuse, it was either hit her or hit the window. That was my night, well that and a few other bullshit calls (indigestion, drunks, etc.) Yay, what a way to start a new year!