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Name thy spawn!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, May 18, 2011.

  1. Czechvodkabaron

    Czechvodkabaron
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    Every single guy who I have ever met whose name was Jonathan was an asshole. "John" is usually okay, but Jonathan is always dick.
     
  2. Frank

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    Anyone ever meet someone named Frank that they didn't like? Yeah, I didn't fucking think so.

    In all seriousness if I have a son, he will also be a Frank, that way I can pass down the bad ass ring my great grandmother made with the initials of myself, my father and my grandfather.
     
  3. Noland

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    We went for family names for the offspring. Robert and Charles for the boys after my grandfathers and Catherine named after some obscure relative on her side that she liked. We have always called them by their full names, so hopefully they will stick so I won't ever have to deal with a Bob, Bobby, Charlie, Chuck, Cathy, or Cat.
     
  4. Disgustipated

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    I'm pretty sure I've told this one elsewhere, but it's apt for the thread.

    My spawn is named Seth. I get "is he named after Seth Enslow?" and "is he named after Seth Green?". The answer is no, it's just a badass name and I was watching a ton of Deadwood at the time.

    His mother wanted to name him Memphis, because her mother was a big Elvis fan. I cracked the shits and flat out refused to even consider it. Not only is that a dumb reason for naming an Australian kid, it would guarantee him multiple bashings per week at just about any school. I got a bigger shock when I was looking through his baby book and there was a page of "names we'd considered". I wasn't shocked that she'd put Memphis down, I was shocked at the way she'd spelt it. Menphus. What the fuck? I'd almost be forced to bash my own son for being named that, just to toughen him up for the legions of bullies that would come at him.

    Her name is Kathy. After three bad run ins with that family of names (Kathy, Kathryn, Kate), I avoid them like the plague.
     
  5. Dcc001

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    Every Tom I've ever known has been a hard-core alcoholic. Not just a partier, but a "fifth of Jim Beam per day" alcoholic.

    Every Mike is a troublemaker when young. A kid that's either on Ritalin or should be.

    I love the name Rebecca, but every Rebecca I've ever known has been a raging, slightly unstable bitch.

    For myself, if I ever have kids I lean towards classical, old-fashioned names that have abbreviations that I like. Josephine and Addison for girls, Matthew and Isaac for boys. We'll see.

    Speaking of abbreviations, I've found that people who have an easily shortened name that elect not to shorten it are stuck up and pretentious. "James" should automatically be a "Jim." "Thomas" should be "Tom." By that same measure, if you use "Thom," that's pretentious.
     
  6. Nom Chompsky

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    I've never heard of a D'Brickashaw that wasn't a black football player. Not to be racist or jobbist, but if somebody tells me their name is D'Brickashaw, I would not guess that they were a white supply manager for a mid-sized accounting firm.
     
  7. Dcc001

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    I can't remember if it was Freakanomics or Super Freakanomics that went into this, but essentially you are correct. They analyzed thousands of names and found out that there is a racial bias when it comes to naming children. White people have the same taste as Asian people living in the West (i.e. names like Emily, Chris, etc.). Black people, on the other hand, have a twofold trend. First, they tend to pick odd names (D'Brickshaw). Second, there are less common names amongst them. So if the most popular white name is chosen by, say, 10% of parents that year for their child, the most popular black name is only picked by 3 or 4% of black parents.
     
  8. Dread

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    I would have agreed with this until recently. I've met two Amandas through my wife (her cousin and a friend) who are both extremely nice and pleasant to be around.

    Let's see... Every Chris who I know can be a bit of a dick. Jodie (or any variation of the name) is usually a selfish bitch. Ericas are sluts.
     
  9. TX.

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    Every time I hear "Brad" or "Chad" I automatically think, "Douche." I have some guy friends named Brad, and I genuinely feel sorry for them. They can't help their douche names.

    Britneys and Heathers...way to go, parents. You destined your kids to be shallow, gold digging bitches.

    I've always liked the name Wyatt, but I think there are too many Wyatt Earp jokes to be made.

    I think Madison and Addison are incredibly pretentious, suburbanite names. I blame crappy TV shows. Along those lines, the sweetest, most adorable little girl I ever taught was named Harper. She was so awesome that she made me like the name.

    I'm a Catherine after a family member and have always gone by my full name. I think Cate looks ridiculous, Cathy is a middle-aged, single harpy with 6 cats, and changing the C to a K for Kate (a la Kate MIddleton) seems stupid.
     
  10. BL1Y

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    When I hear "Hunter" I don't think "violent" I think "yuppie spawn."

    The best way to avoid giving your kid a crappy name, I think, is to go with the name of an older relative. It virtually guarantees that you won't fall for some fad that soon becomes obnoxious. And for that reason, I'm glad I have a grandpa Adolph.
     
  11. caseykasem

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    Dons are always pieces of shit. I've never met a Don that was normal. They are always weird as hell and assholes. Fuck I hate that name and people named Don.

    Mackenzie or any spelling thereof is a catty bitch. Every single one that I've met.

    If I were to have kids, and whom ever I impregnate would allow, I would name a boy Buck. I used to know a Buck and he was hilarious and smart as hell. Also, I just think it's a badass name. I have a feeling not many others would agree.
     
  12. Dread

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    Agreed. I see a pink polo shirt with a popped collar or a sweater vest.
     
  13. Rob4Broncos

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    Kyle, Brad/Bradley, Eric, and Christian are always whiny, annoying, entitled pieces of shit.

    Always, always, always, always.
     
  14. rei

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    Unless your family is as retarded as mine is and you end up with a number after your name (in my case, VII). My middle name is just my other grandfather.

    I've found most Amandas to be socially awkward and incapable of reading cues.

    Chad is a douche name, as already mentioned, though it has a subset of people so constantly stoned you just don't notice them except for the smell of ganja in the room.

    Most people I know named Mark have a hair-trigger anger switch on something random. Like one issue they react to with such violence it doesn't seem right.

    And lets not get started on any female name that ands in "i" and shouldn't.
     
  15. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

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    This is purely anecdotal but I feel like white people (at least middle-class white people) have a disproportionate tendency to pick retarded names like many of the ones mentioned in this thread, it's Asians and middle-class black people that are actually keeping many of the traditional names (Michael, Chris, Amanda, etc.) afloat.

    Every Jenna is hot, and most of them are slutty. Every Katie wants my penis inside her (seriously, I've slept with about a half-dozen girls named Kate/Katie--to my knowledge no more than 2 of any other name). By the same token as D'Brickashaw I've never heard of a Godd who wasn't a black basketball player who was pretty good at the college level but couldn't cut it in the NBA and ended up bouncing around various foreign leagues (not even the good ones like Italy and Greece, but places like Poland and China).
     
  16. Trickysista

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    Every Tiffany I've met is a stupid cunt.

    Every Ashley I know is too perky to be considered a normal human.

    Every Jesse I come across is incredibly hot.

    The bf and I talk about baby names when we're drunk because it seems to be the only time the convo isn't awkward. We really like the name Zoey (or Zooey or Zoe) or Lillian (after my great-grandmother). I really like my name (Natalie) but naming my daughter the same as myself is just weird. We can't decide on a boy's name. He likes Warren (which I HATE) and I really like the name Ethan or Jesse.

    It annoys me when people use a hybrid of names..."My sister's name is Michelle and my husband's sister is Brianna...so we're naming her Brielle!" I knew a girl named McKenna because her dad's name was Kenny and her mom's name was...something that started with an M.
     
  17. BL1Y

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    If your middle name is different from your father's middle name, you shouldn't have a number on the end. (George W. Bush is not George Bush, Jr, because his father was George H. W. Bush.)

    I think the numbers after names thing is pretty cool actually. You're talking about a name that requires multi-generational commitments made over possibly 100 years or more. That's a really unique thing to have, and if you don't like it, you're always free to not use it. On certain forms you'll have to use it to make sure you didn't just take out a credit card for your dad, but in every day interactions, you can leave it off.

    I had a buddy who was Name V. His dad was Name III. This caused a ton of confusion when people who knew his dad (partner at the law firm he works for) would refer to him as Name IV. Name IV is actually his brother who died in infancy.

    Back to names I hate though, Dom. It's like Don (which I'm okay with), but with 30 more pounds and 30 fewer IQ points.

    Seth. It's a name goth kids wish they had, and somehow also just a normal name for Jews. That makes it weird, and I don't like it.
     
  18. Ton80

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    How timely...we're having our first kid in October, and we have been discussing this at length for a few months now.

    For a boy, we're pretty sure that we're going with Robert Harold, first for my father-in-law, middle for my parternal grandfather.

    For a girl, we're still on the fence. We know that the middle name will be Elizabeth, but for a first we're considering:

    Ainsley (my first choice)
    Mia
    Ava


    Somewhat off topic, but how many of you have/use middle names? I hate mine, and I've stopped using it on everything except tax forms; Wade. Seriously? Wade? Aside from Boggs, I can't think of anyone named Wade except for my namesake, my dad's best friend in graduate school who I have met all of once when I was like 3. I can only hope that they were some good drugs that led to that.
     
  19. Kubla Kahn

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    Everyone named Jesus is full of shit.

    Anyway, it is nice to see that my hatred of the Aiden/Kayden/Jayden has been validated*. I probably got in half a dozen arguments with mothers-to-be in the past half dozen years telling them this cutesy half feminine boy name craze was fucking stupid and would breed criminals. Don't fucking name a kid just because it'll be cute when he's in onesies and rompers, think about how it will work when he graduates high school and ages for another 60-70 YEARS. They were mostly girls who had fucked up and let some white trash dude bust a load of semen all up in their snatch and there little Aiden would be meeting with his probation officer by the day he turned 18. But somehow I as the asshole.


    As for Amanda, she'll be forever associated with one of the hottest, if not hottest, chicks from my high school. The daughter of a Ben-gal cheerleader, she was as fun and outgoing and down to earth than about any girl could be. If she didn't prefer the 6'5 statuesque body builder types Id definitely try to make this chick my wife.

    Iv known a few Stacy's and they were all sexy as fuck but a bit neurotic.

    *I'd name my kid Raiden in a second knowing the god of thunder, as with Zeus, is always a bad ass name to go with.
     
  20. MoreCowbell

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    Parents, don't do this to your kids. ESPECIALLY if it is the same initial.

    I'm More Ryan Cowbell. Father is More Roy Cowbell. Meaning we are both More R. Cowbell, but technically I am not More Cowbell Jr.

    It's a record keeping nightmare. Every record you have will be confused. People will accuse you of identity theft because you are not a 65 year old man like the file in front of them says. Phone calls will be confusing, because you won't be able to figure out who they are calling for. You will forever be telling people "No, not Junior."

    Apparently the shared initial was completely unintentional. My dad didn't realize what he had done until 5 years later.




    Anyone who uses the first initial, middle name combination deserves to be dragged out back and shot. C. Theodore Smith rather than Chris or Ted? You pretentious asshole.