Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

Name thy spawn!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, May 18, 2011.

  1. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
    Expand Collapse
    The White

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,571
    There is a guy at work whose last name is Bennoni. He is having a kid, but they are not sure what to name it. His wife wanted to name it Yanni or something. Anyway, the consensus at work is that he should name the kid, if it's a boy, Obi Wan Bennoni.

    This weekend I met a baby named Winston. I think that is a perfectly awesome name for a kid. He's going to be old a lot longer than he's going to be young, and Winston is a great name to grow into. There are many famous and noble Winstons in history. Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain. Winston Groom, the author of Forrest Gump. Winston Zeddemore, of the Ghostbusters.

    I also met a 10-year-old whose name I can't remember. It was something classically modern like Alyssa or something. She was a precocious 10-year-old, and was complaining about trouble at school with a girl named Madison. I confided in her: there are no good people named Madison.

    Another friend just had a baby, who is named Graham. Her husband is Neil. I told her if she can find a David and a Stephen, they'll have a band.

    As if on cue, the source of all good things on the Internet provides a timely article on the most hated baby names in America. Guess who shows up on that list?

    Madison, that bitch.

    FOCUS: Discuss the article, or your own most-hated names.

    ALT FOCUS: What have you named your kids? What has your SO told you that you're going to name your kids? Do you agree with that assessment?
     
  2. PIMPTRESS

    PIMPTRESS
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    77
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Denver-ish
    Every girl named Amanda is a painful cunt, in my experience. Amy's tend to be rather boring and Melissa's are sluts.


    Men named Don tend to alarm me, mostly because someone named Don beat the shit out of me when I was four.

    Good times...
     
  3. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe
    I would like to add the name Katie to the painful cunt category. I have met about a dozen girls named Katie, and there is only one who was not a horrible person.

    Focus: The Mc girl names annoy me to no end. Also, I'm glad that "Caitlin" is the socially accepted spelling of that name. Katelynn is someone whose parents I want to throw rocks at.
     
  4. Volo

    Volo
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    39
    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2009
    Messages:
    713
    FOCUS: Every Doug I've ever met has been a slow-moving, marble-mouthed, shit-chucking ape. Fuck me, they all even look the fuckin' same!

    I haven't met a Greg that wasn't a chef.

    Strangely, every Alex I've met has been a redhead, male or female.

    Every Bruce is a workaholic, without fail. We're talking hours that a sherpa would find offensive.

    ALT. FOCUS: We've decided on Jack for our firstborn, if and when. Not a single one of the men in my family have produced a girl, save for my old man, who's the youngest amongst 11 brothers.
     
  5. xrayvision

    xrayvision
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    432
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    5,162
    Location:
    Hyewston
    Every Stacy I have ever knows was fucking batshit insane. I have never once met a well adjusted Stacy.
     
  6. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
    Expand Collapse
    Honorary TiBette

    Reputation:
    68
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Messages:
    4,706
    Location:
    we out
    The 2011 U.S. Census revealed that some 37% of African-American names ended in some form of "shawn." Because unity is very important in the black community (like ants, distant and proud ancestor of the Negro), I intend to follow this convention.

    As I will have 6 kids by 8 mothers (a uniquely colored disorder known as Travis Henry Syndrome), I will need a slew of names. Luckily, I have them written down on this KFC napkin:

    RaShawn
    DeSean
    LaShawn
    CarlShawn
    RickShawn
    ShawnShawn


    The worst (best) name I've ever personally come in contact with is Immaculate-Perfection Harris. He was a track/football star at one of my high school's rivals. I'm sure people would have made more fun of him if he wasn't incredibly ripped and athletic (he was probably the fastest person I've ever seen live).
     
  7. Josh

    Josh
    Expand Collapse
    Village Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    39
    May I suggest SeanShawn?

    I guess I'm in the minority, but I've never noticed any name-based trends among people I know. I even tried to do it based on the names you guys listed here, but for every two or three shitty Katies I know, I can think of at least one that's pretty solid. Although I guess Kyles tend to be rednecks.
     
  8. jennitalia

    jennitalia
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    55
    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2010
    Messages:
    806
    Location:
    Canada
    I'm also going to add Brittany/Brittney to this list. They're just not good people. Also girls named Rebecca tend to be extremely full of themselves. And Denise's of the world: you are crazy. Boy-wise, Chris' are generally dicks.

    Should I decide in the future to pump out some kidlets, I like Blake and Ava for names.
     
  9. Pinkcup

    Pinkcup
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    798
    Location:
    Steel City
    Hi, my name is Katie and I am totally a raging cunt.

    Seriously, though...every other Katie I've met has been a cheerleader and/or ball of unbridled perkiness and enthusiasm with a smile the size of Texas. I was beginning to feel out of place with my hipster black sweaters and bitchface. Thank God I'm not alone.

    Focus: Chad is always a smarmy motherfucker. Always. Chris, in my experience, is a whiner. He might hide it for a while, but it comes out eventually. Al is a current fatass or a former fatass.

    Charlene is batshit. No, really. She is. Do not ever befriend a Charlene thinking that her quirkiness is endearing and you can learn to overlook her ever-increasing weirdness. Stay the fuck away.
     
  10. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe

    Hi, my name is Caitlin and I actually had to stop going by Katie (Caitie?) because of the thunder cunts I kept meeting. I'm glad you are disproving my theory. ( This post is 100% genuine. I promise I am not being sarcastic. I don't know how to not sound sarcastic on the internet.)
     
  11. Captain Apathy

    Captain Apathy
    Expand Collapse
    Average Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2009
    Messages:
    75
    Chad is probably the biggest bro name out there, followed by Travis, Garrett and Trent.

    I once heard a woman yell at her three kids (two boys and a girl), "Chance! Chase! Bailey! Stop that!" I shuddered involuntarily.

    Guys named Ben tend to be weird motherfuckers, but not necessarily in a bad way.
     
  12. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    539
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,858
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I proceed with caution for any girl that has one of those classic perky/bubbly names and/or ones that end in Y, like: the aforementioned Katies and Stacies, Beckys, Kellys, Jessies, Zoes, Melanies, Caseys, Mandys, Carleighs, etc. EDIT: Oh my god, how could I have forgotten about the Brittanys of the world? Obviously, they're included. They're usually really annoying and we just tend not to get along. My best friend's name is Christina, but if she went by Chrissy, I'd probably hate her. (Ironically, my middle name is Molly, but I don't think it has the same feel as the others.)

    I'm a fan of solid one-syllable names for guys (like Dan or Sean or Max) or ones that end in -an (like Dylan, Ryan, or Evan).

    Girls' names that I do like and guys' names that I don't like are on a case by case basis. As for my potential future kids, they would be Audrey or Dylan.
     
  13. Pinkcup

    Pinkcup
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    798
    Location:
    Steel City
    For me, the name "Molly" will forever be associated with the ever-popular American Girl Doll. She was pretty cool.

    In fact, this accurately summarizes how I feel about the name Molly:
    Focus: Nancy is a know-it-all and an eternal busybody. She's damned efficient at whatever she does, but it's probably because she hoards information like a troll hoards gold and uses it to her advantage during tasks and stuff. Lock down your Blackberry and password-protect your computer.
     
  14. archer

    archer
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    36
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    226
    Location:
    Perth, Australia
    I disagree with Hunter being on the list (too violent? kiss my ass you fucking pansies).

    Id name a boy of mine Hunter if i thought i could get away with it (i might be lucky and get it as a middle name... if she lets me) in honor of one of my favorite authors, and Hunter Archer has a nice ring to it i think. Id introduce him to the writings of his namesake at an early age and get the little fucker a nice Bow for him to hunt his enemies with. Now its fucking violent.

    Totally agree with the boy names ending in 'yden' or 'den' being on the list and using a brand for your child's name is just plain stupid.

    To add my own, every Tyson I've ever met has been an insufferable self-entitled prick.
     
  15. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe
     
    #15 lostalldoubt86, May 18, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  16. D26

    D26
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    110
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,305
    Focus: Every Britney I have met has been good looking, and at the same time, a raging bitch. I hear the name Britney and immediately think "my super sweet sixteen" like bitches. All the girls named Chrissy I've met have been very cute, but also very dumb. I also concur that every girl I've met whose name ends in "y" (i.e. Mandy, Kelly, Stacy) have been really perky girls, some to the point of annoying, while others keep it tolerable. Kristen and Jennifer have nothing but positive associations for me.

    Every guy I've met that goes by the name Bob is awesome. Conversely, every person who goes by the name Rob has been a giant douche. They're the same name (both are just short for Robert), but for some reason dudes who go by Bob are just cool. Chris and Derek are other names that just gives off a 'giant asshole' vibe for me. Brad and Jim also hit a positive vibe for me.

    Alt Focus:Timely thread. The wife and I have been discussing having kids a lot recently, and what we'd name them.

    A boy name is incredibly simple, as if we have a boy, we're naming him after my brother-in-law that passed away a few years ago. His name will be Andrew, my brother-in-law's middle name, as my wife worries she (and her mom) can't bring herself to say his actual name without crying. I plan to call him Drew. She wants to call him Andy. I associate the name "Andy" with "anti-social nerd," so I am against that particular nickname. Andrew or Drew, I like both, but NOT Andy.

    For a girl name, we wanted something fairly original but at the same time not stupid (i.e. naming your kid "Apple" or "Pilot Inspektor" or "Kal-El" or any other of the stupid names celebrities give their kids). So far, we are leaning towards Giulia. It is basically the Italian version of Julia, and my wife knew and was friends with a Giulia in college that was really cool. The other two that we can't really agree on are Marie and Rose. I think Rose sounds like an old woman's name, but I actually really like it as a middle name. She associates the name Marie with a stuck up bitch.
     
  17. heideman

    heideman
    Expand Collapse
    Village Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    Messages:
    27
    Location:
    Arizona
    huh?

    But on focus, fuck Dicks.
     
  18. hotwheelz

    hotwheelz
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    14
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    1,356
    This thread is a really amusing when you know poster's names.
     
  19. Firefnd1982

    Firefnd1982
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2009
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    IL
    Every Jenny, or Jenni i have ever met has been, to some extent, nuts.
     
  20. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    810
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Messages:
    19,567
    Location:
    London, Ontario
    I've found guys named Chad or Kevin are usually whiney sucks.

    Anyone named Landon or Hunter is an asshole. Stop tying the sleeves of your sweater around your neck and trying to get the party frat kicked off campus, you snobs!

    Female names I associate well with are Tori, Tanya (not TONya) and Deborah.

    Oh, and the name Chris is the greatest guy name in the history of the universe, to let you know.