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My superpower is...nothing.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Roxanne, Aug 17, 2010.

  1. Roxanne

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    Nerdy Real Life Super Heroes

    http://tv.gawker.com/5611331/nerdy-...=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+kotaku/full+(Kotaku)

    A bunch of people dressing up in costumes and "fighting crime" in the loosest sense of the word. I want to say it's like Kick-Ass, but I've never seen the movie/read the comics, and I imagine they were actually entertaining instead of just...whatever this is.

    Focus: Discuss the article.

    Alt-focus: What would your super hero name be, and what are your super powers? Would you use them for good or evil, or would you just use your x-ray eyes to see through women's clothing (arguably that could be good and evil)?
     
  2. Blue Dog

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  3. Frebis

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    My super hero name: Big Ben Rothilsberger.

    My power: Raping lots of white chicks and being able to get away with it.
     
  4. rei

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    I'd be able to turn invisible at will, as well as willingly making things near me invisible (most notable use: clothing)

    I'd likely use it selectively for good and self-interest. Not looking for trouble but helping out (or helping myself) impulsively now and then because I'm a wanton and too lazy to plan things.
     
  5. Tuesday

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    Comedian Stephen Lynch's take on superheros:

    NSFW language




    I'd love to be able to fly. Like those wingsuits, but without needing the whole plane thing. Definitely wouldn't do that whole "crime-fighting" bullshit though. Probably the opposite. Meh, what can I say, I'm weak minded.
     
    #5 Tuesday, Aug 18, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  6. shauncorleone

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    Misogynist Man: He would rescue damsels in distress, but then berate them for being so goddamn stupid to get themselves into trouble in the first place. "Well if you hadn't overcooked the fucking steak, maybe he wouldn't have had to hit you, and I wouldn't have had to crush his skull into a fine powder. Oh, he's done this kind of thing before? And you're STILL HERE? Bitch."

    Internet Meme Man: This rarely busy superhero only solves the problems in the world that are absolutely outrageous. Simple theft, rape and murder do not interest him, unless It's Rick Astley raping Kanye West while wearing a bear suit.
     
  7. BL1Y

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    Focus: Hold on...there were drug dealers...in Washington Square Park? I'm glad he let the cops know. Someone tell them there's also underage drinking in Webster Hall and prostitution at Ulysses.

    Alt Focus: If I was going to have a super power, I'd want to be able to travel back in time 30 seconds. Pretty limited, but it would mean you could cheat at black jack and roulette and could kick serious ass in a fist fight, or Jeopardy, or Family Feud.
     
  8. Sicnevol

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    Were i a super villain my name would be Meganomicon.

    If I were the "hero" you could call me Megarr.
     
  9. BL1Y

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    Focus: I wish they'd put in more about the villains who have been "battering" some of the heroes. It'd be kinda cool to see if get taken up a notch and have a hero v. villains brawl. Where's Paintballer or The Amazing Asshole Water Balloon Man?
     
  10. lostalldoubt86

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    I would like to read minds, but only if I could control whose mind I'm reading.

    I don't know what my superhero name would be, but my secret identity would be named Ina Jephson.
     
  11. Rush-O-Matic

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    Super Hero Name: Moses

    Super Power: Ability to "part" whatever I wanted. Dumbass driver in my way? [hand wave] Suddenly, my path is clear. Checkout line too long? [hand wave] I'm next. Front row at concerts, airport security, girls' legs, etc.
     
  12. Veovis

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    If I could pick a power, I'd take the healing factor such as Wolverine has. I would use my power for vast nights of self abuse with so feeling like shit the next day.

    Tortmenting people by stepping in front of there car and having them hit me. check (ok this may border on using my powers for evil)

    I wouldn't however use my powers to whine like a little bitch for 4 seasons of Heroes.
     
  13. Costello

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    I definitely think the ability to manipulate time would be the most effective superpower, but why only 30 seconds? Either you can defy the principles of space-time absolutely, or not at all.

    That said, while it would be great to have that power yourself, it would make for a pretty boring superhero for everyone else. Why even fight crime/do hero stuff when you can just win everything for yourself, never ruin your chances with any girl or even keep reliving the good days over and over?
     
  14. ssycko

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    Flying. Flying is the best thing. What could be better than flying?

    Also, why is Citizen Prime's wife not terrible looking? I was shocked.
     
  15. Nick

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    I would be Orgasmotron, and I would command the ability to have 3-4 minute orgasms that produced an unthinkable amount of love-butter. When I wasn't busy servicing my fiancee, I would sneak out in the night to powerwash all the driveways in my neighborhood.
     
  16. BL1Y

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    I think ultimate time control would make life feel worthless, but with only being able to rewind 30 seconds would create a challenge to find creative ways to turn that wimpy super power into something a lot more powerful.

    I agree it might be dull for other people though, since they can't perceive the power. You'd win every fight pretty quickly, and always draw your gun first.
     
  17. MoreCowbell

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    I've always been fascinated by the ideas of superheroes who have powers that are legitimately supernatural, but are at best mildly useful. Preferably useless.

    For example, a superhero who could un-toast any bread with his mind. Or who can make people’s fingernails grow at a slightly-faster-than-normal rate. Or who can turn into a baby seal at will, but only a baby seal. No other animals.

    A show about an Avengers-like collective of ineffectual superheroes would be hilarious.
     
  18. Durbanite

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    I think I'd be Doctor Fucked. My power would be the ability to shoot (or simply produce) an unlimited number of needles filled with an incident-producing amount of random recreational drugs and hospital painkillers at a speed of no less than 4000 feet per second from my fingertips and toes painlessly at the rate of 10 shots per minute per finger/toe. I'd also have the ability to retract them and not set them off on myself, obviously.

    That'd be pretty cool, I think.
     
  19. BL1Y

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    I think that's Jubilee from X-Men.
     
  20. bewildered

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    No, I think that's Heart from Captain Planet. Even as a 6 year old I felt sorry for him.