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My BEST drunk story.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Crown Royal, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. stlcardinals1982

    stlcardinals1982
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    Being a lurker on this site, I have enjoyed reading the many tales of drunken adventures. But with this most recent post, I feel compelled to relive my most embarrassing/horrifying drunken moment with you. The story details have been aided by recollections from other friends and small snippets of memory that remain from that night.

    The Setup:
    Being two years out of college and with a full time job, I was living the good life. I was single, I lived with two old college friends, (we will call them B and M) had discretionary income for the first time in my life, and proceeded to spend a large amount of money on the weekends getting ridiculously drunk. Another friend from college was getting married, and B used his “and guest” invite to bring M and I used my “and guest” invite to bring another friend of ours (T) to the wedding.

    It all started innocently enough. We went to the ceremony, checked into the hotel, and preceded to the hotel bar to kill some time before the reception. Since this was a martini bar, we all though that it was a good idea to try many of the different martinis based on the names of the drinks, rather than the unholy combinations of liquor that was in them. Feeling pretty good after a few hours, we made our way to the reception.

    The reception was open bar, which was a new concept to me at the time. I ordered myself two White Russians and since I didn’t have any smaller bills, gave the bartender $20, promising that I would only come to her for the rest of the night and tip her more later. The dinner started, and I was well already into my “drunk asshole” mode. M challenged me that I couldn’t drink the entire chalice of wine in the middle of the table and thinking this was a great idea, I accepted the challenge. M told me the next day that this challenge wasn’t given by him, but by me saying “Betcha I can drink this whole chalice of wine by myself!” Him replying, “Dear God, do NOT do that,” and me responding with “Game on!”

    During this dinner, I proceeded to drink 1-1/2 chalices of wine, eat my meal in a way that grossed out the other people at the table, and ran around to other tables getting dinner rolls for T who did not like/want to eat his main dish but said the rolls were good (I had probably gotten him about 30 of them by the time the meal was done). The dinner highlight was when a person at the table recognized my friend B somehow and asked if he played any sports at our college. I replied with, “Not unless you include penis-touching a sport,” and continued to chug the rest of my wine.

    The Payoff:
    After the dinner was done, the bar opened back up. I rushed to get more alcohol and a warning was given to my other friends that they needed to keep an eye on me that night. I was always within an arm’s reach of my friends yet still continued to doublefist vodka drinks and make inappropriate jokes. After coming in from a cigarette, the bride and groom began their first dance as man and wife. When Mr. Big’s “To Be With You” began, I became very excited because of the awesomeness of the song. Singing along with the lyrics, I began to dance-shuffle my way closer to the dance floor…dance-shuffle, chug, dance-shuffle, chug…until I made it all the way up to the bride and groom on the dance floor. Once I got up to them, I proceeded to sing and began…grinding. on. the. bride.
    The bride’s grandmother burst out into tears because I have officially ruined this wonderful moment and I was whisked away outdoors by my friends. The bride’s cousins at this point in time wanted to beat my ass because I “disrespected their women and families” but because I tend to hang around with bigger guys and they were all 5’-6” and under, it never went any further than threats. Fortunately, the bride and groom took it in stride and the night was not ruined.

    Seemingly unfazed, I continued to drink. I did not get kicked out of my friends’ reception, but was kicked out of the reception next door. “My bartender,” as established earlier in the night, was rotated to the other reception and I followed. I ended up ordering two drinks, shattering them on the floor, shrugging my shoulders, and going back for two more drinks. At this point, the “other” bride realized that I was not invited and yelled T’s head off as he escorted me out of the reception while I laughed my ass off.

    The Conclusion:
    But, my story does not end there. After the wedding ended, we went back to the hotel bar. Deciding that I was horny, I picked up a girl with the line, “Do you like the movie The Sandlot? OF COURSE you do, everybody fucking loves the Sandlot! Do you want to go back to my room?” I honestly wouldn’t have believed this line worked either, but had other friends confirm that these were the only words I spoke to this woman the entire night.

    We ended up going into her room, which led to a chain of events. Because we were in her room, her roommate hung out in our room. M was making progress with her, so T wandered around the hotel to give him some privacy (M, T, and me were all sharing a hotel room). About this time, I began to sober up a bit and realized that this woman I was making out with was quite...big. I began to lose interest and texted my friend T to call my phone. When my phone went off, I answered and told the girl that I had to go because my friend was locked out of our room. Cleverly escaping the Walrus, I met up with T and barged into our room despite him telling me not to. Cue to M getting cockblocked, the girl going back to her room, and M and me wrestling in the parking lot because he was so pissed that I screwed him over. I ended up sleeping in my car that night and woke up in time for breakfast with the wedding party at the hotel.

    Afterword:
    I am quite embarrassed by this story and have apologized to the bride and groom millions of times since then. They have actually told me that there is a video tape of me interrupting their dance, and I hope to God that it never surfaces. I unfortunately did not learn any lesson from that night, and continued to be incredibly reckless with my alcohol consumption for another couple of years. As a result, I do have other stories, but they all pale in comparison to that night. Hope you all enjoyed.
     
  2. dixiebandit69

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    I almost forgot about the story of how I took my college-Spanish final exam still drunk from the night before.

    I was hanging out with some people the night before, and they decided to drive out into the country to drink and smoke weed. I wasn't driving. We go out to the middle of Bum-Fuck, and proceed to get trashed.
    After awhile, I got thirsty (for water). There was no drinkable water for miles, and the drivers of the cars didn't want to get some from a store.
    I looked through the back of one guy's car to see if there was anything non-alcoholic that I could drink, and all I found was more beer and some Heaven Hill vodka (that stuff is the Devil's urine, by the way).
    Then I found my salvation: A gallon of fruit-punch flavored Gatorade (One of the most vile flavors of Gatorade, but it will do in a pinch). I opened it and started chugging full force. Then I heard a voice behind me say:

    "Whoa! Take it easy with that stuff man!"

    Me: "Why?"

    "There's a whole bottle of Everclear mixed in there!"

    Oh. Shit.

    I blacked out shortly after that.
    I woke up at about 7AM the next morning in the back of my truck where I had left it parked the night before. I didn't know when or how I got there. I knew that I had to take my Spanish final exam in 2 hours. The professor hated me, and I knew that there was no way he would let me make it up if I missed it. So I drove to Whataburger, ate a burger that I could barely keep down, and went to take the test. I was dirty (evidently I fell down in a freshly plowed field several times during my blackout), smelled like a hobo, and looked like hell.
    I got a "B."
     
  3. mazian

    mazian
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    Once when I was 16 or 17 I was at a birthday party in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
    With ridiculous amounts of liquor.
    At this time I still hated beer so I drank only hard liquor the whole night.
    We played some drinking games, I had an nice buzz, everything was fine, although at this point a friend of mine had already passed out and we had to get him home(he lived nearby).
    Fast forward some time and my last clear memory of the so far uneventful evening was me holding a vodka bottle and drinking directly from it without it burning in the slightest.
    The events of the next 3 hours are mostly still a mystery to me, but I've been told some gems:

    -Puking in lake, all the while holding my glasses in one hand and repeating "I'm totally fine" over and over between dry
    heaving

    -Puking on a playground in some sort of wooden house they had there for the kids

    -Puking in a urinal and then passing out there for some time

    I awoke the next morning on a couch with my muddy shoes on my face and the worst hangover I've had in my life.
    The 1 hour ride home shortly afterwards was a lot of fun, especially since we had to cross a lot of small hills and I always almost puked when we passed the top and started going down again.
    At home I had to hold onto the door frame to be able to stand up and suddenly craved orange juice.
    More puking swiftly followed.
    I showered sitting down because any other way just wasn't going to happen and slept for the rest of the day.
     
  4. PIMPTRESS

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    I dug this one up from a couple of years ago.

    I woke up so confused that morning.

     
  5. Frebis

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    This one weekend, I was drinking by myself in my basement. I then turned on my computer and had a g+ hangout with a girl wSo wore a girdle on her wedding day. Then something crazy happened. A lad from south Africa joined. Oddly enough he was white! Then he dropped this nuggets on us, he has not spoke with any girl that wasn't his mother in 7 years!

    Craziest weekend ever!
     
  6. rei

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    Dude, it's really not cool to post my story before I get a chance to.

    [Just kidding. The girl was on skype.]
     
  7. john_b

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    This.

    The following may not be my best story, but it just happened.

    I went over his house to watch UFC at 8pm. He had a bottle of Jack Daniels. We did a couple shots. He asks his wife to get him a Xanax. He asks me if I want one. I say yes. (mistake #1). He's already drunk because he hasn't eaten so he has his wife cook him up a bunch of food. They ask me if I want any and I say no (mistake #2) because I had eaten about 5pm. So we sit there and do a few shots and watch the fights. I feel fine. I remember that i have some cuban cigars that I said we'd smoke so I go get them (he lives 2 blocks from my house). I go get them and come back. His daughter is home now (she's 20) and the three of us smoke a cuban and do a couple shots. This is when things start to get hazy because she breaks out some salvia. I have never done it, I know little to nothing about it, but we smoke a bowl of it (mistake 3).

    That's the last coherent recollection I have of the night. He filled me in on the details. Apparently we went in his hot tub on the back deck (mercifully not naked, I went in boxer briefs and a wife beater) and finished off the bottle of jack daniels and several more bowls of salvia. At some point, I lost my drinking glass over the side of the deck, tried to go after it, and faceplanted the ground. I retrieved the glass, came back up over the side of the deck and nose-dived into the hot tub. Then after we got out, they went inside and I stayed outside to change. Only instead of changing, I took off my wet clothes and passed out naked on the deck for about 20 minutes. Eventually I came to, got dressed, carried my wet clothes (and for some strange reason my shoes. I went home barefoot) through his house and out the front door, where I puked on his porch and then went home.

    I woke up in the guest bed of my house the next day with no recollection of how I had gotten there. I'm not really sure what made me black out. I don't think it was the booze, because I have a pretty high tolerance level and I drink regularly and never black out. It could be the xanax because I've never taken it before and this dude weighs like 350lbs and I took one of his pills so I probably got a pretty high dose. Or it could be the salvia, because I had never done that either. I was initially blaming the salvia but after reading PIMPTRESS's story I'm wondering if it could have been the xanax.
     
  8. StayFrosty

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    I'm thinking it might have something to do with you combining all three. Just a thought.
     
  9. PIMPTRESS

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    Xanax, liquor and salvia? Sounds like a combo that would render me comatose. I have smoked salvia, depending on the strength it can make you hallucinate even. So, yeah, Xanax and booze will fuck you up, adding salvia will really fuck you up.
     
  10. ghettoastronaut

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    I'm just going to point out that the prototypical date rape drug, rohypnol, is very close xanax in its effects and chemical structure. For the love of god, people, booze and benzodiazepines are what rapists use to sedate their victims so they are helpless and unable to remember what happened the next morning. What did you think would happen?
     
  11. Ton80

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    I'm not as concerned with the reason you couldn't remember the evening so much as the bolded parts. I'd love to hear some context for this one.

    So, if I'm reading this right, you went over to your friend's house to watch a UFC fight, and he's 350 lbs and old enough to have a 20 year old daughter, and you guys did shots of JD, took a muscle relaxant, and smoked Salvia WITH the daughter on a Saturday night?

    You party harder than I do, my friend.
     
  12. john_b

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    I just turned 39. He's 40.

    Doesn't happen very often and honestly, there was no way I should have done all of those things. It was a rash of dumb decisions on my part. I don't know if the daughter took any xanax but her dad said she did a couple of shots of JD and smoked the Salvia with us.