MTV's Jersey Shore (was "Jersey without my hair gel")

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

It would be fun to throw a head above the clouds into the mix....but with THIS group? Your hero would commit mass murder suicide after one hour of being in the same house as these turds. Have you heard that broad Snooki (probably her Christian name) speak? It sounds like Freddy Kreuger's nails dragging across a chalkboard inside the fifth ring of Hell. She's fucking gross and puffy looking, to boot. Kind of like she was attacked by an angry wasp swarm.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Fixed that for you. Ideally, the control group would survive, right?

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

But don't they all look like this in the Midwest?

NSFW

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Bro, did you, like totally ignore my bitchin' barb-wire tattoo? Me and P-Cali got almost-matching ones, we're like real bros now. We hang together but you can tell we're totally separate, he's got a 4-pointed wire setup while I'm only packing a 2. Man did you see my girlfriend? She's the one with the calf tattoo. No, not the star on that calf, that's P-Cali's. I mean the one with the tattoo on her ankle of a little cow. We're hella unique, for serious.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

I had never encountered a Jersey kid until I came to school but managed to become friends with some non-guido Jersey kids, a group I never would have thought existed. My parents came to take me out to lunch one day and I introduced my mom to one of these Jersey boys. Her immediate response when I told her he was from Jersey: "Well that's too bad." And she's not even from this country. Now he thinks that she hates him from being from New Jersey, and he deserves it.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

What? Wipe this species off the earth? We can't. They will be the dominant species, eventually. They're going to wipe the rest of us out. They're going to have so much drunken unprotected sex that there will be millions of half-orange babies running around the Eastern Seaboard within a generation.

I caught the True Life: I'm a Jersey Shorehouse Slut II show recently on MTV, that I suppose serves as a sort of quasi-pilot for the upcoming series.

This one chick fell for the "I'm just down from the Hamptons and oh-is-that-my-Porsche -keychain" trick. SHE FELL FOR IT. This is the OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK. My dad taught it to me before I could even understand what you'd use it for. It is so old that Jesus used it on Mary Magdalene. It is so old that there is a pictograph of a Porsche keychain in the hieroglyphics next to the carving of King Tut's dad.

The whole time this chick is gushing about how much this guy and his having money and being confident enough to talk about it is really turning her on. She cried when a friend suggested that he might not actually have a Porsche.

Is this for real? I don't go out much and the people I hang out with are...a little different, so I don't have a really good grasp on 'normal.' Is this what goes on out there? If so, is there some kind of Ark project or Arcology or something I can join?

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

A indie rapper that I am a fan of recently made a song making fun of all these people, worth checking out:




I have no idea how to embed that, if a mod could help, that would be great.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

I know there's a few people on this board that are from Jersey, Long Island and other popped-collar breeding pools. I guessing you're also not one of them becuase you can read. My question is: are these idiots clued into the fact that the rest of the continent is having a field day making fun of them, or are they TRULY as clueless as they look?

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Hard to say. It's more likely that they're just in extreme denial. They think they look good and their friends think they look good so everyone else is just a "hater" (p.s. worst word used today. did this originate with the internet or with rappers? everyone saying hater should be rapped on the knuckles with a ruler and just told to cut it the hell out)

The problem is that the fistpumpers with the giant spiky hair and the extreme fake tans are just a trend, they've only been around for a few years. The muscle bound guido in the Iroc-Z with the almost good looking girlfriend though? Those guys have been around for ages. I think it's just a weird generational ignorance where these kids ignore how much they're like their parents who are fat old bald people wearing big gold chains and track suits. And that's not a Sopranos reference...

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

That promotional clip could have been vastly improved. Tell me, what is the ONLY reason people would watch the show? Simple; to watch amateur fights and wild, hysterical/emotional outbursts. And yet, the bulk of this goodness was only delivered in the waning seconds of that video. Failure.

I say dispense with all the pretenses, and just frame the show around the physical/verbal altercations. Hell, do as much as possible to encourage it. These Guido life forms are simply our dancing monkeys; they are starving for money and attention, and we give them a few crumbs as long as they do something to amuse us for a short while in-between work and school.

I won't watch the show, because I feel there will be too much filler with them talking, and not enough fighting/screaming. Hopefully, some kind-hearted soul will edit the show down to just a few minutes per episode of all the confrontations and put them up on Youtube.

Now THAT would be entertaining. Kind of reminds me of the old Jerry Springer show...

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Fuck you, bro. You're just jealous with envy. I lease an Infiniti G35 Coupe. See that bitch with her brownhole hanging out, pouring Lemondrops for my boys? That's MY BITCH, son. Who's laughing now, bro? See this paper? See this stack? I make $22,000 a year, bro. GREY GOOSE, motherfucker. BOTTLE SERVICE. PATRON. EVERY. FUCKIN'. WEEKEND. Because that's how I do. Who's laughing now, bro? I have a jet ski, an ATV, AND a motorcycle, because my parents don't make me pay rent, bro. So go fuck yourself, before my me and boys take off our shirts and chains and go fuckin' MMA on your ass.


So to answer your question, they don't care.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Are you suggesting that this pharmacist would slip disulfiram into the bottles of this open bar, and feed it to the guidos?

Doesn't seem like a bad idea, really.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

I grew up in an NJ beach town, and nobody I know who lived in the area acted like these fucksticks. Every weekend from Memorial Day to Labor Day a flood of douches would make their way south from NY and the northeastern parts of NJ, the wannabe New York. The guidos are all part of that crowd. Most guidos would congregate to Seaside Heights, where the show is filmed, as well as Wildwood and AC. Most of the summer "Bennys" (what everyone called the tourists, no idea what it means) visiting our town were relatively normal. Hollywood almost got it right every time they blow up NYC, they need to aim slightly to the west to hit Staten Island and Union, Essex, and Hudson counties in NJ.

I now live in Florida, which can make me actually miss people like the ones on the show.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

I just moved to Texas from South Florida for work. People like this don't exist here. They would never survive. I'd argue that the falsely, self-entitled Jewish population in South Florida can be just as insufferable as the Guidos from the NY/NJ area. Couple that with transplanted Guidos and you have concentrated vapid douchebaggery almost everywhere you go. Being Jewish myself, I can attest that not every Jew in south Florida is like this, but most of the women are. I have a no Jewish girl dating policy because I don't have the Shekels to support it. I went on a coffee date a few years ago with a girl in Boca Raton. I was set up on this date by a friend who, I guess, misquoted what I do for a living. I am Radiology Tech. I think he told her I was a Radiologist(MD). During our date, when she began to talk about my medical work, it became apparent to her that I wasn't a doctor. That conversation went something like this.

Vapid Whore: So, you're a radiologist? Where did you go to med school?
Xray: Oh, I'm a rad tech. I do x-ray. Radiologist is the doctor who reads the film.
VW: So you aren't a doctor?
Xray: No, I take the pictures. No diagnosing for me.

**Cue instant appearance of disinterest and rejection**

VW: Thats cool too. Hey, its getting kinda late and I have some errands to run.
Xray: Its one in the afternoon.

These girls are programmed from a young age to marry money (which they are told are doctors and lawyers) and only to give a shit about educational status of prospective partners. I never thought I would be glad to live in Texas, but these people are much more down to earth.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

That's probably the best way of putting it. It's kind like the same way we like to stare at really bad toupees on men or watch female body-building contests. It's like some kind of freaky, tragic, divine comedy. They're ornaments for amusement, only with lotsa pommade and tattoos of guns on their biceps.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Serious question, if they get clumsy with a cigarette near their hair do they light up like a candle?

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

And therein lies the problem. We exist in significant numbers, but a (relatively) normal guy/girl from suburban New Jersey creates nowhere near the same spectacle as these fucking clowns, so the general assumption by everyone outside the state is that everyone is like the mongoloid idiots they see preening and fist-pumping on tv. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard the "Oh, that's too bad" response to where I'm from, and at this point it's not even worth it to protest much. Then again I say the same thing to anyone I meet that's from Philly, so I guess there's always that.

You pretty much just hit the nail on the head with this one. There's enough people that have bought into this trend that regardless of how many other people call them out for being roided out, spike-haired orange freaks, they have plenty of friends to reinforce their behavior. Thankfully they tend not to travel much further south than Belmar (with the cesspool known as Seaside Heights as a notable exception), so as long as you're between there and Wildwood, they're fairly easy to avoid.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Amen. Just go to Donovan's Reef in Sea Bright on any given Sunday in the summertime. These orange bennies are everywhere.

 

Re: I can't go to Jersey without my hair gel

Here's a breath of fresh air for you: Newark mayor Cory Booker, who has the greatest silver tongue I have ever heard. He's probably the most articulate person I've ever heard speak, top of his class at Princeton, has reduced violent crime almost 40% in his city in his first year, and on his inauguration day, he and his entourage STOPPED A FUCKING ARMED ROBBERY IN PROGRESS.

This guy is a superhero. Here he is in a mock feud with Conan O'Brien:


While we're at it, some Boss to smooth things over: