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Movin' on up

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bucketheader, Oct 25, 2010.

  1. bucketheader

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    I've spent pretty much my whole life around or in the city of Boston. I just finished my undergrad and have been playing around with going somewhere new. So that's what I'm doing. I'm driving to Los Angeles in a week.

    I am pretty much just dropping everything.. my friends, jobs (that I don't have) family to move 3000 miles on pretty much a whim to pursue a career in music in a city that probably has 100,000 other guitarists.

    Focus: Have you ever moved somewhere completely unfamiliar on a whim? Did you end up spending your life there or back in 3 months with your tail behind your legs? Tell your stories people.. preferably comforting ones as my feet are cold as fuck.
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    Was it the traffic, the sprawl, the smog, the insane cost of living, or the crime that attracted you to LA? Did you consider moving to one of the upper levels of hell as an alternative?
     
  3. JGold

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    Do it while you can, but don't underestimate the virtues of home. I grew up in North Carolina, and since graduating college 2.5 years ago have lived in New Mexico, Boston and Denver. I moved to all three basically on a whim. To NM, for a job; to Boston, for a girl; to Denver, for a hobby. I went into all three moves with little more incentive than "this feels right at the time."

    You'll grow as a person. You'll find out things about yourself you'd never have imagined, being on your own so far from everything you've ever known. You'll experience things your friends can only envy, and you'll enter old age with more stories to tell your grandkids than you can count. It'll be the adventure every young man should be required to have. Do it while you're young enough that you're not sacrificing a family or a good job -- if you have the itch, you're gonna have to scatch it sooner or later.

    Just don't expect it to be perfect. In my experience, every place has its ups and downs. And don't be so quick to discount your friends -- they're a luxury you might not realize until they're gone. I've made hundreds of friends during my travels, to be sure, but when you ask me who my best man will be? Fuck knows. I guarantee you my friends who've stayed in NC don't have that problem. I hope that makes sense. I bought a keg tonight for my Halloween gathering and have been "sampling" it to make sure there's no foam come party-time. For like the past four hours.

    PM me if you have questions or want specific advice. I consider saying "fuck it" and ditching one city for another to be somewhat of a specialty. For what it's worth, I sincerely hope I stay in Denver for a long, long time.
     
  4. tntnikki

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    I moved from Canada to Norway with my then husband, despite thinking the marriage was over- I was hoping the life change would fix it. No surprise that after a year away from home, and the support of friends and family, we officially separated. I did not want to return to Canada alone and explain the break up to everyone- So I did one the the scariest things I could imagine- I moved to London- no reason, other then I had visited and liked it well enough, and had a few acquaintances there through my involvement with the Fetish scene.

    It was scarey as fuck- and it was, in all honest the best thing I have ever done for myself. Simply jumping without knowing how I would land. IT was the first time I'd been truly alone in my adult life, and I had a blast.

    Then two years later, I did it again- I moved from London, uk to Australia, after "meeting" Scootah online.

    That worked out ok too:)

    Do it. Do it for the sheer hell of it. Even if you wind up going home ( and I can't stress how very unlikely that is), you can handle going home again- what your psyche will not be able to handle is not going and spending the rest of your life wondering "What if"?
     
  5. thevoice

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    I don't think my circumstances are quite as similar to yours, but in the past four years I have moved from the scenic, fun and vibrant City of Vancouver to a shit-hole town in Northern B.C and then to a small city in cold-ass Saskatchewan!

    The first time I had visited Saskatchewan was for my job interview.

    I came to Saskatchewan for the job and only the job. I literally did not know a soul that lived in this province. Three-plus years later I look back on this as one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.

    I have made some tremendous friends, met the woman I eventually want to marry, and I've got the PERFECT job - Just not in the perfect city.

    My only advice would be to make sure that you've got your ducks in a row. Do some research and have a plan for when you get there.
     
  6. Frank

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    Somewhat similar situation for me. I was living in Boston, an awesome city for a college student and recent grads but I honestly didn't have too much of a social life, my friends were single and only cared about pussy, so it was kind of hard to hang out with them. I also was making less money than them and couldn't afford dropping $150 at the bar every weekend. Having a shot job didn't help my state of mind either.

    Last year I moved to Connecticut for work which is quite honestly the shittiest place I have ever lived, and I've lived in New Jersey. There's fucking nothing to do here and the state economy sucks, but I have some very solid friends here that I have a great time with, I managed to find the perfect apartment and I love my job. My life is ten times better here in bum fuck Connecticut than it ever was in Boston.

    Oh and hopefully I beat Frebis to the punch on this one, but there is a 99.9% chance your band will fail miserably no matter how good you are, and unless the bank of mom and dad is still open for business you will end up paying the financial consequences of this failure for the rest of your life. Sweet dreams.
     
  7. bucketheader

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    These replies are interesting and somewhat comforting. My biggest fears are twofold: leaving my parents to only be able to see them a couple times a year and watch them age dramatically (they're not young.. both about 60, I was the accident). That may just be something I need to accept as an adult.

    And two leaving my friends, duh. But we're all recent grads and/or seniors.. so I just happen to be leaving before everyone else.. they will surely end up in different places.. but none as far as CA.

    In terms of my music career certainly failing. I've eaten plenty of shit in my day and intend to eat plenty more. I have locked my jaws onto being a professional musician and nothing short of death will release me. I was featured in Guitar Player Magazine in August 2008 and spent the past year of college being the musical director/guitarist for pop singer in Boston. For a reference point here is a silly video (I've posted this elsewhere) of me shredding over lady gaga to provide a context. There are others on my channel if you're interested.



    Really this plunge could be worse. I have friends out here I'm living with and a couple different social circles I can probably weasel into.
     
    #7 bucketheader, Oct 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  8. hawkeyenick

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    I've blindly moved to new places a few different times. The first 2 times, I was going off to school so they were quite a bit easier, but the latest one was basically because my wife and I just realized if we didn't take the chance at the time, we never would.

    For undergrad, I just chose a school without visiting it at all. It ended up being the best decision I've ever made, and while the first few weeks were a little bumpy, I have never regretted that decision.

    For law school, I moved to the East Coast from the Midwest, and throughout the 3 years, there was some culture shock and if I had it to do over again, I'd have to think long and hard about whether I would do it the same. I did meet my wife out there, and that probably redeems the experience, but even with that I still question my decision at times. (Don't forget the repeated lesson kids, DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL).

    Finally, my wife and I moved to Denver following law school. Between the bar exam, not being able to find a job, and then going back to school to get an LLM in Taxation, I hated it out here to begin with. Eventually, I got over it, and I definitely see staying here for the rest of my life.

    The thing I would be prepared for is the likely event that you will hate your decision and new city, especially early on. You're trying to make it in a difficult business, and success most likely will not come quickly. When you're broke, struggling, and lonely, you're going to question your decision and want to go home to family, friends and familiarity. The key then will be to decide whether you really want what you went out there for, or do you want to go back to the security of home.

    With all of the moves I've made, there's been some time when I've thought about packing up and going home. The only reason I never did was because I just made the decision to see things through to failure or success, but that I wasn't going to leave in the middle of something. Especially with my move to Denver, it would've been much easier to pack up and move home, my family is well connected in the legal field there, and at the least I could have worked part-time for friends' businesses. But I decided I wanted to strike out on my own and not ride on my family's coattails, and the only way to do that was to stay and work hard, even though things sucked then, and quite frankly career wise still suck. But now I love the city I'm in, and I'm putting in constant work to make it possible for me to stay here.
     
  9. WickedBitch

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    This is my post from this thread.

    Sorry in advance for the length:

    About a year and a half ago, we moved from sunny St. Petersburg, Florida to Roanoke, Virginia, leaving behind a physically crumbling house with a severely underwater mortgage and moving into a rental house in the burbs. Husband grew up in NY and I grew up in Richmond, Virginia and we had both separately moved to Florida in 1996 and met and married in 1998. We had been wanting to move out of Florida for some time because the school system sucked and we were tired of the heat (among other reasons). Husband checked for jobs with his company in Virginia (it was halfway between most of his family in NY and my family/his sister in Tampa Bay) of which he could have three: Glen Allen (just outside of Richmond), Norfolk (another beach-y town) or Roanoke. We obviously chose the latter.

    I was absolutely terrified. We knew no one, had never set foot in the area before and were leaving behind family and a decade of friends. We would have to find new doctors/day care for the kids, no more amusement parks, would have to navigate around a new area (which has been torture for my directionally challenged husband). I left a job that I loved that paid pretty decently for an uneducated schlub such as myself, but at least my husband had a job - with my experience, finding a job should have been a breeze. It was, in the immortal words of Bryan Adams, now or never. Off into the wild blue yonder we went.

    For the most part, it has worked out beautifully. The area is gorgeous, the people are awesome, the schools are more than just prisons with chalkboards - they actually have recess! The air is fresher here. Things actually get green in the spring, as opposed to the constant brown of Florida. This town does more for families, there are more community events. It is, for the most part, all around better. We have even had the third baby that I'd been wanting - hubby says we never would have had another one in Florida. I'm not sure I agree with that but whatevs.

    I've had a couple of assignments with staffing agencies since I've been here but they never quite panned out. When I lost that last assignment a few days before school let out last year, it was decided that I should stay home with the kids because putting them all in day care is expensive, so now hubby works a part time weekend job too. I don't mind being a "housewife" (pardon the gagging) except for the fact that I am a shitty housekeeper so this place always looks like a bomb went off. If we can get little dude over his separation anxiety, the manager at the video game store has offered me some shifts at night which is a dream job for me. Sure, working retail sucks but I get to spend my nights talking about video games. What could be so bad with that?! (famous last words)

    All-in-all, I don't regret the decision for a second. It has been good for our marriage and our family. Plus, at husband's old office, they just laid off 17 people today alone and this was after a bunch of cuts last month so he probably would have lost his job if he'd stayed. Funny how things like that work out, huh?
     
  10. Lowest

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    I believe we already did this topic. Anyway, my response is here. To answer the question-- yes, twice. Once I picked up sticks and moved to London for six months, knowing no one but my brother, who promptly left to travel in Europe for a month.

    The second time I moved to San Diego, and my brother, by coincidence, ended up there a couple months later. I left three years later, in 2001, when the California legal market absolutely tanked after the dot-com bust.

    Now my wife wants to move back to California. I've bitched about it before. I've gotten more than a few rep points saying "Don't Come Back."
     
  11. JGold

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    To address the first one: it's certainly no substitute for living in the same place as your parents, but in this day and age it's terribly easy to stay in touch, even if you're on opposite coasts. Download Skype if you haven't already. With the time difference you won't always be able to communicate on the phone, but I exchange several e-mails a week with my mom. In many ways I'm more in tune with her now than when I lived with her in high school.

    As for friends, that was kind of my point in the first post. Making friends is easy; making GOOD friends is tough. It takes months, or even years, to really get to know somebody. And if you're moving to LA, losing touch with people you thought you'd be close with your whole life is inevitable. Really make an effort to keep in touch with anyone who means a lot to you. Believe me, it takes commitment. I wish someone had given me this advice a few years ago. Again, e-mail is usually the most convenient medium.

    A few more random tips:

    1a. I've driven across the country three times with only what I could cram into my poor little Mazda 3. You can make it on about $350; $300 if you prepare your own meals. U-Hauls, moving services, etc. will cost you thousands. Sell anything you don't need or can't fit, save the cash, and buy new stuff when you get to LA. This is also a good way to realize what you actually need in life, and what's useless junk.

    1b. Take your time on the drive. Plan a route that interests you, even if it means adding an extra few hours or even days. Dip south, if you can. Avoid endless days streaking through Iowa/Nebraska/Kansas. It's hell. How many opportunities will you have to drive across the country without time constraints? It's most likely a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. Take highways when it makes sense, rather than the Interstate. You'll see more.

    2. Get comfortable doing things by yourself. Even if you have friends in LA, you're leaving behind everyone you'd normally call to see a movie, grab lunch, etc. There will be times you want to do something and no one's available. It's really only awkward if you let it be; no one's looking at you. This is only for the first few months. Once you've made enough friends, things will go back to normal.

    3. The best way to learn a new area is to walk it. Wherever you end up living, explore the neighborhood on foot. Also, when you first arrive in LA, treat it like a tourist would. Go see the famous sites, eat at the famous restaurants, do the dumb tours, and so on. I've noticed that once you've been living in a place for more than a few weeks, the likelihood of you ever doing this kind of shit goes way down.

    4. Put yourself out there. It's kind of lame, but use Meetup.com and other such sites to find people with similar interests. I use rock climbing -- you have to have a belayer to do it, so I post on Craigslist and attend Meetups to find regular partners. I've met tons of cool ass people this way. Sounds like you can do the same to find other musicians.

    5. Play up your roots. It's a cool, interesting story to tell people you just met that you moved from Boston on a whim. Talk about the places you miss, the differences between LA and MA, etc. But there's a line. Do NOT be annoying about it. There's nothing worse than someone who goes on and on and on and on and on about their former town. This applies to sports, as well. You like the Patriots? Great. But I promise you no one in LA will give two flying fucks when you go on for 10 minutes about Tom Brady's performance in Week 6.
     
  12. TwoTooFar

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    Cold feet? Fuck that. What do you have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is you could find out that you don't want to live in Los Angeles.

    I went in the Marine Corps right out of high school in my hometown in north Florida. I've been to Italy, Japan (Okinawa and mainland), Thailand, the Azores, Qatar, Afghanistan, Turkey, and had some brief stops in a few other places. I've traveled all through the United States, including a day in Alaska.

    Out of college, I took a job in Ft. Lauderdale. I knew a few people down there, but nobody that provided the comfort of familiarity. And let me tell you, I hated every damn second of it. South Florida is a completely different world from the rest of the state, with a culture that is opposed to everything I stand for. It was too fast, expensive, and just plain shallow for me to ever feel good about a future in the area. Through my previous travels I had become a person with fairly eclectic tastes and perspectives, but I knew that I would ultimately not be as happy as I could if I stayed there. Three months after arriving, I quit my job and moved in with my parents in north Florida to start over. Best. Decision. Ever.

    I'm working a new job that I love in an area that I love. I'm 28 and still living with my parents until I save enough to get my own place, hopefully sooner rather than later, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I tried, and I failed, but I now know exactly where I want to live and pursue a future, which is something I wasn't sure of five months ago. The whole ordeal has been a great experience.
     
  13. bucketheader

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    $300-$350 to go cross country? I'm planning on spending $4-500 in gas (4500 miles) alone.. and another $500-1000 for food/housing/drinking.

    My route is as follows
    Boston--> philly-->atlanta-->new orleans-->austin-->denver-->grand canyon-->LA (roughly)
    I have friends to stay with in Atlanta, Denver, and possibly Austin.. everything else is going to be Hostel/Hotel.
     
  14. JGold

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    Again, I have a Mazda 3. It costs about $30 these days for a full tank, which lasts for five or six hours of continuous driving. I've either stayed with friends, camped, or paid for a seedy hotel on all three of my cross-country trips; I've never paid more than $50 for a room.

    I made it from Wilmington, NC to Farmington, NM in a hair under $500. This was in the summer of 2008 when gas prices were more inflated than Jen Sterger's tit job. I had time constraints with this one and had to be there to start a job on Monday, so it was a straight shot on I-40 completed in three days.

    I made it from Farmington, NM to Boston, MA with costs totaling about $425. I took my time, with a detour through NC. I spent a shit-ton of money on Bojangles because it was put on this earth so us mortals would have a taste of heaven. Otherwise, I've made my own lunch (PB&J) and eaten dinner at restaurants.

    Finally, I made it from Boston, MA to Denver, CO for a mere $330. I camped two nights, and stayed with a friend in Indianapolis another. I took a detour through Oklahoma-Texas-NM because, like I said, the Bread Basket states blow ass. This route added about eight hours to the quickest way suggested by Google Maps.

    Granted, Farmington and Denver aren't truly "across the country" from the East Coast. Your trip will total about 1,000 miles more than any of mine, even if you were taking the most direct route. Still, especially if you're staying with friends, you should be able to do it for $500. Or $7-800 if you splurge on food and nights out.
     
  15. ToastErr

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    When I was five and three quarters, my family moved from Ukraine to the United States. I say five and three quarters because measuring age precisely still mattered back then. Anyway, I bawled like the little tiny boy I was. It was the first "move" I had ever experienced, and it wasn't exactly down the street. None of it made any sense to my toddler brain. Every time a piece of furniture disappeared from the walls, I'd cry uncontrollably. It felt like someone was ripping chunks out of my reality.

    ...of course, that was before I learned the greatness of Ammurikuh. Hooray for rap music and barbecues!

    P.S: Can't believe this board survived. Or that I'm back on it.
     
  16. TX.

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    Maybe it's because I grew up moving around, but I've never understood people who are scared or anxious about moving to a new city. What's the worst that can happen? You decide you don't like it, and move somewhere else. My first move was three days before first grade. From then on changing addresses, schools, and friends became a pretty regular occurrence. Every 2-4 years my dad reached another rung on the corporate ladder, and we loaded up the Suburban. I used to cry a ton when he broke the news. By 8th grade my response was, "Oh. Ok. When?"

    This might be unhealthy, but I feel like my viewpoint of friendship was really affected by this. I still don't get too close to very many people. I think part of me still views most friendships as temporary. I'd always move, keep in touch with 2 or 3 friends, and then the relationships would dissolve over time. It's not sad. It's just the way it is.

    For two years in high school I went to a school on the east coast. I lived in the dorms with a bunch of girls. I don't think anything could have matured me any faster than that. My parents were really far away, and I only saw them during breaks from school. When I got out on my own, after college, I moved 1,000 miles away by myself. I didn't know anyone who lived there. I wasn't scared to do it; I didn't even think twice. I was excited. I lived there for three years, and it was kind of cool knowing that I pretty much built my entire life out there on my own. If my car broke down I didn't have anyone to call (at first...I made good friends after a few months). If I got sick, I was by myself. I think everyone should have an experience like that. I think it's kind of amusing when girls talk about how their "big move" was from Houston to Dallas. Oh. Wow. Big change. How's that drive home every weekend to see Mom and Dad?
     
  17. tempest

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    Like TX, I grew up moving around all the time. Until recently, I had never lived anywhere longer than 4 years. Also like TX, it has affected me socially. Almost everyone I meet I view as disposable in some way or another. In the back of my head I know that I'll be moving on soon and making new friends. I'd say I have about 4 friends that I hope I can have for life, and even then I wonder.

    As I've started to get a little older now, I wonder how I would be different if I didn't keep moving. It's sad always viewing people as disposable, and sometimes I find myself emotionally jaded.

    All that being said, I recently moved again.... to Alabama. Let's just say that I won't be staying here very long.
     
  18. bucketheader

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    Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who lived in the same house his entire life.. is still friends with his preschool best friend.. keeps in touch with family, friends from highschool etc.

    Don't get me wrong.. I'm fucking excited, but I'm leaving the only world I've ever known and it is a pretty valid source of anxiety in my eyes.
     
  19. Frebis

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    You still live with your parents? Wow.

    This is what I don't understand- My parents raised me to be independent. I was expected after high school to make my own life, whatever that may be. They love me, but they sure as shit don't expect to see me very often. I see them maybe four times a year, and talk to them on the phone maybe twice a month. If I ever had to move back in with them they would probably consider me to be a failure. You people love your parents way too much.

    I want to move to Colorado. However I'm not just going to pick up and move my shit. I need a plan first, and that plan involves mainly having a job. As soon as I finish my current job responsibilities, and I find a suitable replacement job, I'm out. If only that wasn't going to take a few more month to come to fruition.

    As far as Mr. Bucketheader goes: I feel that every Musician fails. Especially in LA. Didn't you ask for advice on this a few years ago on the RMMB? WHat happened that time? Decide not to pull the trigger?

    Also, thanks to the miracle that is facebook moving away from your friends isn't that hard. It just means a few weeks of drinking by yourself.
     
  20. bucketheader

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    I misspoke. I was at school for 4 years and didn't see my family that often (only 30 minutes away though) but was still was close enough for them to be comfortable--with their culture it's normal for your kids to live around their parents for their entire lives. I've only been home for the 2 months since my graduation as I made my plans. That is also why I haven't yet "pulled the trigger." I was busy finishing my degree.

    Every musician fails? This statement needs clarification. Obviously people succeed and fail in every field.