My dad has been retired for a few years now, my mom just made her plans to retire next month. A big topic of conversation right now is what's their money situation going to be from here on out, and if/when they die. They sat me down a couple nights ago and we had the talk. My dad wants to die before he ends up like his father, unable to have a conversation with those around him, unable to remember those around him. In the case that he is still physically active (which is likely the case) when he goes senile, he wants to be killed, preferably by his own hand, but he blatantly told me that if he can't, I should. What a thing to say to a kid! In the past I would have said that if I needed constant care to live that I would like to die. Regardless of if it is loss of brain function, or becoming paralyzed. But recently I amended that. I was working as a personal care attendant for a quadriplegic guy who really showed me how much life can be worth living. Despite his state he was always happy, he enjoyed so many little things that I took for granted. Once I even asked him if he ever thought about driving his wheelchair off a cliff or something, he told me that he thought about it all the time after the accident. That he felt he was a burden to everyone around him and that life was not worth the daily pain. But after a while he began to not feel that way, and it was those around him that made his life worthwhile. Now, I don't know if I can change my way of thinking like he did, but I would for sure give it a little bit of time before I ran my wheelchair into traffic.
I go back and forth on this issue. On the one hand, I don't want my family to see me suffer, and I'd never want to be a burden to them. On the other hand, people have done some amazing shit when their life is on the line, and the fight to survive is a pure animal instinct of amazing power. I can't decide if that's a fight I should walk away from, without even the vaguest conception of what that fight might entail. Also, I'd hate to think any of my family would feel guilty or regret pulling that plug. I'm really hoping for the off chance that i'll be aware of my circumstances and coherent enough to decide when it's actually happening, I don't think I can decide before then.
This'll do: But seriously, pull the plug, harvest the organs and fire up the God damned oven. My family can do whatever they want with the ashes, I'll be too dead to care.
I'd like to die (at a somewhat old age) in a way that saves the life of another person. As for end of life care, I want every heroic measure Obamacare can pay for, and also the ones private money can pay for. If I die of old age, it will be 50-80 years from now (I'm 26). By that time, technology could be developing at such a pace where hanging on for 1 or 2 more years might mean seeing developments that give you another 5, 10, or 50 years. I'm sure I'd feel differently if I had some painful degenerative disease, but right now, the world is just too awesome and changing so quickly that I couldn't imagine not fighting to see even more of it.
what Scootah said. About the morphine. Huzzah! As long as I don't have a bunch of attention whore, OH-MY-GOD-THE-HEARTBREAK idiots sobbing around my bed, I'll be fine with death. I just hope I don't poop my pants. No one should have to deal with that.
There isn't much about my part-time job I complain about but having to witness brain surgery patients (most of them GBM, a very deadly cancer) post-op is highly depressing... ...That's why I paint them all with clown faces when they're sleeping. Nothing is funnier than a half-naked 80 year old with dementia with clown makeup. focus: heroin/morphine.