Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

Missed Conceptions

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, Jul 21, 2011.

  1. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    70
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    4,917
    Me and my girlfriend were really bad at using birth control for the first, oh, six months of our relationship (we'd use condoms when we had them, but she didn't get a birth control script for a while). Her period was apparently extremely regular until I came along, but afterwards it was inconsistent so she'd be a few days late sometimes. Those weren't cool. The worst was shortly after an anatomy lecture about the woman's monthly cycle, learning when it is and isn't possible to get pregnant. She wanted me to come inside her and pointed out that as she'd just finished her period, she couldn't get pregnant. She was a few days late that month. What the hell were we thinking? The irony of it all is that the birth control totally killed her sex drive.

    As part of my studentship rotations I had to spend 2 months working in a community drugstore. By far the lowest moment of those two months was when I had to explain to a nice young couple about my age that yes, the sign on their birth control meant it was positive. The girl walked out crying in her boyfriend's arms. Shit.

    Other things I discovered over the course of those two months: Plan B apparently costs about 5 bucks in Holland, compared to ~$40 where I worked. Also, one of the pharmacists I worked with told me he once had a guy come in with two women, and both women requested Plan B. He had trouble holding in the laughter.
     
  2. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    546
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,859
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    When I was sixteen, the condom broke (yes, there really was one) with my boyfriend at the time. I was leaving to go on a vacation to a fairly remote island in Nova Scotia the next morning, and I'll never forget the panic that ensued that night. We rushed to the different pharmacies in town for Plan B, and were mysteriously told the same thing at every single one that was still open: "Sorry, but we're not getting another shipment in until Tuesday." I still don't understand this at all. I grew up in a really liberal town, but if I hadn't I would've chalked it up to some code for "We're morally against Plan B." I don't know. We spent the rest of our last night together planning the logistics of secretly getting an abortion when I got home.

    Obviously, that vacation was pretty terrible for me, because I was freaking out the whole time and didn't want to tell anyone. (I eventually told the friend whose family I was traveling with, but it's not like she could help.) Right at the end of the trip, I thankfully (which is an odd way to put it) had a miscarriage, and it was so awful and painful and emotional. I have a lot of Things about potential motherhood that are a bit too personal to share here, so that had a lasting impact on what I think about all that. About a month later, I started birth control, and I've been on some form of it ever since because I couldn't stand the thought of being so easily back there again.

    Even so, when I was in a relationship on my current birth control where I don't get my period, I would constantly freak out about being pregnant. It almost was funny how often I convinced myself I was. Thankfully I can't remember the last time I did that.

    Cringe. I am not looking forward to the age where I have to start asking those big questions about having children. I just really hate thinking about it.
     
  3. TX.

    TX.
    Expand Collapse
    The Mad Pooper

    Reputation:
    421
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,724
    Location:
    With Waylon, Willie and the boys
    I've had a few scares over the years but nothing too dramatic. It was more of a case of having an irregular cycle and skipping months. I'd freak out, probably delaying my period even more. Yay.

    My favorite is the few times I've purchased Plan B at the drugstore near a Catholic church. On a Sunday morning. Nothing's classier than yelling, "I'd like to buy a PLAN B and a coat hanger because I'm a dirty whore and I had really awesome sex last night!" in proximity of St. Elizabeth's ushers (still wearing their nametags, of course).
     
  4. Noland

    Noland
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    41
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,237
    Location:
    New Orleans
    Listen, drunk sex is fun. No one, least of all anyone in this place is going to deny that, but I'm going to blaspheme and say that sober sex is way more fun. It feels better, you have more...precision, for lack of a better term, and you remember it.

    Never had a pregnancy scare. I grew up in the late '80s when every other word out of someone's mouth was AIDS, so we were very well indoctrinated as to condoms. My mother gave my brother and I condoms for Christmas. We had a sex-ed class as seniors and I actually watched our female vice principal put a condom on a cucumber. Which caused no end of male insecurity, I am sure.

    When Mrs. Noland and I decided to have children she stopped taking the pill and 5 months later she was pregnant. The second time she stopped taking the pill it took about 3 months. The third time she stopped taking the pill and never got her period.

    If we went for a fourth I'm pretty sure all I'd have to do is sit next to her. Except for the whole vasectomy thing.
     
  5. StayFrosty

    StayFrosty
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,149
    I was conceived while my mother was supposedly infertile due to some medical condition. Yeah, my dad was a bit surprised.

    For me, had a girl who played the "I'm late" card, followed by the entire fucking deck of "I'm crazy and moving to another state, bye, have fun waiting a few years for final confirmation that you're not a father."
     
  6. KillaKam

    KillaKam
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2010
    Messages:
    624
    Location:
    CLE
    I had a few scares in my life...but nothing ever came of it. The girl that I got engaged to when I was younger was so adamant about getting knocked up after I proposed to her that it was scary. She was older than me and seemed to be on a race to be a proud mommy so she could be like all of her friends. Yeah, we didn't stay together much longer after that. We went at it unprotected for quite some time, but never got her pregnant.

    Second time, was with some random one night stand....she texted me saying she was late and was asking me about names for a child. I felt like I got punched right in the gut. Test turned out negative, thank baby Jesus.

    A few months back with my now ex girlfriend, she called me up in tears and said the preg test she took was positive. We were using condoms now and then, but it was mostly "pull and pray" sex. This time I thought I had finally signed my death warrant for real. I was ready to help pay for the abortion when she re tested that night and it turned out she made a mistake the first time, so no kid for me.
     
  7. AlmostGaunt

    AlmostGaunt
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    I've already told the story of my (one and only) pregnancy scare on here, and I can't find the post to relink, but this subject comes up a lot more than I would like. I love my friends, but most of them are not parent material just at the moment. I might come off like a condescending asshole in this post, but I guess that's fair because I sort of am. A few of my friends sarcastically call me Dr. Gaunt because I spend an inordinate amount of time criticizing my friends' birth control practices. My facebook pic up until 4 weeks ago was a shopped version of that scene in Pulp Fiction with Samuel L which I have captioned "Birth Control Motherfucker, Do You Use It?". Spoilered for length and depression, in no particular order:

    1. I lived in a house with a guy who became hooked on meth. He impregnated two 15 year old girls who both lived with us. They were also on meth. I spent about 2 solid weeks strongly suggesting they should consider abortions. (Note: for those playing at home, this is when I started my misogynistic / misanthropic phase).

    2. I haven't talked to a formerly close cousin of mine in 4 years. She got knocked up at 16 by a jailed rock dealer who had two kids by two other 16 year old girls. Even though she had a kid out of teenage spite (you don't know what's best for me! I can do what I want!) I didn't hold that against her too much because she is so dumb that it's almost not her fault. Can you fault stupid people for making stupid decisions? I don't know. However, what I can hold against her is the fact that she continued to snort rock and smoke cigarettes during the pregnancy. That enrages me so much that I don't speak to her to this day. Surprisingly, the kid turned out well and is actually testing above average for her age. (Love you Kayla, just don't listen to your mother. Or your father, who skipped the state when he got let out on bail.)

    3. A formerly very close friend of mine was a lovely girl, but troubled. I spent more than one night at various hospitals post suicide / attention attempts. She told everyone, including her boyfriend, that she had female problems and couldn't get pregnant. I asked her if this had ever been verified by a doctor. No, she said, she 'just knew'. Yeah, she got pregnant to her abusive boyfriend about 6 months ago.

    4. A friend of mine knocked up his ex when he was 23 and she was 19. (Shotgun wedding proposal, wife's name will be Princess Whore (phonetically). Heeheehee.) They had just broken up, and she'd had a suicide attempt about 8 weeks prior. Look, personally I think 19 is too young to have a kid, but I can roll with it - just. However, if you are unstable to the point of suicide attempts, I really don't think you should be a mother. If you work a minimum wage job at Best Buy and hate your ex girlfriend, you might want to hold off on being a father. The kid was born about a month ago. I feel sorry for him.

    5. A friend of mine in Uni had lived on a farm most of his life and never spoken to a girl. His first kiss and hook up was with a girl who had already fucked another of our friends that night. He started dating her, and she started fucking everything in sight. She got pregnant, and he moved to her parents farm to take care of the kid. Subsequent DNA testing proved it wasn't his, but by that point he loved the kid so he put himself down as the father on the birth certificate. (He is a really good guy, incidentally.) No-one will tell me what happened to her, but he now lives at her parents place raising the kid himself, and it is incredibly unusual for an 18 year old guy to be granted sole custody of a child. (Incidentally, he came to me for advice on his legal obligations. I walked into the room where my folks were having dinner and innocently asked "hey, do you guys know anything about paternity suits?" I still remember my parents turning very white and choking on their wine.)

    Edit to add: all of these have made me super paranoid birth control man. Even with a long term FWB, who was pro-abortion, and took her pill religiously, I still mostly finished in her mouth / on her. Yeah, I have issues, but no kids.
     
  8. madamsquirrel

    madamsquirrel
    Expand Collapse
    Average Idiot

    Reputation:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2010
    Messages:
    84
    I was engaged at 18 and not taking my BC pills at the same time everyday. Got pregnant and moved the wedding up two months. Sweet baby daughter was born and when she was 4 months old I got pregnant again when the breastfeeding/pull and pray because I wasn't on birth control a month yet didn't work. Second baby daughter was born and having two girls 13 months apart was a lot like having twins. Fast forward two years and I go to the drugstore with a friend and the spermicide I normally use with my diaphragm is sold out. She informs me she has used the other brand that is in stock for years. I buy that brand and within the use of that one tube I become pregnant again. By this time I am 21 and old enough to sign the papers to have a tubal ligation when my son is born. Doctor tries to talk me out of it but I am convinced that 3 babies in 4 years is all I will ever need in a lifetime and proceed to have the sterilization procedure. Fast forward two years and I present at the ER with a kidney infection. They take a urine sample and return to tell me I am pregnant. I begin to tell them this is impossible they must have my urine mixed up with someone else's in the lab. They are adamant they are correct. I leave the ER with an antibiotic prescription and drive to a crisis pregnancy clinic for a second opinion because this is a crisis. My old neighbor works there and I insist she do the test because I trust her. She comes back with a positive test as well. I did have a miscarriage within the next week (probably due to stress) and the doctor who did my surgery informed me this is more common than realized and I would have not even realized it had I not had a kidney infection. I would have just thought my period was late/heavier than normal. My joke from this point forward was that I could get pregnant if my husband was in the room and sneezed. We stayed married until I was 31 and did not have any more scares that I was aware of. Two years ago when I was 35 I got married for the second time to a man who has had a vasectomy. Oh the jokes family and friends have made over what would happen if I get pregnant again!
     
  9. dixiebandit69

    dixiebandit69
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    824
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    4,181
    Location:
    The asshole of Texas
    Welcome to the club. Li'l Bandit (my son) was an "accident;" my ex-wife told me that she was on birth control (she has since admitted to not using it. She "didn't think she would get pregnant."), so I thought I was in creampie heaven.
    Even though she denies it to this day, I KNOW that she planned it to try and hold onto me (as well as piss off her parents). Well, her plan worked a little too well: We both want to be rid of each other, but we still have to see/deal with one another because of our son! Sometimes life's a bitch.

    I remain optimistic though. Now that he's here, my son is a blessing in my life. He's one of the only people whom I've ever been able to tolerate continuously/live with. I look forward to more great times with him in the future.
     
  10. caseykasem

    caseykasem
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    May 6, 2010
    Messages:
    614
    I had several minor scares with the girl I dated during the first two years of college. She would always find reasons to believe that she was pregnant which really freaked me out every time. One time she was three weeks late after travelling to Africa which caused me to lose my mind. After doing research I found out that long distance travel can really mess up a girl's system and can cause them to miss a period.


    One of my cousin's college roommates always said, "condoms are for pussies". He now has a two year old son.
     
  11. Frank

    Frank
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    6
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    3,351
    Location:
    Connecticut
    To be fair to him, when you put on a condom it's to use a pussy, maybe no one really explained the full deal to him.
     
  12. Harry Coolahan

    Harry Coolahan
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2010
    Messages:
    329
    This is going to sound profoundly stupid, but I have a terrible track record for going bareback with women I sleep with. I've slept with 12 women (low by some standards, high by others—whatever) and I've fucked bareback at least 10 of those. Sometimes I start with a condom and take it off halfway through, sometimes just go straight bareback. Some women were on BC, some not. Some I pulled out, some not. Some were committed relationships, some were women I knew for a matter of hours.

    As a result, whenever I'm single I get a full battery of STD tests every 3-4 months—not because I've had STD scares, but just to be prudent and responsible, and so that I can tell the next girl, "Don't worry, I just got tested a few weeks ago and I'm clean."

    A few precautionary pregnancy tests, but no serious pregnancy scares (or pregnancies...) as of yet. When I did some rotations in the ER, I snagged like 5 or 6 pregnancy tests for such situations, and they were all used in less than a year for various mishaps.
     
  13. Stealth

    Stealth
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    4
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    857
    My ex tried a little "trick" that pissed me off and in part led to me leaving her.

    One night, when it came to the right time I tried putting on a condom but got it on the wrong way and soon realised it wasn't unrolling properly. I tossed this condom aside and tried to reach over to get another one.
    My girlfriend was on the bed in between me and the box of condoms and "innocently" offered to get one for me.

    She grabbed one and proceeded with her back to me to remove the condom from its packet using her teeth, as one often does.
    I was watching her like a hawk and could tell from the time that she took and the slight movement of her head that more was going on that just an innocent tear of the wrapping with her teeth, she was ... i kid you not, biting the teat at the end of the condom.

    She then turned back to face me and unrolled the condom on to me.

    In the low light, it all looked ok but to verify my suspicion i pinched the teat at the end of the condom, pulled slightly and with a small snap the whole teat seperated from the condom and came off. FUCK !

    She had been kneeling on the bed looking all innocent hoping to jump straight on and "let things take their course"

    So yeah. Women can be conniving cunts when they want to be.
     
  14. shauncorleone

    shauncorleone
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2009
    Messages:
    238
    I've never had a legitimate pregnancy scare, but that's mostly because I tend to have one night stands which means I use condoms way more frequently than I would were I in a relationship.

    I've had a really weird past couple of weeks now, where I've been really evaluating my adamant stance against having my own children. I'm still 90% confident in this stance, but I am having one of those philosophical "a life lived for others is a more meaningful life" internal dialogues. Even though I'd be a kickass dad, I'm not sure I could cope with the fear and lack of control that comes with parenting. I think my self-centered hedonism is going to end up with me dead by the time I'm 40, though, so maybe a change is in order.
     
  15. Queen-Bee

    Queen-Bee
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    31
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    609
    Location:
    Edge of Canada
    I thought I was hungover once for 7 weeks. I also thought it might be the flu. That pleasant surprise (truth at the time was horrifying accident) turned 22 last week and I will not be vulger or a smart-ass here...she is my only purpose on this planet. End of story.

    Now, I'm 8 days late. The timing with recent young stud works.

    I'm 46.

    Fuck.
     
  16. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
    Expand Collapse
    Just call me Topher

    Reputation:
    950
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Messages:
    22,718
    Location:
    London, Ontario
    In all my past man-slutting, I never had a scare once. I'm thankful for that. We were trying for a child when I had my daughter, my wife just got pregnant about 8 months sooner than we were told, then gave birth three months earlier than we were told.
     
  17. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
    Expand Collapse
    The White

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,579
    Could be menopause. Otherwise you can name him Trig.
     
  18. Queen-Bee

    Queen-Bee
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    31
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    609
    Location:
    Edge of Canada

    You're a horrible person. I figured someone would bring that up, but I thought they would at least have the grace to put it rep or PM. No couth man, no couth. You lose your monocle.

    If you, while in the prime of your sexuality, were facing a future with a dried-up vagina and hot flashes, you might be more sensitive. Prick. I hope your dick/dickage area shrivels up until it looks like a prune with two little raisin friends.
     
  19. Nettdata

    Nettdata
    Expand Collapse
    Mr. Toast

    Reputation:
    2,863
    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    25,733
    What makes you think that's not the case?
     
  20. Juice

    Juice
    Expand Collapse
    Moderately Gender Fluid

    Reputation:
    1,382
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    13,397
    Location:
    Boston
    Behold, the micro-penis.