When humans developed reason, I'm fairly certain one of the first questions that occurred to sentient man was "how can I fuck that woman without knocking her up?" Unsurprisingly, people have been trying to solve that problem since antiquity, and according to the Internet, people have been coming up with creative solutions to that problem for a long, long time. There is evidence the Egyptians knew something about spermicidal substances, as well as abortifacients. They supposedly extended lactation to use as a contraceptive. Failing that, they would just toss unwanted kids in the Nile or whatever. Pulling out is described in the bible. The history of condoms extends hundreds of years beyond space-age ultra-thin ribbed-for-her-pleasure materials - to much less comfortable places. Despite all of this ingenuity, humans still manage to knock each other up with surprising regularity. FOCUS: Tell us about your pregnancy scares. Try to convince us that you were using a rubber and birth control every single time and you must be one of the .01% of people for whom that didn't work. Or just admit that you got really high and probably nailed her bareback. ALT FOCUS: Ever knock anybody up and end up keeping the kid? Try to convince us that the kid is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. Or just admit that you really miss poker night and going down to Mazatlan with your buddies every year.
I thought I was pregnant once for two weeks, but it turned out I was just experiencing a perpetual hangover from being in Australia.
When I was 18 I was dating a 16 year old and being young and stupid, I ended up gambling on the pull out method one too many times and getting her pregnant. She wanted to keep the baby and even though I was freaking the fuck out, I stayed with the girl and did everything I could to support her. Telling my parents was quite difficult but I needed help and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or who else I could turn to. My parents, especially my Mum, were really supportive and said that they would help out if we needed which was a huge relief. We went to a couple of doctors’ appointments, got some baby stuff together and I mentally & financially prepared as much as a young guy can to be a father. She ended up having a miscarriage at just under 4 months which was one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed. Seeing her and the pain that she was in, realising what was happening, seeing the horror scene and also watching a tiny little body getting taken away never to be seen again still sticks with me. It messed her up pretty badly as I’m sure you can imagine. We stayed together for a little while but I don’t think it was something we could have got over together. She ended up alright and we still keep in contact and talk every now and then. In the end, I think it was for the best and I learnt a few valuable lessons. To any youngsters out there, USE PROTECTION!!!
Yep. I also got a wife outta the deal. BONUS! I don't care what anyone thinks from the outside looking in, the only thing that matters is that I know that the "accident" really is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Sure, it was friggin SCARY at first, and its not easy at all and can be downright frustrating at times , but there is honestly nothing about my life that I would change if I had a do-over (Well, maybe I would try better to not be a living breathing cliche, but that's beside the point). Someone told my mom after the fact, after seeing me with my family out in public somewhere, that I "was meant to be a dad". I don't know about that, but I DO know that I'm thankful to be one. I know some of you won't understand that, but its the truth nonetheless. /Smushyness
FOCUS: Or just admit that you got really high and probably nailed her bareback. There is no lying about this one. When the ex and I first got together she told me her insides were fucked up and couldn't have kids. She hadn't really given me much reason to doubt her at that point so I believed her. We didn't use any for about a month and she got pregnant. After my son was born, we got to talking about it and she told me she was on birth control and was taking antibiotics and that's why she had gotten pregnant. She had no recollection of ever telling me she couldn't get pregnant. Yeah. I was so fucking astonished I didn't even bother saying anything else. What's the point? ALT FOCUS: Ever knock anybody up and end up keeping the kid? Try to convince us that the kid is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. Or just admit that you really miss poker night and going down to Mazatlan with your buddies every year. We ended up keeping my son. I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you that we intended on keeping him originally. When we first found out, I thought my life was fucking over and as a result I said some pretty horrible stuff to her. None of it really was true, I was just in a panic and didn't know what to do. We did consider abortion and then adoption initially but at the end of the day couldn't go through with either. There are lots of reasons why I didn't want to have a kid, mainly because of the thought I was too fucked up and wouldn't make a great father and didn't want to contribute to the worlds problems. Instead this was the best decision I've ever made. I never have any money, time, or really ability to randomly do things on a whim anymore, but none of that matters. When my little monster laughs or smiles at me it makes everything better. It's cliche, but I don't care.
Almost the same as Mad Docker, I had a girlfriend whom I knocked up at 17. Just before we were both going to tell our parents, she had a miscarriage (from what I assume was jumping on her trampoline). Win?
Not me, but I know someone who puts a post on facebook on a monthly basis that she's not cut out for being a parent. Unfortunately she's 22 and has three kids. I know she's not kidding either because she repeatedly posts that her kids are little terrors and how their father (whom she is still dating and living with) is a monster. Obviously her life would be mess with or without kids, but it's refreshing to see someone who will flat out admit they didn't want them. And by refreshing I mean frightening.
I firmly believe I was a victim of devious female syndrome. That doesn't absolve my part in the deal, or raise a claim that I was an unwilling participant. Rather, she had an undisclosed agenda (in my opinion). When I met my son's mother, I was at a stage of being firmly over relationships. When we were introduced by mutual friends, she represented that she was of the same mindset. We proceeded to hang out and hook out on a semi regular basis. Whenever we would have sex, she'd just jump on without protection. Having established that she was not on any form of birth control, I would throw her off and insist that nothing further happened until I was properly strapped in. I (stupidly, naively) chalked her lack of care up to a combination of general horniness and being on the cusp of the "keep it wrapped" generation. Counting back 9 months from my son's birth led me to the first time I gave in and didn't throw her off. We were away at a resort for a dirty weekend, and I remember thinking to myself, "just this once". That's all it took. Don't let it happen to you....
I had a scare once. My girlfriend was on birth control, so I had no way to suspect there was any concern. One night we go out to a friends place and she's insisting I let her stay the night. At the time her staying the night meant no sleep (not just from sex, we just had trouble sharing a bed and such. Also the sex.) and I had to be up at 4 AM for work the next day + was also sort of sick, so I knew it was going to be an early night for me, and bailed without letting her come over. The rest of the week I can't get in touch with her and all her friends are calling me assholes. Apparently she had an inconclusive blood test and was freaking out. I think it might have been better if she just communicated that clearly with me instead of some song and dance, and making me out to be the bad guy to all her friends. [She wasn't actually pregnant]
FOCUS: Tell us about your pregnancy scares. Try to convince us that you were using a rubber and birth control every single time and you must be one of the .01% of people for whom that didn't work. Or just admit that you got really high and probably nailed her bareback. In case you missed it in the R&R thread a month ago. Here is my post at 3am. Just made a trip to CVS to dump $50 on a plan B pill. I had two condoms left, both Kimono (first use ever) from a variety pack of 30, and the first one was acting like a bitch so I decided not to use it. Tried the second one (which took 30 seconds to put on instead of 2) and decided to roll with it. I made regular checks to make sure everything was on tight. I finish up, we're cuddling and she tells me that she feels.... wet? We investigate and lo and behold the tip of the condom is missing. In that instant, I realize that I have pumped this fertile young woman with what I can only assume to be industrial strength man juice. I imagine millions of my finest specimen racing towards the birth place of my ruined life. A firm believer in never underestimating your opponent, and quite confident in my sperm's ability to impregnate a woman who has been on the pill for only a month, I decide to make the shameful drive to CVS. After all, I did not feel like that moment was the best time to be stingy or to try my luck at the casino of life. Though, I'm glad the pharmacist had a sense of humor because when I exclaimed "jesus christ!" at the price tag he simply replied "Yup, but it's cheaper than a kid." Lesson: When you have the good sense to throw out a condom because it doesn't feel right, try not to screw it all up by using the same kind of condom again because this time you know what challenges to expect when putting it on.
My third pregnancy was an 'oops'. My then husband was on the wait list for a vasectomy, and we were using condoms in the meanwhile. He took the rubber off halfway through without saying anything, and there was so much lube involved that I couldn't even feel enough to tell. As pissed as I was when I found out after we finished, I'm really glad he did it. There's no way I can imagine my family being complete without her now.
My first son was conceived while I was taking the pill. Problem was I was forgetting to take it at the same time everyday... I considered abortion, but it didn't seem right.
My girlfriend was taking antibiotics and apparently that messes with birth control. I didn't know that and 2) she said she told me but I don't remember her saying so. Anyway, we kept doing what we were doing, meaning bareback and not pulling out. A couple of days later, I get a text from her telling me to text her back when I wake up. I do, and she drops the bomb on me. Her: Don't freak out, but I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. Me: Get the fuck out of here. (She told me that she was contemplating a pregnancy scare to mess with me and I thought she was doing it now.) Her: No, seriously. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow to find out for sure. Well, she found out for sure that she was, and got an abortion the following week. If I was still smoking, I'd have a "It's an aborted baby!" cigar.
I have four biological children - the first three took a ton of work and effort to conceive. Fertility drugs, basal thermometers, charts, the whole bit. It took six years between number 2 and number 3 to be conceived. The gyno told us that there was no way my wife would ever get pregnant without all this nonsense. You can see where this is going - I remember the night my fourth was conceived like it was yesterday. The wife says - "we should use a condom, I'm not on the pill yet (she was still breast feeding number 3)". My response - "the doc said it would never happen with out all the fertility drug nonsense - if you get pregnant, it was meant to be!" Two weeks later we have a confirmed pregnancy - best mistake I ever made! I had a vasectomy shortly after he was born...
After seeing some of your posts I'm not fucking again until I'm at least 30. When I was 18 my then girlfriend of sorts came and told me she'd missed her period. Instead of being calm, rational and think things through as most 18 year old males are known to do I fucking lost my mind. I panicked and accused her of lying to me about being on the pill. I also told her that if she wants to keep the kid it's going to be without me (I still feel awful about this) and that I would just move back to Europe or somewhere in the states so she can't get to me. My reasoning was that she didn't know how bad she'd be fucking up her life and I was just trying to scare some sense into her. So yeah I told a 19 year old girl who thinks she might be pregnant that if she keeps the child she'll be all alone and receive no help. I'm an asshole and I was absolutely terrified. Well, turns out she was not pregnant and naturally we didn't stay together after that. I've since appologized many times about this and luckily she's a cool enough girl and knew I was just an idiot. One of my roomates never uses a condom. His reasoning? "I don't fuck girls the first time I meet them. By the time I do fuck them I know what kind of person they are so it's ok." I'm just waiting on that one to explode.
You people are scaring me! I have never had a pregnancy scare. Ever. The funny part is that I've also never taken any form of birth control. And for that - I am so thankful. No babies have yet to escape this vagina. I'll drink to that later tonight! My best friend has had two abortions with two different men, and the crazy part is that you'd never peg her as "that kind of girl." I feel bad for her, but it doesn't seem to bother her as much as it would me. She was 100% sure she was not ready and did not want children with either boyfriend. I'd have been a total fucking wreck about it, I'm sure.
A girl I dated for a few months tried her damnedest to get pregnant by me - everything from the above-mentioned "hopping on", to telling me to unload inside her because it was the wrong time of month for her to get pregnant, to goading me into nailing her bareback (don't you want it? Come on, take me now, if you think you can . . and so on.) I never actually finished inside her (and I'm aware that she still could have gotten pregnant despite this) but I was lucky whereas Disgustipated did not.
I'm kind of amazed I've never had a scare. I've only had sober sex twice in my life and every time I did it drunk I miraculously remembered to make the guy wear a condom. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that my mom had me when she was 28 and managed to keep having kids until she was in her late 40s.
Having kids is a double edged sword. For me, I've never known adult life sans children. I was trailer trash that got knocked up at 16, and can't remember life before children. Certainly not as an adult. There's a special joy, though, to having your child love you. You can suck as a person, as a parent, as an employee, and those kids will still love you - whether you deserve it or not. Raising them right means you can see hope in their eyes, always. When you don't see the hope, you've lost them. Your kids have a special smell, even as they get older, that when they hug you and nestle in close, you can catch a whiff of that smell and it's so very comforting. Watching them grow into people who are productive, happy, insightful, deliberate, caring, and strong...it's such a privilege. But goddamn it's nice to jet off to a vacation without worry.
My girlfriend in college guilted me into coming home early from a week out of town partying with friends because she was pregnant. Turns out she was a day late or something and wanted to take the test with me. There's absolutely no doubt the entire thing was a sham to get me back home. That's only one of the ridiculously devious and evil things she did. My current girlfriend (fiance!) made it perfectly clear to me that she was having issues with her BC making her feel sick, and wasn't taking it consistently. But, when we were in the heat of the moment I never much felt like pulling out, and she never objected. We'd been together for over two years and were pretty squared away with our plans to eventually get married and start a family. Well one night we are out to dinner and she casually tells me that she bought a pregnancy test because she's been feeling weird and is a little late, but assures me that there's probably nothing to worry about. She takes two tests when we get home and they're inconclusive. Doh. That was a long night, and the next day at work was even longer. We get off work and go buy like 8 of these fucking tests, and this time they are all very much pregnant. So, now she's 17 weeks pregnant. My parents and family were absolutely estatic, her mom was worried at first (she's pretty conservative) but now she's really excited too. All of our friends are really pumped up about it as well. It was pretty clear to everyone that we're very much meant for each and this would happen eventually, only the timing was a surprise. We got engaged last Friday night. I am completely excited for the baby, but of course there are some regrets. I wanted to be married for a little while without kids and keep up the fun and whimsical lifestyle as a married couple. Now we'll never be married without kids. I also wanted to do a lot more travelling which will be much more difficult now. I've done a ton of travelling, but she hasn't. Oh well, she's 29 and I'm 27, and we're more than financially and mentally ready for it. The awesome thing is that my parents and 3 sisters are really close and will be fighting over opportunities to babysit. Her family is less than 2 hours away, and we have ton of great friends who are already calling babysitting dibs.