My daily commute is up and down a two lane street. It's fairly wide though, it has a center turn lane and clearly marked parking on both sides of the street. It also has bike lanes on both sides. At least 3 times a week I get stuck behind someone on a scooter that has a top speed of 22 MPH. The speed limit on the street is 35 MPH. The scooter is not required to be registered, nor insured, or the operator have a fucking drivers license. And they putt down the road at 22 MPH with a long line of cars behind them instead of pulling over into the bike lane so folks can get around them. That is until they come to red light. Then they pull into the bike lane and go to the front of the line and quickly pull in front of a person slow on the throttle once the light turns green, creating an even bigger traffic jam. Before long you get pissed off people passing them on the shoulder, in the center turn lane, anything to get around them. And they still defiantly continue on their way. At 22 MPH. In the middle of the fucking road. Like they own it, or even paid for the privilege of using it. At least twice a month, someone on a scooter is run over and killed. And I have no problem with that. Focus: Annoying people that deserve to die
Slow talkers. I spend a lot of my work day on the phone. Spit it out already. I have other shit to do.
Old ladies at fucking Costco who still write checks but they wont let the machine fill it in for them because that is not the way they do it then have to write in their ledger, but of course they can't find their pen in their purse.
Or anyone who isn't ready to pay when their items are finished being rung up. Was all this stuff somehow free last time you came? Are they treating it like a restaurant check where if they don't reach pay the other person might?
I'm trying to let things go. Nothing is worth putting that much energy into. You'll get to your destination, the store will re-stock that item, the loudmouth douche will eventually leave. But... Old people in Costco. Period. You old mother fuckers aren't even shopping, you're wandering from vendor to vendor eating free samples like it's a buffet. They push a cart around, typically into my spine or over my heels, and it is empty except for a bag of chips, as if the charade is complete; no one will ever know what they're up to. You have nothing to do for the rest of your life, yet you insist on clogging up the aisles where useful people are trying to shop on their only day off. Do two things: hurry up and die, and stop wearing socks pulled up to your fucking knees.
Now I am angry, in addition to that those old fuckers push their fucking carts right in the middle of the aisle so you can't go around them on either side and then they stop for no fucking reason.
Old people grocery shopping on weekends. Young people grocery shopping on weekends. Old people. Young people. Anyone whose first name starts with "Q". Anyone who has a first name. Anyone who looks at me sideways. Or frontways. Or fails to avert their eyes in general. Anti Vax'rs. Pro-Vaxr's. Those ambivalent about vaccinations. The bastard up the street who leaves his Christmas lights up until April. Anyone that bastard has ever loved, known, or spoken to. The homeless. The underemployed. The gainfully employed but looking. Those smug fucks who are employed and doing well and know it and rub everyone's face in it. The meek. Anyone who uses the phrase "answering the mail" in a business coversation. That ugly sonofabitch sitting right over there.
Drivers who don't move when a light changes from red to green. I can't make a single trip anywhere without seeing this happen at least once, even if I am not in the same lane as they are. Drivers who pull out in front of you and then drive 5-10 mph under the speed limit. People who think they can say or do whatever they want to you, then don't own up to it when you call them on it, and then expect you to be sympathetic to them.
People who refuse to vaccinate their children for Cooties. That shit is still around, people! The parkour people you DON'T see on YouTube. Dude, I watched you backflip on the pile of concrete twelve times and fail miserably. Your wrist is broken. Chicks AREN'T watching. You're not cut out for this. Stop it. Okay you know what, fucking kill yourself.
Parents who think their child can do no wrong. When your 6 year old needs to be escorted from the kindergarten classroom because he punched a grown woman in the face over a Lego, you need to reevaluate your parenting. If your kid is failing a high school class because they refuse to pay attention or do any work, you need to sit that child down and tell them to get their shit together. I honestly don't blame the kids. Teenagers can be lazy and awful, but they are 10 times worse when the parent threatens to get a teacher fired over their child's inability to get it together enough to do the bare minimum in class.
In this case it should be permitted to aggressively pass them, cut them off, drag them from their cars and shoot them - to death
Every week I make a series of how to guides in three formats - video (that takes me hours to make, edit and make entertaining), text with pictures and diagrams and finally an offer for me to demonstrate the technique or technology one to one which I will record and send to you. EVERY FUCKING WEEK I get questions on shit that I have covered in pain staking detail in a previous guide. But I have to just be cool.
The people that park right in front of the bike stand, effectively blocking 2-3 spots. If you're too stupid to use a bike stand, then at least park somewhere else so 2-3 other people can use the one spot you're blocking, asshole. Back at my old appartment, I used to carry the bikes of these people away. Not somewhere they wouldn't see it after a few seconds, but enough to give them a little scare. Assholes.
Any one of you motherfuckers who prolong an already tedious, pointless meeting by taking it literally when the boss asks, "Any questions?" and toss out seventeen of them that have nothing to do with anybody else's workload, just to make yourself look smarter than a bottle of Gorilla Glue. Trust me - the rest of us would love to beat the shit out of you, have our way with you, and shove you down a storm drain.
People that cross 4+ lane streets in the middle of the block. Then get stuck standing on the yellow lines because you're basically crossing a fucking highway. Bonus points if its at night. Double bonus points if you're the idiot with a small child or stroller because why not just endanger yourself when you can also endanger the welfare of a child and teach them horrible habits. You're the reason why NYC lowered the speed limit.
I just found out I wasn't supposed to do this, but left lane drivers. As in people who cruise in the left lane, forcing me to pass on the right.
People who are easily offended. Assholes who eat before coming to a BBQ. Taylor Swift. Especially when she is at an awards show and the camera cuts to her dancing. Fucking atrocious.